by Sara Orwig
He left the room to go to his gym and work out until he could shake Ava out of his thoughts.
* * *
On a Sunday afternoon weeks later, when he was sitting at the table nursing a cup of coffee, one of the men called to tell him his brother Wynn just passed through the front gates. Wade thanked him and got his hat to walk out to the porch to wait. Wynn never came to the Bar S; he despised ranching, horses and everything about either one. Wade couldn’t imagine why he was coming now. He wasn’t going to try to guess. He sat in a white wooden rocking chair, put his feet on the rail and sat back to wait. Then Wade thought about their dad. Cold fear gripped him that something else had happened to his dad’s heart.
He saw the plume of dust and then the bright red sports car speeding toward the house. Wynn hadn’t changed since he was a teenager; he still liked fast cars. The car skidded to a stop, sending up a cloud of dust. Wynn didn’t get out until the dust settled. He walked around the car and headed for the porch. His turquoise dress shirt was open at the throat and he didn’t wear a tie. He had on charcoal slacks and loafers.
Wade’s curiosity grew and so did his worry about his dad because Wynn definitely didn’t look angry, he looked worried. Even if it was Dad, Wynn would have just called, he told himself, unless it was really terrible. Fear gripped him. “Is Dad okay?” he asked.
“As far as I know. That’s not why I’m here.”
Wade pushed out the breath he’d been holding, relieved. At least his dad was okay...but what did Wynn want?
“You must have an important reason to drive all the way out here,” Wade said, assessing his brother. A muscle worked in Wynn’s jaw and some emotion flashed in his dark eyes, but there was a hesitancy in his twin that Wade had never seen. Usually Wynn made his anger clear to all. Or his fear. Or his pleasure. He wasn’t a subtle person and Wade’s curiosity grew.
“Well, have a seat. We don’t have to stand to talk,” Wade said, sitting back in the rocker and turning it so he would face Wynn, who sat in another big rocker. Wynn sat on the edge of the seat and he looked nervous.
“You might as well say it,” Wynn said. “You know I’m a dad.”
“Oh, yes, I do,” he said, briefly startled that the long-ago phone conversation was the reason for Wade’s appearance.
“You didn’t tell Violet it was you she was talking to that day.”
“Violet? I did tell her, but she accused me of lying and we never got back to it. It was obvious you didn’t tell her you’re a twin, so after that first try I didn’t, either.”
They sat staring at each other and with every second, Wade became more and more puzzled because Wynn wasn’t acting in his customary manner.
“You told Violet the check was in the mail and that’s exactly what I would have told her because it was. That’s how I found out you talked to her. She told me it was a good thing I wasn’t lying when I said the check was in the mail.”
“I was in shock and that sounded like what you’d say.”
Wynn nodded, apparently accepting Wade’s answer. He looked away for a moment, eyeing something in the distance, his hands toying with a rope that had been looped over the rocker.
Wade tilted his head, his curiosity growing. “You drove all the way out here for something. What’s eating you?”
His brother finally looked at him. “You didn’t tell the folks that they’re grandparents. You haven’t told anyone in the family. Why?”
Wade shrugged. “It’s your secret and when I thought about it, I figured you were doing what you thought was best. I figured it might be better for Mom and Dad if they didn’t know about this baby. It’s really your call.”
“I can’t understand you. There was your chance for revenge for all the grief I’ve given you over the years. Real revenge. This could have wrecked my engagement to Olivia if you’d gone about it in certain ways.”
“I’ll be damned. You can’t understand trying to do the right thing or the nice thing,” Wade said, shocked that Wynn actually was puzzled why someone wouldn’t do him harm. “Why in the hell would I want to deliberately hurt you? Damn, Wynn, to my way of thinking, life is a whole lot better and you have more friends being nice to people. You ought to try it sometime.” He shook his head as Wynn continued to stare at him, obviously confused. “You’re really at a loss about this, aren’t you?”
“I know I’ve made you mad plenty of times. Absolutely furious.”
“Yes, you have. That doesn’t mean I’d enjoy doing that to you. I don’t get a thrill out of being mean and I don’t seek revenge, either.”
Wynn dropped the rope and sat back, but he said nothing. He just looked at his brother.
“You know, Wynn, for the first time in my life, I feel sorry for you. You don’t even know what you’re missing.” They stared at each other and Wade thought if a creature had appeared from outer space, he wouldn’t have been any more puzzled. But this was his blood brother; he had to try to reach him.
“You know, Wynn, as toddlers and little kids we fought constantly and we really never outgrew that, which is sad. You and I should be brothers, in the deepest sense of the word.
“You’re my twin and we don’t understand each other or like each other. We can’t even sit out here and enjoy a cup of coffee together before you go. We have no common ground and that’s sad.”
“I took Olivia from you. She’s the perfect woman—every man’s dream. You’re not angry over that?”
Wade stared at him a moment in silence as he gave a slow shake of his head. “No, Wynn. Olivia’s a wonderful woman, but she’s better suited to you.” They sat quietly a moment. “You know, it’s not too late to become real brothers. Do you want a cup of coffee?”
