by Sally Green
Nesbitt snorts. “He doesn’t know it but he’s my friend already.”
Van laughs, which I’ve never heard before; it’s pleasant and genuine and amused. Her voice is softer now. “Nesbitt, all I can do is reassure you that it’s a problem I’m aware of and will deal with but I’ve got other problems stacked up in front of me. First we have to rescue the girl and I’m not entirely sure how we’re going to do that.”
Nesbitt barks a short laugh. “Yeah, well, ain’t that the truth of it.”
Van opens the door and says something I can’t hear and the door closes.
Who could the rebel be that I’d take offense to? Just about any White Witch would be the obvious answer.
The rain is easing and soon stops. I look down and there’s a puddle around my feet. Nesbitt will guess that I’ve been here but there’s nothing I can do about that. I head off back to the lake, walking through the trees to the side of the lawn. I find a huge, spreading cypress tree where the ground is still dry under its canopy. I stop there and then move to hide further behind the trunk.
There are two boats on the lake. They have small lights at their sterns and both are traveling at the same slow speed. There are four people in the boat nearest and two in the one further off, and they’re all looking to the shore, toward me; they all have binoculars.
Hunters!
And there’s something about the stance of the most distant Hunter that tells me who it is. She’s tall and slim and straight.
Jessica.
I race back to the house and into the kitchen. The bowl of nightsmoke by the window is like a beacon. I pick up a cloth and smother it. Nesbitt begins to object and I tell him, “Hunters! On the lake. Six of them at least.”
Nesbitt is already leaving the room. “Get Gabby and come to Van’s room. There’s stuff to take. We leave in five minutes.”
“If they’ve seen the nightsmoke we won’t have five minutes,” I reply, running after him.
“Then hope they haven’t seen it.”
Less than a minute later Gabriel and I are in Van’s room. She’s carefully packing vials into an already full carpetbag. She says, “Nesbitt went into Geneva yesterday to buy some provisions. I think he must have been spotted.”
She opens the drawer by her bed and takes out the Fairborn. She drops it into a large leather bag, which she then picks up. As she strides to the door she points to a pile of leather-bound books and the carpetbag. “Bring those.”
We all head to the garage at a fast pace, meeting Nesbitt on the way, a large bag slung over his shoulder.
A minute later Nesbitt, Van, and I are in the back of a black limousine. Gabriel is wearing a chauffeur’s cap and is driving. And we’re out of the sunken garage, climbing into the pre-dawn light, along the drive, and out through the electric gates. It’s probably only five minutes since I saw the Hunters but it feels like twenty.
The road looks normal but Hunters aren’t likely to be driving up and down in tanks.
Gabriel pulls out and turns right, away from Geneva. Half a minute later a van drives past in the opposite direction and Gabriel calls to us. “Hunters in that. Three in the front, who knows how many in the back.”
No one replies and we all scan each vehicle that we go past. Half an hour later we’ve left the lakeshore road and are heading north and we’ve not seen any more Hunters.
“Where are we going, by the way?” Gabriel asks.
Van says, “North is fine for the moment but soon we’ll need to turn east. I know the perfect place. It’s an old castle but nicely secluded and remarkably well maintained. It should be free at this time of year.”
Slovakia
We arrive at the place just as it’s getting dark. We’ve been driving all day, apart from when we stopped to change the limousine for a less conspicuous car. The castle looks more like a large country house with turrets. Set in a thick forest at the end of a long drive, it definitely is secluded.
Van and Nesbitt go inside. Nesbitt says he’ll have some food ready in ten minutes. I’m hungry but I’ve spent all day in the car and I don’t want to be inside now when I’ll have to use the nightsmoke. I tell Gabriel that I’m going to sleep in the forest. When he says he’ll come with me, I shake my head.
“No. I’m better off alone, Gabriel. You stay in the castle.”
“But—”
“Please, Gabriel. I’m too tired to argue. I need to be alone.”
