“Mom, she had her reasons. And her mother put pressure on her.” He explained what Shelby had faced at seventeen, being pregnant and threatened with the loss of her only support system. “Try and put yourself in her shoes.”
“I’m sure she must have been scared.” Donna’s expression clearly showed she was reluctant to admit that.
“Yeah. She said the last time we saw each other when I told her I joined the army, she was planning to tell me about the baby, against her mother’s wishes.”
“But you made your announcement first,” she guessed. “Do you believe her?”
“Yes.” There were questions in her eyes so he attempted to put his gut feeling into words. “Since the truth came out, she’s done everything possible to help me bond with Emma. She hasn’t refused any request I’ve made and lets me see her whenever I want. I’m a detective, Mom. It’s my job to know when someone is lying. When she says she regrets the decision, I have no doubt she’s telling the truth.”
“Okay.” She nodded. “I’m incredibly proud of you and I trust your judgment. I just wish—”
“What?”
“I’ve lost so much time with my granddaughter. I never got to hold her when she was a baby—” Her voice broke and she looked away for a moment. Then she met his gaze. “She looks like you.”
“That seems to be the consensus.”
“Shelby used to come over and talk to me from time to time.” She took a sip of wine. “Then she didn’t. I knew the two of you were seeing each other and it went badly—”
“How did you know that?”
“Oh, please.” She smiled. “I was doing covert surveillance before you knew it was a thing. You were over the moon happy, then you looked as if you’d lost your best and only friend.”
That pretty much described how he felt when he told her they were over. “I broke it off. For her. Her mother didn’t approve of me and she was right. At the time. Even I knew Shelby deserved someone better.”
“And apparently she tried to find that someone. After you left I happened to see her get picked up by a boy a few times. In my mind she’d moved on. Then I decided to buy a condo and rent out the house. I never saw Shelby again until tonight. I saw Emma once. If only I’d known—”
“Don’t, Mom. You’ll make yourself crazy.”
“I guess you’re right about me still processing.”
He got a beer from the refrigerator, twisted off the cap, then sat down on the stool beside her. “Now that you know about Emma, are you sure about listing the house? I haven’t yet since I’m still fixing it up. For what it’s worth, I think you should. There’s a lot of bad memories here.”
“Good ones, too. Think about it. Your dad.” Countless emotions crossed her face—joy, sorrow, humor.
He remembered his dad playing catch with him after work. A new bike under the Christmas tree in front of the living room window. Squeezing through that loose board in the backyard fence that his mom had nagged about but his father never got around to fixing. He’d taken advantage of it to sneak over and see Shelby. And this house would always be a painful reminder of his decision to let her go.
“Yeah, I guess,” he said.
“I’ll leave the decision up to you.” She shrugged. “And for the record, you should have told me you blamed yourself for the accident. I couldn’t reassure you when I didn’t know how you felt. We should have talked about this and cleared the air a long time ago.”
“You’re right.” He held up his beer and she touched her glass to it in a silent toast of agreement.
“Just remember, whether or not you sell, those memories are a part of you. Leaving this house won’t erase the past. If finding Emma has taught us anything, it’s that facing things head-on is best. Now I guess we have to put one foot in front of the other until we find a new kind of normal.”
“Emma is the new normal and she comes first.”
“That’s for sure.” His mother was emphatic.
“The thing is, Shelby is her mother. That means if you want to be a part of your granddaughter’s life, you have to accept that fact.” Donna started to say something and he held up a finger to stop her. “You also have to accept that she made the best choice available to her at the time. Can you do that?”
“If I have to.” There was grudging acceptance in her voice.
Luke wasn’t so sure about that but there was nothing he could do. Time would tell.
Right now he was concerned about something else. He’d never realized how well his mother knew him. That made him wonder what she meant about the way he’d looked at Shelby tonight. He shared a daughter with her pretty well but that didn’t mean he trusted her.
He couldn’t pretend anymore that he was neutral either. He wasn’t angry, which was a blessing and curse. It had been all consuming, leaving no room for wanting her the way he had in the past. Now he wasn’t mad and the longing sneaked in. Again.
He wanted Shelby, in his bed, up against the wall. Wherever, whenever. However he could have her. Trust wasn’t required for sex and every time he saw her it took more willpower to keep from kissing her. Luke was afraid that’s what his mother had seen in his eyes when he looked at Shelby. It was only a matter of time before Shelby saw it, too.
Chapter Ten
Shelby thought she couldn’t be more nervous than she’d been facing Luke’s mother for the first time since the woman had learned the truth. She’d been wrong. Several days later Donna McCoy had invited her to dinner next door and neither Luke nor Emma would be there. He’d explained that his mom wanted to talk without her granddaughter present so he took Emma to a movie. It was a daunting prospect to be alone with someone who hated her with the passion of a thousand suns. But she owed her a chance to have her say.
Carefully applying makeup and wearing her favorite jeans and white silky blouse with the navy blazer was the only armor she had for the battle ahead. She took one last look at herself in the mirror and nodded.
