Don't Fade. Breathe Easy. (TNT trilogy Book 3)

by Sarah Delany

  “I love you,” he blurts, and I giggle.

  “I love you too,” I say, as I get off my swing and stand between his open thighs. He reaches his hands out, holding the back of my legs.

  “We don’t need to rush,” he says, staring into my eyes.

  “I know, but I wanted to be prepared just in case. She gave me a big bag of condoms too,” I tell him, trying to not be awkward, taking my mum’s advice. If I can’t talk about it with Tate then how can I take the step of giving myself to him fully.

  “I want it to be perfect,” he says, gulping. This is the most we have ever talked about it.

  “How come you haven’t had sex already?” I ask, curious.

  “I’ve always wanted it to be with someone I cared about. I don’t know where the idea came from but it’s stuck with me. I’ve never cared about someone like I do about you,” he softly says, rubbing his palms against the back of my legs, pulling me in closer. “What about you?”

  “I’m not sure. I was with Blake for so long but every time he wanted to, it didn’t feel right. It felt like something was missing. I’m glad I never had sex with him now,” I tell him.

  “Me too,” he says, a lopsided smile shining at me.

  “I’m nervous it will hurt,” I confess.

  “I don’t want to hurt you so we will take our time and can stop at any time okay?”

  “Okay,” I say, feeling safe with Tate. He pulls me onto his lap and starts swinging. The chains creak under our weight. “Tate, it’ll break,” I squeal, trying not to laugh as we soar higher. I loop my arms around his neck holding on.

  “It’ll be fine,” he says, smiling at me as his legs pump harder. We swing higher and I hold on tighter, fearing we will fall but believing Tate would never willingly put me in danger. Tate’s gaze stays on my face the whole time. “I’ll always keep you safe,” he says, and I lean forward, igniting a kiss.

  We continue to swing with our love surrounding us, lost in the moment. As Tate walks me back home, he gives me a kiss before I sneak inside. I go to sleep with a smile plastered on my face I don’t think will ever be erased.

  -- Tate --

  On Wednesday morning I bite the bullet. JP’s parents are both at work so it’s just us guys. I sit next to JP on the couch while he is consumed by shooting people on the Xbox.

  “Hey bro, can I ask you something?” I query, wiping my sweating hands along my shorts to wipe the moisture off.

  “What’s up?” he asks, his eyes never leaving the screen.

  “Umm, how badly does sex hurt for girls the first time?” I blurt out.

  “Whaaat?” JP screeches, as his focus leaves the screen and his character gets shot. I lift my burning face up to look at him and his wide eyed expression. “Oh man, you’re asking me for sex advice?” he asks, looking squeamish himself.

  “Yeah, well I don’t wanna ask Dad or your dad,” I say, scrunching my face up while he does the same as he thinks about talking to his dad about sex.

  “Well, I don’t know. I’ve never been with a virgin. I have heard it hurts though.”

  “Anything else you can tell me?” I timidly ask.

  “Man, you know who you need… Rafe. He’s good at this stuff. And I know he’s been with a virgin before because girls beg him to have sex with them,” he says, laughing sadly. I can tell he misses his best friend although he doesn’t say it much. “You could text him, but he doesn’t always reply. I think they are only allowed their phones once a week or something.”

  “Nah, that’s okay man. Can I ask about your first time?”

  He laughs loudly as he leans back, intertwining his fingers behind his head.

  “Honestly, my first time was a mess. I didn’t know what I was doing and I’m pretty sure my hands were shaking because I was so nervous,” which we both laugh at. “Are you and Tamsyn thinking about it?” he asks, after the laughter dies down.

  “Yeah,” is all I say.

  “How about I text Rafe and ask him?” JP asks.

  “Can you pretend it’s for you though?” I say, not wanting more people to know about Tamsyn and I.