Wynn’s eyes widened with surprise and he tilted his head as he stared at Wade. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”
“Yeah, I am. If Lucy was here, or Jack, I’d make that offer to them and we’d sit and chat. I would with Mom or Dad, too. The rest of us all enjoy each other’s company and like to be together. That’s family at its best. It’s not too late for us to become real brothers.”
Wynn blinked and nodded. “I suppose I could try... Okay, we’ll have a cup of coffee together.”
“Just sit there. I have some brewed. I’ll bring it out.”
He left, wondering if they could tolerate each other for ten more minutes. He was back with mugs on a tray that also held cream and sugar, spoons and napkins. He set the tray on a table between them.
“Well, this is a first,” Wynn remarked with sarcasm in his voice.
“Yeah. We might as well give it a try.”
Wynn picked up his mug and took a sip. “I guess I should say thank you because it’s a relief to me that you’ll keep my secret.”
“Sure, Wynn,” Wade replied. “You might try life my way sometime,” he said, “and I don’t mean by trying to pass yourself off as me.”
“Olivia made me promise I wouldn’t do that anymore,” Wynn said, sounding more like himself and making Wade smile as he shook his head.
“She’ll learn.” Wade leaned forward and held out a hand to his brother. “I think it’s wonderful that you and Olivia are in love. I truly wish you the best.”
“You mean that, don’t you?”
“Yes, I do. I’m sincere about everything I’ve said to you.”
Wynn accepted the proffered hand and shook it.
Wade smiled as he gave a playful punch to his brother’s shoulder. “I can’t believe my twin is getting married.”
Married... At the mention of the word, his thoughts went to Ava. It’d been weeks, but still memories of her slammed into him. He couldn’t seem to forget her.
Some men did—the guy that walked out on her. But he couldn’t.
Wade drew a deep breath. He remembered how his heart beat faster and his whole body responded to just the sight of he
r. Her blue eyes melted him and if he saw her in the distance or across a room, desire consumed him. There was no way on earth he could see her the way he saw other women. She was gorgeous, special, unique. But she’d never be his, not the way Olivia would soon be Wynn’s.
His brother’s words drew him out of his reverie. “I may have to try life your way. I know how to act the part. Maybe I should try to live the part and see if I’m happier.”
“You don’t have to try to be like me,” Wade said, focusing on Wynn again. “Just be considerate of your family and others. I think you’ll find you have more people who like you. Life ought to be better. Start with your family and be nicer to them. As I just said, they bear the brunt of your anger and deceptions.”
“They do. Anybody else would retaliate. Thanks again about the baby. I’ll send her money until she’s grown and educated. I’ll do what’s right.”
“You’re sure you don’t want Mom and Dad to know their grandchild?”
“I’m sure. It’s a baby girl, but no, I don’t. Mom and Dad would have nothing in common with the baby’s mother.”
“They would have a baby in common, Wynn.”
He frowned and shook his head. They sipped coffee and sat in silence for a few minutes, Wynn deep in thought. “I’ll think about it, Wade.”
“Good. You won’t regret letting them know their grandchild. I feel certain about that.”
“I never looked at it that way. I didn’t think they’d be happy about the mother.”
“They might not, but I’ll bet they’ll love your baby. They might be a good influence on the mother.”
“Wow. Maybe I will. You sound very positive.”
“I am. It’s your baby and their first grandchild. They will be happy. I know Mom and Dad.”
“Well, maybe I should.” He was silent for a few minutes. “I asked Mom why she married Dad—I’ll still call him dad,” Wynn said finally.
“I’m glad because in every way except blood, he’s been our dad, and to me, he’s our only dad. Why did she marry him?”
“She said she was single, pregnant, didn’t have money to raise a child by herself and didn’t want to. Dad started dating her and in his own quiet way, he loved her and asked her to marry him, so she did, but she’s never told him the truth about getting pregnant. And she said that he was such a good man that it didn’t take her long to fall in love with him, too. She said she realized she had found the best father for her twins.”
Wynn set down his coffee mug and leaned forward. His eyes met Wade’s and there was sincerity shining there. “Wade, that woman you had at the folks’ house—Ava. She must have been important to you. In fact, if I’m not mistaken, I think you’re in love with her.”
“I am.”
The words fell out of his mouth before he could even think, shocking the hell out of him. But he wouldn’t retract them. He couldn’t. Heaven help him, but there was no denying the truth. He was totally, irrevocably in love with Ava Carter.
“Then you need to go get her.”
There, Wade took exception. No way could he just go back to Dallas and claim the woman he loved.
“Hell, I didn’t do it the conventional way, but I went after the woman I wanted,” Wynn said with a grin. “And now I’m getting married. It still amazes me, but I love Olivia. I can’t imagine being a dad—even though technically I am one. But the thought of actually possibly raising a child, being a real dad day in and day out, scares me.”
“Why?” Wade asked, curious what Wynn would fear.
“I don’t know little kids. I wasn’t good to Jack. I thought he was a nuisance.”
“I imagine brothers are different than sons,” Wade remarked, unable to imagine Wynn as a parent with real responsibilities.
