by Skyler Snow
Carsen's face softened. "Did you finish all of your chores?"
"Yes, sir," I answered quickly. "Can I vacuum in the morning?"
He smiled. "Well, since you asked and all..." He uncrossed his arms. “You should have some fun.”
I sighed. "I don't know why I'm asking. I'm a grown-ass man and I'm still asking for permission. It's kinda pathetic, isn't it?"
Carsen's smile turned into a smirk. "I don't think it's pathetic at all. It's common courtesy," he bit his lip. "I like when someone can ask permission as sweetly as you do."
I shuddered. Why did that sound like it held so much more meaning than what he actually said? I rubbed my arm slowly.
"I'll be back in a couple of hours hopefully."
"Here." Carsen handed me the key. "Tell Aylah not to have you out all night. She has class and you need to get onto an actual schedule."
I nodded and gave Carson a little smile. “I promise I’ll be a good boy,” I teased.
Carson raised an eyebrow and I got a little tickle out of fucking with him. Just then a horn blew outside and I rushed out the door to go meet my friend. I waved over my shoulder at Carson who still stood in the doorway watching me. I quickly slipped into the car.
“Why is my uncle looking at you like that?” Aylah turned down the radio. “I don’t think I have ever seen him look so confused.”
I grinned. “Let’s just get out of here before he finds another chore to give me.”
She laughed and peeled off. It felt weird to put the world behind me and just go out and have fun. I rolled the window down and let in the desert air. My fingers slipped outside of the window and I enjoyed the way my fingers moved up and down against the airstream. It felt like freedom. Maybe I was being silly after all. Maybe, I could go out and have fun just like everyone else. There might even be a chance that I could find someone.
I was surprised that thought had crossed my mind. Was there actually a chance that I could get over all of the things that had been said and find a man I liked? I wasn’t too sure. In fact, I was still apprehensive, but I’d had a nice sleep and some support from the people around me. At the moment anything felt possible.
“Where we going?” I asked as I paid attention to the road.
“Since some of us still aren’t old enough to drink,” Aylah looked at me and grinned. “I’m going to take us over to a friend’s house. They have a pool, drinks, and blunts aplenty.”
I groaned. “I’m not supposed to smoke anymore. You have your medical card, but I don’t. Carson will throw a fit if he even smells it on me.”
Aylah shrugged. “Okay, then don’t smoke. You don’t even have to drink.” She turned the knob on the radio and switched it to another station. “I figured you needed to get out of the house so that’s all this is. You’re free to do whatever you want of course.” A slight smile tugged at her lips. “You just might find someone to ease your distress.”
I barked out a laugh. “That might not be so bad.” I adjusted my dick in my jeans. “It’s definitely TMI, but I’m so fucking horny I could burst.”
“You’re right,” Aylah groaned and pulled a face. “That is way too much information.”
I laughed. We finally pulled up to a house and parked. I climbed out with Aylah and we followed a few people through a wooden gate and to a back door. Inside the house, music thumped, people laughed and I felt normal again.
She said I didn't have to, but of course I grabbed a drink as soon as I could. Vodka with some kind of strawberry soda. It was sweet as hell and reminded me of the cough syrup my mom gave me when I was sick, but I took it anyway.
"Let's go dance!" Aylah exclaimed as she took my hand. "No worrying tonight, just fun."
I grinned and gave in right away. Yeah, I just wanted to have some fun too. Fuck worrying and stress. For one night I was going to be who I was and do whatever I wanted to do.
Aylah and I danced until my feet throbbed and I couldn't take anymore. I took another shot and threw it back and then another. A pleasant buzz traveled through my body and I smiled.
"Better?" Aylah asked me. "You're smiling for once!"
"Fuck yes." I scooped up another of the strawberry concoctions and threw it back. "I could do this all night!"
Aylah and I did whatever we wanted to do. We danced, we drank, we had fun. The world spun around me until I didn't know which way was up. At some point I'd started talking to some cute blond guy who grinned at me and said all the right words.
