by Ford, Mia
Maybe I’ve slowed it down because I want to know what it feels like. I want to know how it feels to have his entire, heady attention on me, to slowly lead him down the path that I want him to go, to take him into me so completely, both spiritually and physically.
I want to know, even if only for a moment, what it feels like to be loved by him.
I break the kiss. I’m breathing hard, but so is he as we stare at other, not sure what is whirling around us, but knowing it’s something bigger than us. We’re both smiling; soft expressions that make me want to beg him to feel the same things I’m feeling.
Then Seth smirks and the moment is broken.
“I thought you were going to ride me,” he reminds me.
I chuckle.
“I am,” I say. “I’m going to ride you hard.”
“Good,” Seth breaths. “And when you can’t anymore, I’m going to push you back and split you in two”
“Yes,” I hiss, lifting myself onto my knees.
The heat is returning, lazily bursting into fire all around us, and I push Seth back, straddling his waist as he lands on his back. He grins up at me in challenge.
The grin is wiped off his face as I sink down on his cock, easily sliding onto it, my body welcoming him back. My muscles tighten around him, and he moans beneath me, and then I’m sitting on his hips completely, taking a moment to adjust.
“Show me how hard you want it, Zoe,” Seth says.
“I’m going to take you so deep inside me that you won’t remember how to breathe,” I promise.
I lift myself onto my knees until only the tip of his cock is still inside me. And then I slam my hips down so hard that we both tremble with the force of it. His hands find my hips, and he helps guide me upward again. When I snap my hips down again, his thrust upward, meeting me, and we both cry out at the sensation.
“Ride me hard, Zoe,” Seth moans.
It takes me a moment to find my rhythm, but, eventually, I’m bouncing frantically on his lap, my thrusts speeding up in time with his. His fingers are digging into the soft skin of my hips, and my legs are trembling with the pressure, but I’m not ready for this to end.
Soon, though, my movements become clumsier, too exhausted to keep up the fast pace. I slam down once more and, suddenly, the world turns around me. Seth hooks a leg behind mine and pushes me back, still encased deeply inside me, and the movement seems to force him even deeper into my body as he hovers over me, our hips connected.
“My turn; I’m going to fuck you hard now,” he promises.
He pulls back and snaps back in, and I’m helpless to do anything other than meet his thrusts with my hips. The flames are building higher and higher, and I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him down so I can bite on his neck, sucking at his pulse. He left marks, earlier, all over my breasts, so it’s only fair that I get to mark him in return.
I think about looking in the mirror tomorrow, and seeing the marks he left on me. I think about seeing my teeth marks on his neck. And I groan, momentarily faltering in my thrusts, at the thought, wanting very badly to see it.
“So tight, Zoe,” Seth pants. “You’re so tight around my cock.”
“More, deeper,” I beg.
I can’t get enough of him. I want him to stay in me forever. I never want to leave this room or stop. I could live in this inferno forever, chasing my climax with Seth over and over again.
But the real world creeps up on us, as it always does. My body is faltering. I’m exhausted from running around after Alicia today, and our activities in the study. Seth, too, is beginning to feel the strain. His thrusts are out of sync, and they’re beginning to slow down.
But he makes up for it but thrusting into my body as hard as he can each time, gritting his teeth, his eyes intense as he chases our climaxes.
“Come with me, Zoe,” he demands. “I want to feel you come while I’m inside you.”
Maybe it’s those words. But I fall over the edge, my orgasm stealing over me without warning, and I clench around Seth’s cock, crying out his name as I come. Seth grins and thrusts twice more into my exhausted body before his orgasm hits him, and he spills his release inside me, his muscles trembling.
When we’re no longer shaking as much, Seth pulls out of me, leaving me feeling oddly empty, and collapses beside me. We lie there, catching our breaths, trying to calm our racing hearts.
I look at him out of the corner of my eye. His body is glistening with sweat and his hair is a complete mess. I know I must look no better. I wonder, vaguely, where my clothes are.
“Clothes?” Seth asks when I voice the question. “I think… The study?”
Likely where we dropped them in our first, hurried session. I snort at the thought of having to creep in there to get them the next morning.
Then I’m laughing. Seth is laughing too. There’s nothing funny about anything that just happened; we had sex, twice, and we both know, distantly, that we’re going to have to face that tomorrow morning.
Perhaps it’s the sudden release of tension. I turn my head, grinning at Seth, and he’s smiling back. It’s nice to see, especially since I’m not sure whether that expression will still be there in the morning.
“How do you feel?” Seth asks me.
I consider this.
“Tired,” I decide. “I’m exhausted.”
“Sleep, then,” Seth chuckles. “Come on, get into bed.”
We maneuver our tired bodies under the covers of Seth’s bed. Instantly I curl up against him, and his arm winds around my shoulders, pulling me close. It feels wonderful, and I lay my head against his shoulder.
I shouldn’t be drawing this out. It would probably be better for me to go home and face the consequences of everything tomorrow. It’s Sunday tomorrow, and having a day for both of us to calm down would be a good idea.
