by Pat Simmons
It was something about the twinkle in both their eyes that made Rachel suspicious of the glow on Tabitha’s face. Rachel squinted. “Is my sister going to have a baby?”
Marcus had the nerve to grin. “Yes, we are.”
Kym jumped up and did a happy dance.
Tears sprung from deep within Rachel, and she couldn’t stop. She was happy and in awe before sadness seemed to close in on her. “What if I don’t live to see her?”
“Him,” Marcus corrected and came to her side as did Tabitha and Kym. “Rachel,” he said with a serious expression, “let our baby be your inspiration to live.”
“I’m trying.” Rachel sniffed. “But some days are hard. I have bouts of self-pity creep up on me, and it’s hard to shake.”
“You’ve been happy since you arrived. Don’t let the devil steal your joy. That is our ammunition,” Tabitha said, then reminded Rachel of the Scripture in Nehemiah 8.
That night, lying in one of the guest bedrooms, Rachel couldn’t sleep as the moon’s light peeked through the blinds. “Lord, please help me to beat this cancer and live life to the fullest. I want to be an auntie, wife, and mother. In Jesus’s name, amen.”
The Sunday message after Thanksgiving inspired Rachel. Tabitha’s pastor had cited Hebrews 12:2: Don’t be ashamed of your struggle…
It made sense. Rachel meditated on Hebrews 12:2 most of the day. She needed a deep-rooted conviction that she could finish her course of treatment.
That evening, Rachel slipped on her surgical mask in preparation for the masses at the airport. Lord, help me not to be ashamed of my circumstances, she silently prayed as her sisters and Marcus drove her to Lambert International Airport, where Nicholas’s flight had arrived from Nashville and he was waiting for her.
After hugging her family goodbye, she looked up and saw Nicholas clearing the double doors to retrieve her luggage and take her hand. “Enjoy yourself?”
“Yes. Thank you for making sure I got to see my family for the holiday.”
His eyes sparkled. “No problem. Now, I’m taking you back home, and I don’t think I’m going to let you out of my sight again for a very long time, Miss Knicely.”
Rachel’s heart swelled with his possessiveness. “That works for me, Mr. Adams.”
“We didn’t have enough time together,” Tabitha whined.
“I’ll try and get to Nashville during Christmas break at the university.” Kym gave her a hug and whispered, “I love you. Remember, you’re stronger than you think.” She kissed Rachel’s cheek, then Tabitha joined in the group hug as Marcus chatted with Nicholas.
After a few minutes, Nicholas broke up her goodbyes. “Come on, babe. We have to get you through security.”
“Okay.” She gave her sisters one more kiss, then took Nicholas’s hand and headed to TSA preboarding.
While waiting for their flight back to Nashville, Rachel had more confidence than she had arrived with. She still drew stares, but instead of avoiding eye contact, she met them head-on and smiled with her eyes.
Nicholas left her side for the restroom while Rachel flipped through a beauty magazine.
“Look, Mommy. She’s like me,” a child said loudly nearby, pointing.
A little girl raced up to Rachel and patted her lap. The girl wore an identical surgical mask. She flopped in the seat Nicholas vacated. “I’m Emily. I’m seven, and I have acute lymphoblastic leukemia. What’s your name?”
“Rachel.”
“What type of cancer do you have?” the chatterbox asked, drawing curious eavesdroppers. The child’s mother gave Rachel an apologetic look but did nothing to rein in her daughter’s curiosity.
“Invasive ductal carcinoma.”
“Oh.” Emily folded her arms and scooted back as if she was ready for an in-depth conversation. Rachel peered through the crowd. Where was Nicholas? “What stage?”
Lord, please let her grow up to be a doctor, because she sure was a nosey little thing. Wait, Rachel needed to rephrase that. There was something about this child that seemed angelic. “One.”
“Me too. One is good, because it’s a small number.” Emily’s legs dangled from the chair. “Jesus told me not to be afraid because He loves little children. Do you have any kids?”
Rachel shook her head.