  “Sure,” he says, as he pulls out his phone and starts texting. “Okay, I said hey bro, hope you are well. Can you tell me how to deflower a virgin without hurting her,” his eyes flicking to me with a blank face as I punch his arm.

  He cracks up laughing before reading me the real text, “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I said I’m going to have sex with a virgin. Need help stat. Happy?”

  “You’re a dick sometimes,” I say, laughing myself. “You think he’ll reply today?”

  “Not sure. It seems to be random when he gets given his phone. You wanna play on the game with me while we wait?” he asks.

  I nod, grabbing the spare controller and sink back into the couch, settling into a game. It’s half an hour later when JP’s phone starts ringing.

  “It’s a private number,” he says, so I focus on the game knowing it’s not Rafe.

  “Hello,” he says, answering. “Bro, whose phone are you ringing from?” he asks, with a huge smile taking over his face as he mouths Rafe to me. I forget the game and focus on JP. “You good bro?” he asks, as he nods along to whatever Rafe is saying. “Good, good,” he says, then he’s quiet for a bit and his eyes glance at me before he cracks up. “How did you know?” Then he laughs some more before handing me the phone.

  “Rafe?” I say, into the phone.

  “Hey dude, man so good to hear your voice. How you been?” Rafe asks me.

  “Good man. We are all good here. You doing better?”

  “Yeah man. I’m on medication now that is working so I’m feeling a lot better. And seeing a therapist is helping. How’s Tamsyn doing?” he softly asks.

  “She’s good man. Worried and missing you but she’s good.”

  “That’s good to hear. I miss her too. I owe her my life,” he sadly says. He lets out a sigh before he says, “So that’s why I don’t want you botching up her first time,” which makes me choke on air.

  “What?” I play dumb.

  “I know JP wasn’t asking about him. You two are idiots. He’s so into Penny he can’t see straight and she said herself she isn’t a virgin.” I slap my head because we both hadn’t thought about that before we sent the text to Rafe. “Okay so straight to the point. You and Tamsyn are thinking about having sex?”

  “Yeah,” I say, as I feel my face heat.

  “Well main things you need to know. Take it slow and make sure she is in one hundred percent. Foreplay is your friend. And lastly dude I’ve seen how you and Tamsyn feel about each other, have fun and you’ll be fine,” he tells me, sincerely.

  “Thanks man,” I say, smiling into the phone.

  “I better go dude, but tell everyone I said hi.”

  “Bye, man,” I say, hanging up.

  “You good now?” JP asks, staring at me.

  “Think so. Sorry Rafe had to go before I could give you the phone back.”

  “All good bro. He said he had to charm one of the supervisors to use the phone quickly since he’s out of credit until the weekend.” His reply has us both laughing because it is definitely something Rafe would do. “And he knew as soon as he read the text it wasn’t about me,” he says, which keeps our laughter going. We all miss Rafe being around. I just hope he returns soon and fills the void he created.

  Chapter 15

  -- Tamsyn --

  We finished off the holidays by having a sleepover at mine on Friday night and then spent Saturday lying around watching movies. No one was in the mood to do much else, knowing we were back at school Monday.

  As we enter school on Monday morning, there are a few teachers at the gate directing all the seniors to the hall for an announcement. The guys and I direct ourselves that way and bump into Penny who joins us. Tate and I walk hand in hand and I
notice that Penny walks next to JP. He’s whispering things in her ear for only her to hear which has her cheeks turning pink.

  We all take seats in the hall and wait for the rest of the students to join us before our principal Mr. Astle takes centre stage, behind the microphone.

  “Welcome back to term three students. We are now half way through the year so I want to make sure everyone is working hard at their classes and completing the necessary assignments to make sure you get the best marks possible. This term we will be setting up individual sessions with the careers advisor to make sure you are on the right path. They will help you look at options for next year in regards to University and Tafe. Now is not the time to be slacking off but instead to be putting your head down and studying harder,” he states, while he glances around seriously at all the students trying to get his point across.