But I can’t bring myself to leave. I want him like this, calm and happy and loving, just as much I want him when he’s strong and domineering and preparing to fuck me. Right now, I’m getting a small taste of what it would be like if we were together, and I want it so badly that I will go against common sense to stay where I am for just a little while longer.
So I press myself close against him and close my eyes. I can have him until the morning, when we will both have to face what happened here tonight. Just for now, I will sleep and forget about it.
Despite my exhaustion, however, it takes a long time before sleep claims me.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Zoe
When I wake up the next morning, Seth isn’t there. Instead, the shower is running, and I draw in a deep breath, closing my eyes again. Around me the pillows and sheets still reek of Seth and sex, reminding me vividly of our activities the night before.
It’s telling that Seth escaped the bed before I woke up. I don’t know what’s going through his mind, but I know it can’t be anything good.
There’s a sharp pain in my head, and I grimace at the reminder of the other foolish decision that I made last night, the only one that I regretted. If I feel like this, though, I can only image how Seth feels.
I look around for my clothes. Then, with a sinking stomach, I remember that my clothes are in the study. Had I really felt amusement about this as we darted into the bedroom?
It will be easy for me to creep away now and pretend that I don’t have to face this. But I don’t want Seth to have to chase me down if he feels that he has to say something, no matter what. I grab a shirt off the floor, wrap it around me, and head to the study; regardless, I don’t want to have this conversation with Seth while I’m naked. Last time had been bad enough.
My clothes are strewn around the couch. I pull them on slowly, wincing when I see that the top button on my shirt is missing. As an afterthought, I grab Seth’s clothes too and carry them back to the room, dumping them on the floor just as the shower turns off.
I swallow, sit down in a desk chair, and wait.
It doesn’t take long for Seth to leave the
bathroom. His face is creased, likely in some pain, and there’s a towel wrapped around his waist. He freezes on seeing me fully awake and dressed, obviously waiting for him, and several emotions flash across his face, too fast to see.
“Zoe,” he says after a moment. “How did you sleep?”
“Fine,” I say shortly.
I don’t want the small talk. I want to get to the heart of the matter. Seth must see this on my face, because he sighs.
“Let me get dressed,” he says. “Then we’ll talk.”
I nod and watch as he crosses the floor to his walk-in wardrobe. He disappears inside, and I inhale deeply, trying to calm my racing heart. I hear him rummaging around for a moment before he exits, dressed in comfortable clothes. I’m confused for a moment before I remember that today is Sunday and it’s Seth’s day off, too.
With a huge sigh, Seth sits on the edge of the unmade bed. He looks tired and drawn, which is so very different from last night. Part of me feels guilty for putting that look on his face. The rest of me is insisting that I didn’t really do anything wrong; it takes two to tango, after all, and he had been just as willing as I to participate.
“Zoe, I’m sorry,” Seth says.
Don’t apologize, I want to say. An apology makes me think that we did something awful. But we didn’t, not really.
“It’s fine… We both just got carried away last night,” I said. “I should never have sat down to drink in the first place, but I…”
I remember his confession that the anniversary of Rose’s death had approached without his knowledge, all because he was distracted. I had been too stunned to do anything other than take the drink Seth had offered me.
“That doesn’t matter,” Seth says, shaking his head. “I shouldn’t have lost control like that in the first place.” He offers me a small, tight smile. “All my reasons for why that shouldn’t have happened still stand.”
I wonder if he remembers my confession. I hope not; I admitted to almost stalking him for years, wanting him from afar. That’s far worse than Seth’s admission.
“I know,” I assure him. “It won’t happen again.”
Seth’s expression twists into a grimace. “No, it won’t.”
My heart contracts. I suddenly know what he’s about to say. I want to say something to change his mind, but my own mind is suddenly terrifyingly blank.
“Zoe, you’ve been the best nanny we’ve had,” Seth says gently. “You’re amazing…and you’re beautiful, too. It’s no secret that I can’t pull myself away from you.”
It’s a nice compliment. But, in light of what’s coming next, it doesn’t make me feel happy.
“But a relationship between us can’t work,” Seth says firmly. “The consequences of it…” He closes his eyes briefly. “I would rather we part on good terms, here, then go through a breakup that will traumatize Alicia.”
And there it is. I open my mouth to reply, but it’s too dry. I swallow and try again.
“So, what happens next?” I ask.
Seth looks like he’s struggling with the words, as though he doesn’t really want to do this. I can see his determination, though; he’s already made up his mind.
“Zoe…this isn’t working any longer,” he finally says. “I’m sorry.”
How ironic. Seth has been holding himself back from me because he didn’t want to lose me as a nanny. But, in the end, we both lost control, and he ends up firing me anyway.
I want to protest. But how can I?
“How do we explain it to Alicia?” I ask quietly.
Seth grimaces again. “I’m…not sure.”
I can hear movement in the hall. Alicia is awake. It’s not surprising; it’s mid-morning, after all. It’s more surprising that I can hear her heading downstairs; Seth had told me that she always comes in here first, pleased to see her father.
