I turned and swam back towards the shore, dipping beneath the waves again and sighing in a stream of bubbles as the water slowly lit with the blue of the sky all around me and I felt like I was home at last.
Once my feet could reach the bottom again, I stopped and started scrubbing at my hair, my face, my body. I needed to get the grave dirt off of my flesh and I refused to flinch away from the sting of my wounds.
The cuts burned in the saltwater, but at least it was cleaning them. I needed it to clean them, to wash away all evidence of what Shawn had tried to do, of the feeling of his hands on my flesh, of his tight grip on my throat.
My heart raced as I remembered that look in his eyes as he'd squeezed the life out of me. That cold, callous acceptance and more than a little excitement too. I knew he'd killed people before me and I’d never even imagined he might love me, but I'd been his girl for almost two years and I thought that I might have meant...something to him. But I guessed not. Even after all of these years, I was still just the girl everyone liked to throw away.
I strode back out of the water, glancing down at the full sleeve of tattoos on my left arm as they glistened wetly, the patterns clear without the grave dirt hiding them, a mixture of ocean creatures and violent things which probably made no sense to anyone but me. But those images were my soul in ink. From the painted skulls dressed in flowers to the stingrays circling my bicep, the pair of angel wings on my back and the other creatures and images which marked my flesh, each of them meant something to me far beyond the obvious.
I wrung the water from my long hair, cringing at the pain in my neck as I tilted my head to do it and looking down at my ruined clothes. I may have been able to wash the dirt from my flesh, but the water had just made the stains on my shirt and jeans stand out more.
I retrieved my twenty from beneath the rock and forced myself to look towards the distant pier again. If I was really going to do this then I needed to get my head in the game. I had to be prepared for whatever this was going to take from me.
I shook off the urge to bitch about my lot in life and started walking.
Big girls don't cry and all that jazz. Or maybe broken girls didn't feel. And dead girls didn't hurt.
In the distance, in the general direction of the pier and the town I’d grown up in, I spotted a few luxury condos lining the waterfront so I kicked my wrecked sneakers off, tied the laces together and slung them over my shoulder as I started walking.
I was in desperate need of pretty much everything, so I was fairly sure I would be able to alleviate at least a few of my desires there. The rest I'd just figure out as I went. That was basically how I'd been living my entire life anyway, so why change the habit of a lifetime?
The sun crept higher in the sky as I walked, cresting the horizon and filling the clouds with streaks of orange that reminded me of just how much I used to love this place. There was beauty here, especially beyond the edge of the town where the water met the land and there were no people to interrupt the silence.
By the time I made it to the first house, my throat felt so raw that each breath caused me pain. I groaned in relief as I spotted the outdoor shower set up within a little wood cubicle right outside the fence that ringed the property, beside a gate which offered the owners access to the beach.
I dropped my shoes and lurched forward, setting the cold water running and thrusting my head beneath it so that I could open my mouth and drink my fill. Every mouthful was like a balm to the aching burn in my throat and I swallowed greedily, trying to fill my belly enough to deny the rumbling that had started up in it. Food wasn't likely to be an option for a while, so there was really no point in my body protesting its emptiness so forcefully.
When I was finally satisfied by the water, I turned back to look at the house, pushing wet hair out of my eyes and trying to gauge whether or not anyone was home. These houses were vacation places for the most part and seeing as we were only just coming into February, there was a good chance a lot of them would be empty. But with the fancy alarms these people had installed, that was actually a bad thing from my point of view.
The house closest to me seemed to be all locked up, so I moved on, squelching along in my wet and ruined clothes with sand sticking to every part of me as I walked towards the next house further down the beach.
The heavens must have been smiling on me today because as well as allowing me to crawl my ass up out of a grave, they'd gifted me the blessing of a lazy bitch who had left her laundry hanging out overnight.
I groaned longingly as I jogged towards the fenced in yard, glancing up at the house which it belonged to to check for anyone looking out this way before hopping over the fence and closing in on the dry laundry which was blowing back and forth in the sea breeze.
Man sock, boxers, bed sheet - bingo! A blood red bikini hung from the line right beside a cute pair of denim shorts which seemed to whisper slip your ass into me to the tune of the waves crashing against the shore. And who was I to deny something that wanted my ass that badly?
I dropped my shoes, shed my ripped jeans, panties, crop top and bra and stood there in my birthday suit, letting the dolphins get a nice long look at my ass if they fancied hopping up out of the ocean for a gander. Sadly, there were no towels so I made do with the bed sheet, silently apologising for using it to wipe the sand from between my butt cheeks, but a girl had to do what a girl had to do. And I was sure if the homeowner knew what kind of day I'd had, they'd let me off.
I slipped on the - oh hello baby - designer bikini and quickly adjusted the ties to secure the girls before pulling on the shorts. They were a little snug. Okay, there was probably more cheek hanging out the bottom of them than contained inside, but beggars can't be choosers and at least they weren't wet. I fished my twenty from the pocket of my ruined jeans and slipped it into my bikini top with a smug grin. Lastly, I hooked a fancy, white lacy kimono cardigan thing from the clothesline and pulled it on to complete my outfit change. The look was a bit boho for me, but I was calling it a win.
