by Pat Simmons
“The women on both sides of our family have always had long, thick hair,” Tabitha added.
“Yeah, but none of them ever had the big C.” Rachel couldn’t shake her negative thoughts.
As they were ending the call, Jacqui strutted into Rachel’s bedroom. “Good morning!” she called out in her singsong voice. “Feeling better?”
“I guess so for a bald-headed woman,” Rachel said, trying to jest.
“And a bald woman never looked so good.” Jacqui humphed. “If you can joke, then you’re in better spirits than when I arrived last night.” She rested her fists on her hips. Her friend was stunning in her black suit with gold buttons and a soft yellow top, but the expression on Jacqui’s face meant trouble for Rachel. “So what’s going to be our beauty regimen for you the next couple of months?”
“It will be longer than that until I have hair again.” Rachel shrugged.
“Whatever.” Her friend dismissed her comments. “Wigs or hats?”
“Neither.” Rachel rested her arms on her knees.
Jacqui shrieked. “You are not going to let Nicholas see you like this?” She shook her head in disbelief. “You are breaking every code in the beauty rule book.”
“I don’t plan on Nicholas seeing me for a while.”
“Now I know that cancer has eaten your brain cells. Oops.” Jacqui slapped her hand over her mouth. “Sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”
“It’s okay. The chemo is taking no prisoners.” Rachel rubbed her bald head. “Men are attracted to women with hair—the longer the better.”
“But that’s not what drew Nicholas to you. He’s the exception.”
“Yeah.” Rachel gnawed on her bottom lip. “I think I’m too much drama for Nicholas and me. I’m so frustrated with myself. I need to get control over my emotions. I’m going to apologize, but I need some time to meditate and pray. Nicholas will only distract me.”
“He’s a good-looking distraction.” Jacqui dropped her arms to her sides. “We’ll talk about your crowning glory later. I’ve got to get to work, then home afterward. I’ll check on you throughout the day, but I think you need to talk to Nicholas.”
Jacqui walked closer and pressed a kiss on Rachel’s head, then stepped back, leaving a dark orange lipstick imprint on her scalp. “Nah, not a good shade on you.”
Rachel laughed. “Bye, silly. Have a good day, and thanks for coming. I love you like a sister.”
“Girl, I am your sister. Kym and Tabitha just don’t know it. Bye.”
Chapter 31
Nicholas’s spirits lifted when Rachel responded to his morning Scripture text.
Thank you for the inspiration, and I’m so sorry about how I treated you the other day. This is hard. I’m still trying to adjust. Forgive me?
“Of course,” Nicholas whispered with a grin and texted back. Always. Can I come by and see you before I head out to Bible class?
This time, her response was slower.
I don’t have any hair, Nicholas. Can you give me a couple more days? I need some quiet time.
The first thought that came into Nicholas’s head was, No. He wanted to be there with her. But he had to be okay with giving her space, so he texted back: I’m here when you need me. Praying for and loving you.
Memories of their happy times were constant companions as he drove and then as he strolled inside the church. Rachel’s text had brightened his day and dimmed it. Were her mood swings part of the chemo side effects? If so, until this nightmare was over, Nicholas mused, he would have to accept the reality.
Distracted when he stepped into the foyer, he looked up in time not to run into Mother Jenkins. “Sorry, I didn’t see you.”
“I figured as much, since you weren’t watching where you were going.” She scolded him mildly, then gave him a concerned look. “How’s Sister Rachel coming along? I’ve been praying for her. That’s a hard thing she’s going through. Hard thing.” She shook her head.
“I don’t know. Her hair fell out, and she doesn’t want me to see her bald. The woman’s going to be hairless for months. What am I supposed to do?” He rubbed the back of his neck, frustrated.
“God’s in control of the situation, especially when everything seems out of control. Although I’m not assigned to visit her this week, I’ll see if Sister Rachel is up for some extra company.”
Nicholas perked up, relieved. “Thank you, Mother Jenkins. Maybe you can get her to see me.” He hoped his puppy-dog expression looked authentic, because he was feeling it in his heart.
