by Kim Holden
Keller texts us twice to tell us there are delays with the flight and that he’s running late. Then at 10:30 the door to the apartment swings open, and there she is: sweet, little Stella whose giggles fill the air. Shelly and I are making a pumpkin pie in the kitchen. Stella makes a beeline for Duncan on the loveseat. “Uncle Duncan!” she squeals in delight.
He pulls her into his lap and wraps his arms around her. “How’s my favorite Stella?” He tickles her.
Her giggles escalate. “No tickles, Uncle Duncan.”
He kisses her cheek and loosens his grip.
“Where’s Kate?” she asks. “Daddy said Kate’s here.”
Duncan indicates my whereabouts with a thumb over his shoulder. “I see how I rate, kid,” he good-naturedly mutters.
Stella squeals again when she spots me.
I wave. “Hi sweetie.”
She races toward me, hands raised over her head. I scoop her up and hug her tightly against me. I bury me face in her wild ringlets. She smells clean and pure like the air after a rainstorm. She pulls back so she can look at me. “We have a surprise for you.”
“You do?”
Keller’s carrying in bags from his Suburban. He sets them down just inside the door and scratches his head. “Yeah, it’s the funniest thing, but we ran into somebody at the airport … ”
Just then, Gus walks through the door.
Stella claps. “Surprise!”
“Holy sh—” realizing I’m holding Stella I switch gears. “Oh my God, what are you doing here?”
He’s wearing his lazy grin and shrugs. “Would you believe that I was just passing through?”
I set Stella down and run to him. He wraps me up in one of his big Gus hugs that I’ve missed so much. “No.”
He kisses the top of my head and reaches over and playfully nudges Keller’s shoulder. “It was his idea.”
“You planned this?” I’m still in shock.
The look on Keller’s face is bright and loving. He shrugs.
I look back up at Gus. “How?”
He smiles. “Your boy here called me last week from your phone. You were sleeping.” He winks at Keller. “We’ve been talking a lot this past week. I’d be worried if I were you, we’ve got quite a bromance brewing. And did you know the dude has beanbags in the back of his Suburban? Beanbags. That’s the coolest thing I’ve ever seen. I may be in love with him myself, Bright Side.”
Stella is wrapped around Keller’s leg. “What’s a bromance, Daddy?”
Gus starts laughing, releases me, and offers his big hand to Stella. She takes it without hesitation. Kids have always loved Gus. “Tell me some more about this turtle of yours, Stella. I’m curious, what does Miss Higgins eat?” The two of them walk toward the loveseat to finish a conversation they no doubt started on the ride here. I know Gus; he’s giving me time to talk to Keller.
I wrap my arms around Keller’s neck and whisper in his ear, “Thank you, baby.”
“I love it when you call me that.” He kisses my neck. “You’re welcome. He needs time with you, too.”
I look around the room. “This is so perfect.” It’s then that I notice Shelly is standing in the kitchen and looks like she’s going to have a stroke. Her eyes are wide. Shock has taken over every feature on her face. I think our visitors have just become too much for her.
I clear my throat and call out, “Hey Gus?”
He looks up from his conversation with Stella. She’s sitting on the loveseat between him and Duncan. I wish I had a camera handy. “Yeah, Bright Side, what is it? I’m learning some seriously important sh—” he smiles when he catches himself about to curse. “Stuff about turtles right now.”
Stella giggles at him.
I point to the kitchen. “You remember my friend, Shelly?”
He looks back over his shoulder. “What’s up, Shelly? Good to see you again.”
Her face is bright red. I’ve never seen her embarrassed like this. She raises her hand and sheepishly waves. “Hey Gus. Good to see you again, too.”
He’s fully turned in his seat to face her now. “I must say that I’ve never seen anyone toss a sidewalk pizza with such commitment and precision as you did the last time I saw you. I never got to commend you.”
Her face is buried in her hands. “Of course you would remember that.” She’s still embarrassed about throwing up in front of everyone.
