“Yes, isn’t it nice?” Kate pulled him down with her and snuggled next to him. “She dumped her fiancé for him and they’re getting married. They’re so happy. And Penny says he’s great in bed.”
Jake moved away from her a little. “Yeah, but can he sink a boat?”
“Oh, go to sleep,” she said and pulled him close to her with a little more force than necessary. He kissed her forehead and held her tightly until she finally fell into a restless sleep.
When Jake woke up the next morning, she was gone. He pulled on his jeans and went down to the lake and found her sitting on the stony shore, staring out across the green water.
“You know this lake fetish you have is beginning to worry me. Should I put an aquarium in the bedroom?”
Kate turned her head and looked at him. “I guess I’m going back to the city.”
Jake looked at her for a long moment. “I know,” he said. He sat down gingerly beside her on the stones and stared out at the lake.
“And I don’t suppose you’re coming,” Kate said, trying to keep her tone light.
“No.”
Kate swallowed. “I’ll stay here. If that’s what you want.”
“And do what?” Jake turned his head to face her. “Even if every business in Toby’s Corners hired you as a management consultant, you’d be done in a week. Two, at most.” He shook his head. “I thought about this last night while I watched you with Nancy and Will. You were amazing. And you were so happy.” He smiled ruefully at her. “I hate it, but there’s nothing for you here.”
“Well, there’s you,” Kate said, and Jake laughed.
“Yeah. There’s me.” He turned away. “It’s not enough.”
“You might let me decide what’s enough for me,” Kate said tartly.
“Okay.” Jake faced her again. “Is it enough? Think of all those long days here with nothing to do.”
“Well, I’m thinking about the long nights with you, too,” Kate said.
“Yeah.” Jake turned away and squinted up at the sun. “But the physical stuff doesn’t last.” He picked up a stone and skated it across the water.
“I beg your pardon?” Kate glared at him. “We are more than just ‘physical stuff.’”
“We don’t know that,” Jake said. “After a week? We don’t know that.”
“So all you think of me as is a great lay,” Kate said.
“Well, of course not,” Jake said, and then he added, “But I do think it’s too soon to start giving up careers—”
“Or taking up one,” Kate snapped, suddenly overwhelmed with frustration and anger.
“What?”
“You’ve been retired for five years now. Isn’t it about time you got back in the game?”
“I don’t want back in the game,” Jake said. “I want to stay here and—”
“Float on the lake? It’s too late. Your boat sank.” Kate felt all her repressed anger tighten in her chest. Be calm, she told herself. There’s no reason to get upset.
This is a civilized conversation between two civilized people.
“I keep thinking,” she said, “of what Will said last night. To Valerie.”
“I don’t want to talk about that,” Jake said crossly. “I don’t want to fight about that again.”
“She said, ‘Just like that,’ and he said, ‘It was always like that.’” Kate looked at him. “That’s us, isn’t it?”
“No,” Jake said. “I love you.” He swallowed. “I think.” He tried again. “I just don’t...” He paused, searching for the right words.
“I know,” Kate said, gritting her teeth. “I know everything you don’t. You don’t want to go back to work. You don’t want to be hassled. You don’t want to get married. Everything with you is a negative. Every sentence about the future starts with ‘I don’t.’”
“Look,” Jake said, annoyed. “I never pretended to be anything different.”
“That’s pretty much what Will said last night. Now tell me the one thing we’ve got going for us is honesty.”
“What do you want, Kate?” Jake asked tiredly.
“I want a career and a husband. No,” she said as he started to speak. “I want a career and you as my husband. No substitutions.”
“Well, you can’t have it,” Jake said. “I’m not going back to any city, and I’m not going back to work. And you’re not going to find enough work here to keep you happy.” He looked over at her for a moment and then he smiled without humor. “They lied to you, kid. You can’t have it all.”
“At least I’m trying to get it,” she said. “I’m not rolling over and playing dead.”
“Kate,” Jake began, but she overrode him.
“You know, all that drivel about you wanting the simple life out here, that’s garbage. You don’t want the simple life, because you don’t want anything. You don’t want anything because you’re afraid to want anything. All you know is the safe stuff, the stuff you don’t want.”
“Hey,” Jake said. “You’re not exactly doing all that great with your own life, sweetie.”
“At least I’m trying,” Kate shot back. “At least I’m still in the game. No wonder you defended Will last night. He was doing a gold-medal performance in your favorite sport—running away.” She stood and dusted off the seat of her pants while she glared down at him. “I’m so mad at you, I could kill you. And at the same time, I love you so much, I can’t stand it” She shook her head at him, so angry that she could hardly speak. “You could come to work in the city if you wanted to. You could in a minute. And you’d love it. You know you would. You did once. You did last night. I saw you working on those plans. I saw how interested you were. Everybody saw it. We could have it all, damn it. You make me so mad....” Kate gritted her teeth to keep the scream that was rising in the back of her throat.
“Why don’t we wait until you’ve calmed down...” Jake began reasonably, and Kate did scream.
“What the hell?” Jake surged to his feet and reached for her, and she stepped back, glaring at him with red-eyed intensity.