“When I grow up, I’m going to have kids.” Emily reached up and fingered Rachel’s head wrap. “Yours is pretty.” She jumped off the seat, raced to her mother, then dragged a long scarf out of her mother’s tote bag. She returned and handed Rachel the scarf. “Can you make mine like that?” Her eyes were wide with hope.
Rachel looked up and saw Nicholas to the side, smiling. His eyes sparkled with encouragement. Onlookers seemed curious too. Rachel had recently mastered it on herself; a pro, she wasn’t. But she couldn’t bring herself to say no, so she instructed the girl to turn around.
The child stood between Rachel’s knees while Rachel tried to duplicate her handiwork. Of course, the slick head was a problem.
Lord, please let me make this little girl’s day. Emily’s mother squatted in front of them and put her fingers on Emily’s scalp to hold the scarf in place. They had become the center of attention, with onlookers in the distance, and a few curious children drew closer.
“Can I help?” an elderly lady asked.
Rachel shrugged. “Sure.” Accepting the help, Rachel worked tirelessly and finished minutes before the first boarding call. Applause spread around them.
Emily turned around and hugged Rachel with her bony arms, then kissed her cheek. “Thanks, Rachel.” She waved and was about to skip off when Rachel stopped her.
“I have something for you.” She reached inside her purse and pulled out one of two surgical masks her colleagues had drawn a pair of red lips on. She handed it to Emily. The girl’s eyes widened in delight, earning Rachel another hug.
Nicholas rejoined her and grinned. “Yep.” He nodded. “You’ll be a good mother.”
Tilting her head, she watched Emily holding her mother’s hand and skipping away. “I think so too.”
Chapter 36
“Judging from the way you’re devouring our popcorn, I would say your appetite has returned,” Nicholas said, teasing Rachel. They were among a handful of residents on the mezzanine of Rachel’s condo building watching a movie in the small community theater and munching on complimentary self-serve snacks.
“Not really.” Rachel popped a couple more pieces in her mouth and chewed. “I have a game plan to feed my appetite until I’m eating everything on my plate.”
“You’ve reached that this evening and then some with your second bag.” He laughed and ducked as she balled up a napkin and threw it at him. Their sparring came to an apologetic end when others in the theater turned around and frowned at them.
Nicholas rested his arm on the back of her seat and pulled her closer for a brief hug, then curled his lips in amusement. “Happy?”
“Ecstatic.” She closed her eyes and then opened them. “I believe God is going to restore more things in my life besides my appetite.”
“Amen.” He lifted his hand for a soft high five so they wouldn’t disturb others. “Keep on that spiritual high.”
“The Lord was already working on my behalf. I believe God sent Emily to open my eyes. Although I’m late to this war, I’m a fighter.” She pumped her fist in the air.
“You’re talking my language, woman.” Nicholas grinned.
“I wish I had gotten Emily’s number to stay in touch,” Rachel mused. “I often wonder how she’s doing and what she’s doing.” Rachel remained in awe of meeting the larger-than-life Emily, who didn’t seem afraid of cancer or ashamed that she didn’t have hair like everyone else. It was a lesson learned.
Nicholas chuckled. “I imagine the little spitfire is carrying out God’s assignment to give hope to the hopeless and joy to the sorrowful.”
They fell into a comfortable silence as one of the superheroes appeared on screen to save the day while Rachel continued to munch on the popcorn.
“Hey, babe, I know you have another treatment on Friday, and you’ll probably be recuperating on Saturday, but hopefully, you’ll feel up to a carriage ride next week at the Gaylord Opryland so we can see the outdoor nativity display.” Nicholas stood and walked to the bar for more bottled waters.
“I’d like that. I’ll wear my faux fur hat, and none will be the wiser.”
“You’ll get another amen from me and a kiss,” which he brushed against her forehead. “One day,” he whispered, “I’m going to kiss you as if we’re married—just saying.” Nicholas began to whistle softly as he suddenly became interested in the movie they really weren’t watching.