She chuckled and patted his shoulder. “No need for the face. It might have worked with your parents, but I’m not fooled.”
He struggled through class to follow the lesson, his mind drifting to Rachel. He wasn’t aware of Leah’s presence until she tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.
“Hi, Minister Adams,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry about the misunderstanding I had about you and Rachel. I saw her name on the prayer list. Is there anything I can do?”
Nicholas nodded. “Pray without ceasing.”
“Okay, ah, if you need to talk or want someone to help you shop for a gift for her, I’m available to go with you to pick out something a woman would like.”
He turned around in his pew and gave Leah his full attention. She seemed hopeful. “You know, that’s a good idea.”
Leah’s eyes widened as her shoulders relaxed. “I’m available tomorrow after work, and—”
Nicholas had to stop her. “No need to interrupt your plans.”
“I don’t mind,” she was quick to say. “You know I’m a caring person.” She smiled.
“I appreciate your thoughtfulness, and you gave me a good idea. I’ll take my sister-in-law with me. Thanks, Leah.” Nicholas’s spirit was lighter as he turned his attention back to the lesson.
* * *
Rachel was miserable not seeing Nicholas. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to see him, hold his hand, or smell his cologne, depending on how her olfactory senses were functioning. It was just that she had been experiencing some type of chemo PMS or something hormonal. Her phone rang as she came out of her bathroom. She frowned at the unknown number. “Hello?”
“Praise the Lorddd, Sister Rachel,” the familiar voice seemed to roar over the phone. “This is Mother Jenkins. How you feeling?”
Rachel released a dry chuckle. “Not like myself. Nor do I look like myself either.” She pouted.
“I would like to come by and visit whenever you feel up to it.”
“Do you have the time today?” She had enjoyed their last visit.
“I’ll be there in an hour.” She ended the call without giving Rachel a chance to counter with a better time.
Initially, the woman’s no-nonsense personality was intimidating, but her visits made Rachel feel like a daughter or special friend, not a name on a list. As fast as she could without moving too fast, Rachel freshened her appearance.
She spied the time and scooped up some fresh fruit and made a slice of toast. Neither sounded appealing, but the nurse stressed that Rachel needed to eat more to keep healthy, especially since she had lost weight after her last treatment.
Rachel made the mistake of relaying that update to Clara, who would prepare snacks and sit at the table while Rachel ate as if she were a four-year-old. If she ate an amount that was acceptable to Clara, then the home health aide would resume her other tasks.
Giving thanks, Rachel bit into the toast. Sometimes, she could taste a hint of seasoning or sugar, but this meal was tasteless. She tried the fruit, and it tasted bitter, even though it was fresh. She forced as much down as possible on the brink of nausea.
When her doorbell sounded, Rachel was relieved for an excuse to stop torturing herself. She opened the door and greeted the larger-than-life prayer warrior.
Mother Jenkins stepped in and op
ened her arms. Rachel cringed, bracing for a tight hug, but the woman surprised her with a gentle hug around her shoulders. “It’s good to see you.”
“It’s good to be seen,” Rachel responded with a smile. “Can I get you coffee, tea…”
“Not a thing.” Mother Jenkins walked in and took a seat, then patted the sofa. “I came to minister to you and be a blessing. Have a seat and tell me how you are coming along.” She scanned Rachel’s face and head. “I see you’re at that stage.”
“Yeah.” Rachel rubbed her scalp, feeling some hair nubs.
Her guest rocked on the sofa as if it were a chair. “Beauty isn’t in your hair. It’s in the eye of the beholder. You know, you’re breaking Minister Adams’s heart.” She gave her a pointed stare.
Rachel bowed her head, then fumbled with her fingers. The woman pulled no punches. Her heart began to shatter. “I…I don’t want him to see me like this. When I look in the mirror, I scare myself. I feel ugly.”
“Hmm.” Mother Jenkins bobbed her head. “Never shut out a person—a man—who loves you through thick and thin. He’s the marrying kind.”