I glance at Seth. He’s frowning at the door, also confused. I think about suggesting that we head downstairs, as well, to see what’s going on, but then Alicia’s footsteps thunder back upstairs. They get louder and louder until, suddenly, the bedroom door is flying open, and she stands in the doorway, beaming.
There’s a container in her hands, and my heart clenches. I’m not sure giving those to Seth, now, is a good idea, especially in light of what today actually is.
Alicia freezes in the doorway, stunned.
“Zoe?” she asks, tilting her head. “What are you doing here?”
“Ah…” I glance at Seth. “Your father and I were just talking about some things, Alicia.”
“What have you got there, Alicia?” Seth asks, looking at the container, obviously eager to change the subject.
Alicia’s eyes light up and she strides forward, beaming, to thrust the container into Seth’s hands.
“For you, daddy!” she declares.
Seth opens the container gingerly, and his breath catches. His eyes dart up to meet mine, looking surprised. I hope that the pink rose shaped cookies haven’t caused him any pain. I shrug my shoulders awkwardly.
“Sorry…I didn’t realize,” I say, looking away. “I guess…it can be a tribute.”
There’s a myriad of emotions playing on Seth’s face. He bites his lip and closes the container.
“Or a memento,” he says softly.
“Do you like them?” Alicia demands eagerly.
“Of course,” Seth says instantly. He leans down and kisses her on the forehead. “I can see that you and Zoe worked very hard on them. We’ll eat some later, okay?”
“Zoe too?” Alicia asks.
We both hesitate, looking at each other. Neither of us knows what to say. How do we break the news to a five-year-old that she’s losing her nanny because the two adults in the room have no self-control?
“Alicia, we need to talk to you,” Seth finally says, trying to smile at her. “Zoe is…”
“Alicia, I’m afraid I won’t be your nanny anymore,” I say, cutting across him.
I know Seth is her father. But, suddenly, I want to do this. I’ve been working with Alicia for weeks. She deserves to hear something from me.
Alicia looks at me, not understanding.
“But…?” she says, lost.
“A few things have happened, and I need to be at home,” I say. Part of me wishes that I can just fly back to Minnesota and cry on my mother’s shoulder. “So I can’t work with you now.”
Alicia still doesn’t understand. I’m not surprised; my excuse is lacking in any details. But I can also relate to her confusion…I don’t think I can completely understand, either.
I know that we made a mistake. But I don’t understand how it has come to this.
“But…” Alicia says again. Her eyes fill with tears. “But…!”
“It’s okay, Alicia,” Seth says gently. “It means I’m going to be home for a little while, okay?”
“Also, I live right next door,” I remind her. “You can visit me any time you want, I promise. I hope you come around to my place to play again!”
“Can I?” Alicia gasps.
She doesn’t really understand. She probably won’t completely figure out what’s happening until I don’t show up on Monday.
“Why don’t you go to the kitchen, Alicia?” Seth offers. “I’m going to come down and make breakfast.”
“For Zoe, too?” Alicia asks.
Seth looks at me. But I already know the answer.
“No, Alicia, I need to go home now,” I say gently.
“Oh,” Alicia says, disappointed.
“Are you sure?” Seth tries. “I don’t mind if you…”
“I’m sure,” I interrupt.
I don’t look at him. I feel a little cold, and plenty hurt. I don’t want to be here anymore. It feels like I’ve just been rejected in the worst possible way.
Seth might see some of that on my face, because he nods, swallowing.
“Okay,” he says.
He doesn’t apologize again, even as I hug Alicia and then leave the house. I’m
glad; I don’t want to hear it.
I make it all the way to my house before everything hits me. I cover my face with my hands and hunch my shoulders, but I can’t stop the tears from slipping down my face.
This is not the way I expected everything to go. And, what makes it worse, is that I already miss Seth and Alicia, even though I’ve only just left them. It hurts that I won’t see them both on Monday, and everything could just come to an end like that.
I pull my phone out of my pocket and lay down on the couch, staring at the darkened screen. Then, before I can stop myself, I send a message to Katherine.
Seth and I screwed up. I lost my job.
It takes nearly a minute for a return message to come in.
What happened??
I grimace. I can’t bear to answer that right now.
Tell you later.
The reply comes in seconds, this time.
Want me to call?
I chuckle humorlessly. That’s the last thing I need right now. It’s nice to have told someone what happened, but I don’t want to face having to talk about it in depth just yet.
Call later, I text.
Katherine sends me a sad face emoji, knowing what that means, and I drop my phone on the coffee table, where it’s in reach. I should get up and make a coffee, or perhaps even track down some water and Aspirin. My body and my head hurt, and I can’t lie here all day.
But I can’t bring myself to move. Because my heart is hurting more than anything. Over and over, Seth’s words play in my head, until I think they’re driving me insane.
“Zoe…this isn’t working any longer. I’m sorry.”
More tears streak down my cheeks. I’m surprised at how much this actually hurts. Seth and I hadn’t even been together, and I’ve only had this job for a handful of months, now.
But it feels like I’ve been ejected from somewhere I belong. Working with Alicia and Seth felt like more than just another job. It felt like I was working in a team with the two of them, all of us trying our best.