“Don’t you ever patronize me,” she snapped. “Don’t you ever imply that we’re arguing because I’m out of control.”
“Well, hell, you’re acting like a banshee,” Jake said. “What am I supposed to do?”
“You’re supposed to answer me,” Kate yelled.
“You’re supposed to tell me how you feel, get mad at me, do anything but sit there looking like some good ol‘ boy Buddha with all the answers.”
“Buddha?” Jake said. “I know you think I’m godlike, but Buddha?”
“It won’t work.” Kate took another step back. “I’m not going to play any more word games with you. That’s part of our problem. We were so good at being cute together, we never bothered to be real.” Kate shook her head. “I love playing around with you, Jake, but I want real life, too.”
“Kate, does everything have to be a damned soap opera? Can’t we just be us together?” Jake gestured helplessly.
“No,” Kate said. “We don’t even know what ‘us’ is. You don’t even know who you are. Or what you want to be when you grow up.” She glared at him as her anger started to well up again. “And it’s time to decide, Jake, because you’re up.”
“You know—” Jake said, glaring back at her, so mad he had to start his sentence over again. “You know who you’re starting to remind me of?”
“Let me guess,” Kate snapped back. “Tiffany. Valerie. Every woman you’ve ever known who didn’t roll over and say, ‘Gee, Jake, it’s wonderful that you’re wasting an incredible mind and a great education by staring into the lake.’ Every woman who ever looked at you and made it obvious that she thought you were turning into a vegetable. You know why you hate all of us so much, Jake?”
“Because you’re pushy, scheming, manipulative, power-mad bitches?”
“No,” Kate said evenly. “Because you know we’re right” She turned on her heel and strode back to the cabin.
“The
hell I do,” Jake yelled after her when he’d recovered from his surprise, but she was already gone.
Jake took most of his anger out on some brush he’d been putting off clearing from the south end of the resort. The digging and hacking wore out his body, but his mind went plodding on, reliving the morning in glorious Technicolor. Kate was wrong, he knew. Absolutely wrong. But he hated righting with her; hated not knowing if, when he saw her again, she’d smile at him like always, just because he was there. Finally he gave up and walked to her cabin, but when he got there, he saw Kate closing the trunk of her car. She was dressed in the same silk suit he’d first seen her in, her hair neatly rolled in a chignon.
“Kate?”
She started, and then turned around and smiled at him, a little too brightly. “I’m going to go ahead and take off now.” She shrugged a little. “There’s really no reason to stay, and I can beat the Sunday traffic.”
Jake felt his chest tighten and took a step forward. “Kate, listen, I...”
“No.” Kate bit her lip and then said, “I was... I didn’t really have any... It wasn’t my place... Those things I said this afternoon....” She frowned, trying to find the right words. “I’m sorry. You have a right to do what you want with your life, and you were obviously perfectly happy before I showed up and will be again as soon as I’m gone, so...” She smiled and shrugged. “I’m going.”
“Oh,” Jake said. “So, this is what you want?”
“No,” Kate said. “But this is what I’ve got.” She took a deep breath. “Maybe you’re right. It’s too soon and too fast and maybe this is just physical and...” She stopped and swallowed again. “And it really hurts too much to stay here anymore,” she finished. “It’s going to be easier on both of us if I just go.”
Jake stood there helplessly, trying to think of the right thing to say, but there wasn’t any right thing. And finally, Kate kissed him on the cheek. Then she got into the car and drove away while he stood in the road and watched.
It’s better this way, he thought, and wasn’t convinced. “It’s better this way,” he said aloud, firmly, and turned back toward his own cabin.
He still wasn’t convinced.
Chapter Eleven
A month later, Jake sat in an Adirondack chair on the back veranda of the resort with his feet propped on the rail, watching the sun rise over the lake, and tried to feel content. It wasn’t happening. The old nagging feeling that he used to get had grown into a full-fledged monkey on his back, and it had been making him miserable and irritable since Kate had driven away. People had taken to avoiding him whenever necessary, and even Ben had lost patience with him finally.
“Look, if you’re that unhappy, do something about it,” he’d said the night before, slapping his cue down on the table. “Just stop taking it out on the rest of us.”
Jake had slapped his own cue down and stormed out of the bar, feeling equally angry and stupid.
The feeling had stayed with him all night and into the morning and was plaguing him still. Come on, Jake, he told himself. You live in God’s country, you are gloriously free, you have no responsibilities and no real worries. You’ve got it made.
Somehow it wasn’t enough. “I’ve got it made,” he said aloud, trying to convince himself. Will, who was backing out the door to join him, carrying two steaming coffee mugs, snorted with contempt.
“You’re disgusting,” Will said, looking down at him.
“What did I do now?” Jake asked.
“Well, you’ve alienated everybody in town, for starters,” Will said. “I can’t believe you were mean to Mrs. Dickerson.”
“I wasn’t mean to Mrs. Dickerson,” Jake said, taking one of the cups. “I just said that cowboy hats looked stupid on women.”
“She was wearing a cowboy hat.”
“She was?” Jake frowned. “Damn. I didn’t notice.”
“It was bright red.” Will hesitated and then plunged on. “This is about Kate, right?”
