by A. J. Downey
“What he’s trying to say,” Deacon said gently, “Is that we want things to be clear. If you know the rules and the consequences, the likelihood of anymore transgressions is greatly reduced.”
“What he said.” Cipher lifted a carryon into the back of the truck, braced a boot against the back tire and heaved himself up and into the bed. “No mystery, nothing to decipher. You fuck up again, we fuck you – end of.”
I paled, swallowed hard, and met Jared’s eyes. His read that we would talk later. I nodded barely, imperceptibly and said nothing more while the guys loaded the back of the truck.
They finished, put a tarp over it all, and strapped it down with bungee cords.
Mav stood beside me watching the men do it, “Like I said,” he murmured under his breath. “I owe you, but don’t ever make me or Glass look weak again or like we can’t control our women.”
“I understand,” I said softly. “I’m sorry not sorry.”
“Kobayashi Maru,” he said. “I used to watch Star Trek as a kid too.” I nodded, and he called out softly, “Saddle up boys, let’s roll out. Glass, you’re with me.”
Jared nodded, came to me, and gave me a swift kiss goodbye.
“Lock up and set the alarm,” he ordered, and I nodded.
It was a sleepless night without him.
“Are you okay?” I asked immediately upon answering the phone the next morning.
“Yeah, yeah! I’m good, question is are you okay?” Jared asked me.
“Yeah, I’m alright,” I said and let out a breath I hadn’t known I’d been holding.
“Guys were a little intense last night, I wanted to make sure you were good.”
“Does that mean they didn’t mean it and they were just trying to scare me?” I asked.
“No,” he said with a sigh. “It means they meant every word of it and there wouldn’t be a damn thing I could do to stop them because my ass would probably be beat to a fuckin’ pulp – but babe, ain’t ever gonna happen because you said it yourself this was the last time you were going to ever get this heavy.”
I sighed. “I suppose. I mean, this is always how it starts in my true crime world podcasts. Girl falls for bad boy, will do anything for bad boy then eventually dies by bad boy’s hand or the hands of bad boy and his friends.”
“You want me to fuck off, I’ll fuck off. You just say the word.”
He was dead serious.
“It would be kind of ludicrous to do all of this to keep you only to turn around and tell you to fuck off now,” I said with a wan smile.
“Yeah, well, I would understand,” he said. “It wouldn’t make me any kind of happy, but I would understand.”
“Kobayashi Maru,” I said unhappily.
“To an extent,” he said with a sigh. “But I promise you, it’s not always this intense, or like this… this was just a rough patch in the road and you girls, as much as I don’t want to encourage what you did, you kept all of us from eating asphalt and for that? Even though a bunch of these dipshits would never say it, we’re all grateful baby and we all love you for it. Me more than anyone.”
“I love you too,” I said softly.
“Want me to come over tonight?” he asked.
“Please.”
“You got it… how was Marc this morning?” he asked, and I smiled at that.
“He’s good, we talked it out and I apologized again, and he cut me some slack,” I said.
“He’s a good kid.”
“The best kid, I don’t deserve either of you,” I said.
Jared snorted on the other end of the line. “Now that’s pure bullshit. We don’t deserve you.”
“Agree to disagree,” I said.
“Babe, I gotta go. I’ll see you tonight.”
“I’ll see you tonight,” I agreed and hung up the phone with a sigh.
“Well,” I said to the thin air of my office. “I survived his crazy-ass family. Let’s see if he can survive mine.”
By the time Sunday arrived, things between Jared and I were much lighter as we started walking the path into our new normal together. Likewise, things with the club seemed to be good – which I sort of marveled at. I thought for sure more of the guys, especially the unattached ones, would be more hostile but nope.
I didn’t understand that but held my tongue until after the party on Friday night and asked Jared when we were alone.
He’d simply shrugged and said, “That was squashed last Sunday. It’s been handled, done and dusted. We don’t hang onto shit if we can help it. Life is too short.”