Wynn stood. “I guess I’ll get going.” He put his coffee cup on the tray and turned to Wade. “Thanks again for keeping my secret.”
Wade stood. “Sure, Wynn.”
“Well, we got through a cup of coffee together, maybe we can get through lunch together sometime.”
Wade nodded. “I’m willing to try. I’ll see you in town in about a week. Meanwhile, take my advice and try being nicer to the family and see what happens. After all, family is the most important part of life.”
Wynn nodded.
“I’ll call you about lunch next week.”
“Sure.” Wynn went down the porch steps and walked to his car. Wade watched him go and wondered if he would really change.
Could he marry and have kids?
He’d just told Wynn that family was the most important thing—family meant a wife and kids. And love between a man and a woman. He loved Ava. He faced that now, full on. He knew why he’d been living with hurt and loneliness, missing her for the last three weeks. He was in love with her. Deeply in love. Was it enough to marry and have kids? he asked himself again.
Kids with Ava... Right now that sounded good to him. Being a dad. He couldn’t imagine himself being a father unless it was with her.
He’d knew he’d have to accept children if he wanted her in his life. After all, she had shut him out and said goodbye in order to avoid heartbreak months or years down the road when they separated. Well, there was a better way to guard against getting another broken heart and his way was a lot better than her way.
He pulled out his phone to call Ava and tell her he was coming to see her.
Twelve
Wade was coming over.
After three weeks, she was surprised he’d called, and she was still confused. He never gave a reason, just said he was coming. She wouldn’t get her hopes up—after all, she was sure nothing had changed. She couldn’t imagine that he had changed one tiny bit in his views. He was too set in them, and when his dad had had the last heart episode, Wade had become even more adamant that he didn’t want to marry and have children.
She had gone back to work in Dallas as soon as she got home, and tried to keep as busy as possible because it helped to have less moments to herself, lonely moments when she remembered being in his arms, being with him. Nothing could stop her missing him and his vitality, his passionate lovemaking, his flirting. She missed him terribly and she loved him deeply, but she still would leave him the same way again. She might not ever love a man to the extent that she loved Wade, but she couldn’t be in a relationship based on anything less than total commitment. And she would never give up her desire to marry and have children.
No matter the reason, he was coming to see her and she knew it wouldn’t work out.
Even so, she had carefully applied makeup, put on a short-sleeved red dress with a V-neck and a full skirt that fell in folds below her waist. Her hair was tied back at her nape with a sheer red scarf and she had matching high-heeled pumps.
When she heard his car, she couldn’t keep from going to the door. Her heartbeat raced. She tried to calm herself down because he could be coming for some ordinary reason and just be here minutes. When he rang the bell, she opened the door and her heart thudded.
He looked so incredibly handsome, so absolutely wonderful, dressed in a navy Western-cut suit, black boots and a white dress shirt with his usual French cuffs with gold cuff links. She wondered if she was going to love him the rest of her life and never marry because all men would pale in comparison. She wanted to throw herself into his arms and kiss him. Instead, she took a deep breath and, in a surprisingly modulated voice despite her pounding heart, said hello.
He looked at her. “Can I come in?”
“Oh,” she gasped. She hadn’t realized she was just standing there staring while she was fighting throwing herself into his arms. “Come in.”
Smiling, curiosity in his eyes, he stepped inside, closed the door and turned to her. “You look gorgeous.”
“Thank you. Come in and sit down,” she said, walking into her front room. He followed and she turned to face him
. “Have a seat.”
“Thanks,” he said, but he kept looking at her and didn’t move. “I’ve missed you, Ava,” he said.
“I’ve missed you, too.” Her heart started drumming and she wondered what he had in mind. Why was he here? Why was he saying these things to her when he knew he was breaking her heart?
“Ava, I’ve been miserable without seeing you,” he said so softly, she could barely hear him.
He took a step closer. “I don’t know where to start. I’ve missed you. I love you. I’m miserable without you. You’re the most important person in the whole world to me.”
Her heart pounded but she couldn’t give in to him again, no matter how much she wanted to echo his words. Not when their relationship had no future. She just stood there looking at him, seeing the desire in his eyes.
He stepped forward to wrap his arms around her. His voice was shaky when he spoke again. “I love you, Ava. I want to marry you. We can have kids. If you’re their mother, they’ll have to be wonderful.”
Was she imagining this? For the past several weeks she’d dreamed every night that he’d show up at her door and say these things to her.
“Ava, did you hear me?” He gripped her arms tighter and it was like a wake-up call.
Her heart surged.
“Do you mean that? You really want kids?” She twisted away slightly to look up at him. Amazement shook her, as well as hope.
“I want whatever makes you happy,” he said. “If you want kids, then I want kids.”
“You’re sure?” she asked, her heart pounding as she held her breath. “That’s something you have to be sure about.”
“I’m sure. I don’t want to live alone or live the way I have been without you. It was pure hell. We’ll have all the kids you want. I have to have you in my life. Kids and all. Will you marry me?”
She couldn’t keep from crying as he was talking and holding her. “I’ve missed you and I love you and yes, yes, I’ll marry you,” she said.