The moment the door closed behind him she turned to her sister. “Do you have any idea what would have happened had someone else discovered you?”
“It would have been something of a problem, I imagine.” Caroline picked a bit of lint off her gown. “It wasn’t as if we planned it. This wasn’t an arranged liaison.” Caroline stepped to the window and inspected her reflection in the dark night. “Everyone does it.”
“Everyone most certainly does not!”
“It was passion, Violet. Sheer, impulsive, irresistible passion.” She smoothed her hair and adjusted her hairpins. “From what I’ve heard, you understand passion.”
Violet stared. “I beg your pardon.”
“Oh, come now, you know exactly what I’m talking about.” Caroline’s gaze met Violet’s in the window. “According to gossip, you’re really not in a position to chastise anyone else about amorous adventures.”
“I would not believe everything you hear.”
“Oh, I would never believe everything.” She tucked back another errant strand of hair. “But you’re scarcely one to talk about improper behavior. Between your husband’s reputation and your own, you certainly have no reason to act so superior.”
Violet started to deny it, but it seemed pointless. Apparently the price for allowing inaccurate rumors to stand was a sister determined to follow in her own scandalous path. She drew a deep breath. “You don’t have to marry Neville if you’d rather not.”
Caroline’s eyes widened. “Why on earth wouldn’t I want to marry Neville?”
“If there’s someone else you prefer.”
“Don’t be silly. Neville is exactly what I want and he is getting exactly what he wants.” She turned to face her sister. “I am not an idiot, Violet. Neville will provide me with a grand position in society. I shall provide him with an impressive wife and the heirs he requires. After that my obligation will be fulfilled. Now, not that this little sisterly tête-à-tête hasn’t been most enjoyable—” she smiled pleasantly and started toward the door “—but I must return to my fiancé.”
“You’re not being fair to him, you know.”
“My dear sister.” Caroline glanced at Violet over her shoulder. “Neville has never been happier.” Caroline smirked and left, leaving the library doors half-closed in her wake.
Shock held Violet still for a moment, then she turned on her heel and strode through the door thrown open to the balcony. She leaned on the balustrade, drew in a deep breath and gazed out at the night. She’d really had no idea of her sister’s nature. Or that her mother was still so angry at her.
“Are you all right?” James joined her on the balcony.
She wasn’t at all happy with him either at the moment. “How much of that did you hear?”
“I reached the door just as Caroline was leaving,” he said slowly. “She had a distinctly triumphant look on her face.”
Violet shrugged.
James’s brow furrowed. “Did she say something to you?”
“She said all sorts of things to me and I said quite a few back to her. I had no idea she was so much like Mother.” She frowned. “I can manage my sister. And my mother, as well. There was no need for you to involve yourself.”
He hesitated.
She narrowed her eyes. “What is it?”
“You looked as if you needed help.”
“I didn’t.” She turned her gaze back to the gardens.
“I thought you did.” He paused. “I still think you did.”
“Well, you’re wrong,” she snapped.
He squared his shoulders. “I was defending you.”
“I don’t need defending. Nor do I want it. I have taken care of myself quite nicely for the last six years, thank you.”
“Yes, but now you’re home and—”
“And?”
“And there’s no need for you to take care of yourself.”
She drew her brows together. “What?”
“It’s my responsibility. I’m supposed to take care of you.”
Violet cast him a skeptical glance. “A bit late, don’t you think.”
“I’m trying to make up for that.”
“Ah, yes, your effort at amends.”
“That’s part of it, of course but...” He squared his shoulders. “I’m your husband. I’m supposed to provide for you and protect you.”
She scoffed. “Not in this marriage.”
“In every marriage,” he said firmly. “It’s the way things are supposed to be.”
“According to whom?”
“Every man I know.”
Under other circumstances she might have found his declaration—and probably the entire conversation—rather amusing. Violet was anything but amused at the moment.
“Do you have any idea how your defense made me feel?” She shook her head. “As if I couldn’t take care of myself. As if I were weak. I didn’t like it one bit.”
“I was only trying to help.” His tone was a bit sharper than before. Surely he wasn’t annoyed by all this. “I was trying to be your hero.”
“Goodness, James.” She rolled her gaze toward the heavens. “I stopped believing in heroes quite some time ago.”
“Perhaps I can change your mind.”
She studied him for a long moment. As much as she hadn’t needed or wanted his defense it was rather endearing. She sighed. “Perhaps.”
He stared at her. “Do you mean it?”
It was inevitable, really. He was being nothing less than a good friend and the perfect husband. She nodded. “I suppose I do.”
“Excellent.” James grinned. “I knew I could wear you down.”
She raised a brow.
“Not yet, of course,” he added quickly, “but eventually.”
“Why are you so determined? And why now?” She wasn’t at all sure she wanted to hear his answer. She held her breath.
“Not trying to fix things between us years ago was another one of my mistakes. I believe I’ve admitted that.” He met her gaze. “I meant what I said to your mother. The last six years have been entirely my fault beginning with the night I kissed you.”
“That was a mistake, James. You thought I was Marie.” She waved off his admission. “A mistake on both our parts.”
