by Misty Dawn
So why did I feel like that's all I was going to do today?
Missy lived in a small development, on the second floor of a brick building. She grabbed her purse and unbuckled herself from the seat before I'd even parked. The ride had been filled with silence, and I'd been trying to figure out something to say but continued to come up empty. All I knew was that I was supposed to say something, but nothing felt right.
Great time last night? That made it sound like a cheap hook-up.
Want to go out again? That made it sound like it was a date. Definitely not.
When can I see you again? Too desperate.
"Thanks Leo," she said genuinely, reaching for the handle as I rolled to a stop out front of her apartment. "I really, really appreciate everything."
"So formal," I managed to say, with a smile.
She didn't meet my eyes, only gave me a sad shrug, before she waved, and left the car. Cold swept in as she left, and I watched her as she hurried towards the stairs to her apartment. I felt lonely and empty as I watched her go. This sucked. I hadn't wanted this morning to go this way. What had gone wrong? Why had everything changed?
They say sex changes things, but we barely knew each other. In fact, the sex had been so incredible and intimate, it made me feel like I knew Missy on another level. I wouldn't forget that night for years to come. To let that walk away, without any acknowledgement of it, felt all kinds of wrong. Still, I knew I had to let her go.
My phone rang again.
"Hello?"
"Leo," Virginia said frantically. "Three managers snowed in, and at least thirty staff are calling out," she told me. I gave a heavy sigh, flipping the car in reverse.
"I'm on my way."
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Missy
The minute I found my keys, inserted them into the door, and made my way into my apartment, I felt the tears. My back found the front door and I shut closed it with a bang, sliding down to the floor. I hated crying and yet, warm, wet, fat tears appeared in the corners of my eyes. They showed no mercy as they flooded down my face and I shuddered with sadness.
Stupid. So, so, so, stupid.
I sat there for a few moments, wallowing in my pity, head laid back against the door, knowing that if anyone could walk by they'd hear my utterly pathetic sobs on the other side. I allowed myself only a few minutes, before I stood up, taking off my coat, laying it out with my purse in the front room, and kicking off my stupid heels I vowed to never wear again.
I stared down my small hallway, the bathroom at the end. My space was tiny, but it was mine. I undressed as I walked down towards the hallway, hating that these clothes would forever remind me of this storm and of Leo. I reached the bathroom, relieved to have all of my things. I checked my phone. An hour until I had to be back at the mall. A warm shower, a good breakfast, and new clothes would fix me up. Then, I just had to deal with the pesky emotions of seeing Leo around the mall again.
I sighed to myself in the mirror. "You've really made a mess of things, Missy."
Amanda had agreed to swing by my apartment to come bring me to work. I called AAA to meet me at the mall to bring my car to the repair shop as I waited out in the cold for her with freshly washed and dried hair, and a cute sweater and jean ensemble. I had overdone my makeup, which I always did when I was nervous, but I couldn't help it. Amanda pulled up next to the curb with her small Honda Civic, and I climbed in, grateful for the heat she had pumping into the car.
"Hey!" she greeted me, pulling me in for a hug.
"Hey," I returned the greeting, leaning back in my seat. "How's it going?"
"How's it going for you?" Amanda said, her eyes widening as she took me in. "You look like you got laid last night." She grinned. "Tell me you got laid."
I rolled my eyes. "Amanda," I warned.
She laughed. "You did!" she said, giving a little satisfactory squeal. She pulled the car into park and started pulling out of my neighborhood. "So, tell me everything."
"I am not telling you everything," I said. "We hooked up. And no, it's not going to happen again."
"The fuck it's not!" Amanda said, slamming on her break to look over at me in disbelief. "What the hell do you mean?" She gasped suddenly, bringing a hand over her mouth. "Oh no. Was he bad in bed?"
My jaw dropped in shock. "He was not bad in--" I forced my mouth shut. "It's not like that," I said. "It was just a stupid hook-up in a weird circumstance."
