Your Greatest Power has a wonderful message about our power to choose. Many people cannot be successful in the best of times because they do not recognize their power to choose their own life.
J. Martin Kohe was a psychologist and gave many lectures about becoming a mental millionaire, which were later published into a book. Kohe also recorded an audio called “How to Overcome Discouragement,” which is featured below.
By reading this selection from Kohe, it is not hard to realize that he truly understood the mind was the solution to leading a better life.
AVOID PERFECTION SYNDROME
Criticism does not come into your life to make you weaker but to make you stronger. Another very important principle in the subject of criticism is something that very, very few people realize. As you probably remember from your school days, you studied about the Gulf Stream. The Gulf Stream is a hot body of water that runs along the coast of Florida and up and around England. If it were not for this hot body of water, people would not be able to live in England, and Florida would not be so inviting. The Gulf Stream, without anyone paying attention to it, runs its course. Likewise, there is a Gulf Stream running through your life and my life seeking perfection.
It seems that everyone is seeking perfection. Consequently, the wife criticizes the husband because she wants him to be perfect. The husband criticizes the wife because he wants her to be perfect. The parent criticizes the child because he wants the child to be perfect. The child criticizes the parents because he wants the parents to be perfect. The teacher criticizes the student because he wants the student to be perfect. The student criticizes the teacher because he wants the teacher to be perfect. A boss criticizes the worker because he wants the worker to be perfect, and the worker criticizes the boss because he wants the boss to be perfect. The minister criticizes the congregation because he wants them to be perfect. And the congregation criticizes the minister because they want him to be perfect. Everybody seems to be criticizing everybody else. You wonder why life sometimes is so difficult. Don’t ask your boss, your wife, or your child to be perfect. If they are reasonably perfect, you are a very fortunate person. Don’t even ask yourself to be perfect. If you are reasonably perfect, you should be quite happy with yourself. This constant demanding of perfection on ourselves and others is one of the greatest discouraging factors in life.
It’s quite all right to ask for a perfect typewriter or automobile or something of a mechanical nature, but when you ask it of a human being, you are making an unreasonable demand. Save yourself much trouble and great discouragement in the years to come. Simply ask yourself this question: Am I criticizing simply because I want perfection? If so, be more reasonable. When someone criticizes you, ask the question: Are they doing it because they want me to be perfect? Then discount it. It’s quite all right to seek perfection, but in dealing with yourself and others, make sure that you are reasonable.
LIGHTEN UP
One of the greatest of all destructive forces in the discussion of discouragement is that of being too serious. Life is a serious business, but life can also be made enjoyable and very much worthwhile; but when one takes life too seriously, then there is no room for pleasure or enjoyment for real living. We are going through life only once, although some authorities seem to feel we may go through it again. I, for one, feel that if we do go through it again, we won’t know about it. Let us make this one time that we are going through life really worthwhile. In order to do that, we must learn how to laugh. We must learn to see the funny side of life. We must train ourselves more than anything else to throw off the seriousness that seems constantly to disturb our living. Unless we accomplish this task, we will look older and feel much older than our actual years.
It was Lincoln who said, “A man is just about as happy as he makes up his mind to be.” Contrary to general belief, we do not find happiness. We earn it. We earn it by constantly watching our thinking. One man who has achieved much throughout his life is Winston Churchill. When he was asked the question, “How do you keep yourself calm with all that you have to do?” He replied, “I think of only one thing at a time.” That is the monumental key to the right mental attitude. If you realize that you can think of only one thing at a time, then by thinking of something pleasant, you keep yourself pleasant. By thinking of something cheerful, you keep yourself cheerful. By thinking of something unhappy, you make yourself unhappy, and if you think of something discouraging, of course, you will find yourself discouraged.
Does this sound too simple? Of course it does, but it works and you will find so many of these suggestions and ideas that we are presenting to you will work if you work them. Wherever possible, never take yourself or anyone else too seriously. This is one of the great destroyers of mankind and of our thinking. Be serious, but not too serious. Learn to laugh. You’ll find that it will come easier with practice.
AGREE TO DISAGREE
It seems no matter what you do or how you do it, you cannot satisfy everybody. There is one way, however, that this great problem of human relations can be satisfactorily taken care of. We have so many differences of opinion and yet we have a semblance of order that is something to be proud of.
Please stop thinking it is wrong to disagree with others. If Edison had not disagreed with the rest of the world when he did, we wouldn’t have had electric lights when we had them. There is nothing wrong with disagreement. We must always bear in mind what a wise old sage said many years ago: “If we must disagree, let us disagree without being disagreeable.” Oh, if we could only learn this one great principle of life. To disagree without being disagreeable, we could avoid most of the very unhappy experiences we have in dealing with people. This is especially true with people who have put on years. Too many people grow old and with the growing old grow more disagreeable. If we could only learn to grow in sweetness, in friendliness, in helpfulness, the passing years would not be so difficult. When we think of sweetness, we always associate it with childhood because we see so little of it in people of advanced years. If people would only learn to age instead of growing old, they could retain the sweetness of life. They would not become so discouraged as they add years to their lives. A person should make up his mind to enjoy the 50s, the 60s, the 70s, and the 80s. He can if he will train himself. He can train himself to enjoy the later years in life as much as he did when he was much younger. A person in his 50s and 60s now has lived long enough to be able to think so much better than a child of 12 or 14.
