by Camilla Lee
"Francis." He thought he heard, and he went even closer to the source of the sound.
But what he saw on the bench in front of him made him stop dead in his tracks.
Elis was wearing a beautiful blue gown, her hair gleaming into the moonlight. But she wasn't alone. He recognized Francis next to her as he was bending towards Elis, and out of a sudden, he was kissing her.
She was thoroughly enjoying herself; he saw with a pang of pain. Suddenly, his chest felt heavy, and the whole of his word was shaken up. He didn't stand a chance. Elis had always wanted Francis, and here she had him. He brought his hand to his face, and he was amazed to find his fingers wet. He hadn't realized he had been crying until then. He had overcome everything, war, famine, disease, death...just because he had thought she was there, within reach. But now reality hit him hard. She had never been within reach.
He clenched his fists for a moment before releasing a final breath.
"Goodbye, Elis," he whispered, breaking both of his vows.
CHAPTER 8
Elis was happy. For the first time in her life, she felt fulfilled. Everything she had ever wanted was within her grasp. After Francis had kissed her the other night, he had made it clear that he wanted to court her. Even today, he was expected to pay her a visit and maybe go riding. She had waited for Royce to ride early in the morning, but he hadn't shown up. For all her happiness, she couldn't help but feel disappointed. It was their routine, and he had never let her down. She looked wistfully through the window, and she realized she had waited for him for three whole hours before finally resigning herself that he wasn't coming. Well, she wasn't upset. No, she could let that bother her, especially when she was to go riding with Francis.
She waited patiently as her maid managed her hair, but she couldn't help but think of Royce. Drat it! Why hadn't he come?
"Oh, I hear a carriage." She said and quickly got up to go downstairs. Surely enough, Francis had just arrived, and he was talking with her mother.
"Francis," she called with a smile on her lips.
"There you are," he replied.
They quickly said their goodbyes and got into the carriage.
"I thought we were going to go riding."
"Didn't you go with Royce?" He asked, knowing that Elis had used to go riding with Royce as soon as the sun rose into the sky ever since they were little.
"He didn't come today," she tried to make her voice indifferent, and Francis didn't seem to catch on any hint of disappointment.
"Well, I was hoping we could just spend some time together." He said quietly.
"Fine"
Francis let his driver know that he could start, and he made himself comfortable.
"Francis?" Elis suddenly asked
"Hm?"
"I have a question."
"Go ahead."
"Why did you kiss me last night? I thought... That is, I heard you talk with someone that you didn't see me that way...you know as a man sees a woman."
Francis seemed quite surprised by her question, and he carefully worded his sentence.
"You must have heard wrong." He began. "I have always known about your feelings for me." He said, and she blushed." No, don't get embarrassed. I can't say I am not honored. It just happens that up till now, I haven't really realized that I do like you as well."
"You do?" She asked breathlessly.
"Yes! Come on, Elis, you are beautiful, smart, of perfect lineage, what could I want more?" curiously enough, his explanation didn't really sit well with Elis. She knew that everyone in the ton thought she was the perfect match, but... maybe she had expected more from Francis. Something more...personal? But she wouldn't complain. Not when she had wished her entire life for this to happen.
"I'm flattered that you believe that," she said shyly.
The rest of the time they spent together consisted of Francis telling him of his different town endeavors. It wasn't exactly dull, but it didn't leave much room for discussion. She was just a passive listener.
"I think we will suit just fine," Francis said at one point, and Elis had a distinct impression that he was trying to convince himself and not her.
Royce was in a foul mood. He had been like this all day. He hadn't even gone riding with Elis, something they'd done every morning for as long as he could remember. The whole night he had imagined her in Francis' arms, and as much as he had resigned himself to the fact that he had lost her, he could seem to forget about her for a moment. Good God, life seemed a tireless prison without her, and he was still young. So he did as any man nursing a broken heart would. He took a bottle of scotch from his father's cabinet and proceeded to forget his sorrows with alcohol. It was the only way he could possibly cope with everything. He wondered how long it will be until they announced their engagement. He wouldn't want to be there when it happened. How could he try and look happy for his friends when inside he was dying? How could he smile and congratulate them when inside he was wishing he were in Francis' shoes?