I go into the trees and find a sheltered place. I’m almost dizzy with tiredness but this place is good. It’s old and quiet and I know Gabriel won’t come when I’ve asked him not to. I close my eyes and welcome sleep.
I wake to a faint noise. Footsteps. Not human but small and hesitant. A deer.
My animal adrenaline rises quickly but I breathe slowly in and out—really, really slowly—and hold my breath, and hold it and hold it and say to myself, “Calm, calm.” I don’t want to stop the animal taking over; I’m noticing the increasing adrenaline as it’s released into me and I’m letting it build slowly. I hold my breath and then breathe out. The slower the transformation the better, I think. I don’t want to shock my body. I want to get used to it and more than anything I want to remember what happens when I’ve transformed. I breathe in slowly and I tell myself to stay aware. I hold my breath in and then let it out in a long, steady stream and allow the adrenaline to flood through me.
* * *
i see the deer. the animal i’m in follows after her. he’s totally silent, keeping low, only moving when he’s sure he won’t be spotted. the deer stops. her ears twitch. she raises her head and looks around. she’s beautiful. i don’t want to kill the deer but the animal i’m in is bunching his hind legs, ready to charge forward. i say to him, “no, don’t kill her.” i’m calm, talking to him quietly, trying to tame him. the deer tenses. she’s sensed something and she bends, ready to jump away, as he leaps at her and i’m shouting at him, “no, no”—
* * *
I wake up. It’s still dark. I know by the taste in my mouth that the deer was dinner. My hands and face are covered in blood and, raising my head, I see its remains near me. I remember some of what happened. I remember hearing the deer when I was me, in my human body, and I remember the animal adrenaline rising, and I must have transformed but I don’t remember that. No, I don’t remember any of that. I do remember that I tried to stop him attacking her. I was shouting at him from inside his body but the animal I’m in didn’t listen. He killed her anyway.
I feel the deer’s body: she’s still warm.
I find a calm pool in the river to wash in and then I lie down near it. I can’t sleep now. I’m not tired but I’m confused. The animal didn’t pay any attention to me. He is me but isn’t me. He killed the deer even though I didn’t want him to. He does what he likes.
* * *
When it’s light I go to the castle to look for Van. I’m frustrated by my Gift; I’m frustrated by everything. We’re not getting closer to helping Annalise, and Gabriel needs to get back to his witch form. I stomp from kitchen to dining room, music room to ballroom to gunroom, eventually coming across Nesbitt, who says, “Van’s in the study. She’d like a word.”
I head the way Nesbitt has come, pushing open a heavy oak door, and am greeted by, “You look like you could do with one of these.” Van lights a cigarette and offers me one but I shake my head.
The study is wood-paneled. There’s a large desk made of chrome and black glass, covered with rows of plates. I go over to take a closer look. On each small plate is a heap of different-colored material. The piles are mostly fine grains, herbs perhaps, but some are coarser than others and some look like large seeds.
I reach out to touch one of the piles. “Please don’t,” Van says and I withdraw my hand. She’s sitting on a chair at the side of the room and is dressed in a pinstriped man’s suit today. “I’ve been working on the p
otion for Gabriel, finding the correct combination of ingredients.”
“You’ve got it?”
“Yes, now that the final two ingredients are here.”
“Which are . . . ?”
“The rain that fell when we were in Geneva is one. Nesbitt collected some of it: fallen at night, at full moon.”
“That really makes a difference?”
She looks at me as if I’m mad. “Everything makes a difference, Nathan.”
I remember my gran said that plants’ properties were different depending on the cycle of the moon when they were picked, so I guess rainwater could be different too. And why not anything else? My healing abilities change with the moon.
“And what’s the other ingredient?” I ask.
“Oh, I think you know that,” Van says, and stubs out her cigarette.
And the way she says it and looks at me gives me the feeling that something of me is the ingredient. “My blood?” I guess.
