by Ford, Mia
“Is she hiding somewhere in the house?” I ask immediately.
“I’ve looked in all her normal spots,” Seth says, swallowing. “I’ve looked everywhere I can think of. Do you know anywhere that she could be?”
I shake my head. Alicia never really pulled a disappearing act on me, so Seth likely knows her hiding spots far better than I would.
“Damn it,” Seth curses, running his hand through his hair. “I thought…when I remembered the picture…I thought she might come here.”
“What picture?” I ask.
Seth hesitates, and then pulls a folded picture out of his pocket. The paper it’s drawn on is high quality, and I raise my eyebrow at him, wondering why he was allowing Alicia to draw on paper like this, before I open it.
I gasp.
“That’s why she’s been down,” Seth says quietly. He grits his teeth. “I tried so hard to make sure I didn’t hurt her, but…”
I close my eyes. I was such a fool. I thought I could wait as long as I needed, and Alicia would be okay with that. But, all the while, a little girl was pining, wanting me to return to her family.
“Zoe! Can you be my new mommy?”
Alicia wouldn’t have asked that if she hadn’t meant it. I took it as a childish mistake, seeing me as her mother because she didn’t have one.
But she really meant it. My eyes burn as I stare at the picture, looking at the way picture Alicia is holding the hands of the stick figures that are Seth and I. We’re all standing in front of the house, which is no doubt Alicia’s home, and we’re all smiling happily.
“I should have brought her over before now,” Seth says, and it’s almost like he’s reading my mind. “I made all these excuses because I thought it would be awkward to see you, but I just hurt Alicia. And you. I’m sorry.”
“It’s not just your fault,” I say instantly. “I could have come to sit with Alicia, or I could have invited her here. We could have made it easier on her instead of just making me disappear on her.”
Seth’s lips twist into a grimace. “I don’t know what to do now. I have no idea where she’s gone. For all I know, she could still be on the estate somewhere.”
I look down at the picture. And, slowly, an idea comes to me. It’s a horrible idea, but Seth has come here, with this picture, for a reason. It can’t be a coincidence that Alicia has gone missing after she drew this.
“What if she was coming here?” I ask.
“What do you mean?” Seth asks, confused.
I bite my lip. “What if she intended to come here, I mean. But she might not have remembered which one was my house. And then…”
“She could have gone the wrong way,” Seth says, his face going white. “She could be anywhere.”
We stare at each other, struck with horror. If Alicia left her home and accidentally turned left instead of right…she could be completely lost, a five-year-old in a big city at ten o’clock at night.
“Let me get dressed,” I say, retreating into the house, leaving the door open. “I’m going to help you look.”
I run into my bedroom, snatching the closest set of clothes I can find. I end up grabbing a pair of jeans and a paint shirt, but there’s no time to care what I look like. I return to the front door and find Seth in my living room, looking at the time on his phone.
“Thank you,” he says hoarsely when I return.
“Have you told anyone else?” I ask.
“Not yet,” he says. “I really hoped she would either be at home or here, but…”
“Let’s just take a look around, first,” I say. “If we haven’t found her in thirty minutes, we’ll call for help. Alicia isn’t stupid. When she realizes that she’s lost, she’ll stop. I don’t think she will have gone too far.”
“I hope so,” Seth whispers.
I put my hand on his shoulder, making him look at me. I meet his eyes for the first time since Sunday.
“We’re going to find her,” I promise. “Then we’ll both apologize to her, alright?”
“Right,” Seth says, straightening his shoulders. “Where should we start? You know these streets better than I do.”
“Unfortunately, there are a lot of different places Alicia might feel comfortable stopping at,” I say, grimacing. I’m suddenly regretting my decision to allow Alicia to see more of the area she lives in. “She and I went for walks frequently, and I would take her down to the stores every chance I got.”
“Which has been great,” Seth says with a nod. “It just doesn’t help us now. Alright, I’ll head toward the stores, then.”
“I’ll go the other way,” I say. “Even if she turned left, toward my house, she might have forgotten that I was right next door and kept going, instead. I showed her the fairground that the carnival is going to be at last week, so she could have headed that way since that was the last time we went out.”
“Great, thanks,” Seth says. “Call me if you find her. I’ll do the same.”
“If we haven’t found her in thirty minutes, we’ll call each other, too,” I say; I don’t want to think about the worst case scenario, but we can’t not think about it. We need to make plans, just in case we can’t find her at all.
Seth inhales shakily. “Yes.”
We leave my house. The streets are dark, lit only by the bulbs overhead. Even the moon is hiding behind clouds, making the world seem even darker than normal. In the distance thunder rumbles, and I remember this morning’s prediction that rain was on its way. It’s a miserable night to be on the streets.
But there’s no other choice. Alicia is out here in this, no doubt terrified and lonely, and we need to find her.
“We’ll meet back here, no matter what,” Seth says.
“Sounds good,” I say. “Good luck.”
“You, too.”
He jogs off, head spinning everywhere as he tries to find Alicia, not dismissing even the smallest possibility that his daughter may be hiding in a bush close by. I watch him go, studying the tense lines of his body.
