‘It’s been a month.’
‘Is that all?’ Lizzy sounded mournfully surprised.
‘Yeah. Do you know what year it is?’
‘2015?’
Her reply surprised me. I had assumed that she would still believe it was 1950.
‘No, it’s 2016.’
‘Oh. I saw a notice at the ranger station. I thought it was maybe October or November.’
I shook my head. ‘No, it’s January.’
We were silent for the rest of the way home and I wondered what she was thinking. Perhaps Lizzy was recalling the night she had dug herself out of her grave, or was trying to come to terms with the knowledge that she couldn’t hide any more. A stranger had recognized her and sought her out. Lizzy probably felt vulnerable and I didn’t blame her.
My God, I thought, that must have been a humiliating moment. Found squatting in what must still feel like her own home.
Mick and Keith were in the reception hall when I opened the front door. When they saw Lizzy they barked exuberantly and put their front paws against her legs, staring up at her with big doggy grins, tails wagging furiously. A good sign. Lizzy took off her backpack, hunkered down and made a fuss of them, the pups licking her face.
I watched for a moment, smiling, then said, ‘Do you have anything else that needs washing?’
‘Actually, yes. There wasn’t enough room on that drying rack.’
‘You can have a bath too, if you want. I turned the valve-’
‘I turned it back on.’ Lizzy smiled at the look of surprise on my face. ‘I used to own this ranch, remember? I had a bath this morning. Took me a while to figure out how to switch the hot water on, though. Your heating system looks like something out of a science fiction story.’
‘Welcome to 2016. I’d assumed that you’d gone down to the river and then heated the water on the range.’
Lizzy shook her head.
‘Must be a total mind fu- It must be very strange for you.’
She nodded.
There was an awkward silence and I watched a look of guilt pass across Lizzy’s face. She blushed.
‘I really am sorry that I took your keys and your food.’
‘It’s okay, I understand. You don’t need to keep apologizing.’
‘Thank you.’
I smiled, nodded, then said, ‘Okay, well, I’ll show you how to use the washing machine and then I’ll cook you a decent meal. You can’t have had one since, y’know, you came back.’
She gazed at me, suddenly overwhelmed with emotion. ‘I don’t know how to thank you. You’re being very kind.’
I shrugged. ‘No biggie. I’m happy to help.’ I clapped my hands together. ‘Right, dinner. Are you a vegetarian?’
‘No.’
‘Good.’ I pointed towards the laundry room. ‘Machine’s in there. C’mon, I’ll show you how it works.’
Lizzy returned to the kitchen a few minutes later while I was prepping a stir-fry, smiling when she saw the crockery, cutlery and chopsticks on the table.
‘That was my first modern washing machine,’ Lizzy said as she walked up to me. ‘It’s amazing to see how technology has progressed since my old Bendix.’ She watched with interest as I began cooking. ‘I’ve never seen anyone cook Chinese food before. Did you live there?’
I nodded at the bookshelf. ‘No. Chinese cookbook. Cooking Chinese food at home is quite common now. If you’re still hungry afterwards, you can have some Marmite on toast. But only if you’re a good girl and eat your veggies.’
Ten minutes later, I carried the dishes over to the table and then watched Lizzy trying to eat in a calm, ladylike fashion.
‘You’re famished, aren’t you?’ I said.
‘Is it that obvious?’
I smiled. ‘When did you last eat?’
‘Yesterday morning. I got so hungry I thought about catching something, like a squirrel, but I couldn’t do it. Too much of an animal lover. Anyway, I don’t know how to trap.’
‘Well, eat as much as you like. There’s plenty.’
‘Okay.’ She gave me a mischievous look. ‘I was going to come over tonight while you were sleeping and steal more of your food.’
‘Have you done that before, come over at night?
Lizzy shook her head. ‘No.’
‘No? It wasn’t you creeping around inside my house a couple of weeks ago?’
I watched Lizzy closely. There are a number of tells when someone is lying but she displayed none of them.
She held my gaze and said, ‘Someone got in?’
I nodded.
‘Wasn’t me. Did you call the sheriff’s office?’