“Just like that?” I asked.
“Just like that,” he’d answered and then he’d kissed me, rolled me onto my back and had pretty much dicked me down until I didn’t have a single coherent thought left in my head.
I was good with that.
Now I had my hands wrapped around the steering wheel in a white knuckled grip to rival the one from the week before coming home from the Smuggler’s Inn.
The weather was uncharacteristically sunny and bright on the drive to Gig Harbor and my mother and stepfather’s house. The light filtering through the trees, dappled and beautiful on the final winding approach to their waterfront home.
Jared sat beside me, his jacket and cut across his knees, Marc behind me, head bopping to whatever music he had pumping through his headphones and with every mile put beneath my car’s tires, my heart climbed further into my throat.
“You steady?” Jared asked softly at my side, and I nodded.
“Just remember, my mom can be super judgmental and doesn’t always think before she speaks. Um, she also cares a lot about what other people think.”
“Your call, babe. Do I go as myself or do I play to her finer sensibilities?” I blinked and looked over at him and he exclaimed, “Hey!” and put his hand on the wheel to keep us from crashing.
The swerve was enough to drag Marc out of his teenage wasteland back there and ask, “What was that?”
“Jared, shocking the shit out of me,” I said a little more sharply than I intended. “Sorry! Sorry… you okay?” I asked. “Is everyone okay?”
Marc laughed. “Yeah we’re fine, just breathe, Mom, okay?”
“She always get like this?” Jared asked.
“It’s Grandma,” he said jovially, “No one gets to Mom harder.”
“I was a pure daddy’s girl growing up,” I said.
“There’s a reason for that,” Marc declared. “Grandma’s… extra.”
“Right, so play acting it is,” Jared said easily.
“No! God no – no lies, no obfuscations, I’m a thirty-four-year-old, strong, capable woman. I can handle my mother,” I grumbled the last under my breath.
“Damn straight you are,” Jared said, squeezing my knee. “You can handle anything,” he gave me a sidelong look reminding me with his eyes what I had only just done last week.
When I was sure Marc’s headphones were back on and he was oblivious, I muttered for Jared’s ears only, “You act like outsmarting several government agencies is like, hard.”
He laughed at me then and dragged one of my hands off the wheel to wrap it up in his own.
“God, I fuckin’ love you,” he said.
“I love you, too… but this bitch is worse than the FBI – she’s my mom.”
He chuckled again at that, and a smile dragged at the corners of my mouth, my mood lightening some.
The hardest part about being a daughter to my mother was that I honestly wanted nothing more than her approval and it honestly felt like no matter what I did or how many accomplishments I achieved to impress her, I was always and forever deeply lacking somehow or some way.
It was exhausting, but for some reason? I just couldn’t bring myself to not care anymore… her approval was just that fucking carrot on a stick for me and I didn’t know why.
Maybe it was because daddy, who was always quick with his approval and to shower me with affection, was gone. She was the only parent I had left… and i
f I thought she was rough to get along with, my stepdad? Yeesh… he just had this knack for saying things meant in jest that just absolutely cut to the quick – but God forbid you say anything about it.
The man could do no wrong in my mother’s eyes, and she was quick to side with him every time and point out that I was “just too sensitive.”
Ugh… I hated putting myself through this but again, she was the only parent I had left and while she wasn’t Marc’s only grandmother, he was her only grandson.
Guilt swirled in my veins that Marc wouldn’t see Ben’s parents. It broke their hearts, but I respected his decision there even if I didn’t agree with it, and I was bitterly certain their whole bevy of new grandchildren were keeping them occupied for the time being. I mean, we were back in their state, and we hadn’t heard from them yet so…
“Here we go…” I muttered under my breath as I made the turn into my parent’s driveway and Jared pitched a low whistle, impressed by the architecture.
“Like it?” I asked.
“Fuck yeah, I do.”