“I know.” I saw the ring box to prove it, she thought but kept to herself.
Mother Jenkins gave a sermonette about love, opened her Bible, then flipped through the pages. “Get your Bible. I want you to memorize and meditate on this passage throughout your treatments.”
Rachel did as she instructed and read along all the verses in Psalm 46.
Mother Jenkins repeated the first line in verse 10, “‘Be still and know that I am God.’” She closed her Bible and looked at Rachel. “Be still and listen for God’s voice. Be still…and let Minister Adams hold your hand through this journey. Be still, be still, be still.”
Who could tell this missionary no? Rachel couldn’t. “Okay.”
Next, Mother Jenkins reached inside her bag and pulled out a sample-size perfume bottle, like the one containing the oil Nicholas had used for Aunt Tweet. She dabbed Rachel’s forehead with the oil and prayed, calling on the name of Jesus in a voice that surely had the demons trembling. Rachel could feel the power and presence of the Lord.
Too soon, Mother Jenkins uttered, “Amen. Now.” She took a breath, then wagged her finger and headed for the door. “You call that young minister.”
Mother Jenkins probably hadn’t stepped on the elevator when Rachel decided to take the woman’s advice and text Nicholas: Call me when you get home. Love you.
Seconds later, her phone rang. “Not at home. Does that disqualify me from calling now?”
Rachel giggled. It felt good to smile.
“I’ve missed us,” he said lowly. “How was your time with Mother Jenkins?”
His love, concern, and longing were endearing. “She reminds me that God is helping me.” She shook her head. “And I need His help. I read the passage about casting all my cares on Him, because Jesus cares for me. Instead of writing in the journal, I’ve been praying more.”
“Amen. Let me get to my office.” He paused, then she heard a door close out the background voices. “I want to pray with you.”
“Please.” She frowned. “You would think I would have this big faith and be positive and no doubt, but instead, I struggle to believe.”
“Don’t beat yourself up,” Nicholas told her. “As long as we are in this flesh, there are going to be trials.” He paused and closed his eyes. “Lord, Your word says that You desire that we prosper and be in good health even as our souls prosper.” He prayed and ended with, “Please continue to minister to my beloved, because I love her…”
Rachel’s heart fluttered at hearing him call her his beloved.
“And restore her body and soul, according to Your promises—”
“Including my hair,” she said as her emotions slipped.
“But you’re still here,” he reminded her. “Your hair has never ever defined your beauty,” he said convincingly, and she believed him. “Rachel, hearing your voice has made my day. I wish I could see you tonight, but I have a meeting at church. How about tomorrow after work?”
“I have another treatment tomorrow. I decided to drive myself. I’ve seen other cancer patients come and go by themselves. I have to move forward.”
“Ah, what if you’re feeling ill after the treatment? I don’t think you should be alone or try to drive home.” He didn’t sound happy about her decision.
“If that is the case, I’ll call an Uber and have Clara come to stay until Jacqui can come.”
Nicholas sighed. “O-okay. Well, maybe you’ll be up to doing something this weekend.”
“Without any hair, not even eyelashes or brows, I’d rather stick to going to the doctor and coming back home. I’m not comfortable going out on a date. One step at a time,” she explained.
“Not seeing you isn’t an option. How about I bring game night to your place with Karl and Ava and snacks in tow? All you have to do is tolerate our company for an hour or so or until you get tired.”
“I’d like that. Love you sooo much.” She blew kisses over the phone.
“Hey, that’s my line. Love you sooo much too. Bye.”
After she ended the call, she texted Jacqui. Scarf. Nicholas and I kissed and made up over the phone. You have three days to show me how to tie an Ankara scarf.
Jacqui texted back with smiley faces, hand claps, and emojis of different colored hair. Now that’s the diva I know. I’m on it.
Rachel rubbed her face, void of eyebrows and lashes. In the bathroom, she stared at her reflection in the mirror. Remembering the box of eyelashes from her company’s gift basket, she hurried to her dining room table. She had to get the victory over these hide-and-seek bouts of depression. She scrutinized the box.