Then I turn and face my direction. I don’t know if Alicia went this way, but I have to look anyway, just in case.
The fairground is only a ten-minute walk from my house. But I jog most of the way, breaking into a run as I get closer, ignoring the handful of other people out on the streets. My mind whirls as I move, alternately cursing myself for my own stupidity and sending every prayer that I can think of that we’ll find Alicia safe and sound.
When I get to the fairground, I stop. My breath is burning in my chest, and my legs are aching, but I can’t go any further.
I stare at the locked gates. Would Alicia have ducked under them? She would be small enough to do so, but there’s no way that I can. If she’s in there, I can’t go any further.
“Are you alright, ma’am?”
Startled at the voice, I look around. There’s an older man sitting on the bench with his wife, who is dozing on his shoulder. He smiles gently at me.
“Sorry?” I ask stupidly.
“Do you need help?” he repeats patiently. “You look frantic.”
“I…” I look at the gate again. Still locked, of course. Then I turn to him again. “Have you been here long?”
“Perhaps around half an hour?” the old man says, tapping his lower lip in thought. “Why?”
“I’m looking for a little girl… She might have come this way,” I say. “She’s about this high… She’s got blonde hair, probably in a ponytail, and she’s wearing…”
I stop. I don’t actually know what she’s wearing.
“I’m afraid I never saw her,” the old man says apologetically. “You think she went into the fairground?”
“I don’t know,” I say. There’s a tight ball of anxiety and dread in my chest. “She could be? We came here not that long ago, but…”
“There’s no real way to get in there until morning,” the old man finished, grimacing. “Maybe we can call someone? Is there a number on the gate?”
“Not that I can
see,” I say, turning to scrutinize them again. My shoulders slumped. “She might not even be in there, anyway. It was just a guess, because…”
Because it was the last place she and I went together and, if she had come this way, she might have crawled under the gate because of that memory.
It’s stupid, though. I’m assuming that Alicia left the house because she was looking for me, so I’ve come to the fairground. But what if that isn’t the case? What if she was playing in the yard and her attention got caught by a stray dog? She could have chased it, which would be all my fault; I’m the one who taught such a sheltered girl to leave her massive garden and see more of the outside world. She may not have seen anything wrong with leaving until she realized that she was lost.
And if that’s what happened, then our chances of finding her grow smaller, because there’s no way we can predict where she might have ended up.
“I hope you find your girl,” the old man offers.
I offer him a sickly smile, trembling slightly. I don’t know what to do. “Thank you. I’m sure she’s out there somewhere.”
I turn to move on; all I can do is keep walking. Before I can, however, my phone rings. It’s Seth, and I pick it up quickly.
“I have her,” he says before I can say anything. “She’s here… She was in the park.”
The park… It wasn’t very far away at all. I almost collapse from the relief I feel.
“I’m just going to sit and talk to her for a bit… She’s very upset,” Seth continues. “Is that okay?”
“Of course!” I say. “Do you want me to come around tomorrow and…?”
“Tonight,” Seth says, cutting me off. “I’m going to bring Alicia home, soon, and she’ll want to see you. Can you meet us there? I left the door unlocked.”
“I can do that,” I say, relieved. “Thank you, Seth. I’ll see you both soon.”
I hung up. I stand still for several long seconds, just breathing in deeply, feeling all my worry drain away. Seth has Alicia, she’s safe.
“Good news?” the old man asks.
“Yeah… We found her,” I say, offering him a tearful smile.
“I’m glad,” the man says with feeling.
I think of how awful it could have been. She could have gone so far, she could have gotten hurt, she could have been kidnapped…
I close my eyes and inhale deeply, steadying myself.
“So am I.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Seth
I can’t stop the panic as I run down the road, frantic. I appreciate Zoe’s calm words, but they’re not enough to stop me from worrying. My daughter is missing, and I’m the one that lost her.
I should have known something was up. Alicia was so cheerful while we were in the study, but her mood took a downturn after I told her we couldn’t visit Zoe just yet. To cheer her up, I allowed her to pin her picture to the fridge.
Then she just stared up at it. I couldn’t read what she was thinking, but I knew she was sad, so I hugged her and promised her that, soon, we would visit Zoe. She had just nodded and then went upstairs to play.
When I went up a little later to see if she wanted dinner, she had said “no”. I knew then that she was upset, but there wasn’t much I could do about it. I gave her a half hour before taking her dinner up to her and heading to my study to do some work with the door closed.
At nine o’clock I realized how late it had gotten, and I had gone to her room to put her to bed. I hadn’t been overly concerned when I didn’t see her at first. So I went looking for her.
Thirty minutes later, when I couldn’t find her, was when I started to panic.
I ran through the house, calling for her, looking everywhere that I could think of. It wasn’t until I saw the picture on the fridge that I thought of Zoe, and I wasted no time in dashing to her house.
Only, Alicia wasn’t there, and now we have no idea where she could be. I can’t stop myself from trembling as I think of all the possibilities.
She’s small, so a car might not see her. What if she’s been in an accident?
Or maybe she’s fallen and hurt her leg. Would there be anyone around to help her?
