Even though she was the bad guy in this scenario, anger shot through her. She accepted that she had a hand in this whole situation with Drew, her mother, and her job, and she had already condemned herself for it. She didn’t need his people to do it, too. Two years of her life had been predictable and entangled with Drew, but not anymore.
Where was he, anyway? She scanned the room and then decided she didn’t want to wait for his entrance. What would be the point? She should have just called out sick. She stood and left, glad to be gone from the stares and whispers.
Less than an hour later, her students were working in groups, and the noise level was increasing, but it was still tolerable. Weed made her head pound the next day, which was why she had only smoked sparingly in college. As for tequila, Nina had a tendency to become more uninhibited after drinking it and the combination of the two had kicked her in the head. It would be easy to blame her behavior the night before on drugs and alcohol.
But she knew better.
She had been emboldened by the margaritas and pot, sure. Ultimately, she had done what she wanted to do. And it didn’t go like she had thought it would. What must Maya think of her? If the shoe had been on the other foot, she would have run away, too. What kind of person ended a relationship and dry humped someone else within a few hours?
Apparently, she was. She had expected some level of guilt over the whole thing, and she got it, just not the way she had expected. Instead of feeling bad about moving on to Maya so quickly, she felt guilty about not feeling guilty, a complicated spiral that made her head pound that much harder.
On the surface, the whole incident with Maya had to appear reckless, impulsive, and a bit selfish, but for Nina, it was like she’d broken out of prison and needed to experience the things she’d been denying herself, which made it even more reckless and impulsive. But also necessary.
Where was Maya in all this? Had she been texting? Nina had turned her phone off to avoid her mother, but maybe she should check her messages. Where Maya was concerned, shouldn’t she make the first move? She definitely didn’t want Maya to use her lack of contact as evidence of her chronic wishy-washiness. But, then again, she was in no way ready for the barrage of voicemails and texts her mother had more than likely sent by now. On the plus side, Sarah Sterling hated public confrontation, affection, and everything else that would most likely embarrass her, so Nina didn’t have to worry about an impromptu visit while she was at work. No, Sarah needed privacy to rip into her.
She sighed and walked around the room again. Overall, she didn’t really know what to do. Maybe sitting still was the best decision. Everything else was moving and changing, and maybe she should just lay low for a while.
Somebody made a sound, loud enough to get her attention. Allie had her hand up, waving it toward the ceiling. She squirmed in her seat and whimpered.
“Yes, Allie?” Nina asked.
“Can I go to the bathroom? It’s an emergency.”
“You can and thank you for staying in your seat.” She opened her desk drawer and pulled out a pass.
“Thanks, Ms. Sterling.” Allie grabbed the pass as she left the room. A soft knock sounded on her classroom door. An older student who ran errands for the support staff in the office held up a folded piece of paper. Nina motioned for her to come in.
“Is that for me?” Nina asked.
“Yes, Ms. Sterling.”
Nina took the note. “Thank you.”
The girl smiled and Allie returned a few minutes later. She placed the pass on Nina’s desk and went back to her seat. Nina had been staring at the paper the whole time. Her heart seemed to ram against her ribs. Was it from her mother? Maya? She swallowed hard and, going against the voice screaming in her head, she reached for the paper and opened it.
Hey,
Makes sense for your phone to be turned off. But you know how smart I am. I checked to see when you were free. I’ll bring lunch. I think we need to talk.
Rachel
She relaxed. It would be nice to be around someone who actually liked her. She folded the paper and put it in her bag then checked the clock on the wall. Time to start the next lesson.
When the last child filed out of Nina’s room to go to P.E. later, she scanned the hallway and ducked back into her classroom. It felt like she was hiding, and in a way, she was. Not from her fellow teachers, but from the outside world in general, as self-preservation.
A few minutes later, someone tapped on the glass part of her door. Rachel held up a big brown paper bag and smiled at her. Nina tried to return the expression, but her mouth refused to cooperate.
“Hey,” Nina greeted when Rachel came in.
“Hey.” She held up the bag again. “It’s not salad, in case you’re wondering. You’re not a salad woman, today especially.”
No, she was not. “What did you bring?”
“Farm Burger.” Rachel lowered her voice to a sinful whisper.
“Oh, God, I love you. Pimento cheese fries?” Nina’s aching head had made it hard to think, let alone fix her own lunch this morning. However, she was really hungry now.
Rachel pulled a grown-up chair to Nina’s desk and sat down. “Yes. And I don’t share, so you got your own. I didn’t want to leave you totally useless for the rest of the day, so I skipped the shakes. I got canned soda out of the vending machine.”
“That’s fine.” She reached for the bag.
Rachel slapped her hand away. “I’ve got it. Let me. You don’t even know which one is yours.”
“Okay. Could you hurry up? I only have an hour.”
“Sass will not get you your chicken burger.” Rachel smirked.
“Would you like me to say please, then?”
Rachel touched her chin and looked thoughtful. “I don’t know. Let’s try it and see.”
“Please?” Nina drew out the word and added a sarcastic edge.