“Cool,” I said, pulling up in front of the house and putting it into ‘park.’ “Because I designed it.”
Of course, my mother hadn’t thought that. She wanted Ben to design her house since he was the more ‘prestigious’ but Ben was always and forever ‘too busy’ to the point he’d told me to do it and just put his name on it.
“Yeah,” Marc said with derision. “Too bad Dad got all the credit.”
I sighed when he used ‘dad’ like it was a dirty word.
“Not a word to my mother. She loves this house and doesn’t know.”
“That—” Jared just stopped and stared at me. “That just blows my fucking mind,” he said.
“What? That she wanted my husband to design her house and not me?” I asked.
“That and the fact that he wouldn’t do it. It’s like the high-rolling rich white people’s version of having to wrap your own Christmas presents or some shit. I mean, holy fuck.”
“That’s Grandma,” Marc said, plastering on a fake smile and opening his back door as my mother came out the front of her house arms out, hands making a grabby gesture.
“Ohhhh! Oh, oh, oh!” she called laughing and excited. “My boy, my boy, my boy!” She grabbed Marc in one of her oppressive hugs.
“You look like your dad,” Jared observed before getting out of the car and I snorted a laugh putting on my smile to please mom and getting out myself.
It’s showtime, I thought as he swung into his jacket and cut but my mom was distracted right now, coming around to hug me and scold me at the same time for taking so long to bring Marc to see her… which she and my stepdad, Roger, had been in Europe when we got here soooo, yeah.
“You were in Europe!” I exclaimed, half to defend myself and half because I was stubborn enough to not make it my fault.
My mom turned and took in Jared, standing casually with his hands in his jeans pockets and my mother blinked taking him in. She didn’t linger on the vest and it’s faded and worn patches but she did lean back and ask, “And who is this? Cadence, why haven’t you introduced us?”
I fought not to roll my eyes and Marc saved me by saying, “Grandma, that’s Jared. Jared, this is my grandma, Maeve.”
“Well, hello, Jared!”
Jared laughed. “Nice to meet you, Ma’am.”
“Oh, ma’am! I like that,” my mother laughed, and I went around the car to where Jared held out his hand to me. I took it, and he tucked me into his side. “Well come on in!” my mother cried, and she strode inside, her big floppy sun hat only outdone by her long white linen wide leg pants and matching long jacket. She looked like she was meant for strolling along some European veranda, but she also fit right in here, with her house of the many windows overlooking the bay.
I sighed and tried not to think about that too hard and let Marc lead the way, bringing up the rear reluctantly, hand in hand with Jared, my rock.
My stepdad, looked up from the bar on the deck and the tray of mimosas he was preparing. His eyes went wide at Jared’s vest and patches and his gaze immediately became disapproving.
“Roger, meet Cadence’s Jared, honey.”
“Hello!” my stepfather called, and he strode forward hand out to shake Jared’s hand.
I was surprised, brunch wasn’t going badly at all. No cutting remarks, no backhanded compliments, Roger who what the worst at it was actually on his best behavior. The real shocker is that my mother was on her best behavior, too.
“Do you mind if I use your restroom?” Jared asked, probably three quarters of the way through the meal.
“Of course, not!” Roger cried, pushing his glasses up on his hooked nose. “Marc, why don’t you go show him where it’s at.”
Oh, fuck. Classic ploy, here we go, I thought to myself. My sweet kid, ever eager to help, stood to take Jared.
“Stay with him, Marc!” Roger called, and I choked on the sip of orange juice I was taking.
“Why, so he doesn’t steal anything?” I hissed.
“Oh, honestly, Cadence!” my mother cried. “It’s probably so he doesn’t get lost, isn’t that right, Roger?”
“Yes,” Roger said defensively. “That’s right.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose and tried counting to ten knowing that any second…
“Honestly, you’re always so negative, darling, and so sensitive! You really need to work on yourself. People won’t like you if you’re like that.”
