“Of course it counts!” I pulled my hand from her. “I lost my ring. Maybe even I took the damn thing off because I was with someone and—”
“It doesn’t count!” Tracey’s voice was loud and firm. “I’ve never seen you drunk but I have witnessed you do your damnedest to be sober the entire time I’ve known you. If you had one night when things went to hell, it is nothing more than temporary insanity. Who is this guy that you think you were with?”
His facial hair tickled my ear and I tilted my face to his to hear what he was saying. His eyes were an impossible shade of teal green and seemed to look right into me.
“I don’t know.” The shameful answer came out on a hoarse whisper. “He had long, thick, dark hair and a bushy beard and mustache and bright green eyes and—”
“There you go.” Tracey clapped her hands together gleefully. “Are you telling me you’d go off with some guy who sounds like a Sasquatch when you have your clean-cut FBI man at home? Not in a million years, my friend.”
I desperately wanted to believe that was true, but more I wanted to claw inside my own head and pull out the putrid truth of that night so I could shine the light of day on it and know how to punish myself.
“Come inside,” Tracey said. “I have some rocky road ice cream that is screaming to be eaten.”
“I can’t.” I sat up and cleared my throat and scrubbed away the damp tears on my cheeks. “I’m going home to be with Garrett. He’ll worry and...” I closed my eyes tight and drew in a jagged breath. “I just don’t want him to wonder where I am.”
I’d put so much worry in that man’s heart already, I couldn’t stand to be anything except perfect from here on out. Except...
“Okay.” Tracey reached over and patted my hand. “Everything is going to be okay. Text or call me anytime, okay?”
Garrett’s car wasn’t yet in the driveway and I felt guilty for the relieved exhale. Wookie was seriously excited to see me, as always, and Fluffy flicked his tail in annoyance.
I logged into Alice’s social media using the email and password Roscoe gave me. After half an hour scrolling through her private messages and pages I had to admit it was a dead end. If she’d been arranging any intimate hookups, it wasn’t through her social media accounts, and if it was, those conversations had been deleted.
Lastly, I used the email and password to log in to Alice’s online cloud account. As Detective Larry indicated, there were a ton of pictures on there. The usual selfies as well as hundreds of photos of Jet. The pictures were dated and time stamped. The night of her death there were five pictures taken: three of Jet obviously riding in the car with her and the last two were just blurred pictures of the ground. One had something fuzzy in the lower corner of the picture that could’ve been Jet’s fur. The dog probably moved as she was trying to take pictures of him. No doubt, had she lived, Alice would’ve deleted those last two. Just in case there was something I was missing I used a ton of ink and printed off the five pictures taken on her last day. Right after I hit Print, Wookie began to whimper at the door.
“Okay, let’s go,” I told the dog as I threw on a light jacket.
The rain had lightened to a drizzle. I took a tennis ball with me and brought Wookie on a walk to an off-leash dog park. I tossed the ball for him and he brought it back joyfully covered in slobber, and I repeated the throw until my arm was tired. On the way home I took him the long way and ran him hard.
When we got back home, we were both panting. Garrett’s dark sedan was parked behind my rental car and I steeled myself to answer his pointed questions with a casualness I didn’t feel.
“Hey, sweetheart,” I called out as I bent to unhook Wookie’s leash.
Garrett came out from the hallway that led from his home office. He was carrying some papers in his hand. He smiled as he walked toward me and pulled me into a hug.
“Welcome home.” He handed me the pictures I’d sent to the printer. “I take it these are yours.”
“Yeah.”
We kissed and he tilted my chin and scrutinized my face.
“You okay? Looks like you were crying.”
That look in his eyes...the dark worry, the deepened creases at the corners... I’d put that there, and it bit me like a snake.
“What?” I looked through the pictures I’d printed out from Alice’s cloud account. “No, my face is red and wet because it’s cold and rainy. I was just giving Wookie a good run for the first time in a while so you’re confusing my out-of-shape sweat with sadness.” I hooked my thumb in the direction of the driveway. “You noticed the rental car?”
