by Joyce Alec
Warmth seeped through his veins.
“You look quite beautiful this evening, if I may be so bold as to say,” he murmured, as she dropped his arm and took her place opposite him.
She lifted her chin and held his gaze, seemingly unaffected by his compliment. “Thank you, Lord Hartley.”
He had hoped for a little more, even a smile from her, but it was not to be. With a slight shrug, George waited for the music to begin, and soon, they were dancing together.
The quadrille meant that he did not often have a great deal of time for conversation, nor was there much opportunity to take her hand, but that was precisely as George wanted it. She had to learn to trust him first; she had to believe that he was truly a reformed character before anything more could be done.
As they danced, George saw the way her gaze lingered on him, a slight frown of her brows telling him that there was more to her thoughts than what she gave away. He was succeeding in intriguing her, at least. That had to be a positive sign.
And then he saw Lord Morton standing at the side of the ballroom, his arms folded and a glittering smile on his face. His heart dropped to his boots. There was something in Lord Morton’s face that said he could see just how well George was succeeding in his attempts to have Lady Ellen warm to him – and yet, the thought brought him no pleasure. Instead, he felt guilty, ashamed, embarrassed. There was no triumph, no happiness, no sense of victory.
What was happening to him?
8
Ellen smiled as Charlotte came toward her, glad to see her friend again.
“Are you quite ready for our walk?” Charlotte asked excitedly. “I see you have brought your maid. I shall bring mine also.”
Ellen chuckled. “They shall have plenty of conversation about the two of us, I am quite sure.”
Charlotte shrugged, her eyes dancing. “Yes, indeed they will. However, I want to hear all about what happened at the ball last week.”
Ellen’s smile faded. “I do not particularly wish to talk about that, Charlotte.”
“But why ever not?” Charlotte exclaimed, her eyes widening as they began to walk along the street together. “It was a wonder to me to hear that you had danced with Lord Hartley, and since I have been unable to get a moment alone with you since then, I have been almost desperate to find out what occurred! I thought you were determined never to dance with the man.”
“And yet, I found myself breaking my vow,” Ellen replied, with a small sigh. “I am quite ridiculous, you know.”
Charlotte laughed and looped her arm through Ellen’s. “You are not ridiculous in the least, Ellen. There is nothing wrong with being captured by a handsome face and kind demeanor.”
“I am not captured by him,” Ellen retorted at once, her cheeks flaming. “I merely am a little intrigued by him and at the supposed change in his character.”
“Is that all?” Charlotte murmured, clearing disbelieving Ellen’s excuses. “I have seen how you look at him, my dear friend, even though I have been unable to ask you about it. There is more than just intrigue there.”
Ellen fell silent as they turned into the park, not wanting to give away any more of her troubled thoughts to her friend. The truth was, she had been struggling to remove Lord Hartley from her mind for some time, telling herself that it was nothing more than a simple interest in his character, but all the while knowing that there was something growing in her heart, something she did not wish to be there.
Lord Hartley was handsome and apparently now very amicable. She had watched him at the ball last week, seeing him ignore the ladies who made eyes at him. They had appeared hurt and upset, but he had not gone to them. In fact, it was not just her who had noticed, for most of the ton were now talking of it. They had whispered that there had been a few broken hearts, a few angry widows, since Lord Hartley had turned his back on them without explanation, and in the depths of her heart, Ellen had felt a quiet happiness.
Dancing with him had been a puzzling experience. She had expected him to choose the waltz and had expected that he would take two of her dances, but he had chosen only one – the quadrille. There had been very little conversation, absolutely no impropriety on his part, and certainly nothing that would make her think he was simply playing a game with her.
“You are troubled over him, are you not?” Charlotte continued, with a slight nudge to Ellen’s side. “You should not hide such a thing from me, and certainly not from yourself. There is no shame in finding a gentleman attractive, my dear.”
“I do not find him attractive!” Ellen exclaimed, a little louder than she had intended. “For the last time, Charlotte, I am simply unsure whether or not to believe him.”
Charlotte chuckled, squeezing her arm tightly. “Then you need to spend a little more time in his company, I think. That, I am sure, will help you see that he is truly a reformed character.”
Ellen opened her mouth to say that she certainly had no intention of spending more time with Lord Hartley, only to hear Charlotte call his name. Twisting her head to the right, she saw him turn and acknowledge them both. He then excused himself from the gentleman he had been talking to and began to come toward them.
“Charlotte,” Ellen hissed ferociously. “Whatever are you doing?”
“I am helping you,” Charlotte replied frankly. “You must give the man a chance, Ellen.”
Ellen had no time to say another word, for Lord Hartley had now come to stand in front of them both, and with a deep bow, he asked them both how they were on such a fine morning.
“Very well,” Charlotte replied, before Ellen could say anything. “Although it is a little hot, I must say. I think I shall sit in the shade for a while. Although I now feel terrible for Lady Ellen, as she so wished to take a stroll amongst the trees.”
“I am quite all right, I assure you,” Ellen said at once, growing aware of what Charlotte was attempting to do. “I would be more than happy to sit with you.”