I breathed slowly in through my nose, held it for seven seconds, and let it out for a count of four. It was an anti-anxiety breathing exercise and I would not let these two get under my skin or inside my head this time. I loved them, they did things for me, often nice things, often expensive things, but I didn’t like the fact that they always seemed to have their price and the price being, well, this…
We sat in silence for a moment and just as I was going to speak, just as I worked up the nerve, my mother perked up and cried, “Oh, look. They’re back!”
“Yep, and just in case you were wondering, I didn’t steal anything,” Jared declared, pulling out his seat, and I sputtered a laugh.
Roger laughed and the look on my mother’s face was priceless and had me and Marc trading looks, eyes wide and not wanting to make eye contact with anyone else at the table.
“Oh, it wasn’t that,” my mother tittered nervously.
“Sure, it was,” Jared declared, not letting them skate, adjusting his jacket and vest with a sharp tug as he leaned back in his seat. “You took one look at my cut and had your minds made up about me the second I walked through the door. It’s okay, really, I’m used to it. That’s one of the things I love about your daughter so much. She met me before she saw my bike or my cut, granted, but she didn’t judge me. Not for being a contractor in her basement, none of my crew, and not a single one of my brothers when she met them, either. Also, in case you were wondering, I own my own contracting company, easily clear six figures a year, and I don’t need your money or belongings. I have plenty of each all on my own and live quite comfortably.”
I stared at Jared speechless and then looked back at my mother and Roger who stared openmouthed.
“And on that note…” my son cracked.
I reached out and took Jared’s hand and stared at my mother and said simply, “I know this is awkward right now, and that there’s a very real possibility that you may not like Jared after what he just said, but, Mom, you’d better get used to him because I love him dearly and he loves me. He’s going to be around for a while.”
My mother looked taken aback and Marc was grinning from ear to ear and said, “I like him too, and honestly wish he was my real dad.”
My mother looked horrified at that, and I looked to Jared.
“He’s shown us what a real family looks like,” I said.
He grinned at me and leaned over and kissed me and I smiled against his lips.
“Well,” Roger said, and did something that s
urprised me. He raised his glass and declared, “I’ll drink to that.”
I smiled and Marc and Jared held up their glasses. I followed suit and my mother recovered and looked at me suitably impressed.
“I think we can all drink to that,” I said.
And we did.
Epilogue
Fish…
It was still a little strange for me, sitting at the table looking around at all the guys and being counted among them. I’d been a brother for something like a year and a half, pushing two years, but it still didn’t feel real. I still thought that I’d wake up and that it would all be a dream or some shit. I’d honestly never thought I would get this far, but here I was and some other poor sod was where I’d been what felt like only moments before… except where I was uncertain if I would make it, I was damn sure Dipshit wouldn’t make the cut – I mean damn this dude was stupid and not in the he was just sort of green kind of way, either. He was just plain dumb.
Listening to D.T. and Rusty bitch about him was something else. Rusty, the old parts puller over at the boneyard, was downright disgusted and the way D.T. said it, even Little Bird with the patience of a damn saint couldn’t even educate his dumb ass.
“Look on the bright side,” Blackjack said from across the table, flicking some ash off the end of his joint into an ashtray like it was a cigarette… old habit, I guess. “Boy’s so fucking dumb there’s no way he’s the law trying to infiltrate the big bad biker gang or some shit.”
We were all a little half-baked and laughed probably a little too hard at that one.
Our major brush with the law hadn’t been more than six months back. It was heading into a wet and cold winter out there, summer but the dust of fuckin’ memory.
I rode year-round, so it was all Gore Tex and a can-do attitude. Hot showers and hot coffee to warm up.
With how it’d been pissing down rain for like the last week straight out there, I was feeling like I needed to bust out the goggles and the fuckin’ water wings from my little adventure through that car wash like four or five summers back.