by J N Wood
‘I think the next place we get to, as long as it’s a tiny place, we do an experiment,’ I suggested. ‘If it’s quiet, and World War Three isn’t happening again, we could drive until we see a zombie or two, and then we use Blue’s foghorn. We could even rev the engine to see what volume we have to get to before they come running.’
‘That sounds like a good way to commit suicide to be honest Chris. Have you forgotten what just happened in that last town?’
‘We’re not gonna get out of Blue, and we’ll only do it in a really small town. A place with one road and no side streets maybe. We need as much information as we can get if we’re gonna survive this shit and get you back to your wife and unborn child.’
Jack winced at that last comment.
Note to self, don’t mention the unborn child.
He paused for a few moments. ‘Okay, let’s try and do the suicidal experiment.’
We climbed back into the truck.
‘The hissing as well,’ I said. ‘That must be because their vocal cords have shrivelled up, so they can’t make the groans you hear in the movies. Everything has probably shrivelled up and died.’
‘Bet they’ve got tiny cocks as well then,’ Jack said.
I chuckled. ‘To be honest I haven’t been looking, I’ll have a proper look next time I see one. When you turn into a zombie you’ll be completely blind with an inverted penis.’
Jack laughed. ‘Yep, thanks.’
About ten minutes further down the road, I saw an opportunity to safely try out the suicidal experiment. In the car park of a rest area, I spotted three zombies very sedately shuffling around in small circles, all near to the entrance of the building at the back of the car park.
I brought the truck to a halt. A little stretch of grass separated the main road from the car park. Jack looked up from the map.
I pointed to the three shufflers. ‘Do you want to try out my See How Much Zombies Can Hear Experiment?’
Jack looked over to them and checked out the rest of our surroundings, he nodded. ‘Yeah, perfect.’
We actually tried a vision test first. Two of the zombies were facing us, but they didn’t seem to be paying us any attention. Jack got onto his knees on his seat, and stuck the whole of his upper body out of the window, he started waving. They carried on doing their little shuffle circles.
‘That’ll do for the eyesight test. I don’t think we should get out of Blue,’ I said.
I placed the gearstick into park and put my foot down on the accelerator slightly, the engine revved, but there were no changes in the zombies’ behaviour. I pressed down on the pedal a little harder. There was still no change so I put my foot right down to the floor. All three of the zombies stopped shuffling, and their heads started to almost twitch. They seemed to be looking around, maybe trying to see where this new noise was coming from. I took my foot off the accelerator completely and the engine settled down to its normal rumbling noise.
‘They’re deaf as a fucking post,’ I laughed.
‘Horn?’ Jack suggested, he pointed at the button he struggled to find the previous day.
I pressed the button, and the loud foghorn that had been installed in our truck rang out, signalling to everything within earshot that we were there. It only took a heartbeat for the zombies to go from shuffling to sprinting, demonstrating an incredible turn of pace.
They were about thirty feet from us when I put the truck back into drive, slowly accelerating away. With their mouth’s wide open the contorted faces had a wild and hungry look to them.
‘Just one more experiment. Let’s see how fast they can go?’ I proposed.
‘Okay, but don’t fuck about.’
The speedometer read 15 mph. One of the zombies was easily keeping up with us. She looked like she’d been in good shape in her previous life.
Or just in life, I should probably say.
The other two looked slightly heavier, and were falling back. I got the truck up to twenty five miles per hour, and the lead chaser also looked like she was starting to drop back. I put my foot down and started to leave all three of the zombies behind.
‘Wait a minute,’ Jack said. ‘Do a stamina test. Let’s see how long she can keep up with us.’
I slowed the truck back down to twenty miles per hour and let her catch us slightly. We drove for about twenty minutes at that speed. She never looked like she was tiring.
Jack looked up from the map. ‘Let’s lose her, we’re going to have to stop before we get to the next big town, and I don’t really want her hanging around us.’
‘So, some of them are pretty quick, some of them aren’t,’ I said. ‘And they might be able to run for ever. Let’s try and avoid any races on foot.’
‘Hardly a definitive conclusion,’ Jack replied. ‘At least we know we can sneak past them if we’re quiet. I don’t think we even need to be that quiet.’
I was definitely more hopeful than before the experiment. We might actually be able to survive this road trip across the country. Hopefully we didn’t just happen to pick three zombies that were deaf before they’d died and reanimated.
Thirty minutes later, we reached the outskirts of Spanish Fork. The scenic drive had been amazing, if we forgot about the zombie experiment at the end, it was like the apocalypse had never happened.
We stopped before we hit civilisation, and had a quick bite to eat. I looked at the map to try and figure out a route so we could avoid the heavily populated areas. We didn’t want to drive through the centre of a town again. If we took the next left, we could avoid Spanish Fork completely. It just meant we would drive through the edges of Salem and Payson.
We turned onto Powerhouse Road, and by the time we reached the end of it, we were very happy with our decision. We heard at least five or six explosions, and saw multiple smoke trails.
Maybe the army was moving through the town, or had been there recently.