“Of course. What happened?”
I unlaced my shoes and stepped inside. Walking toward the kitchen, I could feel Garrett’s gaze boring into me and the tension of the room.
“Not a big deal,” I told him. “Tracey and I went to visit Roscoe’s mother in a care home in Bellingham, and when we came out vandals had spray-painted the Jeep.” I folded my arms and shook my head with a look of irritation. “Probably stupid teens with nothing better to do. Anyway, I called the cops of course and they checked the care home’s security cameras, but unfortunately the ones in the parking lot aren’t working.” I reached into the cupboard for a glass and filled it with water at the sink. “I dropped it at the body shop on my way home.”
Garrett waited for me to say more but when I didn’t, he simply nodded and said, “I’m just glad you’re okay.”
“Tell me about your case. All wrapped up?”
“I have to go into the office over the next couple days just to sort through the paperwork but I’ll be coming home at night.”
“Hmm.” I pulled him into my arms and kissed his neck. “That’s what I like to hear. Wookie loves to take your place in our bed but he isn’t as much fun to snuggle.”
“Tell me about what’s happening with your search for Alice. I take it those pictures you printed have to do with her?”
We sat down at the kitchen table and I filled him in on everything I’d been able to uncover. Specifically, how Roscoe had given permission to Alice so she could go get knocked up by someone else and how there were a lot of rumors about it. I got to the part about Lois ending up in hospital, and his jaw tightened and the worry lines around his eyes deepened.
“I don’t like that someone went after Lois,” Garrett said.
“I don’t think she liked it much either,” I joked. “But hopefully she’ll make a full recovery.”
“What I mean is that someone could very well have gone after her because she talked to you.”
“Doubtful,” I said with a slow shake of my head. “I didn’t even tell anyone I was going to talk to her and there was nobody around to witness us and—”
“She could’ve told someone. The wrong someone. Maybe even Alice’s killer.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “This guy...whoever he is...could’ve wanted more than just to be a sperm donor. He might’ve felt used and gone after her because of it.”
“So I’m not the only one who thinks that maybe Roscoe wasn’t Alice’s killer?”
“I’m not ruling out that the right guy is behind bars. There’s an argument for that too,” he admitted. “Jealous about her sleeping with another guy. He wouldn’t be the first man to completely lose his mind about his wife screwing around.”
I could feel the thick mustache brush against my ear. His arms wrapping around me too tight and too familiar. The cloying scent of his cologne wrapped around me, making my stomach turn.
“But he was the one who told her she should try and get pregnant,” I said, my voice coming out a little shaky.
“Sure, and that sounds very loving in theory, doesn’t it? To save his marriage and give his wife everything she wants, he tells her go get pregnant and then come home and we’ll raise this kid together like one big happy family.” He snorted with derision. “That spelled disaster right from th
e beginning. I mean he actually gave his wife permission to screw around. What kind of husband does that? Even if it did work, every time he looked at that baby he’d know it was the result of her infidelity.”
“It’s definitely a weird case,” I said on a whisper.
“And I hate to break it to you, but these pictures you printed aren’t going to help your case.” He held them up from the table. “Unless the dog is the one who did it.” He held up the pages that were pictures of Jet. “And these other two...” He waved the two blurry pictures of the ground. “Any particular reason you printed these?”
“Those five pictures were the ones taken on the evening of her death. The two blurry ones she probably would’ve deleted had she gotten the chance, but since they were the last two she took, I thought I’d see them enlarged.” I held each one up to my face in turn. They weren’t any better enlarged and printed. Two photos of the ground. Blurry pavement with something fuzzy in the background that looked like Jet’s fur. “She probably snapped accidentally. You’re right. They’re nothing.” I got to my feet with a forced smile. “I’m feeling sweaty from my run with Wookie. Just going to get into the shower.”