“She can say whatever she wants but words will bounce off,” she said to her reflection. “Nothing can hurt you. It will all be over in a couple of hours.”
Or sooner if things got too ugly. But Shelby was determined to let the woman get whatever she was feeling off her chest.
She went downstairs to tell her mother goodbye. Pam was in the kitchen reheating leftovers for dinner. After giving her the once-over, she said, “You look really nice, honey.”
“Thanks.”
There was a wistful, mushy expression on her mom’s face. It was noteworthy because she always projected an aura of strength and rarely showed vulnerability. “Since you were a little girl, you always picked out your favorite outfit to wear when you had to do something that made you nervous.”
“Best foot forward and all that.”
Shelby tried to smile but her mouth trembled. So many emotions swirled inside her. This woman knew her from the inside out. Her mom had been harder on her than anyone and loved her more than anything.
“You don’t have to go.”
“That’s tempting, but I have to.”
“You don’t owe her anything,” Pam insisted.
“You’re wrong about that, Mom. I owe her a chance to say whatever she has to.” She met her mother’s gaze. “If the situation was reversed, wouldn’t you want a chance to be heard?”
“I suppose. Still—” The microwave beeped and Pam turned away to pull out the casserole she was reheating. “If it becomes too much, you don’t have to stay and take it.”
“Let’s hope that doesn’t happen.” She looked at the digital clock on the stove. “It’s time to go. Wish me luck.”
Her mom moved closer and gave her a hug. Although she was affectionate to Emma all the time, spontaneous hugs for her daughter were rare. Did she feel guilty about her role in the sequence of events and decisions that kept Emma a secret from her
father’s family? Maybe. And for some reason believing Pam shared the burden gave her a little more strength to face what was to come.
“Thanks, Mom. I love you, too. See you later.”
Shelby walked out the door and crossed the two driveways, then resolutely moved to the front porch next door. She rang the bell and waited while the nerves in her stomach jumped like drops of water in a hot skillet.
There were muted footsteps inside just before the door was opened and Donna stood there giving her a cool stare. “Shelby. I wasn’t sure you’d actually come.”
“To be honest, I didn’t want to,” she said. “But I accepted your invitation and here I am.”
“Come in.”
The politeness was stiff and forced, which made Shelby want to run in the other direction but she checked the impulse and trailed after the other woman to the kitchen. Delicious smells were coming from the oven and normally Shelby would have said something about it. Made innocuous conversation. But nothing about this situation was normal. It felt more like a visit to the principal’s office for a chewing out followed by dispensation of punishment.
“How are you, Mrs. McCoy?”
“Fine.”
Shelby hoped the woman would say more but it was a pipe dream at best. This was a consequence of her actions. But she was going to keep making idle conversation or die trying. “Are you enjoying your new home in Phoenix?”
“Yes.”
Clipped, one-word responses designed to be hostile in the guise of civility. She had a sneaking suspicion the discomfort she felt was what a guy would experience when a woman was in a state of anger that was one step above the silent treatment. Luke’s mother initiated this meeting but Shelby’s stubborn streak kicked in. Call it a defense mechanism, but she could keep this up all night waiting for Donna to get to the point.
“It’s been chilly here in California. How’s the weather in Arizona?”
“Very pleasant.”
Two words. That was progress. “Emma tells me there’s a pool and clubhouse in your housing development. She’s looking forward to visiting you and going in the water.”
The other woman stood on the other side of the island and glared. “Does she know how to swim?”
“Yes.”
“I would know that if you had shared the fact that you had my son’s child. I could have been a part of her life.”
Each word was curt and sharp and pricked her guilt, drawing blood. She was determined not to let it show. “Yes, you would have. And you still can be in her life.”
Donna lifted her hands in a helpless gesture. “That’s all you have to say?”
“I’m here to let you dump on me. I know there’s nothing I can say to make this better for you.” Shelby rested a hand on the back of the bar stool beside her and stiffened her spine. “So, take your best shot, Mrs. McCoy.”
“Okay.” There was a flicker of something in the woman’s dark eyes that could have been respect. “Emma came to my door once. I happened to be here getting it ready for new renters. She was selling holiday wrapping paper for a school fundraiser.”
What? That was a shock. Emma wasn’t supposed to go out alone and would certainly have been discouraged from coming over here. For obvious reasons. “She did?”
“I didn’t buy anything.” Her lips pressed together for a moment. “If I’d known, I would have bought enough to make her the top seller in her class.”
Shelby stayed quiet, sensing there was more to come.
“I don’t know why that memory hurts so much more than anything else. It’s just one of hundreds of missed opportunities.”
“I know.” Shelby easily recognized the guilt and remorse oozing through her.
“You and I were friends once, Shelby. You used to come over and talk to me.” There was a different sort of hurt in the woman’s eyes now.
“I remember,” she said softly.
“When you and Luke started going out I was thrilled. You were so smart, so focused on high school and your grades for college. I hoped you would be a good influence on Luke.”
