“O-okay.” She reluctantly did as ordered and left the room.
The microwave beeped and Shelby removed the plate then set it on the table. “Dinner is served.”
“Thanks.” He sat down and she handed him a knife, fork and napkin. As the mouthwatering smells filled the room he realized how hungry he was and dug into the food. “This is really good.”
“I’m glad you like it.”
As he was finishing up, Emma returned with an eight-and-a-half-by-eleven-inch piece of white computer paper. She put it on the table beside him.
“Now I need a glass of water. Can you get it, Mommy? I can’t reach.”
“Sure.” Shelby pulled a glass out of the cupboard and put tap water in before setting it on the paper. “Now you can turn on the flashlight. Shine it through the water.”
The little girl did as instructed. “Look! There’s a rainbow on the paper!”
“Water is made up of colors also known as wavelengths,” Shelby explained. “It’s reflection, refraction and dispersion of light. Parallel lines, circles and arcs. The set of points which appear bright form an arc. The rainbow appears to have different colors because the colors that make up the light have different angles of deflection.”
“Huh?” Emma looked confused.
“Way to take the joy out of a rainbow.” Luke grinned.
“What?” Shelby shrugged. “That’s the scientific explanation. You can’t go wrong with math.”
“She’s nine,” he said wryly. “I’m a lot older than that and my brain wanted to explode.”
Emma held up the flashlight with two hands. “It’s really pretty.”
“Yeah.” But Luke wasn’t looking at the rainbow.
He couldn’t take his eyes off Shelby. He couldn’t resist teasing her but she made smart look sexy as hell. More than ever he wanted to kiss her again and go where that took them. That was a problem with a capital P.
He’d told her mother that he was going to be around for his daughter. His life and Shelby’s would always be linked and that made these feelings tangled and torturous. Every time he saw her the urge to have her was more powerful. How was he going to stop himself from taking a step that would make everything even more complicated?
She’d fed him dinner, but he was still hungry. For her.
Chapter Twelve
Shelby was pacing in her bedroom, restless after making rainbows. It went well thanks to Luke for providing the flashlight. Her problem now was that he’d provided a lot more than that. Nothing tangible that she could simply return to him because her life was nothing if not complicated.
He’d gone home but left her with a yearning that was unlike anything she’d ever felt before. Or maybe it had always been there for him and after he left for the army she’d just ignored the longing, or covered it up with a heaping helping of denial.
Now she couldn’t pretend the ache wasn’t there. Now she had to face it. When he was here earlier helping with Emma’s project, Shelby had a hard time keeping her hands to herself. A long time ago the most natural thing in the world had been touching Luke and she wanted to again. Rub his broad, strong back. Rest her fingers on his forearm. It was like putting a box of donuts in front of a sweets-obsessed dieter. She had never been reckless or rebellious. Always the good girl doing the right thing. Luke had been her only revolt and that was ten years ago. She was about to start the next decade with another one.
She stopped pacing and looked out the window. If his house was dark she would just let it go and part of her prayed the lights were off. They weren’t.
She pulled her cell phone from her slacks pocket and typed in a message then texted it to Luke.
You awake?
Moments later there was a response. Yes. You? That was followed by a smiley face emoji.
She messaged back. It’s late and okay for you to say no. Feel like company?
She waited and the response took longer this time. Just when she was about to tell him never mind, her phone vibrated with his response. Come on over. Through the fence.
On my way.
Shelby turned off the lights in her room, walked out into the hall, then closed the door. She checked on Emma, who was sound asleep, before creeping over to her mom’s bedroom door. After listening for a few moments she heard no sound which meant the TV was off and that was usually a sign that she was asleep. Even if she wasn’t, Pam didn’t normally bother her during the night.
Quietly Shelby went downstairs to the kitchen, opened the sliding glass door, then slipped outside. She stealthily moved across the patio, into the grass and walked halfway down the length of the fence to where the loose board was located. Luke was already there holding it up for her to step through.
He put a finger to his lips, pointed to the house and indicated she should follow him. Without a word she did. In his kitchen she let out a long breath.
Grinning, Luke said, “Just like the good old days.”
“Not quite. Then it was you sneaking into my house,” she reminded him.
“So you are sneaking, then.” He folded his arms over his chest and his expression gave no clue what he was thinking. Cop face. “You didn’t tell your mom where you were going.”
“No. She’s asleep.” Probably.
He nodded and said, “Would you like a glass of wine?”
“No. Thanks. But feel free to have a beer if you want one.”