I grabbed my wet clothes and headed back out of the yard, hopping over the fence before jogging up the side of the house to the little street which backed it.
I kept my pace fast until I'd left the beach house behind then dumped my ruined clothes in the neighbour's trash further up the street, keeping hold of my sneakers and hanging them over my shoulder again just in case I couldn't find replacements.
I walked about another mile before I came up on a house with a car parked up out front with a hassled looking guy throwing stuff in the trunk while his kid yelled abuse at him from the front porch.
The little brat looked about nine and he was kicking his skateboard into the street and letting it roll back to him with a petulant look on his face.
"I don't want chocolate, I want vanilla!" he screamed, face red, glaring at his father who looked like he was in a rush to get somewhere.
"I told you, Benny, I don't have vanilla," the dad said. "How about we stop for pancakes on the way back? Can you give me a hand grabbing your bags from your room?"
"I hate you!" the kid screamed and the dad threw me an apologetic look without really looking at me before hurrying back into his house with a shake of his head while the brat threw a fit.
Just as I got close to him, a little white dog with a brown patch over its eye scampered out of the bushes, wagging its tail hopefully as it approached the kid like it thought it might get some food or something. The thing didn't have a collar on and it was bony enough that I knew it was a stray. There were plenty of those out here; the weather was always nice enough and in the summer the tourists fed them up so they got good and fat. You didn't tend to get so many in the part of town where I grew up because people could barely afford to feed themselves, so they weren't going to be handing out anything to mutts.
The kid spotted the hopeful pup and grabbed his skateboard from the floor, hefting it over his head as he lurched towards it. "Get out of here you mongrel!"
He swung the
board at the little pup which leapt away with a whine of fright and I lunged forward, catching the other end of the board and snarling at him.
"Why not pick on someone your own size, you little asshole?" I demanded, holding onto the board and glaring at him as he gaped at me like no one in his life had ever called him out on being the entitled little prick he clearly was.
I yanked the skateboard out of his hands and smirked at him. "I'm taking this because you're a shit human being," I explained. "And if you cry to your daddy about it, I'm gonna wait until you're asleep in your bed and then come and drag you out into the night and dump you out at sea."
"What?" he squeaked and I realised that I was a grown ass woman threatening some kid. Not my finest hour, but he was a dick and he needed to learn a lesson.
"I want your hat, too," I decided, eyeing the baseball cap on his head which he quickly handed over.
On closer inspection I realised it was a Red Power Ranger cap which sucked because everyone knew the Green Ranger was the best, he was just totally underrated. Either way, the cap was mine and the kid had learned a good life lesson. "Be nice to dogs and I won't have to come back. And go help your dad with the bags you little shit."
He ran off, seemingly too stunned for tears and I grinned down at my new board.
Wait a minute, this wasn't just any old skateboard, it was a motherfucking Element Board, sweeeet. That kid really was a spoilt brat and my day just got way better.
I dropped the skateboard to the road and hopped on, kicking off the asphalt for a while to build up some speed then letting the hill take me as I rode it towards the town.
As I tried not to focus too heavily on what the fuck might be waiting for me when I arrived back in Sunset Cove for the first time in ten years, I noticed the sound of hurrying paws trailing me and glanced back to find the mutt chasing me down the street.
"It wasn't an open invitation," I called out to it and it barked back happily.
I pursed my lips but I guessed the two of us were having a pretty shitty day so I couldn't really justify making a fuss. No doubt it would get bored of chasing me soon enough anyway.
It didn't take long for the sound of a car following me down the road to reach my ears and I glanced back, spotting the silver Audi cruising along the road in the distance. I had to assume the dad wouldn't appreciate me robbing his kid, so I quickly turned down a side road which ran towards the beach where there was a sign for a surf and turf beach hut swaying in the wind.
The little bar was open and as my stomach growled again, I decided to give in to its demands and feed it.
I flipped the board up as I hopped off of it, pleased with the fact that I'd clearly managed to retain that skill from my childhood as I strode down to the bar and grabbed a menu from the polished red counter.
I perched my ass on a bar stool in the sun and quickly picked out the cheapest thing on the menu that might shut my rumbling stomach up. A bowl of French fries were two dollars but I could upgrade that with a veggie burger if I pushed to five-fifty.
"Can I take your order, sweetheart?" a peppy voice asked and I looked up to find a woman smiling down at me. "Holy mother of fuck - what happened to you?" she shrieked and I flinched, wondering what I must look like for her to have reacted like that.
"My boyfriend punched me in the face, strangled me and dumped me in a shallow grave a few miles from here," I said blandly, slapping the menu down on the table and pointing out my burger. "I'll have that please."
The woman gaped at me some more then started nodding as she scribbled my order down. "Drink?"
I eyed the milkshakes with longing then groaned, shaking my head. I was on a damn budget after all. "Tap water will do."
