by Vi Lily
He’s beautiful and ridiculously hot. Too bad he hates me. And I hate him, I remind myself.
Yeah, right. Nice try, Beth.
He isn’t acting like he hates me, though, as he moves close to me, propping his head on his hand and staring down at me. “So, other than your throat, how are you feeling?”
My instinct is to scoot away, but I fight it back. I want nothing to do with the people who bullied me, who hurt me.
But I have to admit that Ben never actually bullied me. He did hurt me, though, when he told me he didn’t care if I was breathing or not. With the dirty looks and refusal to hear me out.
Sadly, even that was less hurtful than what my own mother has done.
The woman shunned me, turned her back on me, encouraged my brother to do the same, and she’s even tried starving me. Well, okay, it’s not like she locked me in a basement and refused to feed me, but still… banning me from the kitchen is pretty crappy, no matter how you look at it, especially since she knows that I can’t just go grab fast food, not without either being refused service, or else be subjected to some sort of abuse. Even she has to drive twenty miles to Clemens to grocery shop, and that’s iffy, if someone will recognize her there, the mother of the whore.
Whatever. Another month and a half and I’m outta here. I glance around at the cabin… well, I’m outta Bearing anyway.
“Where—” I start to ask, but Ben puts his hand on my chest. Right across the boobs, because his hand is so freaking big it spans across both of them.
“Shh,” he says, shushing me even though he just asked me a question. Dork.
“Let me just talk and you try not to, ‘kay?” I nod and look at him warily, still wondering if he somehow drugged me and took advantage, because he’s not moving his hand and in fact, he’s now rubbing my chest in small circles. I glance down and see that I’m wearing his rowing team sweatshirt. Which means he undressed me while I was unconscious.
For some reason, and despite the fact that he’s sorta groping me, I don’t think he was pervy about undressing me while I was out of it. In fact, I think it’s kind of sweet how he obviously cared for me while I’ve been sick.
“Gwen came home crying, saying that Raine lied to your teacher, telling her that you already went home.” He grimaces, like he’s the one in pain.
“Aleen was in on it.”
What? I shake my head. No… just no. Aleen has stuck by me all this time, through the bullying and all. She’s the only one who would sit with me at lunch, even leaving her own friends behind to do so.
But, yeah, I remind myself as tears fill my eyes, I had been thinking it was weird — and awful — that she’d just left me at the creek without even a word. Even if the others had gone back down to the parking lot, she should have waited for me since we rode together.
Unless she had no intention of bringing me back.
The fact that she’d left me behind in the middle of nowhere with a storm coming said it all. Not only did Aleen stab me in the back, but it seems she also wanted me… gone.
Just like everyone else.
Ben sees the tears slide down into my hair and he traces one with his finger. “I’m so sorry,” he whispers. “So damned sorry.” It seems he’s apologizing for a lot more than just Aleen’s betrayal, that there’s a hidden apology for his own actions, but I could just be reading something that isn’t there.
Then he clears his throat and continues his story. He knows I’m not good with discussing my emotions, so he leaves it be, thankfully.
“Anyway, I hauled butt up here and got lucky when I was able to find you.”
Up here… which means we’re still on the mountain. I glance around the cabin again and he takes the hint to explain further.
“It was too far to carry you back to the Jeep, but MeeLee Lake was only about a mile away, so I brought you here where I knew they had cabins. It’s off-season, though, so no one is up here to rescue us.”
He sighs then and moves his hand from my chest to rub it over his face as I stare silently at him, contemplating all the information I have. I’m still processing the fact that he carried me a freaking mile. I mean, I know I’ve lost a lot of weight — thanks, Mom, you bitch — but still, I weigh a little over a hundred pounds. That’s a lot to carry that far.
The dude is seriously strong.
Before my girly hormones can swoon over the fairy tale story going on, he continues.
“I’m not sure what to do now. I’ve got no cell signal, plus my phone is dead and the electricity is shut off to the cabins — not that I have my charger anyway — and I don’t want to leave you alone so I can hike back to the Jeep. There’s no way you can walk seven miles in two feet of snow and it’s still snowing. Even if you weren’t sick, I wouldn’t ask that of you.”