“I’ll order a pizza,” Garrett said. “How about we eat in front of the TV and watch a movie.”
“Perfect.” I kissed the back of his neck.
I stood under the spray and sobbed quietly while the bathroom filled with steam. All Garrett knew about my night at Wayland was that I’d come home in a cab, the driver helping me to the door. The next morning he’d sat in stony silence, waiting for me to tell him what had happened but I couldn’t. I’d been woozy from the hangover and still felt half-drunk most of the day. All I remembered for certain was that I’d walked into Wayland to ask questions about a different case I’d been working concerning a missing hiker. The person who contacted me said they lived near Wayland and suggested meeting there so he could give me more information before I took the case. I didn’t like to frequent bars now that I was sober. Air thick with the smell of alcohol created a craving deep in my soul. But I had gone into bars on at least a dozen occasions for various cases and I’d been able to sip a soda without ever ordering a drink.
I don’t know what happened that night. I had no explanation for Garrett the next morning either. All I knew was that I’d ordered a soda, talked to the waitress, and when the missing hiker’s brother showed up for some unfathomable reason, I’d switched from cola to wine and tucked myself into a booth in the corner to drown myself at the bottom of a couple bottles of wine.
I’d woken near noon the next day, sprawled fully clothed across our bed, a bucket containing vomit on the floor nearby. I’d walked into the kitchen and was met with the gut-wrenching look of sorrow and disappointment on Garrett’s face. I’d gushed profuse apologies, one after another, and he’d only nodded and returned stilted replies. Eventually, later in the evening while I sat on our sofa sobbing into my hands, he’d taken me into his arms and forgiven me.
“You’d been sober for a really long stretch,” he’d told me.
“I know, but—” My voice had cracked.
“No buts.” He’d kissed my tear-stained face. “So you fell off the wagon? Now you’ll just start again.”
Then he’d lifted my hand to his lips and that was when we both noticed my ring was missing. The look of anguish and heartbreak on his face in that moment would be forever etched in my mind.
I’d insisted on driving back to the bar, but of course there was no sign of it anywhere. I’d frantically searched the driveway and our yard. Dumped out my handbag and turned out the pockets of my jeans. After days of tearing the house and my mind apart, Garrett came to me and told me not to worry about it.
“What’s done is done.”
But it wasn’t done. I didn’t deserve that level of forgiveness because there was a chance that I’d betrayed him on a much larger and irreversible level that he didn’t know about. Eventually, I’d have to come clean. I couldn’t keep it to myself much longer. Once he knew, he’d leave me, but he’d always been much more than I deserved.
After toweling off, I dressed and picked up my cell phone from the bedside table. I noticed two missed calls from Ray and then it rang again in my hand.
“I’m taking the night off,” I told him by way of a greeting.
“That’s great. We all need downtime,” he agreed. “I just thought it was time to discuss those left to interview and review what we know so far.”
“That’s a good idea but not tonight.”
“It’ll only take five minutes and—”
“It can take five minutes in the morning.” I was firm. “Good night, Ray.”
I ended the call and then turned my phone off entirely before I walked into the living room. I didn’t know how many more evenings I had with Garrett. Once he found out my ring wasn’t lost during an evening that just involved a careless drunken stupor but might have been taken off while I messed around with another man, he’d be walking out the door.
After the movie we made love right there on the sofa, and our desire for each other started over in our bedroom once we were under the sheets trying to sleep. He spooned against me afterward and as he softly snored against the top of my head I cursed every cell in my body that gave me the alcohol addiction that would cause me to lose this forever.
In the morning I felt nauseous and lightheaded from a night of tossing and turning. Garrett left me a note that he was making his way to the Seattle office but would be home for dinner. I turned on my cell phone to find a half dozen text messages from Ray and a couple from Tracey.