"Royce?" He heard a voice outside his chamber.
"Are you in there?" He recognized his sister's voice, and he told her to enter.
"God Royce! What happened?" She asked, horrified as she took in his unkempt appearance and the half-empty bottle next to him.
"Life," he answered and proceeded to pour himself another glass.
"Stop it, you fool," she took the bottle from his grasp and emptied the contents of the glass in a flowerpot.
"I am sick of seeing you like this. You've been back what, a week or so, and you have been moping continuously. What is wrong with you?" She asked angrily.
"Damn... damn," he punched his fists into the table.
"It's all gone," he whispered in a drunken stupor. "Gone, gone, gone." He kept on repeating.
"What is gone, Royce?" She asked patiently. Royce did not seem very inclined to answer, but he eventually said just "happiness" before passing out.
How was his happiness gone?
CHAPTER 9
The following week passed in a blur, and the Crawfields’ party was nearing. Elis enjoyed almost daily visits from Francis, although she was still worried about Royce. He hadn't called on her, and he hadn't answered her letter. The one time when she had gone to his house to talk to him, he had not been home. It was a bit unnerving to not know what was happening to him. Was this his way of coping with whatever he had seen in that war? She was sure something was wrong with him, and if it was indeed that, she wanted to stand by him and help him. She didn't think it right to let him be alone at this moment. Yet all of her attempts had been thwarted so far.
She sighed as she penned another letter.
Dearest Royce,
Somehow this was all familiar. She had been in this same situation months ago when she had been fraught with worry over his physical safety. Now it was his mental safety that she was concerned about. She had heard of soldiers that survived the war but were never the same. Was this happening to Royce? She bit her lip as she ended her letter as she always did.
"Your faithful friend,
Elis"
"Royce, dear," his mother called.
"Your friend Elis wrote again. Seriously I do not understand why you keep on ignoring her."
Royce was standing next to the piano in the drawing-room, staring into an empty space.
"She's getting married, mama," he said thoughtlessly.
"Is she?" His mother asked skeptically.
"Yes. To Francis"
"So what?"
She asked, and he had to raise his gaze to meet hers.
"What do you mean by so what?"
"Dear, I have always known that you had a thing for her. It was out there for a blind man to see. But you have to remember that she was first and foremost, your friend. How is she to blame that she can't return your feelings? You are practically punishing her for your unrequited feelings right now. Is that fair?"
Royce just stared at her as if the truth had finally revealed to him.
His mot
her was right, in her own way. Yes, he did love her, and she did not return his feelings, but she had always been his friend, and she will always be. Even when she would be gray-haired and wrinkled, he would still love her, but she would still be his friend. He suddenly realized that even though they would not have an intimate relationship, he could not possibly throw her out of his life.
He got up and hurried to leave but not before giving his mother a smile.
"Thank you, mother." He said, and she inclined her head.
"I am here to see Lady Elis," Royce announced the footman, who received him inside.
"You will have to wait, my Lord. She is momentarily out with Lord Calloway. "
"Yes, of course," the footman showed him into the drawing-room, where he was to wait for Elis.
He didn't have to wait for long as he heard a few giggles in the parlor and an on enough Elis appeared on Francis' arm, fresh and smiling. She looked delighted, and he remembered his mother's words. She had said that Elis was his friend, first and foremost, and it was true. As her friend, he wished her happiness more than everything. And as the man who loved her above all else, he was bent on making sure she was happy.
"Elis, Francis," he smiled at them in greeting.
"Royce!" Elis's face lit up, and she rushed towards him.
"I am so glad you are so much better. I was worried," she hugged him, and he tried to be as unaffected as possible.