  “In saying that, this term we are going to be hosting our senior camp trip.” Whoops and hollering fills the hall as the excitement levels rise. I’d forgotten about the senior camp they have every year.

  “Quieten down,” he says, raising and lowering his hands, gesturing us to be quiet but you can still feel the buzz of excitement in the silence. “As I was saying, the camp will be this term. We will be handing out the forms as you leave today. There is a permission form and a cost for the camp so make sure you give it to your parents as soon as possible so you don’t miss out. There is also a list of items you may need that we’ve suggested. This year’s camp will be a few hours away at a resort in the countryside and past years have had a lot of fun in these camps so I hope you can all make it.” Whispers fill the hall as the excitement is hard to contain.

  “The life lesson classes have finished so we will be reverting back to your time tables from term one as well. I won’t keep you any longer. Please head to period one and grab a form on your way out.” Everyone shuffles out of their seats, grabbing their bags and we are passed a yellow form on our exit. I glance over the sheet and see the camp goes from Monday to Friday. There’s also a two hundred dollar fee to pay for everything per student. I fold it up and tuck it into the front pocket of my bag as Tate grabs my hand and we walk to English.

  Mr. Barnes starts off the class by giving us an assignment. I guess Mr. Astle was right. Now is not the time to be slacking. We are getting more work than ever piled on to us. He explains that every lesson we are to take five minutes to write down something we are grateful for and near the end of the year we are to do a presentation based on what we have written down. Our presentation will be scored on our speech, creativity and effort put in and will go towards ten percent of our final grade for the year. He has us start straight away so we have to flip to the backs of our books and write something we are grateful for. Tate’s hand squeezing my thigh while his eyes stay glued to his book has me smiling down at my own work. The only thing I can think to write is Tate.

  At lunch time the intoxication from everyone’s excitement over camp lingers around our table.

  “Camp is going to be so good. I can’t wait,” JP says, as he bites into his sandwich.

  “What activities do they usually do?” Tate asks, sitting across from me, digging into his own lunch.

  “They usually have things like abseiling, high ropes courses, and kayaking. I know one year, they even got to go look at glow worms in some caves,” Scott tells us. Chatter ensues around the table with everyone wondering what we will get to do. I take a bite of my own sandwich and have to stop myself from choking when I feel a foot sliding along my bare calf. I peek up at Tate who is suspiciously very invested in his plate of food with a cheeky smile on his face.

  Well two can play this game. I kick my shoe off and run my sock covered foot up Tate’s leg and then right between his legs which has him coughing over his tray and Scott having to pat him on the back.

  “You alright man?” Scott asks him.

  “Yeah, just went down the wrong pipe,” he says to Scott, while he finishes coughing, his pink cheeks turning my way while I smugly smile at him. He wipes the smug smile off my face when he grabs my foot under the table, and holds it against his hardening length while we stare into each other’s eyes. Our silence goes unnoticed by the others as they are too busy talking about camp. Tate’s eyes flutter closed and I watch his chest as it rises and falls while he tries to keep himself composed.

  I wiggle my toes and his eyes fly open, dripping in lust as he tilts his head to the side indicating we should go. I drop my foot from his lap and wiggle it back into my shoe while Tate grabs his bag, his nearly full tray of food forgotten.

  “Hey guys, we forgot something we had to do. We’ll catch you later,” he says to the table, as he grabs my hand and I quickly grab my own bag as he drags me away from the table, laughing.

  “Whatever you say, bro,” we hear JP yell, as the chuckles from the table reach our ears knowing exactly why Tate is dragging me away from them. His fast pace has me jogging to keep up with his long strides as he leads me into the toilets around the back of the hall, which hardly get used. As he pushes inside, he checks the stalls are empty then locks the main door and pushes me up against it, taking my mouth with his.

  “Damn, you drive me crazy,” he whispers, as his lips descend down my throat as his body weight presses me further into the door. His hand snakes under my skirt grabbing my butt and squeezing, which has me moaning into his mouth. With our tongues tangling, I can feel his hardness pushing into my stomach.

