by Donna Steele
His temper didn’t trigger now as before. He didn’t really care any longer. The ‘man in charge’ ambition he’d continued to cultivate despite his senior status, seemed to have been severed as well. He worked little, mostly sitting on the back patio letting his mind wander. Men he’d thought of as friends, or at least colleagues, drifted away, his influence—what small amount remained—no longer necessary to them.
Meredith was still with him. Probably for my money.
How had Dr. Garen duped him? Had he performed any surgery at all?
Roger didn’t have the energy to seek restitution or revenge.
~ ~ ~
How much longer could she continue to do this? Part of Dee wanted to pack the baby up and leave. This veiled hostility couldn’t be good for Erica.
Dee knew she’d have a battle on her hands. While Dusty might not care for her any longer, he adored Erica and would never let her go.
Why should she leave anyway? This was her condo. She’d purchased it before she met Dusty. It had become their home. How did she ask him to leave?
Simple answer, Dee. You don’t.
There was no one to talk to. Sherry knew there were problems, if not the extent. This situation was more personal than Dee ever got with Gail and Nancy. Her father would be a possibility, but currently it wasn’t something she could face.
Her father loved Dusty and she knew the feeling was mutual. They had become closer than she dared hope.
Maybe being here alone with Erica added to her depression. With Dusty back at work, she rarely spoke with anyone—not that the two of them spoke often when he was here. The outing with her mother hadn’t been so bad. Roger was easy to ignore.
I should do things for myself more often.
Yes, she had to do something.
Chapter 19
Answering the door, Dusty managed to smile at Gail and Nancy as Dee brought Erica from the nursery. They’d called ahead, wanting to finally see Erica and bring gifts. Should he be glad Dee was well enough for visitors?
Was it his imagination they drew back slightly at the sight of him, or sympathy filled their eyes? Did they know she had tried to leave him? Did they know she planned to in the future? They were her friends, so maybe she’d confided in them.
Nonsense. But it was there, the reason he flipped between anger and fear on a continual basis. He still hadn’t followed Leonard’s orders or Ben’s.
Talk to her.
The two women turned to Dee and the bundle in her arms.
“Oh Dee, you look so much . . . you look good.” Gail stumbled slightly in her words but smiled brightly at Dee. What was that about?
“Hardly.” Dee laughed lightly. She knew how to play the game too.
“No, you do. Your eyes are clear again, the sparkle is back.”
Sparkle? The word caught Dusty’s attention. She had it when she dealt with Erica, not him. When had it gone away?
“Why don’t you ladies have a seat and let me bring you something to drink?” Dusty played the part of host as Dee settled on the couch. Dee had purchased cheese and fruit for their guests. She obviously wanted the visit to go well.
From the kitchen, where he prepared beverages, Dusty heard Gail speak. “You look . . . clearer. I’ve never been pregnant, so I don’t know if that’s a symptom of pregnancy, but I’m glad to see you back to your old self.”
Dusty returned to the main room with a tray and handed the women glasses of wine and a tall glass of water for Dee. Gail gazed down at Erica in her arms with adoring eyes.
“I’m sorry, you were saying Dee didn’t seem herself?” Dusty couldn’t keep from asking the question.
He felt Dee withdraw as Gail glanced up, startled. “Uh, well yes. Just those last few weeks.”
“Can you describe it?” He popped a grape in his mouth to appear casual. He wasn’t sure why he asked, especially in front of Dee, but he needed any insight into her actions. All three women stared at him.
“She seemed . . . distracted.”
“Tell me I didn’t treat patients like that.” He could tell Dee forced the chuckle.
“No. In fact, that’s why I noticed it. When you worked on a patient, you focused in. I know because . . . I watched you. I’m sorry, but I was concerned.”
“Don’t apologize,” Dee assured her. “Anything else?”
Dusty looked over at Dee, surprised at her interest.
“Well, once a procedure was completed, you would . . . scan your patient. You even scanned those of us around you at times, like you were searching for something.”
“Searching for what?” Dee did the questioning now. Dusty remained quiet, allowing her to lead the conversation, listening closely. It was almost as if she didn’t remember those actions herself.
“I don’t know, occasionally you seemed to see whatever you looked for, and it . . .”
“Please,” Dusty urged her.
“It seemed whatever you saw frightened you.” Gail laughed nervously.
“Frightened me? I don’t remember . . . Scales.” Her voice dropped to the softest whisper. Dusty didn’t think Gail or Nancy could have heard the word. Scales? What the hell did that mean?
“When did it start?” Dusty took up the conversation.
“I’m not sure. A few weeks before Erica’s birth.”
“I’m sorry.” Dusty gave a self-deprecating laugh. “Go ahead and visit with my women. I do appreciate you mentioning it though. I thought I was imagining things, and she kept urging me away from those on-line pregnancy sites. Guess it’s a good thing I can’t get pregnant.” Dusty carried his wine into the small office to give them time to talk.