Salem also looked in a bit of a sorry state. So far, this was where we’d seen the most dead bodies, not zombies though, the actual motionless dead. Blood stains covered the ground, and bodies were everywhere I looked, literally piles upon piles of them. Sometimes the bodies were stacked ten high, and there was so many it was impossible to count how many were in each pile.
The smell was unbelievable.
There were many soldiers amongst the dead. It looked like chunks of their flesh had been removed, torn away by teeth maybe. There were also abandoned cars everywhere. Some were wrapped around trees and some burnt out in the middle of the road.
‘I’m glad we weren’t here,’ Jack said.
‘Yep,’ I replied. ‘It must have been a huge fight between the army and the zombies. I honestly can’t tell who is winning.’
‘I’m trying not to look too closely to be honest but yeah, I think the zombies are doing alright.’ Jack was looking at the map. ‘Hey, if we carry on this route, we’ll end up driving through the middle of Payson. Take the next right.’
Payson was the polar opposite of Salem. It was empty. I was more frightened there, than I was with the mass of dead bodies everywhere. There were plenty of hiding spots a zombie could jump out from.
‘So did the population of Payson just pop into Salem?’ I asked.
Jack ignored my question, and said, ‘If you turn right here, and then left at the top, we can get onto the main highway. Hopefully there will be a gun shop around there somewhere.’
I snapped my head around to look at him. ‘What are you after now?’ I asked.
‘We could do with some holsters for the guns. I’m sick of trying to find a way to carry mine, and you keep leaving yours in the truck.’
Shit, I didn’t think he’d noticed.
‘We could have just taken them from the dead soldiers we saw in Salem,’ I suggested.
‘That’s a bit grim. I’d rather have a new one that I don’t have to prise off a dead body.’
‘Okay, each to their own,’ I replied, with a smile.
We found a sig
n for Rocky’s Gun Shop and pulled up outside. It was still really quiet, far too quiet.
‘This is gonna go wrong,’ I said. ‘This is when we get too comfortable and get caught out.’
‘For a start, I’m not comfortable. We’ll keep our heads down and stay quiet, it’ll be a quick in and out job. Come on, and don’t forget your gun.’ Jack climbed out of the truck and started walking towards the shop.
Fuck’s sake, I guess we’re definitely going in then.
I had a quick look around, and opened the door as quietly as possible. I jogged to catch him up.
‘Try not to fire your gun, I don’t know if you know this but guns are really loud,’ I whispered.
The front door to the shop was already open and hanging at a strange angle. It looked like someone had already raided the shop.
‘Jack,’ I whispered, pointing at the door.
He looked at me, put his finger to his lips, and then spun around to enter the shop. He’d become very confident all of a sudden. One last look around, and then I followed him in.
The majority of the guns and ammo had indeed been taken, but we managed to find some belt holsters. Jack briefly considered getting a shoulder one, but I convinced him he’d look like a twat.
We were just about to leave, when I heard a noise from outside, it sounded like a stick being dragged along the road. We crept over to the front window and peered out. That’s exactly what it was, an old zombie dragging his walking stick behind him.
Fucking hell, maybe we shouldn’t have come in here after all.
‘Just let him pass,’ I whispered.
‘Yep, okay,’ Jack said.
The old zombie was at a point I’d have thought safe for us to try and sneak past, but then I heard more shuffling. It was the sound of feet being dragged along the ground, lots of feet. I pressed my face up against the window and looked to the left, the same direction the old zombie had just come from. There were hundreds of them, maybe thousands. They might have gone on for ever for all I knew.
The fuckers are quiet when they’re not hissing.
Jack must have already seen them, because when I turned to him he was backing away. Keeping low, I followed him and we ducked behind the counter at the back.
Fear was stopping me from poking my head out to take a look, but I could hear the front of the group reach the gun shop. It sounded like they were coming in through the open front door. The sheer numbers must be forcing them in.
There was a door behind us so I pointed towards it.
‘Jack, we can’t stay here, let’s try through there,’ I whispered.
Jack nodded and crawled over to the closed door on his hands and knees. He opened it just a few inches and looked in. A few seconds later he beckoned me to follow him.
Behind us zombie flesh was being dragged along the window of the shop, squeaking across the glass.
Jack was holding the door for me and I crawled through, before he very carefully closed it behind me.
I quickly scanned the room. We were in some kind of office. There was another door on the opposite wall, and a staircase led down to something, probably the storeroom.
Jack walked past the staircase and stopped in front of the other door, placing his ear against it. He turned back to me and shrugged his shoulders.
‘I can’t hear anything,’ he said.
‘Is it unlocked?’ I asked.
Jack very slowly pushed the handle down and the door opened outwards onto the street beyond. He opened it an inch or two so he could see out. A thin strip of sunlight shone into the room.
‘Looks clear,’ he said.
The door to the front of the shop swung violently open and crashed loudly into the wall. A blood soaked creature resembling a human was lying on the floor in the open doorway. The room beyond was wall to wall with zombies. The fucking horrific hissing was back.
‘Run Jack, run!’ I screamed.
Jack slammed the back door open and was outside by the time I got to the other side of the room. The door was still wide open as I went to step outside. It swung back straight into my face, causing me to fall back into the office. With a grunt of pain, I landed on my arse on the wooden floor.