“I can’t believe you’ve been here for weeks and haven’t done anything yet.” He shook his head. “You’re missing out.”
“I know,” I groaned. “I’ve been kind of shut in the whole time, but I would love to start exploring Phoenix.”
“You’d have a damn blast.” He grinned at me over the rim of his red cup. “I could show you some of the hottest places in Tempe right now. There are some clubs that I’m sure you would absolutely love.”
I smiled softly. “That might be fun.”
“Here take my number.” He gave it to me and I put it into my phone. “What are you doing tonight?”
“Oh, I’m here with my friend, Aylah.” I nodded toward where she danced with a tall guy who grinned down at her.
"You should come back to my place." He smiled at me and placed his hand on my thigh. "We could go right now."
One part of me was eager, but the other part was reluctant. The thought of actually giving in to that side of me? I couldn't do it. No, it would just make everything worse. All of it. I still had faith that my parents would see reason, call me and accept me back again, but none of that could happen if I slept with another man. It would all be over and I would be cast out forever.
I didn't mean to start crying, but the tears flowed down my cheeks full force. Having a father for a preacher had impressed on me how much of an abomination I was. How much sin I held. I couldn't sleep with a man. Even if I thought I was gay, I couldn’t do it if I ever wanted to be able to speak to my parents again. I'd rather suffer on my own forever than to disappoint them more than I already had.
“I-I’m sorry.” I stumbled up and his hand fell away from my leg. “I have to go.”
I bolted away from the stunned blond-haired beauty and into the kitchen. I grabbed the nearest bottle, shoved it to my lips and tipped it up. A burn tore down my throat to my belly and I gagged. I almost threw it up, but I willed myself not to and took another shot and then another.
"You're drinking rum?" Aylah asked as she walked into the kitchen. "Are you okay?"
"Great." I threw back the bottle. "Better than I've ever been."
She glanced around. "Did something happen? You don't look too good."
How could I explain to her how fucked up my head was? The truth was on the edge of my tongue, but I didn't want to draw Aylah into more of my screwed up mess than she already was. Instead, I shrugged.
"I'm good. I’m having a drink."
"Yeah, well, slow down," she grabbed a cup and filled it with water from the fridge. "Drink up."
I took the cup and smiled at her. I placed it to my lips, but I didn't take a sip. Instead, when she smiled and walked away I tossed it to the side and frowned. I didn't want water. I didn't want to be sober. If anything, I wanted to be drunker than I'd ever been before. I wrapped my hand around the neck of the rum bottle and wandered out to the backyard.
There were lawn chairs out back. I stumbled over to one and plopped onto it. It creaked dangerously like it was going to fold, but it held my weight in the end. I cradled the bottle like it was a baby against my chest. What was I doing in Arizona? I should have been back home in Ohio getting my shit together and doing things on my own. Why was I so weak?
God, why did that guy have to ask me back to his place? Why did I have to be attracted to him? It wasn’t fair. I didn’t ask not to be attracted to women, but I was going to be punished for it for the rest of my life. My father would never understand and my mother would never forgive me.
I
felt like trash.
My eyes grew heavy as I drank by myself. Eventually, I shoved myself up. The world spun. I straightened my shoulders and started walking. I had no idea where I was going, but I knew that I had to get away. Wherever that landed me, I didn't care.
10
Lukas
"Do you think he's okay?" I settled back against the headboard and let my tablet drop onto my legs. "They've been gone for a while and it's so quiet."
Carsen grinned. "I think you just miss having someone to take care of."
"I don't miss it." I picked up my tablet and stared at my ever-growing list of books yet to be read. "I just... worry."
"That's why you are the sweet one." Carsen climbed on top of me and I smiled up at him, forgetting about my book. "He's fine. Aylah's fine. They'll be back soon."
I pulled a face. "You're just saying that because you want to climb on top of me and do me."
Carsen laughed. "'Do you’? How old are we?"
I grinned up at him. I wrapped my arms around Carsen's neck and pulled him down. We rolled over and I cuddled against his chest. It was quiet and warm. It was also kind of... odd. I hadn't been alone with my boyfriend in the house for a couple of weeks. I probably should have been ecstatic about it, but instead I was anxious.