It’s important that we watch ourselves carefully so that we disagree without being disagreeable. When we can do that, we will never be alone. People will want us around. Children will have much greater respect for us. More than anything else, we will have greater respect for ourselves.
ENTREPRENEUR TIP
Want to voice your disagreement in a productive way? Start by validating the opinion of the person with whom you disagree. To do this, use phrases like “I see your point that …” or “I hear you saying …” Then, instead of focusing on how “right” you are, talk about how you feel about or understand the issue, using phrasing like “That makes me feel …” or “I think our disconnect may be about …” Using phrases like these allow you to humanize the issue and reach a place of understanding, instead of trying (and often failing) to “win” the argument.
DON’T GIVE UP SO QUICKLY
Another factor leading to discouragement is giving up too soon. Too many people allow themselves to become discouraged, and then give up just before it is time to see success come their way. It was Elbert Hubbard who said, “Many times there’s just a line between success and failure.” Too many people go right up to that line and then drop away. Had they kept right on going, they would have reached the other side, the success side. Remember the story of the man who ended his life by taking gas because some money that was coming to him did not come when it was supposed to? Thinking that the money was not forthcoming, he ended his life. The very next day, the check came in.
But the
classic story of quitting too soon is the story that Napoleon Hill tells in his famous book, Think and Grow Rich. Darby went out west and discovered a gold mine. He worked the mine with pick and shovel for several months then came to the conclusion that this was not the right way to go about it. So he covered up the mine after staking his claim, went back to his home in the east and there he talked to his friends and relatives and neighbors. He told them about the gold mine, explaining that if he had mining machinery, he and they would all make plenty of money. They agreed. They put up the money for the machinery. The machinery was bought and sent to the spot of the mine. The machinery was started, and just as Darby expected, there was plenty of gold. He started to pay off the debts on the land and on the machinery. He was just about ready to start to save some money for himself when the mine ran dry.
“Well,” Darby thought, “there is no sense in staying here anymore.” So he called in a junk man, sold the machinery for junk, and threw the deed of the mine in with it. But it so happened that this junk man was no fool, and he called in a mining engineer. The engineer was to examine the mine and make out his report to the junk man. The junk man told the engineer that if the mine was worthless, he would break up the machinery and sell it for junk. But he wanted to be sure.
The engineer went down into the mine, made a thorough search of the mine, and made out his report to the junk man. What do you suppose he found? The report said that all the junk man had to do was find the secondary vein of gold, and he would find his gold mine if he would dig three feet deeper. The junk man started the machinery, and sure enough, three feet deeper they found the secondary vein of gold and the junk man became the millionaire.
In the meantime, Darby had returned to his home in the east, and when he heard what happened to his gold mine, he almost lost his own mind. After a year, however, Darby recovered from this awful shock and went into another business. Every time he felt like quitting, he said to himself, “Wait a minute, Darby. Wait a minute. You may be only 3 feet away from the very thing you want.” With this awful, terrible experience behind him, Darby became a very wealthy man in another field of work. Remember next time you want to quit anything, be very sure that you are not three 3 away from the very thing you want.
ALWAYS HAVE AN EXIT STRATEGY
Another factor causing discouragement is that of feeling that there is nothing that can be done about a given situation. Some years ago in the city of Chicago, a young newspaper reporter was called in by his boss and told that if he did not go out and bring in some stories that he would be fired from his job. The young man left the paper that night fearful of losing his job and proceeded to get himself drunk. He got so drunk that he wound up lying in the curb, dead drunk. As he lay there, he noticed a sewer manhole cover being raised and coming out of the sewer were three people. One was dressed like a prince. One was dressed like a king, and one was dressed like a princess. When he saw all this, he thought surely he was having hallucinations. He picked himself up and finally wiggled his way home.
The next morning, he went downstairs and bought a morning paper. In screaming headlines he read of the big Chicago fire. These three people were not hallucinations. They were real people. What happened was that a fire broke out in a theatre. These three people were downstairs in the basement. When they heard there was a fire in the theater proper, they opened the door and noticed that it led into the sewer. They continued in the sewer until they saw a manhole, then came up to the street through the manhole.
ENTREPRENEUR TIP
Can’t get out of your discouragement rut? Focus on what is immediate instead of trying to solve a big problem all at once. When facing a complicated problem, make a quick list of two to three small things you can do to help overcome it. Often, big problems are just a series of small problems that are lumped together. Eat the elephant one bite at a time so you can make progress and overcome those feelings of discouragement.
