by John Galt
CHAPTER LXXIX
It is surely a most strange matter, that whenever I come to think and towrite of the events of that period, and of my sickness at Kingswell, mythoughts relapse into infirmity, and all which then passed move, as itwere, before me in mist, disorderly and fantastical. But wherefore needI thus descant of my own estate, when so many things of the highestconcernment are pressing upon my tablets for registration? Be ittherefore enough that I mention here how much I was refreshed by theprayers of Mr Cargill, who was brought into my sick-chamber, where hewrestled with great efficacy for my recovery; and that after he had madean end, I felt so much strengthened that I caused myself to be raisedfrom my bed and placed in a chair at the open window, that I might seethe men who had been heartened from on high by the sense of theirsufferings, to proclaim war against the man-sworn King, our common foe.
They were scattered before the house, to the number of more than fifty,some sitting on stones, others stretched on the heather, and a fewwalking about by themselves, ruminating on mournful fancies. Theirappearance was a thought wild and raised,--their beards had not beenshaven for many a day,--their apparel was also much rent, and they hadall endured great misfortunes in their families and substance. Theirhomes had been made desolate; some had seen their sons put to death, andnot a few the ruin of their innocent daughters and the virtuous wives oftheir bosoms,--all by the fruit of laws and edicts which had issued fromthe councils of Charles Stuart, and were enforced by men drunken withthe authority of his arbitrary will.
But though my spirit clove to theirs, and was in unison with theirintent, I could not but doubt of so poor a handful of forlorn men,though it be written, that the race is not to the swift nor the battleto the strong, and I called to my son to bring me the Book, that I mightbe instructed from the Word what I ought at that time to do; and when hehad done so I opened it, and the twenty-second chapter of Genesis met myeye, and I was awed and trembled, and my heart was melted with sadnessand an agonising grief. For the command to Abraham to sacrifice Isaachis only son, whom he so loved, on the mountains in the land of Moriah,required of me to part with my son, and to send him with theCameronians; and I prayed with a weeping spirit and the imploringsilence of a parent's heart, that the Lord would be pleased not to putmy faith to so great a trial.
I took the Book again, and I opened it a second time, and the command ofthe sacred oracle was presented to me in the fifth verse of the fifthchapter of Ecclesiastes,--
"Better is it that thou shouldest not vow than that thou shouldest vowand not pay."
But still the man and the father were powerful with my soul; and theweakness of disease was in me, and I called my son towards me, and Ibowed my head upon his hands as he stood before me, and wept verybitterly, and pressed him to my bosom, and was loath to send him away.
He knew not what caused the struggle wherewith he saw me so moved, andhe became touched with fear lest my reason was again going from me. ButI dried my eyes, and told him it was not so, and that maybe I would bebetter if I could compose myself to read a chapter. So I again openedthe volume, and the third command was in the twenty-sixth verse of theeight chapter of St Matthew,--
"Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith?"
But still notwithstanding my rebellious heart would not consent;--and Icried, "I am a poor, infirm, desolate, and destitute man, and he is allthat is left me. O that mine eyes were closed in death, and that thishead, which sorrow and care and much misery have made untimely grey,were laid on its cold pillow, and the green curtain of the still kirkyard were drawn around me in my last long sleep."
Then again the softness of a mother's fondness came upon my heart, and Igrasped the wondering stripling's hands in mine, and shook them, saying,"But it must be so. It is the Lord's will; thrice has he commanded, andI dare not rebel thrice."
"What has He commanded, father?" said the boy, "what is His will? for yeken it maun be done."
"Read," said I, "the twenty-second chapter of Genesis."
"I ken't, father; it's about Abraham and wee Isaac; but though ye tak meinto the land of Moriah, and up to the top of the hill, maybe a ram willbe catched by the horns in a whin-bush for the burnt-offering, and ye'llno hae ony need to kill me."
At that moment Mr Cargill came again into the room to bid me farewell;but seeing my son standing with a tear of simplicity in his eye, and mein the weakness of my infirm estate weeping upon his hands, he stoppedand inquired what then had so moved us; whereupon I looked towards himand said,--
"When I was taken with the malady that has thus changed the man in me tomore than the gentleness of woman, ye ken, as I have already told you,we were bowne to seek your folk out and to fight on your side. But whenI beheld your dejected and much-persecuted host, a doubt came to me,that surely it could not be that the Lord intended through them to bringabout the deliverance of the land; and under this doubt as to what Ishould now do, and my limbs being moreover still in the fetters ofsickness, I consulted the oracle of God."
"And what has been the answer?"
"It has instructed me to send my son with you. But O, it is a terribleprobation."
"You have done well, my friend," replied the godly man, "to seek advicefrom THE WORD; but apply again, and maybe--maybe, Ringan, ye'll no beput to so great a trial."
To this I could only say, "Alas! sir, twice have I again consulted theoracle, and twice has the answer been an exhortation and a reproach thatI should be so loath to obey."
"But what for, father," interposed my son, "need ye be sae fashed aboutit. I would ne'er refuse;--I'm ready to gang if ye were na saeweakly;--and though the folk afore the house are but a wee waff-like, yeken it is written in the Book that the race is not to the swift, nor thebattle to the strong."
Mr Cargill looked with admiration at the confidence of this young piety,and, laying his hand on the boy's head, said, "I have not found so greatfaith, no, not in Israel. The Lord is in this, Ringan, put your trust inHim."
Whereupon I took my son's hand, and I placed it in the martyr's hand,and I said, "Take him, lead him wheresoever ye will. I have sinnedalmost to disobedience, but the confidence has been renewed within me."
"Rejoice," said Mr Cargill, in words that were as the gift of health tomy enfeebled spirit, "rejoice, and be exceeding glad; for great is yourreward in heaven; for so persecuted they the prophets which were beforeyou."
As he pronounced the latter clause I felt my thoughts flash with a wildremembrance of the desolation of my house; but he began to return thanksfor the comfort that he himself enjoyed in his outcast condition, ofbeholding so many proofs of the unshaken constancy of faith still in theland, and prayed for me in words of such sweet eloquence, that even inthe parting from my son,--my last, whom I loved so well, they cherishedme with a joy passing all understanding.
At the conclusion of his inspired thanksgiving, I kissed my Joseph onthe forehead, and bidding him remember what his father's house had been,bade him farewell.
His young heart was too full to reply; and Mr Cargill too was so deeplyaffected that he said nothing; so, after shaking me by the hand, he ledhim away.
And if I did sin when they were departed, in the complaint of mychildless desolation, for no less could I account it, it was a sin thatsurely will not be heavily laid against me. "O Absalom, my son, myson,--would I had died for thee," cried the warlike King David, whenAbsalom was slain in rebellion against him, and he had still manychildren; but my innocent Absalom was all that I had left.