He sighs again. “I was hoping that someone would have come looking for us by now. I know that your crappy family isn’t likely to go looking for you, and my parents are still MIA, but I was hoping that Gwen at least would have called someone by now. Or that maybe someone at the school woulda called, since we both didn’t show up today or call in.”
Huh? I frown at him, trying to figure out what he just said. He gives me a lopsided grin. “Yeah, Rapunzel, you slept like two full days. It’s Monday.”
I don’t correct him about Rapunzel being the wrong character for the sleeping reference, but I know my eyes are super bulgy right now. Two days? Holy crap, I must be sick. He reaches out and puts his hand on my cheek.
“I think your fever has broken. You were sweating up a storm last night.”
That would explain why I feel so sticky. Ugh. I would love a shower. I rasp out the question, but he shakes his head.
“No electricity, so no water. I could bring in some snow and heat it up for a bath for you, though.”
Wow. That’s a hell of an offer. Sounds like a lot of work just so I can be more comfortable. I know he’s reading my expressions.
“I don’t mind. It’ll take a while, though, to get enough snow for a bath.” He glances down. “And, uh, I might need my sweatshirt back. Your clothes are dry now.”
I watch as he slides back out from under the quilt and moves around the bed toward the fireplace, where I see my jeans and shirt draped over a chair. Now I know why I’m wearing his shirt… because mine was wet and he wanted me to be warm.
My eyes fill with tears. Honestly, Ben has obviously taken better care of me than anyone ever has. I mean, yeah, my mom would do the obligatory care for me when I was sick, but she never went out of her way. She’d make me take disgusting medicine, maybe make some soup, but I guarantee she’d never give me the shirt off her back like Ben did. Literally.
I still don’t understand why though. Why he’s being so nice to me. Why he’s acting like the past two months didn’t happen, like we’re back to the way we were before that horrible video was sent out. I would ask him, but I really don’t want to talk.
He walks back to the bed and places my clothes near my feet, then helps me sit up. As soon as I do, I realize I have to pee… and maybe poop too. Which really sucks, since we’re in such a small place. I hope I can do that without too much stink, and, ugh, noise. This is going to be seriously embarrassing. But it can’t be helped. Apparently, I’ve gone over two days without a bathroom trip.
I glance around and assume that the bathroom is behind the door on the other side of the room, so I stand. And almost fall.
Damn I’m weak, I realize as Ben grabs my arms to steady me. He frowns in concern and I whisper, “Bathroom.” He then bends down and scoops me up like I weigh nothing. I would squeal like a girly girl, if I could. Instead, I toss my arm around his neck as he carries me to the bathroom.
He tells me to hold on, then goes back and grabs my clothes. He comes back, hands me my clothes and explains that I need to pour the bucket of water by the toilet into the bowl to flush it.
“I’ll work on getting snow while you do your business,” he says. I grab his arm before he leave
s and while I stare him in the eye, I pull his sweatshirt off and hand it to him. I figure there’s no reason to be embarrassed; he’s apparently already seen me naked, since he’s the one who undressed me.
I notice he keeps his eyes on mine as he reaches for the sweatshirt, but when he turns to leave, he can’t seem to help himself as he glances down. I almost laugh at that.
I’m kind of surprised to see that he left my bra and panties on. More confirmation that he’s not a perv like his dad. In fact, right now, he’s a hero in my eyes.
No, I’m not just going to dismiss the way he treated me. But I’m also being realistic. Ben was given evidence that I cheated on him and with his freaking dad, no less. Even I couldn’t argue with the fact that I was moaning in ecstasy in that damned video, so it looked kind of obvious that I wasn’t being raped, even if that is exactly what happened.
I’m not even upset with what he said to me that day in the hall when he pushed me up against the lockers. He wasn’t in his right mind, I know. He was furious, hurt, shocked. His world had just been turned upside down.