I am sure that you see the point of this story. Just as those three people found a way out of that theater fire, so you will find there is always a way out of your troubles. If you keep yourself calm, you will find the right way out. If you let yourself get upset and excited, you will find the wrong way out. Yes, as awful and as destructive as discouragement can be, there is always a way out, a better way out. A better way of life and a better mental attitude to make life worth the living.
PERSEVERANCE IS KEY
Now I would like to close with a classic story that tells so much to all of us. The story is told about two frogs. They were playing around a vat of cream. Before they realized what had happened, they both fell into the vat. One of the frogs, after swimming for a while said, “This will never do. I’ll never get out of this mess,” so he sank to the bottom and that was his end. The second frog said, “No, I’ll keep swimming until I don’t have an ounce of strength left.” So he kept on swimming and swimming and swimming and finally that vat of cream turned into a vat of butter. Then the second frog found himself sitting high and dry on top of the vat of butter. Yes, my friends. If we choose to keep on going, keep on swimming, keep on digging 3 feet deeper, we will win the struggle with discouragement. Once we do, life can be a grand and glorious venture.
ENTREPRENEUR ACTION ITEM
15 Ways to Drown Out Discouragement
To reach your goals, you have to take risks, develop constructive routines, and make time to listen, learn, and reflect. The prospect of making any of the above adjustments to your life is empowering—that is, until your mind starts to wander toward negative thoughts.
Any time you’ve thought about making a change or pursuing a passion, you’ve probably dwelled more on your present state than your potential. Or once you got started, minor setbacks or flubs have felt like deal-breaking failures. You’ve beaten yourself up, berated yourself, or felt overwhelmed or alone.
Constant reminders of other people’s triumphs only make you feel more anxious and criticize yourself further. Whether you’re scrolling through your Instagram feed or reading about a competitor, your knee-jerk reaction to someone else’s success might be a combination of envy and self-loathing. A cascade of negative thoughts can produce negative outcomes: Inaction. Retreat. Bad habits. By thinking negatively about what you will accomplish, you formulate a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You’re not inadequate or doomed to fail. So next time you’re thinking some variation of those negative thoughts, try these 15 strategies to propel yourself out of your funk and proceed with the mission you’ve set out to achieve.
1. What you tell yourself: “I don’t know when or how I’m going to do this.”
What you should think or do instead: Set a schedule.
Set aside time each day or week to work toward your goal. Then stick to your plan. Create a calendar slot for it, and treat it as nonoptional, like a job. Eventually, you’ll form a new, positive habit.
2. What you tell yourself: “I’m not in the right environment.”
What you should think or do instead: Carve out a corner.
That doubting, destructive voice in your head will find any excuse to impede your progress toward your goal. It’s easy to blame your environment, but there are ways to make your circumstances work for you—or create new ones.
Once you establish a positive, dedicated place, it will be easier to tune out other aspects of your life while you’re working toward your goal. When you’re sitting in your corner, surrounded by inspirational objects, or at your new table in your community space, you’ll have physically and mentally removed yourself from the place where you also pay bills, eat dinner, or help your kids with homework.
3. What you tell yourself: “I’m not in the mood.”
What you should think or do instead: “Procrastinate with purpose.”
Make “put it off” time work for you. Find other ways to be productive that not only knock items off your to-do list, but also recharge your personal and professional batteries. Fill your time with productive tasks that will indirectly lea
d you toward your goal.
4. What you tell yourself: “I don’t know what to do next. I feel stuck.”
What you should think or do instead: Relax and take your time.
Working toward a goal often involves decision making, tackling difficult tasks, and making tough sacrifices. Often, when faced with these dilemmas, people feel pressure to resolve them quickly, but they aren’t always sure about the best course of action.
First, try to relax and take it step by step. Write down your thoughts—what you like about a potential decision vs. what you dread about it. Forgive yourself for not taking the next step yet. Chances are, you’ll have a more positive end result if you give yourself time.
5. What you tell yourself: “I will never achieve my goal.”
What you should think or do instead: Tell yourself the opposite.
So you’ve had a setback in your quest to achieve your goal. You know you shouldn’t insult yourself, but you can’t stop. Your thoughts become more and more negative, maybe until you convince yourself of something terribly untrue, such as “you’re worthless,” or “you’ll never achieve your goal.”
Your failure to execute on your goals up to this point is not a reflection of your character. The fact that you’ve formed a goal in the first place indicates that you have an idea of how to better yourself or add something positive to the world. Now you have to do it, and the biggest obstacle in your way might be yourself and that nagging voice telling you there’s something wrong with you or that you can’t.
6. What you tell yourself: “I’m a total mess.”
What you should think or do instead: Organize the little details of your life to prime yourself for your big goal.
It’s easy to get bogged down by the small things, such as how you look, how clogged your inbox is, or how many errands you’ve been putting off. Disorganization in minor aspects of your personal life could deter you from thinking you’re ready to take on something big.
Napoleon Hill's Success Masters Page 9