Gus isn’t mean-spirited. He’s actually being complimentary. He grins. “No, I’m serious. You go for distance. It was impressive. Ride the lightning, my friend.” He reaches over and slaps Duncan on the back. “You’re a lucky dude.”
Shelly mumbles, “Oh my God, I want to die.”
I join her in the kitchen and put my arm around her waist. “He wouldn’t tease you if he didn’t like you. And as gross as it may sound, he was impressed. He’s a boy.”
Since Grounds is closed we go back in and gather around the fireplace while the food is cooking. Gus and Keller are on either side of me on the loveseat. Stella is on Keller’s lap and Shelly is sitting on Duncan’s lap in a chair next to us.
Gus, as always, is curious about everyone. He asks lots of questions. Of course everyone else is curious about him too, so he fields almost as many questions as he asks.
“So, why do you call Kate ‘Bright Side’?” Shelly asks.
He looks at me and then back to her. Then back to me. And back to her. He points at me. “Have you met the girl?”
Everyone looks at me and their smiles are endearing. It makes me feel good.
Gus continues. “She’s the poster child for positivity. She’s a freaking ray of sunshine. She doesn’t just look on the bright side … she lives there.”
“Huh, I always thought I lived in the world of sunshine and rainbows?” I tease.
He shrugs. “Same difference. Sunshine and rainbows is a horrible nickname though.”
Everyone laughs.
“Bright Side does have a dark side, though,” Gus warns. “Don’t get her started on stick figure family stickers on cars, because she’s loathes them. She gets irate—”
I interrupt because I really do hate them. “That’s because they’re stupid. I don’t need a pointless representation of your family staring at me while I’m sitting at a stoplight behind you. And I can’t help but wonder how truly imperfect your family is if you feel the need to perpetuate it on your window for the world to see. I always suspect they’re hiding dysfunction behind the façade. Hypocrites.”
Gus laughs like he’s just proven his point. “See. And she despises Facebook.”
“Facebook is the decline of civilization as we know it. It’s creating a distorted view of reality. What happened to preferring the company of flesh and blood? People don’t realize how important face-to-face human contact is anymore. It’s all about numbers and ‘likes’ and too much information. Do I care that you had a Diet Coke and a bag of Sun Chips while you watched a rerun of CSI last night? No, I don’t fu— I don’t care. Give me some substance. The entire sphere of your all-encompassing ‘friends’ family doesn’t need to be privy simultaneously to the mundane details of your life … your sad, internet-centered life. I want to have a conversation with you tailored specifically to us. I don’t want it streamed, real time, for the world to share in. Facebook is stifling social development. It’s suffocating social skills—”
Gus butts in, laughing, “Okay, okay Bright Side.” But he’s also nodding. It says True that, or maybe it’s, Amen. It’s agreement. He hates social media just as much as I do.
And for good measure he says, “And don’t ever play cards with her. She cheats.”
I gasp at the accusation. “I do not,” but I’m giggling by the end of my pathetic defense and everyone knows it’s an admission of guilt.
Gus nods, grinning. “She does. Trust me.”
After dinner I go outside with Gus so he can smoke a cigarette and we can watch the sunset. Gus takes my hand in his and smiles. “It’s showtime.”
It’s what Gracie always said. I smile and whisper, “It’s showtime.”
The sunset is bright orange. Brighter than I’ve seen it in a long time, almost like it’s trying to show off for us. To prove to us that sunsets can be pretty in Minnesota, too.
When we return back inside, we all retreat to Grounds again.
Shelly asks, “Why don’t you and Gus sing something for us. I saw his guitar case.”
Gus never goes anywhere without his guitar. He’s had it for years and it’s seen hundreds of hours of attention and play. It’s always by his side.
Gus looks at me. “What do you say, Bright Side?”
Stella claps her hands. “I want to hear Kate sing again.”
Keller joins her. “Me too.” It makes me smile.
Gus returns with his guitar case in one hand and something else I haven’t seen in months in the other.
Shelly looks at the cases and asks him, “You play violin, too?”