What I am upset with is the fact that he wouldn’t even let me tell my side. He just assumed the evidence spoke for itself and turned on me. Just like my mom.
But my mom wouldn’t have hiked all over a mountain looking for me. Hell, she wouldn’t have even driven up here. She definitely wouldn’t have carried me to safety. Plus, I’m pretty sure she would have left me to my own defenses if she had a chance to escape.
Not Ben. He’s been amazing. The only one who bothered to come looking for me, then stayed to take care of me, and still is. Not to mention the fact that he doesn’t want to leave me.
Maybe I can forgive him.
I do my business, then get dressed and hope the stench doesn’t follow me out as I shuffle out of the bathroom. Unfortunately, Ben is waiting for me, dressed to go outside, minus his coat. I resist the urge to fan the air behind me as I quickly close the door.
“My turn,” he says as he reaches behind me for the knob. I jump and grab his wrist.
“Uh, you might want to give it a few minutes,” I say as I feel my cheeks heat. Gawd, how embarrassing. Yeah, I know that it’s something every human does, but still…
He laughs. “Can’t be that bad. You oughta try using the bathroom after Glen’s been in there.” He opens the door and takes a step in.
And immediately backs out and slams the door. “Um, yeah, I’ll just give it a few minutes,” he laughs and I’m wishing that it’s actually possible to die of embarrassment.
“Sorry,” I mutter, but he laughs again as he takes my arm and moves me to the bed.
“Back when I was in middle school, I had to give a speech to the whole school,” he says as he helps me get comfy up against the headboard, even fluffing my pillow behind me.
“I was nervous as hell, totally freaked out about it. I mean, my crush, Susie Li, was going to be there. My teacher was helping me practice and he told me something that I’ll never forget. You wanna know what that pearl of wisdom was? He said, ‘Ben, everyone always says to imagine your audience in their underwear, but that’s not such a good idea for a preteen boy, if you know what I mean.’” He laughs at that memory, then straightens and looks down at me.
“Then he said, ‘I tell people not to imagine the audience in their tidey whiteys, but to think of them sitting on the toilet, stinking the place up. Just remember that no matter how amazing someone is, no matter how beautiful, or how accomplished they are, their crap stinks.’”
He laughs again and I can’t help but laugh with him, even though I know my face is still bright red. He gets a look in his eye then that I can’t mistake. I’ve seen it before. He’s going to kiss me.
Ben leans over and an awful thought hits me. I scoot back against the headboard and turn my head.
“Haven’t brushed my teeth,” I mutter. “Plus, I’m sick.”
He straightens again and laughs. “I think if I was going to get the flu, I would have by now. Almost the entire rowing team has it, and most of the soccer team.”
He grins at me. “Plus, I’ve been sleeping with you, so I’m pretty sure you’ve already shared your germs.”
I roll my eyes and he laughs, but he doesn’t insist I kiss him, thankfully, cuz gross. I watch as he moves to the door and takes his coat off the hook. “I’ll be back in a few.”
He turns back with a frown. “Oh, can you prop the chair against the door? I, uh, broke the handle when I kicked it in and it won’t stay closed. Don’t want the cold air coming in.”
Pretty sure I can handle that. I stand up, slowly this time, and shuffle to the door. I give him a little wave as I watch him step off the porch and into the deep snow. He wasn’t kidding when he said there was two feet of snow. That was a hell of a snowstorm.
And I would be dead for sure by now if he hadn’t come after me. Tears fill my eyes as I shut the door and pull the chair against it. Ben really did save me.
The least I can do for him is make breakfast. Or lunch. Whatever time it is. I slowly move to the kitchen area to see what there is that I can fix.
He’s gone quite a while, and I wonder how long it takes to get some snow. I mean, all he had to do was step off the porch and there it is. But I figure he had to get something to haul it in. He hadn’t taken a bucket or a pan or anything.
I managed to make fried Spam using a skillet on the fire and warmed up some green beans by the time Ben returns. He pushes the door open and hauls in a big blue tarp full of snow… and more firewood. He grins at me as he closes the door behind him.
