The Ring

by Sarah Anne Carter

  The third week was the one where the deployment curse happened. Amanda had to take Lucas’ car to work since her engine light came on. Her neighbor, Linda, picked her up from the mechanic and took her home. The water heater stopped working the next day, and it took two days before someone from housing could fix it. Amanda wondered what the third thing would be, and she found out when she went to video chat with Lucas on Saturday. Her laptop wouldn’t boot up. Luckily, Lucas had installed a server that automatically backed up all her files, so she hadn’t lost anything, but she was disappointed that she wouldn’t be able to see Lucas that night. She sent him an email through her phone to tell him what happened, and about 20 minutes later, her phone rang with an odd long-distance number. She smiled, knowing it was Lucas. He had bought a prepaid international phone card so that they could talk on the phone for emergencies or in cases like this one.

  “Hi, honey,” she said. There was a slight pause before she heard his voice.

  “Hello! Sorry about your laptop,” he said.

  “I’ll have to see if I can get a deal through work or maybe just wait until Black Friday,” she said. There was another pause. She realized this must be part of international calling.

  “Don’t wait. I want to be able to see you next weekend!” She could hear the smile in his voice.

  “That has been really nice.”

  They spent the rest of the time talking about the car repair bill and how he was glad the water heater got fixed relatively quickly. He said another guy in the squadron’s family had to wait a whole week to get theirs fixed off base.

  Lucas said he was going to train for another race while he was there. A few of the guys were planning on doing a Tough Mudder in April, and he was going to join them. He thought he might do especially well since he was able to stay on the ground more this deployment. She said she’d cheer him on, but was going to stick to her spin and Zumba classes. They said their goodbyes after 30 minutes, not wanting to use up all the time on the phone card.

  “Amanda, make sure you’re taking care of yourself. I love you!”

  “Love you, too!”

  Amanda thought about his goodbye for a few minutes after she hung up. It was different from what he usually said, and she wondered if she’d said anything to make him think she wasn’t taking care of herself. She’d have to make a point of sharing with him how she was doing that by going to the gym and doing at least one spouse event a week and doing a night out with teacher friends once a month. She knew he didn’t want her sitting at home every night while he was gone.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  After a long day giving most of her students a test and trying to grade most of them once she got home, Amanda finally grabbed her journal and a glass of wine and sat to watch one TV show while writing to Lucas before heading to bed. She had written a few sentences when the doorbell rang. She looked at the time on her phone and guessed it was probably a neighbor needing something, although 9:19 p.m. was a little late.

  Amanda went to the door and peeked through the peephole. There were three men in dress uniform, the squadron commander’s wife, and Terri. Amanda felt her heart drop into her stomach. Her first thought was a small hope that they had the wrong house. Lucas wasn’t flying until later that week. Nothing could have happened to him.

  She slowly forced her hand to grab the doorknob and unlock the door. She took a step back as she opened the door.

  “Mrs. Weston?” the man closest to the door asked. She gasped and her hand flew to her mouth. She sank to the ground and started crying. She could feel it – Lucas was gone.

  She woke up the next morning and for a second was blissfully unaware of how her life had changed. Then, she realized she was on the couch and could sense there were other people in the house. She kept her eyes closed as she remembered how she had only stopped crying long enough for them to tell her how Lucas had died. He had been on a run and when he went near one of the gates, there had been an attack on it and shrapnel had struck Lucas in the leg, shoulder, and head. The attack lasted mere minutes, but by the time someone was able to check on Lucas, he was already gone. She had curled up into a ball on the couch facing away from them and just cried. Terri had tucked tissues on the top of the couch. The chaplain tried to talk to her twice, but she couldn’t find the words to respond. All she could do was cry until she finally fell asleep. Now, she was crying again but was able to sit up and see who had stayed with her. It wasn’t the chaplain, but the other military man and Bethanne, the squadron commander’s wife, who had stayed the night with her. They were whispering in the kitchen, and Amanda could smell coffee. She grabbed a tissue and attempted to wipe the tears off her face, but they kept coming. She got up and went to get some coffee and face the people who were in her house. They both stopped talking as soon as Amanda appeared. Bethanne walked over quickly and put an arm around Amanda.

  “Do you feel like eating? Want any coffee or juice?” she asked.

  “Coffee, please,” Amanda said as Bethanne guided her to the kitchen table to sit. There was a plate of muffins on the table, which made Amanda look around the rest of the kitchen. There was a plate of cookies on the counter and a bowl of fruit. An entire coffee service had been set up by her coffeemaker and she somehow knew the refrigerator was stocked, including with juice that she and Lucas never bought, but these well-meaning people thought she might need. Amanda knew when people didn’t know what else to do, they tried to provide food. Everyone had to eat at some point, but Amanda wasn’t hungry at all.

  Bethanne put the coffee down in front of her, along with the service tray that had cream, sugar, and various kinds of fake sugar. Even though Amanda usually put a lot of cream and sugar in her coffee, she decided to try and drink it black that morning. She didn’t know why except that maybe she felt she didn’t deserve comfort if she was alive and Lucas was dead. After she took a few small sips, Bethanne and the man sat down at the table with her.

