And at the end of it, when he was getting ready for bed, he thought about his regrets and wondered if there was anything he could do to erase them.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Tilly
“Thanks, Rowdy. I needed a night out.” Tilly leaned back into the booth, her stomach full of chocolate cake and raspberry sauce. Across from her, Rowdy Fuentes pushed his plate away and grinned.
Atlanta was a new town for Tilly, and while she’d enjoyed exploring on her own for the first couple of days of the series, she was tired of being alone. Alone was … empty. Void of out-loud laughter. There were no shared looks of astonishment, there was no hand to hold, no hard chest to snuggle up against, no inside jokes to start.
She’d set out to explore, thinking that having new memories, without a certain person in them, would be a start to building a new life. But Atlanta felt barren. Even though it teemed with people and whispered of adventure, it was all lost to her without someone to share it with. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get Brayden out of her system.
“I figured it was my turn to introduce you to some of my town’s charms.” Rowdy threw his arm over the back of the booth. His dark hair fell over his forehead, and he flicked it aside.
Tilly hunched forward. She should be over the moon to sit in this high-class restaurant, eating chocolate cake with raspberry sauce, with a guy like Rowdy, but she was wound so tight she couldn’t enjoy a thing. “I wish I could relax like you.”
“Why can’t you?”
She set the tines of her fork on the plate, swirling them through the chocolate sauce and making nonsensical designs. “I guess I’m stressed out over being here and being in charge of all the details. It’s not like it’s that hard, but things stick in my head and I can’t shake them out.” She tapped her temple.
“Like what?” He rolled a hand, indicating she should expand on that thought.
“Like the fact that Brayden has eaten dinner in his room by himself every night of this trip. He should be out with his friends or at least gaming in their rooms, but he’s not.
“And why do I know that he’s in room 617? I can’t remember anyone else’s room numbers. But his won’t go away.” She rapped her knuckles against her forehead as if she could knock the information right out of her brain.
“Umm.” Rowdy shifted in his seat.
“And he’s not ordering enough food. He should have two steaks for dinner, but he only orders one. I guess he’s not using calories like he used to, but still, the guy has the appetite of a hippopotamus.” She’d teased him about that often enough. Her mental state was Harper Wolfe’s fault. No doubt the Redrocks’ owner had decided to play matchmaker and get her and Brayden on a road trip together.
More thoughts tumbled out of her. “And when he’s in the bullpen, he stomps around too much. He’s making the other guys nervous because they aren’t used to seeing him as a coach and he’s stomping.” She laid her palms on the table and leaned forward. “Why is he stomping?”
Rowdy leaned away from her. “Maybe someone’s making him uncomfortable.”
She took in the way his chin was tucked back and his head slightly turned away from her. Crap. She pushed herself up to sitting straight. “Sorry.” She smiled pathetically.
He laughed, but it seemed like he was laughing more at himself than he was at her. “Don’t worry about it. This kind of thing seems to happen a lot.”
She pushed her plate to the end of the table and threw her napkin on top. “What kind of thing?”
“I always pick the girl who’s unavailable. I’m drawn to them, and I can’t seem to shake the curse. I find them all over America.”
Gunner’s comment about Rowdy having a girl in every town came to mind. “Oh no.”
He heaved a sigh, his body curling in on itself. “Yeah, it’s been a rough year.”
“Tell me about it.”
He smirked.
“No, really, tell me.” She leaned her elbow on the table and her head on her fist. “I have no desire to go back to the hotel and spend the night tossing and turning. Distract me with your tales of woe.”
He smiled, mirroring her posture. “Since you asked so nicely …”
The aching in Tilly’s stomach lessened as she listened to Rowdy bemoan his social life. They laughed over the woman in Texas who’d asked him to drive past her ex’s house so she could stalk him without the guy knowing. “Did you do it?”
“No.” He ducked his head. “I got out at the top of the street and let her borrow my car.”
She laughed. “You’re too nice.”
“My ex says I have a Superman complex, that I’m always looking for someone to save. It drove her nuts. Did Brayden do anything that drove you insane?”
She paused, considering the question. “No.”
“No way.”
“It’s true. I mean, he left his socks in the living room. But if anyone drove anyone nuts, it was me. I was always borrowing his T-shirts and hoodies and not giving them back. I left my yoga mat out for days and he’d have to step over it. He never said a word.” She felt herself doing that yearning thing again.
“Do you want me to beat him up?”
Tilly giggled. “If you’d asked that question a month ago, I probably would have said yes.”
“But not now?”
“No. I’m through the anger.”
“Then you’re halfway there.”
Yeah, except she wasn’t sure where she was going, because when she made a turn, Brayden was there and she fell for him all over again. “I’m not sure I can get away from him. It’s like my heart doesn’t beat strong enough unless he’s around.”
Rowdy sighed wistfully. “We could have been good together, Tilly.”
She smiled at him, thinking of his skills as a kisser. “If only our stars had aligned.”
“I should have played for the Redrocks.”
“You still can. The owner owes me a favor.” Harper owed her big after the stress this road trip had brought into her life. Not to mention the setback it had caused in getting over Brayden. “I could put in a recommendation. Not that you need it. You have a wicked changeup.”