She and her sisters had played dress-up with their dolls, using all kinds of stuff they found around the house. Time for dress-up with those lashes. Rachel headed to the bathroom, where her makeup lay untouched since her first chemo treatment.
The next morning, Rachel raided her closet for a head covering. Why did she own only one baseball cap, and it was stretched out of shape, a clear giveaway that she was bald? Without Jacqui, she had no idea how to tie a scarf to stay on a slick scalp and didn’t have time for a video tutorial.
She spied the classy hats she had worn to teas and fashion shows, and she could hear Aunt Tweet. A lady should always look as if she’s about to step on a runway, she had drilled into her nieces’ heads, but only Rachel had taken it to heart. However, at the moment, a runway was the furthest thing from her mind.
Gnawing her lips, Rachel could still hear Aunt Tweet’s encouraging words to go for it. Rachel exhaled and mumbled, “Okay, sisters,” to herself. “Y’all call me the accessories queen, and I could turn heads in a T-shirt and jeans. Let’s see how I can work jeans, tennis shoes, and one of these hats.” It didn’t take her long to get ready.
It had been more than a month—almost six weeks—since she had been behind the wheel of her car. A few times, Clara had been her chauffeur. Other times, it was Jacqui. Kym had come for a weekend visit to take her for the treatment. Grabbing the car keys, Rachel was a little nervous. She needed independence to regain her confidence, even if after her chemo she felt too sick to drive back home. The drive was liberating.
“Going somewhere after your treatment?” her oncology nurse, Amanda, asked with a slight curve of her lips when Rachel arrived.
“Yeah. There’s no place like home.” Rachel removed her sunglasses and hat to reveal her bald head.
* * *
Nicholas walked into the church sanctuary looking for his brother, who was in the same ministers’ meeting. Spotting Karl, Nicholas turned in that direction, but Mother Jenkins cut him off and didn’t move. “Has my girl—I mean Rachel—called you?”
“Yes, she did. Thank you for whatever you said to encourage her.”
“She needs
a lot of love and patience right now. As you know, some folks think when they surrender to the Lord, all their troubles are over. They have no idea some trials continue, and new ones pop up, but God is faithful to keep us through all of them.”
“Amen.” Nicholas bobbed his head in agreement.
With a slight wave, Mother Jenkins walked in the direction of where other elderly ladies sat while Nicholas slid into the pew next to Karl. Nicholas shook hands with his brother.
“What’s up?” He squinted at Nicholas. “Really, what’s up?”
Nicholas grinned. “Rachel is speaking to me again, and you and Ava have plans for Saturday evening.”
Karl frowned. “No, we don’t.”
“Yes, you do, at Rachel’s. Oh, and bring snacks. Light refreshments will be fine,” Nicholas said smugly and directed his attention toward the front.
“It’s a good thing you’re my brother and my wife likes Rachel, or I’d have said no.” Karl nudged his shoulder for good measure as Pastor Mann walked into the sanctuary where dozens of ministers were assembled and waiting for the meeting to get started.
“Thank you all for being here. Our church has several ministries: prison, sick and homebound, couples, and more.” He paused and glanced at his tablet, then at the group again.
“I feel that we need to add more ministers to further our community involvement,” the pastor explained. “The needs are great, so I’m going to redirect some of you to that group while adjusting other numbers. Also, I would like to introduce three new ministers who transferred from our sister church, Faith Temple: Evangelist Darci Union, Missionary Jocelyn Gates, and Elder Thomas Fields.” He asked them to stand. “Please take some time to introduce yourselves to them when we’re done.”
Pastor Mann gave a PowerPoint presentation, focusing on strengthening the ministry. He concluded the meeting two hours later. While some stayed for fellowship, Karl said his goodbyes, eager to get back home.
“Praise the Lord, Ministers Adams and Adams.” Evangelist Darci Union came over to talk to Nicholas and Karl. “I’m assigned to the sick and homebound team.”