"Okay," Amanda said, starting to drive again. "I still don't understand why the hell isn't it going to happen again?"
"Because," I sighed. "He's a big, successful, busy career-driven guy. And I'm the manager at Penny's Pleasures who was dramatically stranded in a blizzard. Honestly, we wouldn't have anything in common." I knew it was a lie, especially based on our conversation from last night, but I didn't want Amanda getting the wrong idea. What was done, was done. It was over now.
"I know one thing you'd have in common," Amanda mumbled.
"Honestly," I said exasperatedly, "it was just one of those things."
"Missy," Amanda said, sounding equally as exasperated. "He's one of the biggest operations managers in the state! The guy is unbelievably sexy. I can not believe you are being so casual about this."
"It just wasn't a big deal."
"It's a huge deal," she said. "Anyway, I thought he was banging his admin for years," she said nonchalantly.
"His admin?"
"Yeah, Vanessa, or Virginia or something," she said waving her hand. "Always together."
My eyes widened and my stomach dropped. I knew Virginia, she was the face of operations around the mall. Her and Leo would make sense together, both polished and put together and wildly successful. He wouldn't want anything to do with someone like me if he had someone like her.
I forced a shrug. "Anyway," I said, desperately wanting to change the subject. "How was your snow day?"
"Boring," she said. "I'm a little hungover because I drank a whole bottle of wine and cried watching The Holiday. I forgot how much I love Cameron Diaz and Jude Law together."
Amanda talked for the rest of the car ride about the movie, and I zoned out, pretending to nod and listen. My mind was still on Leo, still on this morning, on last night, concentrating on trying to ignore his presence completely. It was going to be impossible. He was the only thing I could think about.
Amanda finally took the exit for the mall, pulling us into the parking lot where I saw my abandoned car, covered in snow, looking quite sorry for itself. Next to it, to my relief, was the disgruntled AAA man.
"Leave me off here," I told her, pointing to my car. "I'll take care of my car."
"Sure thing," Amanda said, pulling into a nearby spot. "I'll get going on opening the store."
"Thanks," I told her, glad to have boots on as I stepped out of the car. "See you in a few."
She nodded her goodbye, and I went up to the tow truck. A skinny man emerged. "Meredith Thomson?"
"The one and only," I said, digging through my wallet for my card.
The man took it, nodding his thanks. "Great," he said, handing it back. "And this is going to…Lyle's Towing," I told him. "324 Yard Lane."
"All set," he told me, handing me a piece of paper.
"Thanks," I answered, then set off towards the mall. I almost stopped straight in my tracks as another, very familiar car, flew into the parking lot. Leo's G-Wagon was unmistakable, and I certainly noticed that he was not alone in his car. A blonde head was visible in the passenger's seat and my heart might as well have dropped into my stomach.
That was it. The nail in the coffin I'd been waiting for. He couldn't even wait a few hours to start spending time with Virginia, who he was apparently banging? Unbelievable. That must have been why he was so cold and stand-offish this morning. The nerve!
Anger surged through me like nothing before and I didn't bother to watch where they'd parked. I stormed over towards the mall, enjoying the satisfaction of the crunch of snow beneath my boots.
Leo
I saw her, the flash of red hair storming towards the mall. She was a distinct presence, the shape of her body even underneath her coat, the way she clutched her purse. I knew she'd seen me pull into the parking lot. Virginia was with me, I'd picked her up on my way in so her husband could take the family car. She chatted my ear off the entire way in about the profits lost from yesterday, but I was barely listening.
She didn't bother to take a breath as we got out of the car and walked towards the mall, binders and folders filling her arms as she ran down the checks we needed to perform today, and the list of people who were out. There were four stores who simply couldn't open this morning, but she assured me we'd be fine.
"Thanks Virginia," I said, holding the entrance door open for her as we stepped inside.