“That might work.” She laughed. The bag rustled as she dug around in it. She pulled out two cans of Cheerwine first. The fries came next and, finally, the burgers. Nina bypassed everything to get to her sandwich. She could wait on the fries. She took a bite and made an approving noise. Some of the sherry-date barbecue sauce dribbled on her fingers. Nina licked it off and kept on chewing.
“So, you know how smart I am, right?” Rachel asked as she unwrapped her own sandwich.
“A genius, in your head,” Nina mumbled around her food.
“Sounds like agreement to me.”
She snorted and took another bite.
“So, anyway. Something happened with you and Maya last night. I’m not asking. I’m telling you that I know,” she said.
Nina stopped chewing. She tried to swallow and ended up choking instead. Rachel swatted her on her back. When she could breathe properly again, Nina leaned back in her chair. She met Rachel’s gaze and held it silently for what seemed like several minutes but prob- ably was only a few seconds.
“Your food is gonna get cold.” Rachel popped a fry into her mouth.
“We have microwaves here.”
“Uh-huh, go heat it up, then.” She shrugged. “But I know you won’t. This is Drew’s turf.”
Nina didn’t respond, but every part of her tensed up.
“Let’s try this again. I’m here, and I’m firmly in your corner.” Rachel’s voice softened and so did her expression. “You’ll get no judgment from me, but you can’t just sit and wallow in whatever happened. That’s what you always do. Aren’t you tired of that?”
“Yeah, I’d like to think so, but maybe I took on too much too soon.”
“Did you?”
“I kissed her.” Nina looked at Rachel and waited.
“Well. That’s interesting.” Her eyes widened.
“And I put my hand down her pants.”
She froze. “Um. What?”
“Maya stopped things from going further.”
“Even though you had your hand down her pants? Wow.” Rachel’s tone was incredulous.
; Nina glared.
“Right, focus. Are you upset that she turned you down?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know. There’s just so much going on in my head right now.”
“I bet.” Rachel checked her phone. “We have thirty-five minutes to sort through some of it. So, let’s get started.”
Nina took the plastic cover off her fries. After eating a couple, she finally spoke. “Is there something wrong with me?”
“What do you mean?”
“I just broke up with Drew yesterday and then I was all over Maya.”
“Did you kiss her because you wanted to or did you kiss her because she was convenient?”
“I wanted to.” Nina ate a fry. “I still want to.”
Rachel nodded and smiled. “There’s nothing wrong with that. You weren’t cheating and any guilt you’re feeling is just confirmation that you’re a decent person.” She paused. “Now, how do you feel about Maya? Really?”
“I’m...attracted to her.” It felt good to say it.
“Duh,” Rachel deadpanned. “I suspected, but the way you looked at me at the bridal shop really sold it. I’ve never seen you jealous before, but that day you looked like you could’ve taken my head off.”
Nina almost laughed. “At first, I had convinced myself it was because you two became such good friends so fast when Maya and I were struggling. I’m not sure how I would’ve acted if I’d acknowledged I had feelings for her then.”
“That wasn’t that long ago,” Rachel reminded her.
“I know. It’s like I opened a Pandora’s Box or something. Everything has just been jumping out at me. Most of it good.”
“You care about her, though?”
“Yes.” So much.
“Why’d she stop, then?”
“She doesn’t trust it...doesn’t trust me.” Nina pushed her fries away as her stomach lurched.
“Can you blame her?”
“No, I can’t.”
“Good.”
“I was invested in Maya’s friendship even when it was barely there. So, I fought for it even though it took me two years to really make something happen. I don’t know what this is between us, but I’m willing to put myself out there to find out. I don’t want it to stop. I don’t know what to do next, but I do know that I don’t want to hurt her.”
Rachel smiled. “Look at you, sounding all grown up. Did you take a big girl pill?”
Nina grinned back. “I’m trying.”
“I know. Just give Maya a minute. Maybe a day or two. Both of you seem like you’ve spent too much time in your own heads.” She opened her Cheerwine and took a healthy swig before setting it back down. “Okay, new topic. I don’t want to freak you out, but I think you should know that your mother is probably getting desperate. She actually called me. So that right there should tell you something.”
“Oh, God.” She rubbed her temples. “I’m sorry. What happened?”
“It’s okay. I didn’t answer at first and then I tried ‘new phone who’s this?’”
She laughed.
“And then I actually decided to answer. I told her you needed some space, and as long as I was here, I’d make sure you got it.”
Completely touched by her protectiveness, she fought back tears. “Thank you.”
“It’s what family does for each other. Pity we both had to learn that the hard way.”
“Yeah.”
“So? Are you gonna call Maya and tell her everything you just told me?”
“I’m going to take your advice and give her some space. Maybe I need some, too. Don’t you think?” There was a small part of Nina that hoped Rachel had the answer.
“Yes, but don’t wait too long. Last time it took how many years? And a fiancé.” Her tone was affectionate.
“I won’t.” Instead of telling Rachel that she was right again, she ate a fry, which was cold now, but still tasty, making them tolerable. “Thanks for coming by.”