Jake glared at him.
“Well, it’s obvious when she drives away, and you start acting like Godzilla immediately afterward.” Will glared back at him. “Call her.”
“It’s not Kate,” Jake said and got up to move to the rail and stare out at the lake.
“Yeah, right,” Will said.
“No,” Jake said. “I miss her like crazy, but it’s not Kate. I mean, she’s part of it, but it’s more.” He shook his head. “Something was wrong before she got here. She just made it worse.”
“So, what is it?” Will sat down to listen.
Jake went over all the possibilities before he forced himself to face the awful truth. “I’m bored,” he admitted.
“Hallelujah,” Will said. “The dead walk.”
Jake turned and sat on the rail to face his brother. “I’m not leaving Toby’s Corners. I like it here. I belong here.”
“So I was wrong,” Will said. “The dead are only staggering, but it’s a start. We’ll take it.”
Jake sipped his coffee and thought for a moment.
“Have we got any money?” he asked, oblivious to Will’s sarcasm.
“Sure. We’re rich.”
“No.” Jake looked at him patiently. “Money. The real stuff. Not the hotel, not the land. Money.”
Will considered. “I’ve got a fund stashed away for emergencies. It’s not much. Maybe fifteen thousand.”
“I want it,” Jake said.
Will started to make a smart comment and stopped. “All right,” he said. “Will I ever see this money again?”
“Well, I don’t know,” Jake said, grinning down at him. “You should have thought of that before you started calling me a potted plant and introducing me to pushy blondes.”
“Speaking of pushy blondes,” Will began, and Jake shook his head.
“I don’t want to talk about her,” he said.
“I’m sure you don’t,” Will said. “Question is, what are you going to do about her?”
“I don’t know,” Jake said, looking back out over the lake. “I’m considering my options.”
“That ought to keep you occupied for the next twenty years,” Will said with disgust. “You’re real good at considering your options.”
Jake scowled down at him. “You’re starting to sound like Kate.”
“Well, she’s an intelligent woman,” Will said. “We’ve got a lot in common.” He cocked a skeptical eye at his brother. “I don’t care about the money or whatever it is you’re going to do with it. But if you think playing around with it is going to make you a happy man, think again. This is about Kate and you know it.”
“I keep thinking,” Jake said, “that if I could just get her back down here, we could work everything out.” He frowned as he thought. “She was happy here, she just didn’t have anything to do. But she was happy here.” He looked back at Will. “Wasn’t she?”
“Yes. She was. Get her back,” Will said.
“How?” Jake asked him.
“Well, you could try calling her and asking her to come back,” Will said.
“No,” Jake said. “There’s nothing down here for her. I can’t ask her to come down here just for me.”
“You’re pathetic,” Will said.
“Not pathetic enough to expect her to give up her life just because I want her back,” Jake said. “There’s got to be another reason for her to come back. There’s got to be another way to get her back.”
Will looked at him with disgust. “Have her kidnapped. Tell her you’re pregnant and she’s the mother. Leave a trail of bread crumbs.”
Jake scowled at him. “I don’t think Kate likes bread crumbs. I need help here. You are not helping.”
“Well, then, leave a trail of something she likes,” Will said, getting up to leave. “Just do something instead of moping around looking like a kicked dog and snarling at everybody.” He left, banging the screen door behind him.
“The only thing she likes is managing other people’s businesses,” Jake
said to nobody in particular. And then after a moment, he added, “And me.” It was a new approach, and it brought to mind a new option. He sipped his coffee and stared at the lake while he considered it.
Then he put his mug down on the rail and went to Nancy’s.
Two weeks later, Kate sat in her luxurious office, speaking patiently into her phone with Chester Vandenburg, the vice president of a company that she had been working night and day for the past six weeks to save. Part of her furious concentration was because the company had six hundred employees and four times that many stockholders, and she felt an edge of panic every time she focused on how close the whole thing was to going under. All those people. All those poor people.
The other part of her concentration was an effort to avoid remembering how much she hated the city, how much she despised her job, and above all, how much she missed Jake.
“All right, Mr. Vandenburg,” she said, trying to keep her voice even. “Would you like to explain to me why you just voted the CEO of your failing company a million-dollar raise?”
She tapped her pen hard against the desk as she listened to his dulcet tones explaining the need to cherish good management “Good management is the backbone of industry, Miss Svenson, and surely—”
“That good management is shipping your firm right down the tubes, Mr. Vandenburg,” Kate interrupted, still tapping her pen savagely. “It’s Titanic time over at your place, and you just gave the iceberg a nail for ripping a hole in your hull. Have you any idea of the view your stockholders are going to take of this? Roughly the same view that the passengers did on that other disaster, except that this time, Mr. Vandenburg, this time it will not be women and children first. This time everybody’s going down with the ship. Do you feel any guilt about this at all, Mr. Vandenburg? About the employees and stockholders you just screwed? Have you any moral fiber whatsoever?”
She stopped when she heard her voice rising to a shriek.
His voice came over the line, oily and unctuous. “I don’t think you understand big business, Ms. Svenson. Perhaps if—”
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