Charlotte let out a light laugh, shaking her head. “You are much too sweet, Lady Ellen. Look, there is Lady Margaret, whom I have been longing to see. I shall sit with her and talk for a time whilst you continue your stroll. I am sure Lord Hartley would be glad to accompany you.”
Much to Ellen’s surprise, Lord Hartley cleared his throat and frowned. “I do not think that Lady Ellen would care to walk with me, Lady Charlotte, although it is kind of you to suggest such a thing. I—”
“I would be most grateful.”
The words slipped from Ellen’s throat before she could stop them, and burning crimson, as Lord Hartley turned his eyes on her, she gave him a small smile. She had not intended to say such a thing, but somehow her mouth had spoken before she had given any kind of thought as to what she intended to say. She did not want to walk with him, but the troubled look on his face and the embarrassment in his expression had made a small wave of sympathy well up in her. Now he was staring at her, as though he could not quite believe what he had heard, and Ellen felt herself blush all the more.
“There, you see?” Charlotte said, with a knowing smile. “It has all worked out wonderfully. Do excuse me.”
Her maid trailing after her, Charlotte hurried across the grass toward Lady Margaret, and together, they sat down on a nearby shaded bench.
Lord Hartley cleared his throat, and with a quick glance toward Ellen, he began to meander slowly along the path. Ellen walked alongside him, not quite sure what to say or how to even begin a conversation with the man. They walked for a few minutes in complete silence, with only the sound of Ellen’s maid walking behind them and the occasional birdsong to break the silence.
“You think ill of me, I know,” Lord Hartley began, sounding tense and strained. “I would be happy to return you to your friend or to another acquaintance, should you wish it. I am aware that Lady Charlotte is, for whatever reason, trying to engender good feeling between us.”
Ellen swallowed, her fingers knotting together as she clasped them tightly. “I am sure that Lady Charlot
te simply wants what is best for me,” she said quickly. “And I do not think ill of you, Lord Hartley. It is just difficult for me to believe in such a quick transformation of character.”
“And that is very astute of you,” he said humbly. “I thank you for your willingness to dance with me and now spend a few minutes in my company, for that is more than I ever expected from you.”
Ellen, now wishing to change the subject, tried desperately to think of something she could ask him. “Let us talk of something different, Lord Hartley. Tell me, have you encountered any new books of late?”
He looked down at her, his smile lighting his whole expression and—much to her surprise—making Ellen smile back at him.
“I have not frequented a great many bookshops recently,” he said, with a slight shrug. “I have had a lot of thinking to do of late, and so I have neglected my reading a little. What about you?”
Ellen, finding it rather easy to talk about her love of reading, launched into a detailed explanation of her latest find – a dark, brooding novel about a haunted manor and a lady trapped within. By Lord Hartley’s expression, he found her reading material somewhat surprising, but Ellen did not find that to be embarrassing in the least. Instead, she continued telling him about her other find, a book of poetry, and managed to recite one poem from memory.
It was much easier talking to him about a passion of hers, and within a few minutes, Ellen discovered that she was feeling rather at ease with him. Particularly when he began to ask her about poetry and prose, discussing which was the better of the two. This was not the man she had first met. He was amicable and warm, with not even a glance toward her bosom or a salacious wink in her direction. He was well mannered, quiet, and all in all, an impeccable gentleman. The truth was staring her directly in the face, and Ellen knew she had no choice but to accept it.
Lord Hartley was a reformed man.
“You are rather quiet,” he said after a few minutes. “Perhaps I should return you to Lady Charlotte. I do not want you to grow bored of my company.”
“No, indeed,” Ellen replied quickly. “I am not bored. Simply considering some of my shortcomings.”
He looked surprised. “Surely you have none, my dear lady!” he exclaimed with one hand pressed against his heart. “I would not have thought you could have had any fault within you.”
She paused and looked at him, no smile on her face. Apart from her maid, there was no one else around them. He was looking at her with a slightly puzzled expression, although a slight smile lingered around his mouth.
“Lord Hartley,” she began, struggling to find the words within her. “I must confess to you that I have thought badly of you for some time. I have refused to believe that there is any good in you, and I believed that this transformation into a reformed gentleman was nothing other than ruse in order to try and entrap someone for some reason.”
Lord Hartley looked away, his expression hidden from her.
“I confess this to you now because it has been a wrong attitude that I must ask your forgiveness for,” she finished, her cheeks going crimson with embarrassment. “I will say that I am glad at your change of character, for I find you much more agreeable.”
“I am glad to hear it,” he said, still looking at the ground. “You are much too good, Lady Ellen.”
A short, harsh laugh escaped her. “I think this proves that I am not,” she said humbly. “Might I ask you to forgive me, Lord Hartley?”
His gaze, when it landed on her, was almost tortured. There was something in his eyes that she could not make out, as though she was killing him slowly by asking for his forgiveness.
“You do me a great honor, Lady Ellen,” he said eventually. “And, of course, there is no need for me to grant you my forgiveness, although it is given. I did you a great wrong, and you have shown nothing but kindness to me thereafter.”