He tipped his head back and laughed. “I’d actually consider it if you were part of the bargain.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“Maybe I’ll see you in Utah next season.”
She sipped from her straw. “That would be cool.”
They made their way out of the deserted restaurant. The poor staff was right behind them, sweeping under their table and hauling away dishes so they could go home for the night. Tilly hadn’t realized how late they were.
* * *
Brayden
Brayden sat in the hotel lobby, his elbows on his knees as he watched the front door. He couldn’t stand the thought of Tilly kissing Rowdy again, so he’d set himself up as sentry. No matter how uncomfortable it would be, he’d hover until Rowdy left, sans kiss.
The hours spent on the padded bench were some of the worst he’d had on a road trip. And this road trip had been awful. Knowing Fuentes was in town, had made a move on Tilly already, was killing him. He couldn’t hang with the guys because he was too stressed about where Tilly was and who she was with—his mind was in a frenzy. The only break he got was during games when he could keep an eye on Fuentes in the bullpen, on the mound, or in the dugout. As long as he could see the guy, he calmed down. Still, he paced the bullpen, wondering if Tilly was meeting up with Rowdy later. There were so many stress hormones in his body that he was headed for an early grave.
He ran his hands down his face. It was well past one in the morning. He could have missed them coming in, but he didn’t think so. He’d watched the door like a hawk. He mentally walked himself through what they could be doing if it were him and Tilly out together. They’d sit at a table until closing time talking about everything and nothing. Gag! Were Tilly and Rowdy wrapped up in one another in a booth somewhere? She’d start out sitting acr
oss from Brayden because he was all elbows when it came to eating—or so she claimed. But by dessert she’d be on his side of the table, her arm looped through his and her head on his shoulder as she stole bites of his brownie sundae or carrot cake. He liked berries but she favored chocolate, so he’d order what she liked, knowing he’d only eat half of it. She’d never order her own, calling him her calorie shield. Each bite he ate was one she didn’t. Just one more way she’d made him feel like he was taking care of her. It was so silly.
So why did he miss it so much?
Why couldn’t he let her go like he’d sworn he’d to the day they’d broken up?
Because you’re in love with her, idiot.
He told himself to shut up. He couldn’t go there. He couldn’t open up their love and take a look at it, because if he did … he’d lose his resolve. He’d forget all about what Tilly deserved in this life and he’d be selfish in his love and keep her for himself. She needed to find someone who could make her happy, give her all the things she’d ever wanted, including family climbing excursions and camping trips in the desert. He’d always imagined carrying a baby in one of those backpack things as they hiked—even researched them online to find the best one. With his neck … He added that dream to the rest of the lost dreams in his heart.
Tilly’s laughter floated through the revolving doors, hitting him square in the chest. He looked up to see her arm hooked through Rowdy’s, her eyes alight.
This was not happening.
He was on his feet before his brain realized that his legs were moving him towards the happy couple. He couldn’t grab on to a thought and had no idea what he was going to say. His blood pressure was through the roof, and his hands were numb.
“I had a great time,” said Rowdy.
Tilly smiled at him. “I did too. Let me know if you come to Utah soon.”
“I will. I’d love to see those falls you told me about.”
Falls? Rowdy couldn’t be talking about their falls. The ones they’d kissed under. No way. Tilly wouldn’t. Then again, who was he to claim the spot? The mountains and the red rock and the trails belonged to her more than him. If they’d split things up in a divorce, she would have gotten all of the outdoors and he would have the Redrocks.
It was time to end this little dating adventure. “Hey, you two just getting in?”
Tilly exchanged a look with Rowdy, one that was full of meaning Brayden didn’t understand. It made him all the more determined to get Rowdy out of there. He positioned himself next to Tilly’s shoulder, where could easily place his hand on her warm skin—itched to do so. To show in some way that Tilly was his and not Rowdy’s. She wasn’t his officially, but his heart was in her hands and he couldn’t seem to get it back.
“You’ve got a game tomorrow.” He nodded towards the door, indicating Rowdy should use it.
Rowdy worked to stifle a smile. The smugness leaked out of him. “I thought I’d stick around, maybe see Tilly up to her room.”
Tilly was better at controlling her face, but her lips twitched. “Yeah. You can come up.”
“No. He can’t,” Brayden said through clenched teeth. “He’s pitching. And you wouldn’t want to be accused of messing with his game, would you?”
Tilly gave him a saucy look that said their late nights hadn’t messed with his game. If anything, he’d played better after holding her for an hour or two under the stars. She filled him up.
“Not that he’s right, but I should get going.” Rowdy leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.
Brayden growled, the sound low and deep in his chest, primal.
“I hope you sleep well.”
Tilly grinned at some shared secret. “I’m sure I’ll sleep better tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Night.” He patted Brayden on the back.
Brayden and Tilly watched him go. When the glass door circled around, Brayden turned on Tilly, who was slipping her heels off right there in the lobby. Even in a posh hotel, she was still a desert gypsy. “What do you mean, you’ll see him tomorrow?”