Rachel aimed a popcorn kernel at his head and fired, laughing. Soon, he laughed too. She looked forward to the day when she could say yes to marrying him.
* * *
“I’ve so missed you, lady,” Nicholas said to Rachel’s curious expression as she strapped on her seat belt so he could drive them to midweek Bible class.
“You’ve been right here with me, so how have you missed me?”
After checking the rearview mirror, he pulled out. “You’re no longer tormented with fear of the unknown. You’re truly free.”
“I finally feel my freedom.” She lifted her hand in the air in silent praise, then she said “Hallelujah.” Nicholas joined in, and they sang and prayed until he drove into the parking lot.
Helping her out, they both smiled. “I guess we’ve already had church before we came.”
“Definitely.” Rachel laughed. “Another month or so of treatment, and I hope to be in remission. It will always be in the back of my mind that the cancer could resurface, but it’s not going to haunt me. I’m going to own that possibility and keep stepping!”
“That sounds like my woman.” Nicholas synchronized his steps with hers as they made their way to the church entrance and crossed paths with Mother Jenkins.
The woman stopped in her tracks. She eyed Rachel, then a slow grin spread across her face. “Well, well, you look different. The sadness that once lingered on you has lifted, and you’re glowing. If you shine any brighter, I’ll need sunglasses.” She snickered. “I heard one of my grands say that. Continue to live one day at a time, and let God be your strength.”
“Thank you. Amen.”
On Friday, Rachel’s joy remained unshakeable as she walked through the door of the clinic for her routine treatment. Sonya Green, a breast cancer patient, almost bumped into Rachel. “I’m cured.”
“One day, that will be me!” Rachel gave her a high five. “I’ll be praying that it will never come out of remission.”
“Mm-hmm. Just in the nick of time too,” Sonya said in a lower voice. “I think my husband’s been seeing another woman.”
Rachel gasped. “Oh no. I’m sorry.” The two weren’t friends exactly, but sometimes their treatments aligned. Beyond knowing the woman was an accountant and that she was married with two teenagers, they didn’t share more than surface stuff. Rachel was surprised the woman revealed the heartbreaking tidbit to little more than a stranger.
The jubilance on Sonya’s face moments earlier was wiped clean as she snarled. “Yeah. While I’m fighting for my life, Erik isn’t fighting to hold our marriage together…” The woman stopped midsentence. If a patient didn’t have a before-cancer photo, a person wouldn’t know how much life and personality was lost. Sonya had shown Rachel a photo when she had competed in a cooking contest three years ago.
Rachel had not reciprocated. The transformation had been too painful.
“You’re not married, right?” Sonya squinted.
“No.” Rachel had told the woman as much. “But I have a special man who loves me.” She wanted to shout that fact to the world with the same energy little Emily had, but Rachel didn’t want to rub her happiness in this woman’s face.
When she first was diagnosed with cancer, Rachel thought Nicholas would become scarce once he saw the effects of her treatment, but his smiles had never changed. He was truly a good man.
“Cheaters don’t always wear a ring, honey. You never know if a man is faithful until he’s tested.”
Oh, Nicholas had definitely been tested. She was saved from more of the woman’s tirade when the nurse opened the door and called for her.
The first thing Amanda said was Rachel was glowing. Good. She was determined not to let her light dim again. “It’s getting close to when my treatments will end.”
* * *
Emily. The girl had been on Nicholas’s mind since Rachel had brought up her name. As he stood next to the child’s mother at the airport, watching the interaction along with other curious travelers, Nicholas and the woman had spoken.
“You have an amazing little girl,” Nicholas had complimented.
The mother nodded. “She has a mission in her short life, and that is to encourage those who are sick. Actually, she’s adopted, and the agency didn’t have a long history about her birth parents. I feel she’s doing important work, so I don’t intervene.”
Rachel had done a 360 after her St. Louis trip and meeting Emily. She seemed to struggle less with depression and the embarrassment about her appearance, to which she was entitled. In essence, her faith in God had increased.