Penny's Pleasures was visible from the entrance, and I longed for a view of Missy, some indication that I hadn't just imagined her here. I was searching for her, longing to see her again, just a small glimpse. I wanted to know she was okay. If I was honest with myself, I wanted to know if there was any indication that she wanted to see me again.
"Leo!" Virginia shouted at me. I looked down at her, her blue eyes narrowed at me angrily.
"Sorry," I said, knowing what she was about to say.
"Listen," she said, visibly frustrated. "Okay? This is important." I nodded. "Now, we have a leak in the Sears bathroom, we need to get the plumber in there to fix it as soon as possible. Mr. Fletcher complained they had to throw out the entire shipment of bath towels…"
Virginia's voice drowned out as we passed Penny's. The lighting was golden, and I saw Missy immediately, standing at the front, talking to a brunette woman. Her long, slim legs were covered in tight, black leggings, a long sweater reaching her knees. She turned as I passed, and we locked eyes, and that familiar sensation soared through me, like I was soaring downwards on a roller coaster, wind in my hair, unable to stop my stomach from tumbling over inside of me.
She turned away from me just as quickly, and I nearly lost my footing as her store went out of view. "Virginia," I said, cutting her off mid-sentence.
She cocked an eyebrow. "Yes?"
"I just need…a few minutes to get settled in my office. I trust your judgement, just get these things taken care of, and we'll meet later this afternoon."
She slapped together her folder with a huff. "Very well," she said. "Let's review over lunch." It was a demand, not a request, which was often what I got from her. I veered off into the back of the mall to grab a few minutes for myself.
My work weeks were normally insanely crazy, but the week before Christmas was unnaturally busy. I was grateful for the work, because it meant I didn't have to think about Missy as often. However, she still crept into my thoughts at all hours of the day, no matter how hard I tried to get rid of them, or think of something else. Her soft skin, brown eyes, the way she felt against me, somehow always managed to creep back into my brain. It was frustrating, but I'd managed to realize something else. I hadn't thought about someone else this way in years.
I had to do something. I needed to make up for my failure back at the house. I had to make up for letting her walk away thinking that I hadn't felt something. I knew she had left feeling like I hadn't cared, but the truth I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I longed to touch her again, just to feel her close to my body. To kiss her. To run my fingers through her hair, across her cheek. I wanted to touch her body, run my hands over all her sensitive areas, taking my time as she moaned into my mouth, tasting her sweet desire, and cupping her tits as I fucked her until she came.
Most of all, I didn't want to be alone anymore. I knew Missy had felt something, maybe the same thing I had when we were together. I couldn't give her up so easily.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Missy
Christmas Eve was the worst night of the year for a retail employee, who had no family to go home to in the area. Of course, that had been my own doing, as I thought of my parents vacationing in Antigua without me, but I tried to remind myself how proud they were of me and my independence. I didn't want anything to overshadow that image of me. No matter how lonely I was going to be back at my quiet apartment.
I had to work until closing hours, and I waited, impatiently, as last minute shoppers made their way through Penny's. The clock inched closer to closing time, but it seemed to be going slower at each glance of my phone. I was really looking forward to binge-watching some Netflix and the large bottle of Merlot I'd saved up for just this night.
The store was just about to empty out, when I saw a familiar face walk in through the front door. All scruff, from head to toe, was Conrad Livingston. I hadn't talked to him since the night of the blizzard, and I certainly hadn't bothered returning any of his texts. I was tired of being used as a hook-up buddy. If I couldn't have Leo, at least I wanted someone who respected me, my body, and my time.
Conrad looked smug, walking up towards the back counter with his arms crossed.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked him sternly. "You've never come to see me at work before."
He flashed me a sleazy smile. "Baby," he said softly. "I wanted to make up the whole blizzard thing to you," he said.
I raised an eyebrow. "Oh yeah?" I said skeptically. "How's that?"
"Wanted to take you to dinner."