  “You started it,” I defend with a smile, as his mouth comes back to mine. Our hands slide wildly over each other, needing to touch as much of the other as possible. His lips suck hard on my lower neck and I know he’s leaving a mark. Then all too soon he releases me, taking a step back as we calm ourselves. Resting his forehead on mine, our breaths tangle as we breathe the other in. After a couple of minutes he steps back and uses his palms to flatten my hair back as it’s out of place.

  “You might need to fix it,” he says guiltily, so I step in front of the mirror and take in my reflection. My cheeks are flushed and my hair is all loose and sticking out from my ponytail so I pull the elastic band out and retie it. Tate comes up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist, and leaning his chin on my shoulder. “Have I told you how beautiful you are today?” he says to my reflection, which makes me smile.

  “You’re trouble,” I tell him playfully, which has him scoffing.

  “I think you are the one who is trouble,” he says, as he turns me in his arms and pins me against the sink. “I can’t think straight when you’re around,” he says, as he leans in to press a soft kiss to my lips.

  “I think you’re thinking with the wrong head,” I say blankly, trying to hold in my laughter but he tickles my side and it lets loose. The ringing of the bell saves me from his torment.

  His eyes drift to my neck and I see his pupils widen, “You might need to cover that?” he says, spinning me back around to face the mirror. Pulling my shirt to the side I see the red hickey he’s left behind.

  With a smile on my face I button my top button up to hide it, “All hidden,” I say, smiling at his reflection.

  “Let’s get out of here before we get carried away again,” he says, kissing the back of my head. Leaning down we pick up our bags we dropped in our flurry. He unlocks the door and pulls me out, kissing my temple before we head off in different directions. We both turn around at the same time which makes us both smile before we turn around and walk away.

  -- Tate --

  A note gets delivered to my math class after lunch and it’s Miss Steepleton wanting to see me. I grab my bag and make my way there. Knocking on the door, I enter and take a seat. We spend the session talking about how my holidays were and going through the emotions I felt about Quinn’s unveiling. Some days are harder to cope with than others but I feel by talking to Tamsyn and Miss Steepleton, the weight doesn’t press down on me as much. They’ve lightened the load and I know
it’s okay to feel the way I do. I’m still coming to terms with what Quinn did. I don’t know if I will ever accept it but for now I’m thankful the thought of her doesn’t send me into a panic any more.

  After school I give my mum a ring about camp and fill her in on the details. She’s going to make the transfer for the fees directly to school and tells me I need to get JP’s parents to sign the permission form.

  With that done, I settle down on my bed to start on my homework but get sidetracked by Quinn’s diary, poking out from under my pillow. It’s been a while since I’ve opened it up and after the conversation with Miss Steepleton today, I want to feel closer to Quinn. I flick through the pages and lose myself in her words before I finally close it again. I can only handle it in small doses. I don’t want to let it overwhelm me or bring up painful memories when I have so much work to do. Pushing it back under my pillow, I focus on my homework for the rest of the evening.

  Chapter 16

  -- Tamsyn --

  This week has been one of those weeks. It’s on fast forward, the week whizzes by and before you know it, it’s almost over. It’s been filled with an electrifying current in the air as everyone is buzzing with enthusiasm for our camp. I can’t wait. I haven’t been to a camp since before I started at high school. It was a three day camp and wasn’t very action or adventure filled.

  I’ve started taking a proper interest in my classes and paying attention to what the teacher is going over during class. I’ve let the year slip away while drifting in and out of my fog of grief but I want to knuckle down and focus now. I don’t want to be repeating my last year of school if I can help it. I think Tate is in a similar situation with switching schools as it’s thrown him off a bit as well so we’ve decided to try study sessions together. I’m thinking we may need to enlist the help of Scott too to get us on track. He may need to act as a chaperone too so we don’t get distracted.