One day at work, Nicholas had a break and called to check on her. “What ya doing?”
She chuckled. “If it wasn’t for Clara playing a board game with me, I’d be bored.”
Nicholas chuckled. “Well, I hope you win. Anything else newsworthy?” He loved hearing her happy despite her circumstances.
“I can’t wait to get back to work! I called my boss, just to inquire about the Lexington project, and asked him if there was anything I could help with at home.”
“And?”
“He told me the construction is back on schedule after the client wanted to tweak a room size and add another doorway. That’s one way to make an engineer frustrated.” She chuckled. “But other than that, he asked how I was feeling and said not to worry about work.”
“I agree.” He blew her a kiss, told her he loved her, then ended the call to head to a meeting.
Later that evening when they talked, she was decorating her condo for Christmas. “I want to experience all the holiday festivities around Nashville.”
Although Nicholas was more than willing to oblige, he felt he had to use wisdom and monitor Rachel so she wouldn’t overdo it. Since she was tolerating food better, they started to visit some of her favorite healthy eating spots again in East Nashville. The two had started to do some holiday shopping while admiring millions of lights on display at the Delta Atrium.
One memorable holiday outing included an Adams family tradition. The twins had chosen the Cirque Dreams Holidaze at Grand Ole Opry. His family, Kym, who was in town, and even Rachel looked forward to seeing the show. Nicholas’s concern was it was days after one of Rachel’s treatments, but she seemed to be bouncing back faster, and she’d assured him she was too excited not to feel well enough to attend.
So at the appointed time, the two families were in awe as they watched the performers of Cirque do amazing stunts. He squeezed Rachel’s hand. “Thank you for coming into my life.”
She faced him with a smile. “I thank God for you every day.”
His heart pounded with affection that earned her a kiss on the cheek and his nephews’ yucks and his parents’ smiles.
Chapter 37
It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes. Psalm 119:71. Rachel connected with King David’s testimony. It was mid-January, and today, Rachel, her family, Ni
cholas, and Jacqui were gathered in the family lounge at the cancer center. Doctors Rush and Brooks were meeting with her about the next phase of her treatment program after reviewing her test results. Whether she was cancer free or not, after enduring five months of chemo and radiation treatments, either way, Rachel was at peace. Finally.
With Nicholas holding her hand, her mind drifted. The treatments had sparked a roller coaster of emotions that eventually led Rachel to a deep self-reflection—not only one-on-one time talking to God and reading her Bible but also listening for His voice. From her close-knit family to Mother Jenkins to a chance encounter with little Emily to the prayer warriors on the church’s ministry board, they had been her village.
“It’s been a journey.” Rachel looked into Nicholas’s eyes as they held hands.
“Yes, for both of us.” He nodded.
“No, for all of us,” Tabitha said and pointed to Kym, Marcus, and Jacqui.
The door opened, and Amanda called Rachel’s name. “Ready?”
Rachel swallowed, stood, and wiped her hands on her pants. “Can my family come back with me?” Before then, she had kept her family and friends outside the door so they would not be subject to what she endured as a cancer patient. Today, she welcomed everyone’s involvement.
Amanda squinted at the group. “How many?”
“All of us,” Kym answered, finger pointing to herself, Tabitha, Nicholas, and Jacqui. “That makes four.”
The nurse nodded. “All right. I’ll let the doctors know and grab some extra chairs.”
“Nicholas, I know we’ve all been praying, but can you lead us in a short prayer before we go back?” Kym asked.
Without hesitation, he consent and grabbed Rachel’s hand and began to give thanks first. He ended the prayer seconds before Amanda returned.
Rachel’s heart pounded, and they followed the nurse to Dr. Rush’s office, where Dr. Brooks was present too. The doctors took time to shake everyone’s hands before taking their seats.
“Well, Miss Knicely.” Dr. Rush folded his hands and leaned on the desk. “Let me be the first to congratulate you. The tests show both the radiation and chemotherapy have worked, and there is no sign of any cancer cells.”