Feeling as though a weight had been lifted from her mind, Ellen smiled happily and drew in a long breath, although aware that Lord Hartley himself did not smile.
“I am glad to have spoken of it to you,” she said truthfully. “Indeed, I feel a great deal better than before—now that I am no longer confused.”
Lord Hartley did not smile. “I am glad, Lady Ellen. Now, I had best return you to your companions, I think, and then, I shall take my leave of you.”
“I have not upset you, I hope?” Ellen asked, frowning just a little as she saw the pained expression on his face. “I did not think that—”
“No, you have not upset me in the least, I assure you,” Lord Hartley replied at once, offering her his arm. “Come now, Lady Ellen. Let me return you to your friend.”
9
“Ah, Lord Hartley!”
It was Lord Morton’s ball, and much to George’s frustration, his friend now fully expected his seduction of Lady Ellen to be completed by the evening’s end. He, however, was struggling with an inner turmoil, one that had not left him since two weeks prior when Lady Ellen had, so beautifully and so calmly, apologized to him.
The guilt that ran through him had not yet dissipated.
“Yes, Morton?” he asked with a small sniff. “What can I do for you?”
“I am surprised to see you up here,” Lord Morton exclaimed, with a look of feigned surprise. “The balcony is not your usual haunt – unless, of course, you are looking for your quarry. She is here, you know.”
His jaw clenched.
“Ripe for the plucking, I would say,” Lord Morton continued, with a lift of his brow. “Why not this evening, Lord Hartley? Never say that you have had a change of heart!”
“No, of course not!” George exclaimed at once, his fingers gripping the handrail tightly. “She is just still not quite sure of me, that is all.”
Lord Morton scoffed at this, shaking his head firmly. “Now, do not toy with me, Lord Hartley. Everyone knows just how much time you have been spending with her these last few weeks, and I know she would not do such a thing if she did not truly believe your transformation to be a genuine one.”
That was the problem, however. As far as George was concerned, this transformation of his character had begun to feel a permanent fixture. He did not care so much for gambling or women, nor even about maintaining his reputation – but yet he could not say as much to Lord Morton. That would mean a climb down from the bet, a willingness to lose to his friend. The ridicule that would follow was too much for him to bear.
And so, he still maintained that he would win the bet and kiss Lady Ellen. The thought of what that would do to the friendship that was slowly being built between them did not bear thinking about. Despite that, however, it was his pride that won out. He would do as he had promised, he would win the bet and maintain his standing. What happened with Lady Ellen thereafter would be something he would just have to endure.
His heart tore, but he did not allow it to show in his expression. Lord Morton’s mocking voice continued in his ear, but George tried not to listen. Suddenly, he despised Lord Morton and all that he stood for, despised even himself for the man he had been – and the man he still was.
Hanging his head, George let out a long, slow breath, as Lord Morton declared to him, yet again, that he expected the deed to be done by the end of the evening, reminding George to fetch him before he took Lady Ellen outdoors, as he expected him to do.
George said nothing, and in a few moments, he was left entirely on his own.
The solitude did not help him. In fact, it did nothing to assuage the guilt that was being heaped on his shoulders, the guilt that had placed itself there the day that Lady Ellen had apologized to him for her lack of belief in his change of character. She had been so sincere, so genuine and vulnerable that he had wanted to fall at her feet and confess the whole charade.
But he had not done so. Instead, he had accepted what she had said, muttered something about forgiving her, and then returned her to her friend. Whenever they met over the next few weeks, she had been much more open toward him, with a ready smile on h
er face whenever he so much as looked in her direction.
It was an appreciation and an association he did not deserve. He was going to ruin it all tonight; he was going to ruin everything between them. And all to save his own skin.
Why could he not admit that Morton was right, he was not the gentleman who could turn any lady’s head he wished? Why was that so difficult to say? He shook his head and blew out a long breath, looking down at the lady in question as she laughed and smiled with a few of her acquaintances. She was so breathtakingly beautiful, of both character and of face. He felt as if he were a hunter, about to take the life away from a majestic creature, simply for his own pleasures.
Gritting his teeth, he stepped away from the balcony and hurried down the stairs. Could he do this? Really?
Making his way through the crowd toward Lady Ellen, he saw her gaze land on him, and for a moment, the rest of the crowd faded away. There was no music, no laughter, no conversation. There was just Lady Ellen.
And then she looked away, continuing the conversation with another, and it all came rushing back at once. In that moment, George knew that he could not bring himself to do what he had intended. He would lose the bet. He would make it all come to light. He would tell all to Lady Ellen and beg her to forgive him, just as she had. He would explain to her that the change she had affected was now a permanent one, not one that would simply fade away after a short time so that he might return to his old ways. They did not have a hold over him any longer; they did not call to him in the way they had once done. That part of his life was over for good.
“Lady Ellen?”
His voice was hoarse and rasping as he reached for her hand, bowing over it in a sudden flurry of desperation. He had to tell her everything now, before the desire to do so left him. It was most untoward to be grasping a young lady’s hand, but he hoped she might see the urgency in his eyes and the grief in his soul over what he must do.