  “Mrs. Weston, my name is Capt. John Stegner. I am going to be your casualty assistance representative, which means I am here to help you during the next few months as you make decisions about your survivor benefits and Staff Sgt. Weston’s estate. I am truly sorry for your loss, and your country is grateful for your husband’s sacrifice.”

  Amanda just stared at him. The words seemed pathetic compared to how Amanda’s heart was breaking, but his eyes conveyed that he felt her hurt to a degree.

  “I really am sorry, Mrs. Weston. I knew Lucas, and he was a good loadmaster and a good man. A lot of people are going to miss him.” She saw the tears in his eyes and reached out to grab his hand. The other hand went over her eyes as she started sobbing again. She pulled her hand back from the captain and grabbed a tissue box that seemed to have just appeared on the table. They let her cry for a few minutes before Bethanne spoke up.

  “Amanda, I know today is going to be a rough day. There are many of us who are here for you and we’re going to help you as much as you’ll let us. Would you be up for a few people visiting today? Mainly just your close friends?”

  Amanda looked at Bethanne and nodded.

  “Terri and I, along with Mrs. Stegner, are going to take turns throughout the next few days staying here with you and helping keep the flow of traffic minimal. If you ever don’t want to see someone or want to take a break, all you have to say is, ‘Is that an airplane I hear?’ and we’ll clear everyone out for you.”

  “I will be here a few hours each day,” Capt. Stegner said. “We’ll cover a few topics each day, but I do have three questions I need to ask you today.”

  Amanda steeled herself for some tough questions. She knew she’d have to make decisions about his funeral and then she knew she couldn’t stay on base for long, but she didn’t know how long. She was starting to feel a little relieved that there was someone here to help her.

  “The first question is if you would like us to notify the rest of the family or if you would like to.” Amanda realized she should have already thought to call
Lucas’ parents and her own, but she had been so shocked by the news she had only thought of herself.

  “I will call them. I should do that now,” Amanda started to get up to find her phone.

  “Let me ask you the other questions real quick and then we can do that. I’ll stay while you call in case you want to hand me the phone for any details you have a hard time telling.

  “The other two questions are if you would like to go to Dover to meet the remains when he comes back and if you want to speak to the media about Lucas at all.”

  “Oh, yes, I need to go meet the plane,” she said and looked at Bethanne. “I should do that, right?”

  Bethanne nodded her head yes in a gentle way.

  “Have any reporters called?” she asked Capt. Stegner.

  “Two have, but we haven’t released the name yet, so they don’t know very much.”

  “I’d rather not talk to them,” she said.

  “I’d do the same,” Bethanne whispered.

  “Most people don’t want to talk to them, from what I hear,” Capt. Stegner said. “Let’s make those calls.”

  Bethanne produced Amanda’s phone before Amanda could get up from her seat. She called Lucas’ dad first, and he picked up after four rings. He was quiet and then started asking questions about what would happen next and after Amanda said “I don’t know” a few times in a row, Capt. Stegner took the phone and explained he or Amanda would be in touch once decisions were made. Lucas’ mom and her mom had both started crying right away, and Amanda started crying more along with them. Capt. Stegner calmly talked to Lucas’ mom and told her they would be in touch and even made sure she would call a friend to come over right after they hung up. She asked her own Mom to get Dad on the line to talk to Capt. Stegner and then she got up and went back to the couch and lay down. She had tried to avoid looking at the pictures on the mantel, but had seen the one from Alaska right before she closed her eyes. She just wanted to sleep and wake up to find out this was just a nightmare. But, first, she called Juliana, and she cried again with her best friend crying along with her.

  She woke up to the smell of bread. No one was in the living room with her, but she could hear someone in the kitchen. She got up to find out who it was and get some water. It was a spouse from the squadron who she had seen at events but hadn’t gotten to know very well.

  “Hi, Amanda,” she said, and Amanda could tell she was usually a very happy person and she was trying to sound less happy for Amanda’s sake. “I’m Candace Stegner. Bethanne asked me to come over for a few hours. I hope you don’t mind that I was baking some bread.”

  “It smells good.” Amanda stood there for a minute and then walked over to get a bottle of water from the refrigerator. She remembered her guess from earlier that it was fully stocked and she was right. There was milk, juice, wine, sandwiches, a fruit tray, a vegetable tray, and at least four casserole cartons. She closed the door and drank half of the water. Her stomach rumbled loud enough for Candace to hear.

  “Are there still muffins around?” Amanda asked.

  “Over on the table.” Amanda grabbed a banana off the counter and sat down at the table. She ate half of the banana and only three bites of the muffin before her appetite went away. Candace must have noticed she stopped eating because she washed the flour off her hands and walked over to the table. She put her hand on Amanda’s shoulder.