"Yes, I am better," he just said.
Francis regarded him suspiciously, or so he had the impression. Nevertheless, soon they were all talking and enjoying themselves as they had when they had been younger.
"It's terrific you are home, Royce," Frances told him when Elis had gone to see for tea and snack.
"Yes, it is."
"I am planning to marry her."
"Are you?" Royce replied.
"Yes," Francis nodded, and they descended into an awkward silence.
"Do you love her?" Royce suddenly asked, and Francis seemed at a loss for words.
"I..." he started, but he was interrupted by a joyous Elis who came back into the room.
"Oh Royce, are you sure you are up for the ball?" She asked him worriedly.
"Of course, why wouldn't I be?"
"Well...you know...all those people."
"I already met most of them at the soiree last week."
"Oh, you were there?" She asked and suddenly blushed.
"Yes, but I did not stay. I just made an appearance and left."
"Oh" was all that she said, and she regarded Francis every now and then.
"It's getting late. I should go." Francis stood, and Royce followed suit.
"Yes, me too," he nodded towards Elis, and they moved towards the door.
"See you at the ball," she said and smiled at them both.
"All right."
Elis didn't know what to think anymore of the situation. Ever since she was a toddler, she had always wanted Francis, but when both Francis and Royce were in the room, she found herself showering Royce with all her attention, often forgetting Francis was even there. It was nagging at her, but she decided to set her worries aside. Royce was her dear friend, nothing more.
CHAPTER 10
The night of the ball quickly arrived. Elis was lost in the sea of guests. She barely saw Royce during the dance and the dinner. Because everyone was spending the night at the Crawfords estate, she didn't think it too bold of her to go to his room with a bottle of champagne she had stolen from the kitchen to celebrate. He had become an Earl. Indeed that was the reason for the celebration. She was especially peeved that she hadn't seen much of him lately.
She tiptoed through the grand hall, careful not to make any noises. It was past three in the morning, but she just had to do this for Royce, or so she told herself. As she knocked at the door, she awkwardly looked around to avoid being caught. Fortunately, Royce opened on her third knock.
"What...?" He looked at her as if he'd seen a ghost. "What are you doing here?" he asked again before pulling her inside, quickly ensuring that no one had seen them. "Do you know what time it is? You can't just come to my room alone. Your reputation would be ruined if caught," Royce told her through gritted teeth. Elis didn't mind his words, though, just as she didn't really mind her reputation. Having grown up so sheltered and the youngest daughter of the Marquis, she had never truly grasped the gravity of being alone with a man. Especially considering she'd always been alone with Royce or Francis.
"Oh, come on, Royce, you surely know how to spoil the mood. I came here to celebrate with you! We didn't get to talk, so I thought this would be nice..." Elis started off boldly, but the thought of Royce being bothered by her actions made her uncertain. He seemed to be in a particularly bad mood, and she could smell the alcohol on his breath.
"Have you been drinking Royce?" she asked, going on her tiptoes to sniff at his breath. Royce was taken aback by her proximity, so he could only nod.
"Shame on you," she stuck her finger to his chest. "Without me?" Elis joked as she waved the bottle of champagne in her hand, and Royce started laughing.
"Fine, I'll have a glass with you, no more." He motioned to the bed since there was only one chair in the room. Elis took a seat on the bed, and he brought over the chair to face her.
Royce had already been imbibing spirits for some hours before Elis had come knocking. The bottle of scotch lay on the table next to his bed half empty. That he was able to sound so coherent was a wonder. He purposely placed some distance between himself and Elis, knowing that one touch could start a domino effect. And he didn't want to make a mistake that would cost them their friendship. On the other hand, he knew he could never say no to Elis. Not because he usually couldn't deny her anything, but because he knew just how stubborn she was when she decided on something.
Elis made herself comfortable and shifted her attention to the bottle of champagne. After several attempts at opening it and Royce's unabashed amusement in the matter, she decided to let him do the honors.