Dee had changed. Her colleagues had noticed.
Scales?
~ ~ ~
Dee listened with half an ear as Gail and Nancy brought her up to date on hospital gossip. She retained no memory of what they described about her. Distraction? Scanning people?
She did remember scales.
An involuntary shudder ran through her and she tried to concentrate on the conversation.
Why did she not remember so much about those last weeks of her pregnancy? She still had no memory of the drive to Braddock’s Crossing. She’d done it of her own volition, going so far as to dismantle the safety features. The reason was gone, like the memory of the actions Gail described.
How had Dusty found her with the GPS dismantled? She’d never asked, couldn’t ask, but now the question invaded her mind.
“Are you taking the full six months?” Nancy asked.
“Yes.” Dee focused enough to respond. “I know she’ll be at the hospital with me, but I love being here at home with her. I’m sorry Dusty had to go back to work. He took two weeks. He’s saving the rest in case we need it later. And his boss is totally smitten with Erica, so if he needs time off, I’m sure Leonard will allow him to work from home.”
“Please know you’re missed. We got in a temp and he’s so full of himself I’m surprised he doesn’t leave little slime trails behind him. At your most distracted you’re still twice the doctor he is.”
Dee chuckled as Nancy shook her head and handed her a gift bag.
They spent several minutes enjoying the tiny baby clothes and plush rabbit they brought Erica.
Dee returned to the previous subject. “Tell me more about this distractedness. I’m a little concerned.”
“No, please. We didn’t mean to worry you. It’s like what I said when we first got here. Your eyes are bright again. You may have been worried about the baby and there was no need. She’s adorable and so alert. I could swear she’s listening to us.”
“That’s probably it. Hope I don’t act that way knowing she’s in daycare.”
“I’ve only heard great things about the dayca
re at the hospital. Several retired nurses I know work there part-time. I’ll introduce you when you come by.”
“I’d appreciate it. I took the tour, but they were busy, and I didn’t want to get in the way. The facilities and the reviews were excellent and of course so close.”
“Anytime. We should let you get back to your routine. I’m sure that’s critical with one so young. Thanks so much for letting us visit with your little princess.”
“I’m so glad you came. Please tell everyone hello for me.”
~ ~ ~
Erica stretched, enjoying the feel of other feminine arms. Most of the people who visited her were male, her granddaddy and Leonard. Sherry came of course, and now she’d met her grandmother. That woman’s arms were tense and unsure. Erica had poured some self-assurance into her. These two women were confident and happy. They didn’t need anything from her, instead giving her energy. A nice change.
Something about their visit made both Momma and Daddy intrigued. That was better than the depression they usually felt around one another. If only she wasn’t falling asleep again.
This body was a definite drawback for now.
~ ~ ~
Dee leaned against the door, musing over the information racing around in her mind.
Distracted, scanning people around her—that wasn’t like her. Why had she remembered scales? She could picture an arm in front of her.
My resident’s.
He’d displayed a patch of rough scales on his arm where his sleeve had been shoved up while working. The scales were an uneven, greenish-brown color. Then he’d shifted so she couldn’t get a better look.
Angie! The memory came back with a jolt. She’d completely forgotten the woman. After Dusty had met with her, Dee dreamed of a beautiful blue-green necklace morphing into scales around her throat. Scales again. And fear.
Am I finally remembering?
Chapter 20
Dusty heard the door close and tensed. Gail and Nancy were gone. Could he talk to Dee? Was now a good time? Erica was asleep so they wouldn’t be interrupted. Could he get to the truth? He wasn’t the only one to notice the change in Dee. She’d appeared interested, as if the situation they discussed was about someone else.
Would there ever be a good time?
He had to do it if they were to continue together. Living without Dee or Erica was impossible to face. He only needed to keep himself under control.
He returned to the living room to see Dee disappearing into the nursery with Erica.
He couldn’t let another opportunity escape. Ben and Leonard both ordered this. Maybe it was time to follow those orders.
Dee’s head came up in surprise to find him standing there waiting when she returned to the room.
“Tell me why you left.” His voice sounded harsh, broken even to him. He’d hoped to be less combative, but he’d said the words out loud finally.
She jerked violently at the sound of his voice, then hesitated and shook her head. “I don’t remember.”
“Why did you drive away when you went into labor?”
“I don’t remember!” She glanced at the nursery to ensure she hadn’t woken Erica.
“Don’t remember?” Dusty saw only truth and confusion on her face. How could she not remember?
“I have no memory of leaving or why. The first thing really clear is when I looked up in the backseat of the car and you were there.”
“You were unconscious?”
“No, I was in a, a fog.”
“You drove to Braddock’s Crossing without, what? Realizing it? You treated patients you don’t remember?”
Her shoulders slumped and he fought the urge to move closer. “I guess I did. Thank goodness Gail watched out for me.”
“What’s the last thing you do remember?”
The question caused a long hesitation. Dusty felt his tension grow. Would she answer him?