  “There is no right or wrong way to feel right now. I won’t pretend I know what you’re going through, but I will listen to you if you want to talk and do anything I can to help you. I have thought many times what it would be to be in your shoes when John was late coming home from a flight. All of us wives want to help you in any way we can. Your friends really want to see you today if you feel up for it.”

  Amanda was grateful for the honesty in her words. She didn’t know what anyone could do to help her right now, but it was true that as a military spouse, they had all thought about this possibility and hoped their doorbell would never ring.

  “Let me shower and then they can come over,” Amanda said.

  “Take your time,” Candace said. “And, Amanda, I really truly am sorry for your loss.”

  The next few days were a blur with visitors coming and going. She sat with Capt. Stegner for about two hours during lunch each day to make decisions and go over her “benefits.” She felt really odd hearing that word because no benefit would truly be a benefit without Lucas around. John had agreed with her, but they couldn’t think of a better word to call it. Her parents and Lucas’ parents were going to meet her next week in Washington, D.C., to meet the plane carrying his casket and then for a full military funeral at Arlington. Amanda and Lucas had wanted to be buried next to each other after living full, long lives, but Amanda knew that he wouldn’t mind being buried in Arlington since his death was tied to his service to his country.

  Amanda thought she had spent all her tears when she cried over his casket after it was taken off the plane. Her mother finally came to move her away from the casket, and she realized all the military present were standing at attention and would stay that way until she was willing to let Lucas’ casket be loaded into the waiting car. His parents both went up to the casket when she stepped back and they each put a hand on the casket while holding hands.

  There were more people at the funeral than Amanda had expected. She softly cried through the whole ceremony, clutching the flag they gave her in Lucas’ honor to her chest. Her father kept an arm around her shoulders. Amanda was glad for her parents’ presence as so many people Lucas had worked with through the years came by afterwards to tell her how sorry they were and what Lucas meant to them. Juliana and Brian had come out for the funeral. They and Capt. Stegner took turns taking care of Amanda, her parents, and Lucas’ parents. Juliana was going to fly home with Amanda later the next day and stay with her for a few days. Juliana would help her with some personal decisions, like whether she should go back to work and whether she should stay in South Carolina, head back to Washington, or move somewhere new. Amanda’s parents and Lucas’ parents all had to get back to work. Amanda hadn’t thought about her job until day three after, which is now how she kept track of the days. She found out Bethanne called right away the next morning and had spoken to the principal. Mr. Valencia had been in the Army himself. He only told the staff that Amanda had a family emergency and then procured a long-term substitute for her class. When the news went public, he held a staff meeting to tell everyone in person. Flowers and cards from fellow teachers started arriving later that day.

  On Day 16 after, Amanda and Juliana went to a coffee shop downtown to try and get a plan together for Amanda. They had been mulling over all her options the past two days in the house, and they both thought a change of scenery might help. Juliana was leaving the next day, and Amanda knew if she didn’t decide with Juliana there, she would put it off for several more weeks. Making decisions about her future without Lucas made things feel more real and she missed him terribly. Amanda still woke up in the morning thinking Lucas was just on a deployment and then each morning her hope died again as she looked over and saw the flag in its case on their dresser. Other than the flag, it was hard to believe he was gone when there were still so many reminders of him around the house.

  Juliana pulled out the notebook they had been using to make lists of ideas the last few days after they settled themselves at a table with coffees and scones. The leaves on the trees outside were bright red.

  “Do you want to go back to work?” Juliana asked.

  “I think I still want to teach, but I’m not sure I could handle going back to Hamilton. Too many people there would give me those pity looks every day,” Amanda said. She had gone back after school one day to give an outline of the upcoming syllabus to the substitute, and every time she ran into someone, it felt awkward.

  “So, you could teach here, but at a different district?”

  “I could, but I have to move somewhere within a year or less since I live on the ba
se.”

  “If you could work and live anywhere, where would you want to go?”

  Amanda closed her eyes, and the first place that came to mind was Tacoma, but a tear slipped from her eye as she saw Lucas in every place she remembered from there.

  “I think I’d like to go back to Washington, but not Tacoma. Maybe I could live in Seattle or even Spokane.”

  “Spokane? All the way across the state?”

  “I would still be able to see my parents for holidays, but no one would know me or my story. If I have to start over, it might as well be a completely fresh start.”

  “Well, when you put it like that, it could be a good spot. What about Chicago?”

  “I do think I’d like to be closer to home than that, even though it would be fun to live near you and Brian.”

  “When would you want to move out there?”

  “Maybe in January. I’m going to go home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. In between, I can start sorting and packing and looking for a place to live and apply for jobs.”

  “Is your teaching license still good in Washington?”

  “I think so, but I’ll check on that. I guess I won’t plan to work until the next school year, but if I get settled early enough, I can always do some substitute teaching.”

  Juliana jotted down the plan so they could tell Capt. Stegner about it when they went to his house for dinner that night. Candace invited her over once a week, not wanting her to be alone. John called Amanda every afternoon to check on her, too. It actually seemed like the squadron spouses were all picking a day to check on her as hardly a day went by without someone knocking on her door with food or a restaurant gift card.