“Yeah, I—”
“Until the other night I didn’t know what broke the two of you up. At the time Luke didn’t tell me anything, but I knew something was wrong with you two. He was on the edge more than I’d ever seen him. And you stopped dropping by.”
“You believed I ended things,” Shelby said.
The woman didn’t answer, which was answer enough. “I missed seeing you. I wanted another child after Luke but it never happened. I’d hoped to have a girl. And for a while, with you, I felt what it must be like to have a daughter.” She shook her head in frustration. “Now, to find out I have a granddaughter who was right here. I can’t even put into words how that feels.”
Shelby had promised herself she wouldn’t say she was sorry anymore, but just this once she made an exception. “There’s no way I can make it up to you, Mrs. Mac—” She stopped. Maybe it was being reminded of the friendship she’d had with this woman that made her use the nickname. Now it would just cause more anger and pain. “Mrs. McCoy, I’m sorry. More than you’ll ever know and I’m well aware that it’s too little too late. But I have to ask. Emma came to your door. You didn’t suspect Luke was her father?”
“I didn’t rent the house out until a few months after Luke went into the army. While I was still here, I saw another boy coming to your house. More than once.”
“There’s no reason you should believe this, but I didn’t sleep around. And I was pregnant with Emma, although not showing yet. If someone came over it was about school.” Her tone had turned defensive so she forced a calmness into her voice when she said, “I don’t mean this to be confrontational. That’s the last thing I want. I’m the only one who has responsibility for this. But Luke saw the resemblance instantly. Is it possible you didn’t want to know? Because then you would have to say something. And Luke was successful in the army. His relationship with you was troubled. Maybe you didn’t want to rock the boat?”
“Luke had a right to know and so did I.”
“You’re not wrong. I can’t argue with that.” Shelby looked down for a moment. “If I were you, I wouldn’t care about this but I have to say it anyway. I was seventeen, Mrs. McCoy. I was pregnant and terrified I would be out on the street. I wasn’t thinking about ten years into the future or who else might be affected. My body was changing and there was no way everyone wouldn’t know I was going to have a baby. I saw judgment everywhere I looked.”
“Shelby—”
“All I could think about was how in the world was I going to take care of a baby when I couldn’t even take care of myself. It felt as if I would always be seventeen and scared.”
The other woman sighed. “Luke said your mother didn’t want you to tell him about the baby.”
“That’s true. She thought she was doing the right thing,” Shelby defended. “But I was going to tell him anyway. Before I could he said he’d joined the army.”
She looked away for a moment. “He told me.”
“You have no reason to believe this either, but I realized not saying anything was best for Luke. He’d been restless and looking for something. He was pulling his life together and I didn’t want to mess that up for him. I wanted to help and the best way to do that was to let him go.”
“Now here we are,” his mom said.
“Yes.”
“Would you like a glass of wine?”
The offer was unexpected even though the open bottle was right there on the island. Shelby glanced at it. “I would. More than you can possibly imagine.”
“Me, too. It’s been breathing awhile.” She poured the red liquid into the two tumblers beside the bottle then handed one over. “Luke keeps wine here for you.”
Shelby couldn’t believe that was true, but figured saying nothing was prudent.
&nbs
p; The other woman took a sip from her glass, then said, “Did you know why Luke broke things off with you?”
“Not then.” Shelby’s eyes widened as the revelation sank in. “I thought he was just over me. That he didn’t care the way I—” She shook her head. “I just thought I was a fling and he was bored.”
His mother smiled for the first time but it was sad around the edges. “You two remind me of that Christmas story about the husband who sells his watch to buy a comb for his wife. And she sells her hair to buy a chain for his watch. You each sacrificed for the other. Protecting each other.”
All the pain and rejection she’d felt when he broke things off came rushing back to her now. Things could have been so different. “I wish he’d said something to me. Look, Mrs. McCoy—”
“Call me Donna,” she said. “Mrs. Mac makes me feel a hundred years old. And you’re all grown up now.”
“Okay. Donna—” Shelby tested out the sound of that and felt a little weird. “I know I can’t make all of this up to you. But I will do my best to help you get to know Emma better. You can see her all the time. I won’t keep her from you.”
“I appreciate that.” Donna’s voice had softened and the resentment seemed to be fading a little. “Luke says I’m still processing all of this. And I appreciate you being willing and brave enough to talk to me.”
“It’s the least I can do.”
“There’s a lot of truth in what you said,” the woman acknowledged. “It will take some time, but I’m sure eventually I’ll find acceptance.”
“Whatever I can do to help. All you have to do is ask,” Shelby said.
She saw more of the woman who had once been her friend. There wasn’t complete absolution in her words but the foundation for it was there. And then she had a déjà vu moment. Her first thought was to tell Luke about this. In the past, anything good or bad that happened to her she’d shared first with him. Happiness and relief that she and his mom had made peace gave way to sadness because it was a painful reminder.
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