Ray’s messages listed the people he’d interviewed and given readings to thus far and his gut feelings or impressions that might be important to the investigation. He’d given succinct point form notes and I got the impression he was a little ticked off that I hadn’t wanted to do this over the phone the night before. I was right, because his final message told me to contact him once I was sure I still wanted to work as partners to find Alice.
“Whatever,” I grumbled.
The texts from Tracey were sad. Ray was supposed to come over last night but he hadn’t showed and wasn’t returning her calls.
“What an ass!” I snarled.
I called Tracey but she’d already rectified the situation in her own mind.
“It was good while it lasted,” she said. “Sure, I would’ve liked for it to keep going. That man was a magician in the sack and—”
“But you’re okay?” I didn’t need to hear details of Ray’s lovemaking technique, thank you very much.
“I’m perfectly fine. I know it sounded like I was head over heels for the guy, but honestly he was just a lot of fun.”
“I’m glad to hear that.”
“Just heading to the grocery store for my shift. I’m done at four o’clock if you feel like getting coffee.”
“I’ll let you know,” I told her.
I felt energized with new determination. I’d accepted the two things I needed to do. The first thing was to either solve this Alice case or prepare to just let it go. I was determined to put everything I had into it for a couple more days and then, as promised to Garrett in the beginning, I’d throw my hands up and walk away.
The second thing was going to be more difficult. I needed to figure out exactly what happened at Wayland Canteen. If I’d cheated on Garrett, I needed to know. The uncertainty was killing me. If it was true, tough as it would be, I’d walk away from him too. It would be the hardest thing I’d ever done, but there was no way I would take the chance of hurting him again. There was a third thing on my list, but the first two needed to be resolved before I could even think of the last item.
The first thing I did was start up Lois’s cell phone. The battery was dead but I’d used one of my own chargers on it overnight. Luckily she hadn’t put a pass code on the phone so I was able to open it up.
If her phone was any indication, Lois had kept her head down and mostly worked. She had a social media profile but hadn’t spent much time communicating there. She didn’t have a ton of contacts in her phone and there didn’t appear to be any serious friendships. Although her landlord had sent her some flirtatious messages early on, she’d kept her responses professional and he’d changed his tune when she didn’t respond in kind. Any further messages with him were regarding her basement apartment: a couple of repairs that were needed and once a message to him saying she’d be a couple days late with the rent. Almost all her other messages were with colleagues at work about her shifts.
I’d been hoping to find a host of text messages between Lois and Alice, but if there’d been any they’d now been deleted. However, I hit the jackpot. I opened her email and scrolled back through dozens of older messages to reach ones that were between the time of Lois being released from prison and Alice’s death.
Alice confided in her older half sister about her inability to have children and how it had become a wedge in her marriage. When she said she’d tried being with another man, at Roscoe’s suggestion, she’d ended up miscarrying and now they were separating. Lois had been sympathetic. The back-and-forth email dialogue had continued every few days over the course of a few months. Whenever Lois gently suggested they meet in person, Alice shied away and said she wasn’t ready and then the messages would stop for a few days.
Email seemed an archaic way for the two to send messages and I wondered if Alice might be worried about giving Lois her phone number. However, Alice did share her angst about separating from Roscoe. She claimed they still loved each other but he was pushing her away because he knew she wanted kids and he couldn’t help. The dog only complicated matters. Roscoe seemed to focus all his energy on Jet instead of on her and she’d fought to keep the dog part of the time only to keep the lines of communication open between them. Alice told Lois on more than one occasion that she believed if they’d been able to have a baby they would still be together. From the emotional tone of her emails, it was obvious it was tearing her apart. She was still in love with Roscoe, and by the sounds of her messages, she believed he loved her too but was only pushing her away because he wanted her to find happiness without him. There was pressure from Roscoe’s dad too. Alice mentioned that he’d offered to pay whatever it cost so that Alice could get pregnant, but Roscoe refused to let him use all his money on them when he might need it for his own medical bills.
A Grave End Page 17