“Do you forgive me, then?”
“Well, yes, for the kiss, I suppose I do.”
“Good, because I’d prefer to start our new life together with a certain amount of honesty.”
Good Lord, he looked like an errant schoolboy. She bit back a smile. “Honesty is usually a good idea.”
“Yes, that’s what I thought.” He paused. “There’s more I need to say. I have in fact been thinking about this for some time.”
“I can hardly wait to hear it.”
He blew a long breath and met her gaze. “It wasn’t a mistake.”
She frowned. “What wasn’t a mistake?” At once the answer struck her and she sucked in a sharp breath. “The incident?”
“I’ve always thought of it as the kiss but the incident is good, too.”
“You kissed me deliberately?” Surely he didn’t just say that. Surely she was mistaken. “Knowing it was me and not Marie?”
He winced. “I’m afraid so.”
“But...” She shook her head. “Why?”
“I didn’t want to marry her.” He grimaced. “I knew my kissing you would get back to her and she would break it off with me.”
She stared in disbelief. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!”
“Yes, well, I realize that now.”
“If you didn’t want to marry her, you could have said something! Called it off!”
“And I intended to.” He paused. “I just wasn’t sure how. And then when the opportunity arose, and I saw another way to escape, I
seized it.” He shrugged in a helpless manner. “Carpe diem and that sort of thing.”
“Carpe diem?” Her voice rose. “Carpe diem? Did you realize what might happen?”
“When one seizes the day one rarely thinks about—”
“You ruined my reputation!”
“I know and I do ap—”
“You ruined my life!”
“I know that too and I am—”
“You made me the subject of scandal!” She glared. “You made it impossible for me to find a decent match.”
“I did marry you,” he pointed out as if that made all the difference.
It didn’t. “Out of a misplaced sense of obligation!”
“It was the right thing to do,” he said staunchly.
“Only to fix a problem you caused in the first place.” She shook her head. “You didn’t want to marry me.”
“I didn’t not want to marry you. I didn’t want to marry anyone.” He paused. “You could have said no.”
“Could I? Did I really have that choice?”
“Well, I—”
“And then you threw me aside!”
He frowned. “That’s not entirely fair.”
“Isn’t it?” She glared. “You decided we would go our separate ways. You decided how we would live our lives. You gave me no choice in the matter.”
His brow furrowed. “I was trying to do what was best. For both of us.”
“For both of us? Hah!” She struggled for a semblance of control then discarded the attempt as futile. “You were trying to have your cake and eat it, too!”
“We’ve already established I have made a great many mistakes—”
“Dreadful mistakes and terrible decisions!” She crossed her arms over her chest. “So which was this?”
“Both,” he snapped.
“Bloody right it was both!” It was still hard to grasp the fact that his ill-fated kiss had been deliberate. “Why me?”
He shook his head in confusion. “Why you what?”
“Why did you kiss me? Why not someone else?”
“Because you were, well, Violet.”
She stared. “What does that mean?”
He grimaced. “I don’t know.”
“That poor, quiet Violet could withstand a scandalous kiss? Indeed, it might have made her more attractive to others?”
“No!” He huffed. “I told you I wasn’t thinking about the consequences.”
“And to think there were moments when I actually felt a twinge of pity for you!” She shook her head. “Forced to marry a woman you didn’t want to marry because of a stupid mistake. I never imagined—”
Without warning he pulled her into his arms and pressed his lips to hers. She froze. The touch of his lips on hers, the warmth of his body next to hers, the inevitable sense of rightness and she was swept back to another time, another party, another kiss. God help her, something inside her melted and like six years ago she kissed him back. Lost herself in the taste of him, the warm spicy scent of him, the feel of his body pressed against hers.
At last he raised his head and gazed into her eyes.
“Why did you do that?” She could barely get the words out.
“I thought I heard somebody in the library.”
“There’s no one there,” she said, her voice annoyingly breathless.
“My mistake, then.”
“Yet another one?”
“It wouldn’t do to be caught arguing. That would provoke gossip and—”
“And you would lose everything.” She pushed out of his arms and stepped back. “I need to return to the ballroom.”
“At least you didn’t slap me.” He grinned. Brave, stupid man.
“Not yet, but I reserve the right to do so at a later time.” She started for the door. “And you can stop grinning now, James.”
“I thought that was rather impressively perfect,” he called after her.
“Yes, well, you always did know how to kiss!” She swiveled back to face him. “You lied to me, James. For six years you lied to me.”
“Not quite six. And I lied to everyone. Not that that is an excuse, of course,” he added quickly.
“I don’t care about everyone. I gave you the benefit of the doubt. How could I possibly ever trust you again?” She turned and swept from the room.
The very fact that he had kissed her deliberately, that he hadn’t mistaken her for Marie, put a new light on everything that had happened between them. And then he had kissed her again and everything she’d ever felt, everything she’d tried to ignore, flooded through her. How on earth was she going to make it through the next three years? Why hadn’t she foreseen the flaw in this entire plan?