Van smiles up at me. “Oh no, dear boy—it’s much darker than that. We need to use your soul.”
Magical Mumbo-Jumbo
I’m sitting behind the desk in Van’s study, watching her smoke another of her cigarettes.
“Gabriel can’t find his way back to himself because his Gift is so strong—exceptionally strong. He has become such a good fain that he can’t recover that element of himself that is the Black Witch.”
“I guess that sounds plausible,” I reply.
“Gosh, thanks, Nathan.” She comes over to lean on the desk close to me. “But that Black Witch element of him is still inside. He needs to find it and he needs a strong witch to guide him to it.”
“But why me? I’m not a Black Witch; I’m a Half Code.”
“White, Black, half and half—it doesn’t matter. He needs a witch he trusts. And he trusts you completely. He also believes you’re a great witch.”
I shake my head. “No, he doesn’t.”
“Have you any idea what he really thinks of you?” She drags on her cigarette. “He sees you as the ultimate witch.”
“What?”
“The rejoining of Black and White in one person. As the original witches were, with the strengths of both sides.”
“Oh! But . . .” But I really don’t know what to say to that.
Just then there’s a knock on the door and Nesbitt comes in, carrying a tray. “Grub’s up!” he says. “Just brought you some tea and toast, Van.”
“Thank you, Nesbitt. Could you ask Gabriel to join us as well, please?”
“Now?”
“That’s the general idea,” Van says.
And Nesbitt disappears, saying, “I’m not actually a servant, you know. I’m a partner in this relationship and I think we both know who the most hardworking one is . . .” But his whinging fades as he walks down the corridor.
“I’d be lost without him.”
I’m not sure how to say that they seem totally incompatible so instead I go with, “He’s very handy.”
“Yes, he is. I trained him in most things. And, to be fair, he’s a good learner. We’ve been together for twenty-five years.”
“Twenty-five?” Van looks no more than twenty to me but she always acts much older, more experienced. “How old are you, Van?”
“A rather rude question if you don’t mind me saying. But one of the many uses of potions is the option to keep a more youthful appearance.”
Gabriel comes into the room and closes the door, virtually pushing it in Nesbitt’s face. His complaints can be heard through the heavy wood.
“Gabriel, thank you for coming so quickly. I was just telling Nathan that we are nearly ready to help you get back to your true self.”
“OK,” Gabriel says cautiously, and sits down opposite me.
“So what do we do?” I ask.
“You both drink the potion I make. You’ll be bound together and enter a trance, and together you’ll find the essence that is the old Gabriel. Think of it as a cord. You find it and then make your way back along it to the here and now.”
I look at Gabriel and shake my head slightly. He meets my eyes and, as if he knows what I’m thinking, says, “It’s magic. None of it makes sense—yet it all makes sense.”
I roll my eyes and turn to Van. “And what if we don’t find the essence or we follow the cord the wrong way?”
“Then you stay in the trance.”
“What? Forever?”
“Until you die of starvation.”
“Not a nice way to go,” I say.
“I always thought I’d be more the shot-down-in-a-hail-of-bullets type.” Gabriel smiles at me. “But I tried that and it wasn’t so great either.”
“So how long should it take?” I ask.
Van lights another cigarette and blows out the smoke. “As long as it takes.”
“You mean you don’t know.”
She doesn’t reply.
“And how likely is it that we don’t find it?” I ask.
“I’ve really no idea. It’s entirely down to you two.”
“I don’t like it but I’ll do it.”
“I’m so glad you’re enthusiastic, Nathan. That always helps.” Van rests her hand lightly on my leg and pats it. “Fortunately this location is an advantage. Trees and a river and ancient hills are so much more you.” And she looks into my eyes and the blue of hers sparkles. “Unfortunately we still have one small problem.”
“What’s that?” I ask.
“It will be too dangerous to perform under anything more than a new moon.”
