Chapter 7
Andrea’s husband worked as a night shift security guard at a manufacturing plant. The kids went to bed at nine, leaving Andrea plenty of time to explain the ways of the wolf to me. We hadn’t been close as kids. Not that Andrea teased me the way Todd did or anything like that. Andrea was just too old to pay much attention. I spent time with my niece and nephew, of course, but I still felt awkward at times with the family.
I flopped on the sofa with a frown. “He asked me to go with him on moon night.”
Andrea nodded, her eyes filled with compassion. Andrea was the only one in my family who really understood how painful the mouse shifting thing was for me.
“I asked if we could go another night and then I insulted him so much that he didn’t even answer.”
“Jen, you can’t spend your life pushing people away. The shift is only three days out of the month and you let it run your life.”
“He asked how we would know if we were meant for each other. And you said that wolves run in packs on the full moon until they find their mate, so I’m obviously not mate material anyway. Besides, he brings his trysts to the office and he’s not exactly careful about who finds out or how he leaves the office.” My heart ached even as I spoke. I knew she was right. Every person I knew had experienced at least a boyfriend, maybe even a few kisses. Sixteen and never been kissed? Try twenty-two. Okay, so I had kissed, but that was it.
“If he’s already caught your scent and you really are meant to be his mate, then all the time he spends with other wolves will only hurt you when he finally notices, and it looks like he has.”
“Didn’t it hurt you? Knowing how many other women Cal’s been with?” I didn’t understand the process and never wanted to. Now I had to find a way to let Rob down easy and somehow keep our professional relationship comfortable.
“It really is different for you, isn’t it? What do you do on moon nights?” Andrea turned on the lamp next to the easy chair and settled in. We were drinking tea, mostly because Andrea banned soda from the house, and my ginger ale addiction would have to wait.
I sipped the peppermint tea and shrugged. “I lock myself in the closet and wait for the change. I stay there until it’s done.”
“Why on earth would you do that?” Andrea looked horrified and I couldn’t understand why. She had been part of the moon night rituals after all.
“I always have.”
“But you’re not a child anymore.” Andrea looked shocked and I remember now that she left the house while I was still in junior high. How could she know that my moon habits hadn’t changed?
“It’s not safe. I’m the smallest were-type and any number of things could happen to me.” The oddest thing was that Ali often talked me into changing to mouse form outside the full moon. I didn't mind being a mouse as long as the world wasn't full of werewolves.
“That sounds like dad.” Andrea’s thin grimace and her frown gave away exactly what she thought about my self-imposed prison.
“You’ve never had a wolf trap you between his paws. I snuck out once and felt more like a chew toy than an adventurer.” Years and years ago as an adolescent mouse, I made my great escape which ended with a terrifying moment when some jerk of a wolf decided to mess with me. For the wolf it was all in fun, but when your entire body is the size of someone’s mouth, such play is excruciating.
“Why didn’t you ever say anything? We could have guarded you or something.”
I never intended to give away the humiliation I felt at overhearing what Grandma really thought of me. I kept my feelings of inadequacy as close as a heartbeat for so long that when I started talking, it felt that my throat would close up from the dust of disuse. Somehow I managed to keep going. I told Andrea everything. My fears. My faults. How I got by on Moon nights.
When I finished, the compassion in Andrea’s eyes gave me some comfort. “I’m sorry. I knew some of the kids picked on you, but I didn’t realize how much it has affected you. Frankly, I was always jealous.”
“You, what?” I stared at her. Jealous of me? What crazy world was this?
“You change at will and into a form that no one else has. The reason everyone teased you is because they secretly wanted to be a mouse, too. When you and Ali got in trouble for sneaking into the classrooms after hours and drawing wolf butts all over the chalkboards, people in my school were talking about it. And believe me, it was with the kind of awe reserved for hot guys in leather jackets.”
Hmmm...I was cool, at least to someone. Why couldn't anyone have ever told me?
I remembered the story she was talking about. Ali and I were caught by virtue of hair, specifically raccoon hair. The windows were those crank and lift up from the inside windows that old brick elementary schools seem to have. One of the teachers left the window open a crack, which was all we needed to get through. Since it was a crescent moon weekend, the raccoon hair puzzled teachers until word leaked to the parents and Ali’s parents realized what had happened.
Ali, true friend that she is, took the blame alone and was scheduled to detention for two weeks after school. She argued, quite reasonably, that since she had talked me into the trespass, that she should take the punishment. Nonetheless, I showed up at detention and my name was added to the annals of troublemakers. The wolves that weren’t offended thought it funny, although one of the elderly teachers who taught music seemed greatly put out by it, at least by the exquisite disappointment she expressed.
As I recall, Andrea came home from school that day in a snit because I had embarrassed her horribly in front of her classmates. “You were really jealous?”
“You have no idea. Sometimes I still am. You don’t even care what any of the elders think. It’s like you can exist outside the pack and still be part of it.”
“I don’t feel part of it. I feel alone.” I sipped my peppermint tea, feeling a strange sense of dislocation, as if everyone had seen my entire life in a completely different way than I had. “So what should I do about Rob?”
“It’s your boss?” Andrea bit her lip and looked off into the distance. Apparently this was a dilemma that took more reasoning than the typical brush-off.
“Yeah.” I looked uncomfortable. Of course I know how stupid getting involved with Rob would be. And I also knew that the office was far too small for the slightest bit of drama. I worked with the guy every day.
“How well do you like him?” Andrea asked.
“I like him well enough. We talk about all sorts of things and he’s always polite even when I insult him.”
“So why insult him?”
“He had sex on my desk. That’s where this all started.” I felt the blood rush to my cheeks.
Andrea started laughing. I’m talking full-body laugh, the kind you get when you’re punchy from lack of sleep and every silly thing sounds hilarious. I was confused. I mean, it’s kind of funny, but not worth rolling on the floor over. “That guy has it bad for you.”
“What do you mean?”
“When the change is taking affect, we like to find a spot where we feel safe, usually somewhere familiar. He probably started noticing you in human form. If he had sex on your desk, he was trying to be closer to you even while he was with someone else.”
“Well, I’m not the first receptionist he’s done this to.” I’m sure I tried not to sound as indignant as I sounded. Somehow this was worse, the fact that it really did mean something and that he had done it before.
“Maybe they spent a full moon together and realized it wouldn’t work between them. Maybe your desk is more comfortable.” Andrea smiled and it was a little too broad for my liking. My sister was enjoying this far too much. And the sad thing? I wasn’t. You'd think being in love is a wonderful experience. Not when it's one-sided agony.
“Wolves know with the moon. If you want to date a werewolf, you'll have to spend at least one full moon with him before he'll take it to the next level.”
“You mean marriage.” The word
sounded strange in my mouth.
“That's exactly what I mean. You have to decide for yourself what you want. But I'd give him the moon night. What's the worst that can happen?”
The worst that could happen? I could become mouse pastry, my last vision of the big bad wolf's tonsils. Not a likely scenario, but definitely in the realm of possible worsts and a really bad way to go. My sister's advice, boiled down, was to go on the full moon date.
Had any little animal weres disappeared on the full moon? I didn't know. Maybe because we never exactly advertised what we were, except Ali, she didn't care if the world knew she was a raccoon.
Moon Struck: When Were & Howl Book 1 Page 7