My phone rang and I grabbed it and pressed a finger against Carsen's lips. He quieted for once and I glanced at my phone. Aylah.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Uncle Lukas." Her voice sounded weird. "I need you."
I immediately was up and Carsen groaned. I mouthed Aylah’s name. That was all it took. He rolled out of bed. I didn't need to explain the entire situation to him.
"Reece and I were at this party and..." She sighed. "I don't know where he went! He was outside and I went to talk to a friend and then he was gone. I can't drive because I was drinking and I don't know what to do." She sucked in a breath. "Can you and Uncle Carsen come and get me?"
"Of course, sweetheart. We'll be right there."
Carsen frowned. "Where are we going?"
I rolled out of bed and booked it to the dresser. "Aylah was drinking with Reece. Apparently he's taken off and she's been drinking too much to drive." I yanked open a drawer. "We need to go get them."
Carsen groaned. "Can't I just have a good night's rest?" He slipped out of bed and grabbed his keys. "Let's go get the little pains in the assess. I won't be held responsible for the amount of lecturing I'm about to do."
I grinned. "This is a lecturing type of situation, so feel free." I grabbed my shoes and shoved my feet inside of them.
We grabbed our things and headed out to the car. Aylah and Reece weren't too far away, but I was still worried and every passing minute felt like it stretched on forever. Carsen laid a hand on my leg.
"It's okay, I'm sure they're fine."
I shook my head. "I didn't think this was going to be so much chaos," I muttered. "Maybe you were right. You said that this was going to bring nothing but trouble."
"Maybe," Carsen gave my leg a tight squeeze. "The kid needs our help though. He still won't fully tell me what's going on, but I've been where he is. Losing your home just because of who you love or may love is a devastating blow." He sighed. "He just needs some time."
I smiled softly. "And a good kick in the ass?"
"And a good, swift kick in the ass." Carsen said flatly.
I shook my head. My man could be crazy when he wanted to be, but he had a point. I pulled up to the house that Aylah had given me the address to. She stood by the sidewalk looking up and down the street. When we stepped out, she quickly ran over to us.
"I don't know where he is." She shook her head. "I shouldn't have let him drink so much. He seemed fine one minute and the next I just..."
"It's okay." I laid a hand on her shoulder. "Why don't we walk around and help you look for him? I'm sure he couldn’t have gone far."
Aylah nodded. "Thank you." She bit her lip and toyed with her fingers. "Are you two mad?"
"Yep," Carsen patted her on the head. "That can wait until you're sober though."
She looked up with wide, innocent eyes. "Because you care about me?"
"Because I want you to remember every word I'm going to say to you and you can't do that until you're sober."
"Damn it," she muttered and shuffled forward. "I guess I deserve that."
"You sure do young lady." I placed a hand on her back. "March."
We walked down the street and called out for Reece. It was dark and being in the middle of the desert with only street lights and cell phone flashlights wasn't easy. We turned another corner and kept walking.
"Is he okay?" I asked.
"Reece?" She flashed her cell phone over to a ditch and frowned. "No, not really."
"We know he's gay." Carsen interjected.
She stopped and turned to us. "He told you that?"
"Yeah" I glanced up at Carsen. "Well, he told Carsen the other day. It must be so hard on him."
Aylah turned slowly and started walking again. "Reece was fine until they found out. He's never even been with a guy, but they found his internet history and they pieced it together." She shook her head. "Both of his parents are hardcore Christians, like to the extreme. They tried to force him to go to a fucking conversion camp," she spat. "The choice was that or be homeless. Reece chose to be homeless."
My throat tightened. "That's fucking horrible." My heart ached for him and I wanted to tear their eyes out with my bare hands. “Who the fuck does that to their own child?”
“It’s horrible,” Aylah sniffled, and shook her head. “He doesn’t deserve it, but this is what they do to him.”