"Don't you dare laugh at me. Let's see if you can do it" Elis shoved the bottle to his chest. Surely enough, Royce didn't take long to have the bottle open, without too much noise either. He opened a drawer and removed two glasses, handing her one and filling it with the golden liquid.
"So, how does it feel to be an Earl?" Elis started enthusiastically as she sipped on her drink.
"Not any differently, if I'm completely honest. I'd rather I didn't have this title." Elis continued to sip her drink but made a face at him.
"Really? You must be the only man in the world who does not want a title." She mused. Royce shrugged, trying awfully hard to maintain control of his voice and muscles. He realized that the effects of alcohol were now starting to affect him. Why did Elis have to come here just now?
Elis started talking about her new relationship with Francis, telling Royce about all the outings they had gone out together and gushing about how lucky she was that Francis was now finally paying attention to her.
"I told you I would marry him, didn't I?" she gave a soft laugh and emptied the contents of her second glass.
The more she walked about how perfect Francis was, the more Royce struggled with his own self-control.
"He kissed you, didn't he?" he asked, his voice husky, even though he already knew the answer. He had seen them.
Elis paused for a second in surprise, and then a blush sprayed all across her cheeks as she nodded.
"Did he do more...?" Royce found himself continuing, knowing fully well that her answer might break him. He had decided to be a friend to Elis, so he’d resolved to put aside his feelings and consider her well-being. But as he looked into her flushed face and imagined her and Francis, limbs entangled... it was too much.
"More?" Elis asked, confused. "What do you mean more?" Her voice was one of genuine confusion, and Royce decided to drop it. Just the thought of it was straining his control.
"Never mind," his voice dropped a notch.
"You can't ju
st start it and... say never mind" Elis suddenly stood up, hands on her hips, daring him to continue talking. Royce's head visibly swayed at her abrupt movement.
"Are you alright, Royce?" Elis demanded, her hands suddenly at his shoulders, her face a breath away from his. Through half-open eyes, he noticed the concern in her tone and manner. But by that point, he was already swimming in the sensations her nearness brought. As she brought her face even closer to his to regard his eyes, he did the unthinkable. He leaned in and captured her lips.
She will push me away, he meagerly thought. Just one taste, to serve me for the rest of my life. He closed his eyes and savored the feel of her soft lips under his. It wasn't long before he released her, almost immediately forming an apology. Yet he didn't expect seeing Elis so stunned, her eyes wide. She brought her hands to her lips, tracing them.
"I...uhm... Elis," Royce started mumbling half coherently. It was the next moment that he didn't expect either. Elis, his marvelous Elis, of her own volition, kissed him again. In his alcohol-induced haze, that was all it took to lose control.
CHAPTER 11
Elis was enjoying herself too much in Royce's company. She didn't even realize how quickly one glass was emptied after another. The champagne was making her bubbly and a little more daring than usual. It was also messing with her head when she reached out to Royce to see if he felt all right. The fact that she was so close to him was doing something to her tummy. She didn't know exactly what it was, but it felt warm and good. Staring into his eyes, she finally took a moment to admit to herself that he was quite handsome. Well... he was very handsome. She perused his slightly tanned skin, with his mahogany eyes that always crinkled with warmth, and then there were his lips. She wet her own in reaction. How was it that she had never realized just how plump and nicely formed his lips were? Ladies weren't supposed to notice this about men, she reminded herself. She had certainly never focused on Francis's lips. She was almost in a trance, so the moment Royce put his lips on hers, she could do nothing but let herself feel the slight pressure. It was only a chaste kiss, and yet she felt her heart burst. What was this, she asked herself. Kissing Francis had never felt quite like this. Certainly, that long-ago peck Royce had given her either. She didn't have time to muse further because the contact was cut short as Royce drew back and seemed about to say something. She didn't let him form his words and kissed him again. The feeling was there, she realized, but she wanted more. What more, she had no idea.