‘No.’
Lizzy looked surprised. ‘Why not?’
‘Because by the time I’d reached the landing they’d vanished. How, I have no idea. I checked the house from basement to attic and the doors and windows were still locked and there was definitely no one in the house and no sign that there had been.’
‘That’s odd.’
‘Yeah.’
‘Perhaps it was the entity.’
‘If it was, then Father Kearney’s blessing didn’t work.’
‘You’re Catholic?’
‘Yes. Well, a lapsed Catholic. I haven’t been to church in over a year. My faith has taken a major nose dive.’
I then told Lizzy about Stefano discovering Gary’s magic circle, occult books, seeing the old man and Father Kearney’s visit.
’Well, if what you heard was the entity, then thank God it left you alone.’
‘Amen to that.’ I thought about that night for a few moments, then recalled something that I had wanted to ask her since Father Kearney blessed the ranch. ‘We came down to the cottage. Did you hear us coming?’
Lizzy nodded. ‘I heard the engine.’
‘Did you hide your backpack and then go into the loft?’
‘No, I left.’
‘Where did you go?’
‘Up into the mountains. I’ve got a tent.’
‘Yeah, I saw that.’
‘You should have seen me when I first tried to put it up. Hopeless.’
We ate in silence for a few moments, then I said, ‘Why did you hide yourself away instead of knocking on the door and asking for help?’
‘I didn’t know if I could trust you, although now I think I can. Some people will do anything to make a fast buck or to get their names in the papers. When I realized what had happened to me, I also realized that if I showed myself then someone would tell the press that Elizabeth Dashwood had miraculously come back from the dead, or they’d take me to the authorities who would then sling me into the nearest asylum for claiming to be, well, me. The worst-case scenario would be that they did believe me. I’d be prodded and poked until they finally tired of that and decided to dissect me instead.’
‘I hadn’t thought of that.’
‘I’ve had plenty of time to do just that.’
‘Well, you’re safe now and frankly I’d rather keep you to myself.’
I winked at her and Lizzy blushed.
She ate twice as much as I did, then discovered thirty minutes later that she was hungry again. I made some toast and put a jar of Marmite on the table.
Smiling, Lizzy said, ‘My aunt used to send some over every month.’ The smile dropped away, sadness and nostalgia replacing it. ‘So long ago.’ She was silent for a moment, lost in a memory, then Lizzy said, ‘Could you tell me more about your brother’s journal?’
‘Are you sure you really want to know? It’s pretty horrible.’
‘I need to know.’
‘Would you like to read it?’
Lizzy shook her head. ‘Not yet. I’d prefer it if you told me what’s in it first, then later, when I feel ready, I’ll read it.’
I nodded. ‘Okay. Coffee?’
‘I’d love some.’
I told Lizzy everything and as I talked her reaction mirrored Father Kearney’s. Lizzy
grew pale and a succession of emotions passed across her face: disapproval, concern, disgust, astonishment, fear, grief and anger. I held her as she cried for Robin and Kathryn but there was little I could do to comfort Lizzy, to relieve the pain and guilt that consumed her as she blamed herself for everything that Gary had done. Eventually, her tears subsided and Lizzy looked at me, her face flushed, eyes red. Lizzy smiled weakly, sniffed and wiped her nose on a paper handkerchief.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said.
‘For what?’
‘You don’t need a hysterical woman balling her eyes out in your kitchen.’
‘It’s not you who needs to apologize. You’re completely blameless, as much a victim as Robin and Kathryn. And you weren’t hysterical.’
Lizzy smiled again. This time it reached her eyes. ‘You’re very kind.’
‘Perhaps I shouldn’t have told you.’
She shook her head. ‘I needed to know.’ Lizzy looked at the wall clock. ‘God, it’s nearly midnight. I’d better be going.’
‘You can stay here if you like.’
She looked shocked, as if I’d suggested that she hop into my bed. ‘I can’t.’
‘Why not? These days a woman can stay in a man’s house and the locals won’t gossip. Well, they might in Harkinen, but you know what I mean. And my intentions are entirely honorable.’
