“Don’t tell her I forgot,” Jonquil whispered. “I feel terrible.”
“Circumstances being what they are, it’s totally acceptable. It’s not like you said you didn’t love her, or wouldn’t help her. You’d just managed the impossible and scrubbed Rumpled Foreskin from your mind. I wish I could. I admire your resourcefulness,” Petty commended.
“I shall forever call him Rumpled Foreskin. That’s my favorite yet,” Bluebonnet mused.
“So. Juniper?” Petty prompted.
“Yes, yes.” Bluebonnet waved her wand, and the hologram of Tomas disappeared. “Your plan?”
“Well, you know how she hates it when we matchmake . . . Do you remember when she and Tomas were little, they decided if they weren’t married by thirty, or some ridiculous number—thirty-four, yes, that’s it. If they weren’t married, they were going to marry each other?”
“You’re not going to expect her to keep that promise, are you?” Jonquil asked.
“Not exactly, but I think we can use it to our benefit. We’ll get her to bring him with her, and then we’ll work our magic!” Petty grinned and took a gulp of her ice cream soda. “And nature will work hers.”
Jonquil gasped. “I can’t believe I forgot this!”
“What now?” Bluebonnet asked.
“The Dracula bride! Betina! She told me she was reading Juniper’s Dark Underworld series when she met Jackson. When I told Betina that Juniper was our granddaughter, she asked if she could get signed copies of Phoenix for her bridesmaids’ gifts.”
Petunia grinned. The fates had clearly spoken. “This gives us the excuse we need to call her.”
“Quite, quite,” Bluebonnet said, and downed the rest of the butterscotch soda.
Petty pulled out her cell phone and dialed Juniper’s number. When Juniper answered, Petty put the phone on speaker so that Jonquil and Bluebonnet could hear her.
“Sweet pea! You’re on speaker!” Petty said.
“Hello, Grandmothers.” Juniper’s voice was cheery. “Hold on a minute, will you?” In the background, she whispered, “No, no. Not that one. Oh my God, what is that? No. Why is it yellow? Stop playing. I’m about to get hangry.” Back into the phone, she said, “Sorry, I’m helping Tomas pick out a suit for his firm’s fundraiser, and he promised me lunch. What are you troublemakers doing today?”
“We won’t keep you long, dear. We just wanted to double-check you’re still going to be able to make it for the Samhain celebration and the fireflies?” Petunia asked.
“And to ask a tiny favor,” Jonquil interjected.
“A favor? Of course! Anything!”
“Anything?” Bluebonnet questioned.
“Anything except let you fix me up. That’s not the favor, is it?” Juniper grumbled.
“No, no. The bride in one of the weddings we’re planning has asked if she could get signed copies of Phoenix for her bridesmaids’ gifts,” Jonquil said.
“Oh my God. Seriously? This is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Of course. This just made my year,” Juniper cried.
“Betina’s wedding will be on Samhain, so if you’re here . . . ,” Petty prompted.
“Of course I’ll be there and bring books. I wonder if she’ll let me post this on social media? This is too cool,” Juniper said.
“So, how is Tomas?” Petty ventured.
“He’s doing very well. And no, before you ask, he’s not seeing anyone. Nor does he want to see anyone,” Juniper said.
“Of course he’s not seeing anyone. Otherwise, how is he going to marry you?” Petty said.
“Oh stop, Gramma Petty.”
“Do you two still have that deal? About getting married?” Bluebonnet asked, being helpful, since Juniper told Petty to stop.
“Of course,” Juniper said, obviously teasing. “But that’s just when we get old.”
“Thirty-four isn’t old. I think that’s a good age,” Jonquil offered.
“You should bring him to Ever After. We need to start planning. You’re going to be thirty-four next year, and we want to make sure you have the kind of wedding you want.”
“Gramma Bon-Bon—”
“You are taken, right? I mean, if you weren’t,” Jonquil looked around the room at her sisters before continuing, “we’d just have to try to set you up with someone wonderful. You need inspiration to write your books.”
“I have plenty of inspiration. And if you could never say that again, that would be wonderful.”
“Inspiration?” Jonquil said, confused.
“Do you know how many men have tried that line on me?” she groaned. “They find out what I do and then get all smarmy and actually the opposite of every romance novel hero ever and say, ‘I, uh, could offer you some inspiration for those dirty scenes.’ As if the whole point of the book is just the sex and not the part where love conquers all. Fucking savages.”
Petunia nodded in understanding even though Juniper couldn’t see the action of support. “And they are obviously undeserving of you, your talents, your heart, or your bed.”
“Gramma Petty! Don’t talk about my bed,” Juniper cried.
“Well, why not? It’s a normal, natural, beautiful thing, and—”
“Oh God, that’s worse. Just stop. Please. I’ll do anything.”
“Even bring your fi—Tomas?”
“He is not my fiancé,” she said.
“Oh, definitely bring your fiancé, we’d love to see him,” Bluebonnet chirped.
“Tomas and Juniper, finally sitting in a tree . . .” Jonquil singsonged obnoxiously.
“Tomas is my best friend,” Juniper tried to argue.
“Of course he is, lovie. It’s really the thing when you marry your best friend. It’s the sleepover that never stops!” Bluebonnet said.
“We haven’t seen him since you were both little. Oh, Juniper. I’m so happy for you,” Petunia said, trying her best not to giggle.
“Grandmothers. I—” she began in a stern voice. “Wait, you absolutely can’t try to set me up with anyone if I bring a fiancé.”
“We would never do that,” Bluebonnet said. “It goes against the fai—” Jonquil slapped a hand over Bluebonnet’s mouth. “Against the code.”
“What code?” Juniper asked.