“I’ve got your back. And now I’m out of here. Keep me posted on whatever.” She stood and cleaned up the empty wrappers and containers and put them back in the bag.
“Talk to you later,” Nina said. Rachel mock-saluted and left her to her cold fries and roiling thoughts.
**
Nina hustled Allie out of the classroom. She often stayed after class to help clean up and Nina was grateful, but today things had dragged on a little too much. There were no meetings or bus duty, so she quickly gathered her things. She didn’t want to be at school any longer than she had to, but when she looked up at the door, she froze. Drew gawked at her through the glass.
Damn it. She didn’t have the energy to be nice or diplomatic, and she didn’t want things to be even more strained between them. They had to work at the same school, after all.
He stood there staring at her and waiting. At least he didn’t just barge in this time.
She motioned at him to come in and he did. “Yes?” she asked.
“I like your mother,” he said, body language clearly broadcasting his discomfort, from the hard set of his jaw to the tension in his shoulders.
“Um. Okay, I guess that’s admirable.” What the hell was this?
“She’s called me ten times today and sent twice as many text messages because you refuse to answer your phone. You did this and now you need to deal with it.”
Something inside Nina snapped. “You’re the one who couldn’t wait to tell her about us in the first place. I’ll handle it when I’m ready. You deal with that.” She didn’t yell, but there was a firmness in her voice that no one even halfway listening could have missed.
He flushed, but he didn’t say anything else. Instead, he turned and left.
She stared after him. Was her anger rational? The life she could have had walked out the door with him, but she was one hundred percent sure that she didn’t want it. Maybe the only way to be just as sure about what she did want was to take another step forward and inundate it with honesty. That meant reaching out to Maya.
She picked up her things and left the building for the safety of her car, where she whipped out her phone and turned it on. The text and voicemail notifications greeted her with unhappy chimes. She didn’t bother to check if Maya had called or sent a text. It was important to get out everything she needed to say. That meant she needed to call Maya, so she did. Hearing the first ring tied her stomach in knots. With the second and the third, her heart pounded. Maya wasn’t going to answer, and when Nina got bumped to voicemail, she ended the call, numb.
She tossed the phone onto the passenger seat then slapped the steering wheel. “Fuck,” she whispered. “Fuck.”
Chapter 14
Maya double-checked her carry-on bag and zipped it up. She hiked it over her shoulder and went out into the hallway. Thank God it was Friday. She was eager to get away. When she walked into the kitchen, she found T pacing. “Why are you so calm? He was supposed to be here ten minutes ago.”
“You know Winston’s on his own clock. He bought the tickets, so he has to come.” She squeezed his shoulder and sat down at the table.
“I don’t even know why I asked him to come.” T rubbed his chin and frowned.
“Because you wanted him to come.”
“No, you put me up to it.”
“Whatever, man. I can’t make you do anything you don’t already wanna do.”
“Okay, well…yeah. Maybe I just shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up. I know he has to work a lot but…”
“Text him.” Winston wouldn’t flake on them. There was no way in hell.
“Nah. There’s no point.”
“When we were growing up, it was like there were six of him. He was everywhere and always there.”
T shrugged. “He had to be. We were kids.”
“That’s kind of a cynical way to look at it. Maybe he thought we didn’t need him anymore.”
“Have you seen our lives?” T huffed.
Maya chuckled. “Good point.”
“Is Nina still
blowing up your phone?”
“Yeah, you could say that.”
“You listening to the voicemails and reading the texts?”
Maya didn’t answer him until a few seconds later. “Yes.” She paused. “I might have been wrong about Nina wanting to pull back.”
“How do you know?”
“Because her messages said she wasn’t running.”
“What the fuck? You been holding onto that information for two days?”
Maya looked away. Ignoring Nina was a tad hypocritical of her.
“You know I wasn’t her biggest fan at first, but damn.”
“I know. It’s just hard to trust her right now.”
The back door burst open and Winston practically threw himself inside. “Sorry.”
Chloe came in behind him. “It was my fault. I was putting together a list of restaurants and places for you guys to go besides Wrigley Field and Navy Pier.”
Maya wrinkled her nose. “Yeah, we’re definitely not into baseball.”
“Definitely not,” T added.
The kitchen went quiet as T nodded at his brother, and then they just stood there staring at each other.
Maya nearly rolled her eyes. “You know, real men use their words, too.”
Winston shot her a glare, then addressed T. “Thanks for asking me to come.”
“Thanks for coming. I really appreciate it.”
Maya glanced at Chloe and they both shook their heads in a shared moment of “men: what the fuck.”
Instead of saying more, T took out his phone. He fiddled with it for a few seconds. “Uber will be here in eight minutes.”
**
Almost six hours later, they stepped out of Midway International Airport into Chicago’s heat and humidity. “Why do we need to wait for Uber when there’s plenty of cabs right in front of us?” Maya pointed to the line of taxis.
“Because I already set up the Uber while we were walking through the airport. Plus, I like the personal touch Uber gives,” T answered.
Winston snorted. “He just doesn’t wanna get in a car that smells like old French fries and feet.”
Big Girl Pill Page 17