Lizzy’s expression softened. ‘That’s not why I said no.’
‘Then why?’
Lizzy sighed. ‘I just can’t.’
I decided not to push it and we lapsed into silence. My arm was still around her waist and despite what she’d said, Lizzy showed no sign of wanting to move. I hoped she wouldn’t. It would break the mood. The gentle sound of her breathing soothed me and holding Lizzy felt right as if we had known each other for eons. I could smell the scent of my shampoo in her hair and my deodorant on her body. Both smelled different on Lizzy. Better. I wondered when a man had last held her and who that man was. Sabatino, probably, when Lizzy still thought she was happily married.
‘I can’t believe I’m really here, with you,’ she said. ‘The last month has been a nightmare. A horrific, terrifying, hopeless and seemingly endless nightmare.’
‘I’m amazed that you managed to dig yourself out of there, that you didn’t die all over again while trying.’
Lizzy looked at me as if considering something, then said, ‘I suppose that terror gave me the will and strength I needed.’ She paused and it was obvious from the haunted look on her face that she was reliving that night. ‘Before I … I can’t really find the right words … I suppose when I returned to consciousness is the best way that I can describe it. But before then, the last thing I can remember is getting drunk and taking a lot of sleeping pills. My vision became blurry and I felt nauseous and so tired. Blackness enveloped me. I felt that I was suffocating. Falling. I guess I was slipping into unconsciousness. Then finally, nothing. Just darkness. Then I woke up and the first thing I was aware of was pain. Immense pain. It felt as if my skin and muscles were crawling along my bones. Moving, growing, which – I guess they were.
It was still dark, but the air was moldy and stale. I couldn’t breathe. I tried to move but I couldn’t. It felt as if there were walls on either side of me and a really low ceiling just a few inches from my face. I panicked. I yelled and screamed – hearing this inhuman sound coming from my mouth - and pushed against the ceiling. Pushed and pushed and pushed. I had to get out. Then suddenly it gave way, lifted on one side. I heard the sound of wood creaking and splitting and something dark came pouring in. It smelled like earth. Damp earth. I began to panic even more and I pushed harder, opening the gap. More soil rushed in, into my mouth, eyes and nostrils. I spat it out, dug through the earth, heaved and scraped my way through the gap until I could feel cold air on my face. Cold, beautiful air. I crawled out of the hole and onto the grass and lay there, gasping, dragging that wonderful sweet air into my lungs, wondering where I was, what had happened to me. Then I turned my head and saw large dark shapes all around me and I realized that they were gravestones. I’ve never been so terrified and confused before. Ever. I thought I was either having a nightmare, or that they had buried me by mistake. It’s not unheard of. I once read about a man who was gripped in a death-like paralysis and was buried alive. I stood up and stumbled over to a tree and sat down. I was so, so cold; freezing cold, and hungry. At first, I didn’t know what to do. Then I thought: home. I’ll go home and everything will be all right but I couldn’t get out because the gates were locked and I panicked, thought I was trapped, then I remembered the rear gate that leads straight into the forest. Thank God it was unlocked. I’ve never felt so relieved to get out of a place. I ran all the way home, mostly along the old forest paths that I knew. I didn’t see another soul and I thought it was still 1950, that my mother and sister were still alive, that I’d been … gone for only a few days, a few weeks at most. Then I saw you inside the stables and at first I thought you were a burglar and I was all set to run up to the house and call the sheriff but something – a weird feeling inside - stopped me from going away and instead I watched you, could just see what you were doing and I realized that you were feeding a horse. I moved a little closer and got a better look, expecting to see Nettie and Holly, my horses, but I didn’t. I didn’t recognize the one in the stall. I stood there thinking, where the hell are my horses? Then you came out and I could tell that you knew someone was there. Then you started yelling about guns and me getting off your property and I began to panic again. By the time I’d followed you up to the main house I realized that it wasn’t my house any more: it looked different. I realized then that I’d been away for much longer than I’d thought and this horrible feeling of loss overwhelmed me and I thought: Mum and Gigs have sold the house! How could they?!