Maybe she got scared by strangers and she started running in a random direction. If that happened, I’d never find her.
Or what if she was kidnapped? I’m famous, and her picture has been in magazines too. All it would take is one money-hungry bastard to see her…
I put on a burst of speed.
There aren’t many people around. I pass one young woman, looking tired as she makes her way home, and she raises her hand to wave. But I’m going too fast to respond, my feet pounding in time with my racing heart.
I know I need to calm down. But that’s not going to be possible until I have Alicia with me again.
I try to remember the route that Zoe takes to the stores. She told me she takes shortcuts. Would Alicia remember them? If it’s the only way Zoe takes her, it’s likely that she would. I cut down an alleyway, keeping my eyes peeled for Alicia, but she isn’t there. I burst out of it onto a different street.
I try to imagine what this must look like to Alicia. Tall houses and enormous trees, their branches swaying in the wind, long shadows on the ground. It must be terrifying. She would have fled this place as soon as she could.
Would she follow the path? Looking from here, I can already see the path. I know Alicia; she goes to places that are comforting to her. So, if she saw the park, she would have headed there.
The park is only dimly lit. I slow down, not wanting to miss anything. There are several bushes and trees, and I momentarily despair of searching all if, of wasting time if it turns out Alicia isn’t here, after all.
Then I hear it.
It’s a tiny sound, and I might not have heard it at all if I wasn’t listening too hard. I freeze and stand stock still, barely daring to breathe.
It comes again. A tiny, choked sob.
“Alicia?” I ask, trembling.
There’s no sound. And then the bush nearby rustles and a tiny, blonde form bursts out of it.
“Daddy!” Alicia sobs, throwing her arms around me.
I let out a relieved cry and drop to my knees, hugging Alicia to me tightly. My heart lightens at once, and I just hold her, barely able to believe that she’s right in front of me and that she’s alright.
“I’m sorry!” Alicia sobs, clutching her hands in my shirt. “I’m sorry! I just wanted to see Zoe!”
“I know,” I say, closing my eyes as tears begin to fall. “I’m sorry, Alicia, this is my fault, I should have talked to you about this. Zoe’s out here too, she’s looking for you… She was so worried, and so was I.”
“Zoe is next door,” Alicia cried. “But I couldn’t find her house, and…and…!”
“It’s okay,” I soothe again.
Alicia continues to cry bitterly and I just hold her, rocking her gently. Eventually, though, her sobs calm and she lays her head on my shoulder, utterly exhausted.
When I feel I can move, I pull my phone out of my pocket. Zoe must be out of her mind with worry by now, and I need to let her know that everything is okay.
“I have her,” I say as soon as she picks up. “She’s here… She was in the park.”
I hear a sharp intake of breath on the other end. I know exactly how she feels at the abrupt understanding that everything is now fine.
“I’m just going to sit and talk to her for a bit… She’s very upset,” I continue when she doesn’t say anything. “Is that okay?”
I don’t want Zoe to feel like I’m excluding her, especially since she dashed out into the middle of the night to help me. But I think I should take this time to really talk to Alicia about what has just happened.
“Of course!” Zoe says immediately. “Do you want me to come around tomorrow and…?”
“Tonight,” I interrupt. No matter what happens next, I think Zoe and I need to talk, too. “I’m going to bring Alicia home, soon, and she’ll want
to see you. Can you meet us there? I left the door unlocked.
“I can do that,” I say, and I know I’m not imagining the relief. Somehow, in all this, I’ve managed to do something right by Zoe for the first time. “Thank you, Seth. I’ll see you both soon.”
She hangs up and I draw in a deep breath. Then I sit back. Alicia is so tired and upset that she didn’t even notice my phone call. Part of me is glad; had she noticed, she would be begging me to take her to see Zoe.
“Alicia,” I say gently. “Let’s go and sit on that bench and talk, okay?”
She sniffles and nods tearfully. I lead her over to the bench and we sit down. The wind is chilly, and I shiver; I hadn’t thought to grab a jacket. Alicia, on the other hand, was smart enough to put on hers, and she even put her boots on, even if only because it’s the only pair of shoes that she has that she can just slip on.
“Alicia, do you understand that it was wrong just to run off like that?” I ask her. “I was very worried when I couldn’t find you.”
Alicia’s lower lip trembles. “I wanted to find Zoe.”
“I know,” I say. “And it’s my fault; I told you we couldn’t earlier, and that was wrong of me.”
“I don’t…understand,” Alicia says, and she’s starting to cry again. This time the tears are silent. “Why can’t Zoe come around anymore? I want to see Zoe!”
I sigh. We’re fools, both of us. How could we expect Alicia to just understand when Zoe, who she loves, disappears from her life all of a sudden?
“I’m sorry,” I say. “We should have explained better.” I pause and grimace. “Not that there is any good explanation.” Alicia blinks at me, confused, and I give her a half-smile. “It’s just us adults being idiots, Alicia.”
Alicia scowls at me, entirely unimpressed.
We sit in silence for a long moment. Alicia swings her legs back and forth, staring down at her lap, and I’m content to force my thoughts back on track now that Alicia has been found. That had been the most harrowing hour of my life.