I clutched my shirt. Conversion camp. They really would have gone that far? So many people I knew who were gay had horrible stories, but it was difficult to really understand the full impact of what they were going through.
My parents were never like that with me. They cared about who I was, and when I came out they barely even blinked. As long as I got good grades and was a decent human being they couldn't care less who I fell for or who I was with.
"I'm starting to get worried," I told Carsen. "What if he's hurt? What if—?"
"I'm sure he's okay," Carsen cut in and took my hand. "Let's just keep looking."
I nodded. Neither of us wanted to say the words that I'd been thinking. Reece was a delicate young man, someone who had been through a lot. I didn't want to think the worst, but it was hard not to. We continued to search, until Aylah complained that her feet hurt, and mine weren't any better. Still, none of us wanted to stop until we'd found him.
"There he is!" Aylah pointed.
We jogged over to the car. Reece lay on top of the hood with a cigarette dangling out of his mouth. He glanced over at us.
"Hey!" He jumped off of the hood and crumpled to the ground.
"Reece!" I ran over to him with Carsen and Aylah on my heels. I crouched down and checked him over. "Are you okay?!"
"I'm great. Great. Awesome." He pushed his palms against the ground and tried to get up, but fell right back to the ground again. "Ouch."
I looked up at my niece and boyfriend. "Yeah, I don't think he's okay."
Carsen sighed. "Move over, let me get him."
I happily stepped aside. Those muscles were a godsend sometimes. Carsen stepped over and scooped Reece up as if he weighed nothing. Reece wrapped his arms around his neck and gave him a huge goofy grin.
"You're hotter than the guy that asked me to go home with him." He caressed Carsen's cheek. "I probably would have let him, but it's a sin you know?"
Carsen nodded. "Mmm-hmm, a sin."
"I would let you take it though,." he said seriously.
"Take what?" Carsen asked confused as Aylah opened the door to the car for him.
"My virginity," he whispered loud as hell, before he looked over at me and smiled. "You two. Both of you. I'd let you two do whatever you wanted to me." He nuzzled against Carsen's chest. "You're both worth the trip to hell."
/> "Oh my god," Aylah groaned. "Please stop talking, Reece."
The boy giggled. Giggled. I pinched the bridge of my nose. What were our lives now? Carsen had nearly dropped Reece from his words and wiggling, but somehow he managed to keep his grip on Reece. Carsen laid him onto the back seat. He wrestled with him to get the seatbelt on and came out panting.
"Wild fucking thing won't stop flailing!" He sucked in a breath and leaned against the car trying to compose himself.
"Officer come back! I don't think this is on right. Do it again!" Reece pushed himself up against the window and grinned. “You should really search me before you take me to jail.” His eyes widened. “If I agree to let you take advantage of me, will that get me out of trouble?”
Carsen's eyes narrowed. "Or flirting. He will not. Stop. Flirting.”
Aylah burst out laughing. She covered her mouth and tried to keep quiet, but it was impossible. Even I couldn't stop the smirk that touched my lips. It was sad, and yes, Reece was acting out, but seeing Carsen flustered was funny. He glared at both of us.
"Do not encourage him, you two."
"We're being good!" I grinned. "Why don't you take Aylah in her car and I'll transport Reece in mine?"
"Fine." Carsen pushed his fingers through his hair. "I want a drink when we get home."
I patted his cheek. "I'll fix you one."
"And sex!" He called as I rounded the car. “I want sex!”
"Yes, my love." I chuckled. "Let's go home."
We piled into our respective cars and headed for home. It was, of course, insane to have to leave the house in the middle of the night to go grab Aylah and Reece, but I was okay with that. At least they knew they had us if anything went wrong. I wouldn't let Carsen lecture too hard just because of that reason.
"Are we going home?" Reece muttered from the back.
"We are," I answered, then turned down the radio. "And you're going to drink a shit ton of water or tomorrow you're gonna wake up with the worst damn hangover that you've ever had."
Reece popped up and waved a hand. "I've had worse." He moved forward and was yanked back by his seatbelt. He groaned. "I want to take a nap."