He shakes his head and sets them down on the table behind us. “Nope.” He looks pointedly at me.
I sigh. “Gus.”
“I had Ma ship it to me this week so I could bring it to you. It should be here with you. You should play it.” It’s a dare.
Everyone’s eyes are on me.
“You play the violin?” Keller asks.
Gus shakes his head. “Oh no, she doesn’t play. She slays that instrument. I’ve never seen anyone as talented as Bright Side. Seriously. She kills it.” There’s pride in his eyes.
Shelly narrows her eyes at me. “What else are you hiding from us?” And the light bulb goes off. “Oh my God, it’s you!” she shrieks.
Keller and Duncan look confused. “It’s her, what?” Duncan asks.
She’s pointing her finger at me and waving her other hand in the air like some crazed fan. “It’s you! It’s you playing violin on ‘Missing You.’”
Gus smiles. “The one and only.”
Keller and Duncan are still confused. “What’s ‘Missing You’?” Keller asks.
“It’s only the most amazing song on the radio right now. It’s the acoustic song Gus played at the concert.” She answers haughtily, as if they should just know this. The song has gotten a lot of airtime on the college station this past week. It was released as the second single off Rook’s album. “You have to play it,” she begs.
“What do you say? Just once for old time’s sake?” Gus asks, raising his eyebrows.
Stella claps again. “Play, Kate, play!” she cheers.
I can’t say no to that.
The violin feels cold in my hands. It’s been months since I’ve played, but when I tuck it under my chin it becomes part of me, like I haven’t missed a day. It’s comfortable and grounds me. After I rosin the bow, I pull it softly across the strings. It brings me to life. I nod at Gus. “I’m ready.”
There’s concern etched across his face. “You sure?”
“Yup. Maybe Grace is listening?” Everyone’s letting us have this private moment.
He smiles. “I’m sure she is.” He looks up. “Gracie, this one’s for you.”
I stand and lean back against the arm of the loveseat. Gus takes a seat directly in front of me on the edge of the coffee table. Everyone else stays where they were. You could hear a pin drop it’s so quiet. Even Stella hasn’t let out a peep. She’s leaning back against Keller’s chest, his arms wrapped around her.
There’s an unspoken language when Gus and I play together. It’s always been that way. We hear and feel music the same way. Communication flows back and forth through the music, one reacting to and feeding off the other. Words are spoken with eyes and subtle nods.
He strums his guitar twice letting me know he’s ready. I nod and slowly drop into the melancholy intro. I close my eyes and let it flow through me, the violin a natural extension of me and my emotions.
Gus joins in, his guitar soft and his voice gentle. His voice is reassuring. It always has been. You almost believe that nothing bad could ever happen when you listen to Gus sing. It takes me away. I’ve always loved that.
As the last few words leave Gus’s lips, and he strums his last few chords, I’m left to play out the rest alone. As I draw my bow across the strings for the last note, I open my eyes. The expression on Gus’s face is proud and reverent. “That’s my girl.”
I smile.
Stella begins clapping wildly again. “Play again, Kate. Play again.”
She’s beaming at me when I look into her bright blue eyes. Keller’s matching blue eyes are shining a few inches above hers. “You never cease to amaze me, Katie.”
God, I love him.
I look to Shelly and Duncan. Shelly’s mouth is agape. “What the heck, Kate? Why didn’t you tell us you played? You’re phenomenal.” She’s floored.
I shrug. “I don’t play anymore. My sister loved to listen to me play … ” I trail off. The rest is unspoken. I told Duncan about my sister the night we talked after the concert. I’m sure he told Shelly.
She nods in understanding.
Gus claps his hands. “We can’t stop now. Stella wants an encore. What’s next, Bright Side?”
Even though the pain in my lower back is building to a deep, intense throb, I have to admit I’m enjoying myself. Even if I never pick up my violin again, I want to play right now. I whisper in his ear.
“Sure. We haven’t played that in a long time. You sure you can keep up with me?” He taunts.
I wink. “I’ll try. Shelly will know this song.”