“Smells great. Let me just get this in the tub and we can eat.” He puts the wood next to the fireplace, then drags the tarp into the bathroom as I dish out the food onto plates.
We sit at the little dining table and shovel food in our mouths without talking. It hurts like hell to swallow, but I’m so hungry that I don’t care.
When we’re done, I wash the dishes off with the bucket of water he placed in the sink while he takes a big pot, goes outside and scoops up some more snow, then puts the pot on the fire. When it’s melted and steamy, he takes it to the bathtub and pours it on the snow.
It takes countless trips to get all the snow melted and hot enough for a bath. By the time it’s ready, I’m honestly too tired to mess with it, but he went to so much effort that I force myself to walk to the bathroom.
Ben seems to sense my struggle. “Um, do you want me to help you?” he asks.
Do I? I mean, that’s going to mean seeing me in all my nakeyness. But, so what? He’s already seen me almost naked. And then there’s the video…
I shove those thoughts aside. I’m not going to let that one crappy chapter tell the story of the rest of my life. That part still remains to be written.
I take a deep breath for confidence. It doesn’t help. “Yeah,” I whisper. “I need you.” Your help, I meant to say. My cheeks heat again, but I don’t correct my words, because the look that comes over him is worth the embarrassment of what I just said.
He looks thrilled. Like he wants to be needed by me. Wow.
Ben follows me into the bathroom, his huge body taking up most of the space. I start to strip, but I’m feeling as weak as a newborn. He steps up and without a word, pulls my shirt over my head, then he unzips my jeans and pushes them down, holding me while I step out of them. His eyes remain on mine while he reaches behind me and unclasps my bra and I shrug out of it. He then slides my panties down my legs, eyes still on mine.
Without a word, he helps me as I step into the steamy water, then holds my arm until I sit. I sigh at the feeling of the hot water soaking into my aching flesh.
“Wet your hair,” he says, his sexy deep voice more husky than usual. I put my hand out for him to hold, then keep my eyes on his as I lean back to do as he said.
He pulls my hand to get me to sit back up, then clears his throat and reaches behind me. Another throat clearing comes from him as he straightens. For some reason, his cheeks are red.<
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“Lean back,” he instructs as he kneels beside the tub and then proceeds to wash my hair. He’s using a bar of soap, and I’m sure my hair is going to be a staticky disaster after it dries, but whatever. At least it’ll be clean.
It feels amazing, having someone wash your hair. I’ve never had that feeling before that I can remember. I mean, I’m sure my parents washed my hair when I was little, but I don’t have any memory of it. And since money was so tight when we lived in Cali, I’ve never even been to a salon. I trim my hair myself. Not too hard to do, since it’s down to my waist and I just cut it straight across.
When he’s done scrubbing, I hold his hand again while I lean back to let the bathwater wash away the soap. He pulls me back up and I look at him. I see that he’s trying hard not to look at my naked body.
No, he definitely isn’t a perv. He’s trying so hard to give me what help I need, to take care of me and not take advantage of my weak state. He’s a really good guy and those are damned rare these days.
So yeah, I forgive him. I want to. I need to. It wasn’t a mistake when I told him I needed him. I do. I need him in my life again.
I say as much, when I ask, “Do you want to join me?”
Chapter 2
Ben
H E COULD practically see Beth’s thoughts. She was trying hard to process how she felt about him, trying to figure out what he was thinking. If only she knew… she’d probably run out naked in the snow.
He was trying hard to corral his thoughts, to keep a certain body part from chewing its way through the zipper. But it was too damn hard… pun intended, he snorted to himself… when she was wet and naked. And looking at him like he was that knight in shining armor that he so wanted to be for her when he set out to rescue her.
And then she asked a question that knocked the air out of his lungs. “Do you want to join me?”
Uh, hell yeah!
But, he reminded himself, I’m not a damned animal. Beth deserved being made love to, not just sex, no matter how much his body was arguing for the latter. She deserved slow passion, not like what happened in the video…