She was in love with her husband and always had been.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
“...AND SO SURELY you can understand why I can’t possibly stay in London. With a man I can’t trust. With him!” Violet paced the parlor floor, from the fireplace to the door and back, twisting her hands together with every step. “I simply can’t do this. It’s too much to ask of anyone.”
Effie, Gwen and Poppy sat lined up on the sofa, their heads swiveling to follow Violet’s pacing, as if they were rapt attendees at a tennis match. No doubt not what they’d expected when they’d stopped by to inquire about last night’s ball. Although they did seem to appreciate the tea Andrews served and Mrs. Clarkes’s excellent cakes and biscuits.
“We can certainly understand why you’re upset,” Effie said cautiously, placing another biscuit on her already full plate.
“Oh, I’m far beyond upset. Upset is when one’s luggage is late to arrive. Or one’s train is delayed. Or when one catches one’s heel in one’s hem! Oh, no, I am not merely upset. I am furious.”
“As anyone would be.” Gwen nodded.
“He lied to me. For six years he lied to me.” She paused midstep and glared. “Six years!”
“Not quite six,” Poppy said helpfully and took a bite of a biscuit.
Violet ignored her. “From the very beginning.” For a moment last night, when he had kissed her, she had forgotten the vile deception that had started everything. “Our entire marriage was predicated on a lie.” She clenched her teeth. “It was bad enough when I thought it was a mistake.”
“One of many mistakes apparently,” Gwen noted.
“His life has been filled with terrible decisions and dreadful mistakes.” Violet waved indignantly. “And I am apparently at the top of that list!”
“But from what you’ve said, he does at least acknowledge them.” Poppy cast her a tentative smile. “Admitting one’s mistakes is the first step toward correcting them and making amends.”
“There is no making amends for this. How could there be?” And to think she had actually started to believe all those things he was constantly saying about her—about them. “I had forgiven him, but now, knowing it wasn’t a mistake, knowing he deceived me all these years, knowing the truth...how could I possibly forgive him? And then, to add insult to injury...” She sank down on a chair facing the sofa. “He kissed me.”
Poppy’s eyes widened. “Oh, my.”
“How very interesting,” Gwen said.
“As if a kiss could make up for six years of lies.” Effie scoffed. “I do hope you slapped him again. And with a great deal of fervor.”
“Actually, ” Violet said with a resigned sigh, “I kissed him back.” She was still trying to figure out why she had kissed him back. Why her knees had faltered and the blood had pulsed in her veins and her heart had swelled. Why she had clung to him as if she were a drowning woman clinging to a lifeboat. He had simply taken her by surprise—there was nothing more to it than that. Oh, certainly, it had occurred to her last night that she was in love with him and always had been. Now, in the cold light of day, she dismissed that as utte
r nonsense.
“I think you can put that completely out of your head.” Gwen waved off Violet’s confession. “He caught you unawares, that’s all. Really, Violet, it was only a mere kiss.”
Violet grimaced. “There was nothing mere about that kiss.”
Effie’s brow rose. “It was an exceptional kiss, then?”
“I’m afraid so.” That kiss had invaded her senses, wrapped around her soul and settled somewhere in the vicinity of her heart. The falling sensation in the pit of her stomach and all those feelings she’d once had for James slammed back into her with the ruthlessness of a force of nature. Feelings she’d spent six years denying. She’d convinced herself that what she’d felt was nothing more than a girlish crush and not mad, passionate love. That those feelings would pass with time. And they had. Thinking otherwise was no more than a momentary aberration.
“So James kissed you and you kissed him back,” Gwen said slowly, “and it was an extraordinary kiss.”
Violet nodded.
“Well, it has been six years,” Poppy said, and refilled her teacup.
“And now, because you’ve discovered that he lied for six years and had the temerity to kiss you, you want to flee to Europe like a frightened fox running from a pack of hounds.” Gwen smiled innocently. “Do I have that right?”
“No, you do not.” Indignation washed through Violet. “I am not the least bit frightened.”
Effie’s brow rose, mirroring the skeptical expressions on her friends’ faces.
“Very well, I suppose, in some ways, perhaps I am.” Violet paused to choose her words. “Last night, James made me feel all sorts of things I haven’t felt in six years.”
Poppy’s eyes widened. “That certainly changes the story a bit.”
“I’ve never told this to anyone. I never imagined I would.”
“You may count on our discretion.” Gwen added another spoonful of sugar to her tea.
“And do stop squirming dear.” Poppy winced. “You’re making us all feel uneasy.”
“Sorry.” In truth, Violet was entirely too wrought up to sit still. It was all she could do not to bolt this very minute. It made absolutely no sense but she did indeed have an urgent need to flee, fueled by a sleepless night and far too many unanswered questions. It was ridiculous really. By any measure, last night was a rousing personal success. Aside from her mother and Lady Dalrymple, no one cared about the long-ago scandal that had led to her marriage. Regardless, something akin to panic swelled within her. She didn’t like it one bit. She needed to leave London and she needed to do so now. Her bags were already being packed and Violet had sent a note to Cleo at her new residence regarding their imminent departure.
The Lady Travelers Guide to Happily Ever After Page 16