“What? But that’s two weeks away.” I’m standing now.
“Yes.” Van blows another slow, steady plume of smoke into the air.
“But Annalise . . . She could die. Hunters may find Mercury and kill them both or capture them.”
“I think we can have some confidence in Mercury’s abilities to hide from the Hunters. After all, she’s been doing it for decades.”
“But Annalise will be getting weaker. We can’t just wait here for two weeks.”
“Yes, we can, and that’s exactly what we’re going to do, Nathan. You’re right—Annalise will be getting weaker but we still have time. She can survive in that condition for many months.”
“It’s easy for you to say when you’re walking around alive and well and free.”
I go toward the desk. I want to swipe all her piles of herbs onto the floor. But Gabriel must see where I’m heading and he blocks my way. I swear at him and storm out of the room, slamming the door behind me. I feel childish for doing that but then I see Nesbitt standing in the corridor, smirking at me. I’m not sure if he’s been eavesdropping but I push him aside and kick and hit everything I can on my way out of the house.
Telling Gabriel
I find a way to fill two weeks. I know I need to get back to my peak fitness, and there’s nothing much else for me to do, so I start training. I get fitter cos of the training but also because of my Gift. Since I got it my body has felt stronger, more alive. I train with Nesbitt and Gabriel during the day and I train at night too. I can keep going all night easy enough if I have a couple of naps during the day.
Most mornings, first thing, I go for a run with Gabriel and Nesbitt but I always end up running on my own after a couple of miles. We meet up at dawn and they groan a bit and make a few comments about the weather and their aching muscles and we do some stretching. And I think today might be all right with them but every day turns out pretty much the same, with Nesbitt winding me up. He takes the piss out of me for everything—mainly for being impatient but also for being silent or miserable, or he takes the piss out of my boots or my hair, my face, my eyes. There’s always a comment about my eyes. Sometimes I really do think he wants me to hit him.
Mostly I think if I stay with them he’ll get bored with teasing me but then I
feel myself getting mad and so, one way or another, I leave them behind and run on my own, and it’s better like that. I don’t know why I even bother with them first thing but every day I hope that somehow it’ll be good to be together. It never is.
After my run I have breakfast. I make porridge. Nesbitt makes fancy stuff—eggs florentine yesterday—for Van and Gabriel. He does all that and waits on Van while I eat in the kitchen. Gabriel always stays with me. Nesbitt sometimes has porridge with us; that’s when he’s sort of OK. He doesn’t talk too much then, and I just eat.
After that I have a morning nap, lying in the sun if there is any. Next I do more training, then I go hiking, usually on my own, sometimes with Gabriel. Then it’s lunch followed by another nap. Late afternoon or early evening I do some fighting practice with Nesbitt. He’s good but I beat him every time. I always comment on how old and slow and fat he is, and he always smiles and laughs and takes everything I say as a compliment. Gabriel sometimes watches us but he doesn’t join in the fighting or the banter. Mostly he practices his shooting; he’s good with a gun and also with a bow and crossbow. Like Van, he manages to make everything he does seem easy and elegant. I try the guns too but I hate them.
In the evening I shower in the castle and we have dinner, with Nesbitt acting as chef and waiter. When it gets dark I move to the forest. And then the day is over and there’s one less until I see Annalise.
I’ve been sleeping in the forest. I like it here. The forest is a good place; when I’m alone in it I feel relaxed. I only transformed that first time. Every night I wait to see if it’ll happen again. I want to learn about it, learn how to control it, and I do think this remote, ancient place is perfect for that.
I skipped food for a day to see if that would work but it didn’t. I think it might be because no animal, no potential prey, crossed my path. Tonight I’m trying something different. I’ve not eaten all day and I’m going hunting, but I don’t want to kill anything. I want to transform, hunt but not kill, and persuade the animal me to come back here. I’ve brought some meat from the kitchen and I lay it out on the ground.