The server backed away and I had no doubt that I was about to become the latest subject of kitchen gossip, but there wasn't much I could do about that now.
Once she was out of sight, I surreptitiously lifted the silver napkin dispenser and tried to use it as a mirror. I could make out some purple bruising to the left side of my face which would explain the tenderness and it looked like my throat had finger marks wrapped around it too.
Fuck Shawn. I hoped he got eaten by a fucking alligator. Or a bear. Or a really hungry rat.
The woman returned with my food, the basket of fries overflowing to the point of insanity and an extra heap of salad to go with my burger. She added a chocolate shake to the mix, patting my arm and giving me a wink as she dunked the straw in it.
Well shit, if I'd known that I could get free shakes just by showing up looking like shit places then I would have done away with my makeup years ago.
I sighed as my own joke fell flat in my head and I felt weirdly like crying over that fucking milkshake. People weren't nice to me. I didn’t mean that in some self pitying bullshit kind of way either. It just wasn't like that in the world I lived in. No one did shit for nothing; everything was for sale and loyalty was a rarity I'd never come across. The only time I hadn't felt that way was when I'd been tricked into thinking the Harlequin boys were really mine. It was a pretty lie for a while. But the heartache following it had hurt so much that I wished I'd never known that feeling at all.
I picked up my shake and sucked on the straw, my chest tightening with gratitude towards some waitress who didn't know me as the sweet taste of the milky ice cream soothed my throat as it went down.
A sob shuddered through my chest and I gripped the edge of the table so hard that it hurt my fingers as I fought against the urge to just curl up in a ball and bawl my fucking eyes out. I'd almost died. And my life had been nothing. There was no one who would miss me. No one who would care. I would just be remembered as Shawn's girl who took off one day. If that. Fuck, was that really the sum total of the mark I'd left on the world?
I sucked in another breath and focused on the empty feeling in my stomach before grabbing a handful of fries and shoving them into my mouth. They were salty and oily and fucking orgasmic and I quickly grabbed the mayo, squirting a huge dollop on the side of my plate before dipping more fries in it.
A little paw tapped my bare foot and I glanced down to find the mutt there, blinking up at me with those big puppy eyes, guilting me into tossing a couple of fries his way too.
The hopeless feeling in my chest slowly slipped away from me as I grabbed my burger in two hands and demolished it as fast as I could, groaning in pleasure as I filled my aching belly, not caring that I was covering my cheeks in sauce. It was likely an improvement on the bruises anyway.
This right here was heaven. I was never going to forget that. The sun on my back and a burger in my hands with the sweet taste of chocolate milkshake coating my lips.
The mutt got way more food than I think I'd ever willingly offered up to anyone in my life, and when I finally sat back and slurped the dregs from my milkshake down, I genuinely felt like I was going to pop. And it felt really damn good.
"My shift just ended, if you wanna grab a ride back to town?" the waitress said as she approached again. "I'm Candy, by the way."
She held out a hand and I shook it warily. People weren't this nice. It wasn't normal. At least not any people I knew.
"I've got my board," I replied, shaking my head but she just rolled her eyes as she took my twenty and rung up my bill.
"You're grabbing a ride, sweetie, no arguments." She shoved fifteen dollars back at me, letting me off the fifty cents and I tried to push the five back her way, but she just shook her head. "Grab your dog and let's go," she called, turning and heading around the side of the bar and giving me no choice but to follow her.
“It’s not my dog,” I called after her, but she wasn’t listening and the mutt followed me like it didn’t agree.
A few cars were pulling in around back and as I climbed into the car, the clock on the dash told me it was only just eleven.
"Is your shift really over?" I asked suspiciously and she grinned at me.
"Look, cards on the table, I was in your position once. I had a boyfriend who used to
knock me about when he had too much to drink and I get the feeling you're running. So let me help you run. It's a milkshake and a ride in a car, I'm hardly Mother Teresa. Brian can cope without me until I get back,” Candy said, matter of fact.
I opened my mouth to protest and then wondered why the fuck I'd say no to her offer before tossing my skateboard on the back seat and moving to pull the car door shut behind me. Before I could manage it, the mutt leapt into the footwell and curled up by my wet sneakers, giving me a look that said I was stuck with him now.
I probably should have said no. I wasn't in any state to look after myself yet, let alone some mutt, but I guessed I had given him fries and he was kinda cute. Worst thing that could happen was that he'd spot an easier target and ditch me. And I'd been ditched enough times in my life to be a pro at that.
Candy pulled out of the parking lot and I closed my eyes as the balmy air washed in through the window and teased my drying chocolate brown hair into loose curls that shifted in the wind.
The drive to town only took fifteen minutes and Candy dropped me off at the northern end of Sunset Beach where there were already people out surfing, awakening an ache in me for my old life as I watched them.
I’d spent more hours than I could ever count out on the beach here when I was growing up, catching waves, causing trouble and living life to the fullest even though I’d been born into one that should have felt empty.
Sinners' Playground Page 2