I laughed. That was a first. "No thanks, Conrad. I think we're done here."
"We're not," he said, leaning against the counter.
"Yes, we are," I answered sternly. "I'm not interested in doing this anymore."
"Well, you'd be stupid to give this up," he said, straightening, narrowing his eyes at me. "I'm about to get promoted at work." He said it, as though it were supposed to impress me. His server job at Applebees was nothing to write home about, and I seriously doubted he was next in line for a promotion.
"A promotion doesn't mean you're a good…fuck buddy…or whatever it is we are."
"We're dating!" he insisted.
"Fucking once in a while is not dating, Conrad," I told him. "I'm good without it."
He narrowed his eyes at me. "You're being a bitch," he told me.
I shrugged. "So be it."
"You're a whore is what you are," he said, waving his finger at me. "You don't know what good sex looks like. You just lay there and take it." His words were harsh and bitter and mean, but I let them rip through me anyway. I didn't care. I didn't want to take this anymore.
A new surge of anger had taken root in my body. I felt clear, for the first time in about a year, about what I had to do. The clarity made me feel powerful.
"We're done," I told him with a snarl.
I looked down at my outfit, at the name tag I had clipped onto my sweater, and the single-ear headpiece I wore. I took both of them off and left them on the counter. "And," I told him, even though I knew he wouldn't care. "I quit. I quit this job, and this way of life. I need to quit wishing I had more."
"You can't quit," he told me. "You don't have another job to go to."
"I don't care," I told him, pointedly. "It doesn't matter. I haven't taken a risk like this in an entire year. And you know what I found out?" I asked without really asking. He shrugged. "If I take risks, better things happen. They're not always going to work out," I said. "But it's better than being bored and staying put in one place."
"Whatever Missy," Conrad told me, waving his hand off at me. "I got plenty of pussy waiting for me," he said, waving his phone at me. "Good riddance."
I gave him the finger as he left, standing behind the counter, feeling positively liberated. I felt free. Clear. Wonderful. Better than I had in months. In fact, better than I had in over a year, since I'd left home.
There'd be some things to clean up tonight, and of course informing the staff after the holidays were over. I fully intended to give my two weeks, but enough was enough, and it was time to move on from this place. Nothing would light a fire under my butt to get myself c
loser to my dreams than taking a massive leap of faith.
I thought of Leo. He had been the one to convince me that a leap was necessary, although things didn't seem to work out between us, he'd told me that risks gave reward, or at least they gave you lessons. I needed that after what happened with Leo. I needed something to hold on to, even if I was completely, and utterly alone. I needed to get out of this mall, to never be reminded of that night with him.
Most of all, I needed a change of pace.
"Missy."
His voice was unmistakable as it echoed down the wide store, through the displays of panties and bra and perfumes. Leo Bradley stood in the doorway of Penny's Pleasures smiling at me, just like he had the first night I'd been with him.
I was startled, unsure of what to do with myself in the midst of my small, personal rebellion. I'd written Leo off, certain that I'd need to ignore him for the rest of my life. Quitting would have been it. I would have gotten rid of him or good without the need to have another conversation with him in my life.
"Leo," I managed to sputter out his name, the beating of my heart seeming somehow louder and quicker all at once.
"I'm sorry," Leo said, coming towards me slowly.
"For what?" I asked, wondering what the hell this tall, gorgeous man could possibly apologize for.
"The morning after the blizzard," he said, saying exactly what I was thinking. "I'm sorry that I was cold. I'm sorry I didn't make things better. I'm sorry I didn't chase after you when you left my car, or convince us both to call out of work and stay inside the next day." He shook his head, and continued his steps towards me. "I've been regretting it every day since."
"I don't understand," I said, as he came closer towards me. I looked up to take in his face, his long nose, thick brows, sharp jaw and shadow of stubble he had likely tried to tame at some point this week. "I have something to show you, Missy," he said, holding out his hand. "Come with me."