Gus turns to Shelly. “Bright Side and I went to a music school together growing up. She was two years behind me, but she always kicked my—” he looks to Stella before he continues, “butt—”
Shelly interrupts. “Wait. Don’t tell me you guys went to The Academy in San Diego?”
“Yeah,” Gus says.
“What’s The Academy?” Duncan asks.
“It’s only one of the most prestigious private secondary music schools in the country. Virtually impossible to get into, and they only accept the most talented applicants.” She shakes her head and looks at me. She’s smiling. “How did I not know this about you?”
I shrug.
Gus continues. “So, senior year one of my final projects was to cover a song that was on the charts at the time, something popular, but we had to put our spin on it. Turn it upside down and make it our own, unrecognizable. I, of course, enlisted the help of my talented friend,” he points to me and I roll my eyes, “to help me out. The song was hard-driving rock, and Bright Side, because she’s a freaking musical genius, turns it into this slow, melodic ballad with this unworldly violin arrangement.”
“Don’t let him fool you,” I add. “Gus rewrote the whole song for acoustic guitar, I just added the violin. It was all his idea.”
“Let’s play it. They can judge for themselves.”
So we do. And it’s not until the chorus that I see recognition flare in Shelly’s eyes and a grin emerges. She knows the song.
Keller hums along softly in Stella’s ear as he rocks her. She’s wearing her sleepy Keller eyes. By the song’s end, she’s out cold.
Shelly’s still grinning. “That was astounding. I don’t know what else to say. Just. Astounding.”
Gus stands and takes an exaggerated bow. “Gracias.”
I tip my head. “Thank you, m’lady.”
Duncan pats Shelly’s leg. “We’d better get going or your mom will have a conniption. We’re already five minutes late.”
Shelly sighs. “Yeah, you’re right.” She frowns. “This is just so much more fun than familial obligations.”
Duncan kisses her on the cheek and gently urges her off his lap. “You’re right about that. But your parents are expecting us. Let’s go.”
Shelly drags her feet and by the time they leave, the pain is almost unbearable. It’s been ratcheting up over the past hour but in the last five minutes it’s reached a new level I’ve never felt before. It’s pain that brings nausea and blurred vis
ion with it. While Keller’s putting Stella to bed I excuse myself from Gus and head to the bathroom to take my pain meds. I sit on the floor while I fumble with the cap on my pill bottle, because I don’t feel steady enough to stand. My field of vision is constricting and when I feel my head meet the tile floor with a blinding crack, everything goes black.
(Keller)
I’m starting to worry. Katie’s been in the bathroom for ten minutes and I haven’t heard any movement or noise.
Gus throws back the rest of a beer. “Where’s the john, dude? Bladder’s full.”
I point toward the door. “Katie’s in it.”
Gus knocks quietly on the door. “Bright Side, hurry up, I gotta take a piss. You’ve been in there a long time. You dropping some friends off at the pool?”
I would laugh if I wasn’t worried, but there’s no response from the other side of the door. My heart is racing. I don’t want to worry Gus unnecessarily, but I can’t shake the feeling that something is very wrong. I knock. “Katie, babe, are you okay in there?”
Silence.
I slowly urge the door open, but it meets resistance. I cringe and push on it, squeezing through the opening. “Oh shit.”
Gus is on the other side. “What’s wrong? Bright Side?”
Katie is crumpled on the floor against the bathroom door. Her pills are scattered everywhere. There’s vomit on the floor, and it’s spattered with blood. I pull her up into my lap so Gus can open the door. She’s passed out cold, but she’s still breathing. “Call 911.”
His head appears around the door and when he sees her there’s nothing short of terror in his eyes. “Holy fuck.” He’s got his cell phone out and dialing 911 before I can ask again.
I’m rocking her back and forth now, brushing the hair out of her face. It’s matted with a wet, reddish-brown liquid. I start whispering in her ear and I can’t stop, “You’re okay, Katie. You have to be okay. This isn’t it. Don’t leave me. Not today. You can’t leave today. I love you. I love you.”