‘I walked back to the stable feeling as if I’d been hit by a truck and looked for something to wear but all I could find was a lamp. I took it, turned it on and wandered away and found myself back at the graveyard where I saw the gaping hole in the earth where I ...’ Tears began to trickle down her cheeks. ‘Where I was ... buried. I walked over to it and I read the ... read my headstone. Oh God that was so ... surreal, so horrible. I’ll never forget what it said. Ever.’
Lizzy stared at the wall for a moment, not really seeing it, and wiped the tears from her eyes with her fingers.
‘Let me get you another tissue,’ I said and reluctantly let go of her and stood up, opened a cupboard, got out a new box and placed it in front of her. She took one, dabbed her eyes and nose and thanked me.
‘I must be boring you. I’m sure you really don’t want to hear this.’
‘No,’ I said, ‘I want you to tell me.’
She looked doubtful. ‘Are you sure?’
I nodded.
‘Okay. Well, I remember my knees giving way and I collapsed to the ground, numb with shock. I read it over and over, unable at first to take it in, to accept it. Seeing the dates of my birth and death chiseled into stone put an end to any hope that I was just gripped within some horrible nightmare. I was indeed alive again. Somehow brought back. Then I thought: just how long have I been away? Where are Mum and Gigs? Are they even alive? Then I saw their headstones.’ Lizzy started crying again, dabbing her eyes with the handkerchief. ‘They were both dead! Dead! I curled up into a ball and cried and cried and cried. For hours, it seemed. That’s when I knew I no longer had a family, a home. Nowhere to go. That vanished the moment they died. I was alone. I had no money, no clothes: no possessions of any kind. And no identity. I no longer existed. That was a horrible, horrible thing to realize. I couldn’t return to England. Couldn’t go and see any of my friends, if they were still alive. Anyway, what would I say? “Hey, it’s me, back from the dead!” I’d be locked up. Some crazy woman who looks a lot like Elizabeth Dashwood and actually thinks she is. Yeah, sure. Throw the nutty lady into a padded cell. Chain her to a bed. Whatever keeps her away from society. There was no way
I could survive in an asylum. No way.’
The expression on Lizzy’s face was distant and haunted as if she was imagining the horror of a lifetime spent in a mental institution, one from which she could have never escaped.
‘Eventually, I stopped crying and I stood up and walked away in a daze with no idea of what to do, wondering how long I had been gone, what year it was now. You know the ranger station that’s about half a mile from the cemetery?’
I nodded.
‘Well, as I walked past I noticed a photograph of someone in the window and when I got closer I saw that it was a missing persons notice for Kathryn Ashmont. Then I saw the date …’ Lizzy wiped her eyes with her handkerchief. ‘“Last … Last seen on the afternoon of Sunday August 16, 2015.” I stopped and stared at it in astonishment. I thought I was hallucinating, then I thought it must be some kind of joke, then I told myself that people don’t make fake missing person notices set sixty-five years into the future and put them up inside ranger stations. I remember saying “No, no, no” over and over. I just couldn’t believe it. Then I saw another notice: “Four Nations National Forest Fire Use Restrictions” and I read that. I can remember it vividly, word for word. The last sentence of the first paragraph said, “This order is effective from July 3, 2015 through November 1, 2015.” And that’s when it really hit me, when I finally accepted the truth. I’d been dead for sixty-five years and now I was alive again and in a time that I didn’t know.
‘I ended up in town walking down Route 81 and I didn’t recognize any of the buildings. If it hadn’t been for the town sign further up the road and a few stores like Harkinen Pharmacy, I’d have thought I was in another town. In a way, I suppose I was. I stopped outside a Salvation Army store and I remember just staring at the window display: four mannequins wearing women’s clothes and underneath, jewelry, shoes, handbags and so on. I was exhausted, freezing cold and my feet were bleeding from walking several miles and I knew that I had to do something for myself because no one else would. So I broke in and equipped myself with everything I could, then I did the same at the grocery store and then at a sporting goods store and went from being a respectable local resident to a criminal and a non-person. It was one of the worst moments of my life.’
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