“At the game. He’s pitching.” She headed for the elevator doors. Her air of unconcern was concerning.
“Are you going out tomorrow night too?”
She lifted a shoulder. “I don’t know.” She pressed the up button and the doors slid open immediately. They stepped inside. “Are you going to wait in the lobby?”
“I might. Someone needs to watch out for you.” He sighed with relief at being alone with her. He stood close, his arm brushing hers, needing the contact.
“Brayden.” Her voice held a note of warning.
“Don’t get like that. I’m allowed to care about your welfare.”
Tilly stood in front of him, blocking his way out of the elevator should the doors open. “Do you care?” she asked quietly. The raw question packed a punch.
Brayden’s head got light. The full force of Tilly’s mint-green eyes boring into his, probing right into his innermost thoughts, his soul, was too much to keep out. He couldn’t keep her away from her. His hands journeyed to her sides, his fingers sliding around her back. “You know I do.” His voice was gravely, real. The walls of the elevator disappeared, time slowed, and his brain hit the pause button.
Tilly lifted up on her tiptoes, her mouth almost brushing his. She held herself there, as if she was allowing him the opportunity to pull away from her. But he knew that if he did, this would be the last time. The warm brush of her breath on his lips made his body jelly.
Tilly closed the distance, her shoes dropping to the floor and her arms winding around his neck as their lips came together.
Brayden walked her backward until her back pressed against the wall. He pressed his body against hers, his lips drinking her in. His fingers worked their way into her hair, and he was undone with the feel of it sliding against his skin.
Tilly let out a soft moan, and it was as if he could suddenly feel—really feel—again. Her sunshine broke through the clouds that had built up inside of him, his mind. The emotions swirling between the two of them were too strong to fight against. His arms wrapped around her tighter, pulling her closer.
She gasped his name, her breaths coming heavy and fast. He moved his hand to the back of her head and tipped her chin so he could trail kisses along her jaw. She sagged against him, and he felt strong in being able to hold her up—stronger than he had felt in weeks. She bracketed his face with her hands and brought their lips together once more, drinking him in.
The elevator doors opened with a loud ding that caused them both to jump.
Brayden gasped for breath, wondering if he’d truly breathed at all since he’d lost Tilly. He looked into her eyes, blazing with love, and he saw his future—though not any future he’d ever pictured before. This one was harder but beautiful still.
She stumbled out of his embrace and out of the elevator. “I have to go.”
“Tilly.” He reached for her, but she slipped through his fingers and the doors shut tight. He pressed his head against the cool metal. “What have I done?”
He pressed the button for the 6th floor and wandered down the hall, banging on Blake’s door. He needed clarity. He needed someone who could and would help him see things in their true light.
Blake finally opened it, wearing only a pair of pajama bottoms. His hair was a fuzz ball on his head, and he had pillow lines down his cheek. “You look like crap,” he said to Brayden.
“I made a mistake. A huge mistake.” Brayden fell into the room and landed on Blake’s couch. Tilly’s kisses had taken the strength out of him.
Blake slowly shut the door. “You’re lucky I’m not in the lineup tomorrow.” He threw on a shirt and sat on the end of the bed, across from Brayden. “This had better be about Tilly, or I’m going back to sleep.”
Brayden grinned. “It’s most definitely about Tilly.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Tilly
Tilly managed to avoid being alone with Brayden for the rest of th
e road trip. It wasn’t easy; he was there when she turned around to find a pen, when she finished checking everyone out of the hotel, and when she put in an order for dinner because the bus hadn’t made it to the clubhouse in time for the manager to provide a meal.
Tuesday was a travel day, which meant the team didn’t have a practice scheduled. Colorado was flying in today and they’d play tomorrow. What all the logistics added up to was an empty PT room and a much-needed massage from her best friend.
“You look healed.” Elise worked over Tilly’s back. “The bruising is gone and you’re not tender anymore.”
If she could see my heart … She was more tender than ever when it came to Brayden. That kiss … THAT KISS!
“How was your date with Rowdy?” She said it like Rowdy was a piece of forbidden fruit.
Tilly tensed. “How did you know about that?”
“I think Brayden told Gunner, who told Juan, who told everybody.”
Tilly laughed. She gave Elise a quick rundown of events that had happened while she was away, including the kiss from Brayden.
“So sparks?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“I can tell.”
“How?” Tilly demanded.
Elise hesitated. “Your whole body blushed.”
“Oh my gosh! That is so embarrassing.” If Tilly’s face wasn’t already buried in the massage table’s face rest, she would have hidden behind her hands.
“No, it’s not. It was sweet.” Elise was a trained massage and physical therapist. She looked at almost naked bodies all day long and saw them more like a Chinese puzzle that she wanted to solve than anything else. She claimed a person’s muscles would talk to her.
Tilly was a believer. She’d had many massages from different professionals, but Elise’s were like magic.
“It’s good to hear you laugh again, though. It’s been a while.”
“I know. I’m sorry I’ve been such a drag.”
Intentional Walk: Dating Mr. Baseball Book 3 Page 17