~ ~ ~
Dusty was finally talking to her. His anger was evident, but he was in the room with her, engaging with her. Were they finally going to have the conversation they so desperately needed?
“The last thing . . .” Dee thought for a moment.
“Maybe now isn’t a good time.” No! He was backing away. At least he’d found the courage to finally bring it up. She’d never been able to. Would there ever be a good time? Their relationship was shattering, and she couldn’t live like this.
“Dusty, I have to say this. I know you’re angry with me—”
“Angry?” he interrupted. His chest rose with a deep breath. She could see him searching for calm, though he couldn’t find it. At least he hadn’t walked away. “No, I’m not angry, I’m furious. You put yourself and our daughter in extreme danger. Sherry barely got there in time. We could, I could have lost you both. And I’m humiliated,” he continued, apparently on a roll after finally admitting his anger. “Leonard and Sherry know you couldn’t get far enough away from me. You wanted nothing to do with me. Oh, and add confused to the mix too. I still don’t know what I did to cause you to run, and to do it so effectively, dismantling the GPS on the car and your phone.”
“Dusty—” She saw the way his hands shook, his emotion finally set free. She longed to touch him, comfort him.
Do I have the right?
“I don’t want an apology. I want, no, I need an explanation!” He stopped, stepping away as he stared at the nursery door. He’d kept his voice low, which seemed to heighten his anger.
She had done so much damage, and she had no idea why.
“I don’t have one,” she murmured, her voice small and quiet, struggling to blink back the threatening tears. “I don’t know why I did it. I’ve tried to recreate what little I do remember, the reasoning, the fear. Nothing makes any sense.”
“Well, we agree there.”
“I barely remember it. Everything is fuzzy until you were in the car holding me. My mind cleared at that moment, but Erica was already being born and I couldn’t concentrate on anything else.”
“Okay.” He stood behind the chair, gripping the back of it with white knuckles. It sounded as though he forcibly calmed his voice. “What is the last thing you do remember clearly?”
Dee paused, thinking. “You and Leonard were going to Atlanta for a couple of days.”
She looked up to see the expression of surprise morph into stunned horror on his face. “That was weeks ago.”
“Was it?” Dee shook her head, trying to concentrate. “Dusty G came here for dinner. After he left, we talked about your trip.”
“Wait, are you really telling me your last clear memory was my going to Atlanta?”
“I’m sorry.” Her eyes slid away, unable to bear his gaze.
“You were nervous, having nightmares already. Had been for some time.”
Realizing he talked to himself, Dee sank onto the couch to wait for his next words.
“You weren’t yourself.” He turned to her. “Why didn’t you tell me it was so bad? Shit, did my leaving you alone make it worse?” He ran his hands through his hair and circled around the chair to drop into it.
He didn’t sit beside her, where he could hold her, but he was in the same room. And they were talking. That had to be progress.
“None of this is your fault, Dusty. Don’t do that. I’m the one who screwed up. I’m the one who put our daughter in such danger.”
“You were worse when I got back.” He was speaking to himself. “More distant, and I saw it, but I didn’t put it together with me being gone. You didn’t act like you were angry with me.”
“I wasn’t.” Dee spoke quickly. “I don’t remember being angry at all. I was . . . I don’t know. It became harder to concentrate. I tried to put it down to pregnancy brain, but it was so much more. I just didn’t rea
lize it.” She was twisting her hands in her lap and forced herself to stop.
“You’ve said on more than one occasion things were better in 1891 when I was near you.”
Dee nodded. “True.”
“After we returned from the past, you never said my presence made things better here.”
“It was the same,” she admitted when he trailed off. “When you were close, when you are close, I feel safe.” She hated how her voice broke slightly. The last thing she wanted was his pity.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because it’s weak,” Dee blurted out, some energy returning to her with her own emotions. “Before I met you in that stupid bar, I was a strong and independent woman. I relied on no one. Then we hook up for a one-night stand.” She held up her hand to forestall his protest. “You know that’s what it was when we left the bar. Neither of us knows why we were so attracted to each other that night. The next day we traveled to 1891. We didn’t know each other. We’d only had sex.”
“The buzz,” Dusty said quietly.
“Yes, we felt the buzz between us when we were close.”
“When we came back, the buzz was how I knew you were pregnant.”
Dee nodded, remembering. “I’m not used to needing to have someone, even you, within touching distance to feel safe. How was I supposed to confess to you I didn’t want you to go to work, because I didn’t feel like myself without you beside me?”
Dusty opened his mouth, closed it. Then finally faced her. “I need to know what you’re feeling. Remember the conversation we had after you said we were only pretending to be married?”
Dee thought back to that night in the Tillman’s sitting room. He’d been so hurt by her comment, retreating into himself. “I upset you badly.”
“Yes, because I hadn’t been pretending. I told you then I needed you to tell me what you were feeling, because I had no experience with reading other people’s moods.”