“Never you mind that,” Petunia said. “You go ahead and get back to picking out your clothes for the benefit. A fiancée’s work is never done. But be sure to bring something for the masque. It’s going to be amazing.”
“You’ll both love it,” Bluebonnet said.
“I need to make sure Tomas can get the time off,” Juniper said weakly.
She needs to talk him into it, Petunia mouthed silently.
I’m texting with Estella right now. She’ll guilt him into it, if she has to, Jonquil mouthed back.
Bluebonnet cackled loudly. “I’m sure he will.”
“Okay, gotta go. We have a lot to do for this wedding. Did we tell you it’s going to be at Blackheart Castle, along with the masque?” Petunia said.
“Blackheart Castle? Where’s that?” Juniper asked.
“Lots of changes since you’ve been to Ever After. You’ll see,” Bluebonnet promised her.
“Hanging up now. Love you, love to Tomas. See you soon,” Petty said.
“Byeeeeee,” Jonquil said, and dragged the word out to the last possible second.
“Love you both!” Bluebonnet added.
Petunia clicked the button to end the call and looked around at her sisters with a very satisfied look on her face.
“I think it’s wise we get April and Estella in on this scheme. Never underestimate the power of a mother who wants to see her children happy,” Petty said.
“Yes, good one, Jonquil,” Bluebonnet agreed.
Jonquil studied them. “Do you ever think maybe we shouldn’t push so hard? Juniper seems very happy with her life the way it is.”
“Here we go,” Bluebonnet said. “I know this is your role in the group, but it’s tiresome.”
>
“You need more sugar,” Petty suggested.
“You always think I need more sugar,” Jonquil drawled.
“You always do,” Petunia said.
“That’s a fair point, I suppose.” Jonquil nodded.
“Listen,” Bluebonnet began. “She is happy, and that’s wonderful, but the right person complements that happiness. And she wants someone. I know she does. She’s told me she’d like to fall in love, and we’re going to make it happen.”
“I suppose.” Jonquil cocked her head. “I just want to make sure we’re doing what’s best.”
“I know,” Petunia said. “We have this talk before every mission. Did you know that?”
“It’s my job to keep us grounded. To make sure we’re on the right path,” Jonquil replied.
“Yes, and we appreciate you,” Bluebonnet said. “But we’re jumping right in the thick of it with Juniper. It’s time.”
“I can’t wait to watch her realize she loves him,” Petunia said with a sigh.
“I can’t wait to watch him realize that love is for him, too.” Bluebonnet’s sigh joined her sister’s.
“I can’t wait for that vacation.” Jonquil went back to fiddling with the bloodred hydrangeas and the black lace for the bouquet. “This thing is giving me fits.”
“Remember: pirate booty,” Bluebonnet encouraged.
“You remember pirate booty. I want no such thing,” Petunia said.
Jonquil arched a brow. “The maid doth protest too much.”
“Mind your business. We have Happily Ever Afters to engineer before we can even think about vacation.”
“We should get new business cards. Happily Ever After Engineer,” Bluebonnet said.
“Oh, I like it,” Jonquil agreed.
“We are so late. Zuri is going to kill us. We’re supposed to talk scheduling with her this morning,” Bluebonnet said.
“Already on it. I texted her and told her to take the day off. With our compliments. I think she and Phillip are going to take a long weekend.” Petty winked.
“Did you see the fireworks from the castle last night? Their love lit up the sky with actual rockets,” Bluebonnet said.
“I know.” Jonquil grinned widely. “We do good work.”
Petty knew in her heart and in her bones that what Jonquil said was true.
Though, she couldn’t shake the feeling that they were on the verge of something more than simply peak fairy godmother. Petty wasn’t sure what it was, but she didn’t like it.
Not in the least.
Photo courtesy of the author
Saranna DeWylde has always been fascinated by things better left in the dark. She wrote her first story after watching The Exorcist at a slumber party. Since then, she’s published horror, romance and narrative nonfiction. Like all writers, Saranna has held a variety of jobs, from operations supervisor for an airline, to an assistant for a call girl, to a corrections officer. But like Hemingway said, “Once writing has become your major vice and greatest pleasure, only death can stop it.” So she traded in her cuffs for a full-time keyboard. She writes as Saranna DeWylde, Sara Wylde, Sara Arden, and Sara Lunsford. She loves to hear from her readers. Visit her at www.sarannadewylde.com.
FAIRY GODMOTHERS, INC.
If love is the source of all the magic in the universe, and the town of Ever After, Missouri, is the epicenter of enchantment, then the locals are in dire need of a reboot. At least according to resident fairy godmothers Petunia, Jonquil, and Bluebonnet. Their solution? Blow a bit of fairy dust in the direction of those in need of romance....
What could possibly go wrong?
SOME KIND OF AWFUL . . .
Lucky Fujiki’s first name is a cosmic joke. Her luck is so bad, even the number seven steers clear of her. But when her adorable godmothers ask for a favor, Lucky can’t say no—even though she can already feel the bad juju waiting to strike. And her mission is even worse than she imagined: to promote Ever After as a wedding destination by faking a marriage to her first love and long-time ex, Ransom Payne—he of the Embarrassing Incident that neither of them will ever live down . . .
OR ALL KINDS OF WONDERFUL?
Ransom Payne has spent years building an impressive new reputation for himself, and now his godmothers want him to pretend to wed the one girl he’d like most to forget? Sure, weddings in Ever After could be a huge boon for his chocolate business, but risking more up-close-and-personal time with Lucky? Considering the stakes, it’s a curse he’ll have to bear, at the risk of being humiliated—or perhaps, bewitched . . .
Men Are Frogs Page 28