A thin and bony hand clawed at my shoulder, throwing it off, I scrambled back to my feet. The zombies were literally falling over each other to get at me.
Just two steps and I was at the back door. My shoulder wasn’t moving it. There was no give in it at all. Something really heavy must have been behind it.
What the fuck happened to Jack?
I glanced over my shoulder to the zombies behind me, all trying to get back to their feet.
Only one choice left, I sprinted down the stairs, really fucking hoping it wasn’t just a locked door at the bottom. Otherwise certain death was all that awaited me.
The door was fucking locked. Mother fucking locked.
I tried kicking, and then putting my shoulder into it, but it was rock solid. I didn’t dare look up the stairs, knowing they would be there.
The incessant hissing was going straight through me, making me wince. Through the almost debilitating horror, I remembered why I was in this fucking shitty predicament. Unbuttoning the clasp on the new holster, I pulled out my gun.
Too late to worry about the noise now.
I aimed in the general vicinity of the lock and the handle, firing five times before the door swung open on its own. Pleased with my little victory, I rushed through the doorway and slammed the door closed behind me.
It was freezing down there, and I realised I was soaked with sweat. The cold air hit me and sent a shiver down my spine. I frantically looked for something to barricade the door with.
What the actual fucking fuck? My luck had finally deserted me. I was dead, a fucking dead man.
A very lonely looking pink sofa sat in the middle of the room, barely illuminated by a thin window high up on the wall, letting in a strip of sunlight. Apart from that, it was completely empty.
The space down there was only small so I soon had the sofa up against the door. I planted my feet on the opposite wall, and pressed my back against the sofa. I would just have to stay like that for the rest of my life. Probably a short life.
Who has a room under a gun shop with just a pink fucking sofa in it?
A series of loud bangs sounded before I felt the pressure on my barricade. They were coming for me. Hopefully some of them broke their necks falling down the stairs.
The room was bare, but I desperately looked around for something, anything, and spotted a possible something. There was a hole in the floorboards. It had been underneath the sofa. I reached for my backpack to get my torch but I didn’t have it.
Of course I didn’t fucking have it. I left it in the fucking truck didn’t I? It’ll be a quick in and out job. Fuck’s sake Jack.
Please, please, please let it be a secret tunnel leading out of here.
At least I had my phone on me. I quickly fumbled it out of my pocket and turned on the torch.
It obviously wasn’t a tunnel. It was just a fucking hole in the floor. Absolute unreserved despair hit me like a double decker bus.
I couldn’t hold this sofa against the door for ever. Hang on, maybe I didn’t have to. All I had to do was stay quiet and wait until the zombies got bored and left.
The pressure against the other side of the door was steadily building though. The gunshots must have drawn a lot of them to my position. The zombies at the front of the queue could hardly tell the ones behind them to stop pushing, could they?
You can do this. Come on, you can do this Chris.
My legs were starting to shake from the strain.
Nope, I can’t do this. I can’t hold it for much longer.
Using my feet on the wall, I edged my way closer to the hole, still making sure to keep the majority of my strength pushing against the sofa, any less and they would be in. I got close enough so I could put one foot in the hole. When my foot hit solid ground, my lower leg was submerged
up to my knee.
With a bit of work, I reckon I could squeeze my whole body in there.
It felt like my leg, the one pressing against the wall, was going to crumble any second. Sweat covered my face, running into my eyes and making it difficult to see clearly. I tried to blink it away, and lifted my foot out of the hole, bringing my heel down hard onto the floor boards. They seemed to break away quite easily.
Hopefully they won’t collapse when a shitload of zombies enter the room.
With no other choice, I continued until I felt I’d made the hole big enough to just get myself in, not wanting to make it too big.
Right, now I just had to get in there. I tried to calm myself down. My thoughts were too loud, bouncing around in my head. I was imagining every possible outcome, there were only two but they were all I could think of.
Outcome A, I’m too slow and I die.
Outcome B, I’m quick enough and I survive.
It was simple, move incredibly quickly and don’t panic. Do not fucking panic. I’ll be fine.
It was now or never. I couldn’t have waited much longer anyway.
I positioned myself so my body was parallel with where the joists under the floor boards would hopefully be. One leg was back in the hole. I held my breath.
If I’d believed in God, this would have been a good time for a prayer.
On the count of three. One, two, and…three.
I lifted my left leg off the wall and quickly placed it in the hole, along with my right.
The sofa was moving me further away from the hole as the door was being forced open. Pushing back with all my strength I slid my arse over to the edge of the hole, placing my hands on the broken floorboards.
The door was shoved fully open by the dead, still pushing the sofa into me, but this time forcing me into the hole. I grabbed the edge of the sofa and guided it over me, covering myself so I was hidden.
Fucking hell! It worked.
I tried to keep as still as possible.
They were streaming into the room. The floorboards were creaking around me, and dust fell onto my face.
The sofa scraped across the floor, my left hand shot out and I gripped onto the material covering the bottom of it. I couldn’t let them push it and uncover my hiding place.