He shook his head and indicated the small dinette nearby. “Do you want to sit? It’s either here or at the island.”
“The table is new.”
He shrugged. “I got it for Emma. Seemed—better.”
“New table it is.” She sat and looked at him, her heart beating a little too fast. “Maybe I will have wine.”
“Coming right up.”
She watched him get out the glass and the wine and pour it before grabbing a beer and bringing drinks over. Then he set them on the table and sat at a right angle to her. He took a sip from his drink before cradling the bottle between his hands, as if he needed to keep them occupied.
“So, what’s on your mind?” he asked.
“How did you know—” She stopped before the stupid question could come out of her mouth. “I’m not in the habit of coming to see you so late. Obviously there’s something.”
“Is it Emma?”
“In a way. I think I know the answer to this question, but I have to ask.” She met his gaze. “Did you mind that she came to you to borrow the flashlight, then dragged you over to be involved in her science assignment?”
His response was swift, decisive and adamant. “No. Why would you even question that?”
“I don’t know. Probably because I’ve been doing this parenting thing alone for so long. It’s hard to not be the primary person in Emma’s life anymore. It’s not that I’m unwilling to share her. I hope you know that. But the single mom habit is firmly entrenched. I want to assure you that if I forget to invite you in I’m not intentionally leaving you out.”
“Understood.”
“Eventually it will be the new kind of normal. Just like you said.”
“I thought you were good with me backing you up,” he said.
“I am. It’s just—” She sighed. “This is where I tell you that I’m probably crazy and should have my head examined. But when Em wanted to go to the mall and I told her no, that should have been the end of it. And until you that would have been. But she wanted a second opinion.”
“And I agreed with your decision.”
“What if you hadn’t?” she asked.
“I’m a cop, Shelby. I know better than anyone that little girls and boys go missing every day from malls and other public places. As far as parenting decisions go, that was probably the easiest one we’ll ever have to make.” He looked at her. “Don’t get me wrong. I don’t like telling her no and p
robably never will. But it had to be done.”
“Right. But sometimes there’s a lot of gray area. Like wearing lipstick.”
“Hard no. Like you said. She’s nine.”
“Or how old she has to be to get a cell phone. I can hear the argument now. ‘All my friends have one why can’t I?’ She just spits out whatever pops into her head and it doesn’t matter which one of us she’s with.”
“Then we have to start practicing this phrase—‘Let me think about it.’ Or variations on that theme. Then we discuss the request together and come up with an answer.”
“You make it all sound so easy, but I know it won’t be.” She caught her top lip between her teeth as her mind raced. “And what if—”
Luke touched his finger to her mouth to stop the words. “What and if are the two words guaranteed to make you crazy.”
“If I’m not already,” she said wryly.
“We’ll work it out. Trust me.”
“I could say the same thing to you.” She saw the shadows in his eyes and knew she was responsible for them. But trust went both ways and it wasn’t easy for her either. She once believed the sun rose and set on him, then he broke her heart and went away for ten years. That reminded her of something else that had been rattling around in her head. He’d told her he wasn’t married and didn’t have children besides Emma. But that was as personal as he got and she had another question.
“After you left, did you ever fall in love?”
Shelby couldn’t believe she blurted that out. And he stared at her for so long she lost her nerve. “Never mind. That was intrusive and I didn’t mean to be. Well, actually, I guess I did. Can’t help being curious. You haven’t said much about your life after leaving Huntington Hills. I know about the army and joining the police department, but not much else. And this could impact Emma.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. What if a strange woman comes barging in while Emma is with you? Is it possible there could be a Fatal Attraction moment in her future?” Shelby was making this up as she went along and just bounced that last part off the wall. She wanted to know if someone might show up who was important to him.
His mouth curved up slightly. “There have been women but I’m almost positive none of them are crazy. And I never dated anyone named Alex Forrest.”
“So, you’ve seen the movie.” At least he had a sense of humor about her inquiring mind. But he sure didn’t give much away. That was frustrating.
“What about you?”
Now he was turning this on her. “What about me?” she said.
“Did you date? Fall in love?” The color of his eyes darkened to almost coal black.
“No. Dating wasn’t easy.”
“How hard can it be? Someone asks you to dinner. You say yes.” He shrugged those broad shoulders. “Nothing to it.”
“So I go out to dinner, then what?” She raised one eyebrow, hoping he would get it and they could move on.
“I don’t know. Maybe a movie next time.”
“It’s not that simple,” she protested.
“Why not?”
“Because I have a child. If there’s a third date I have to tell him about my nine-year-old daughter and that I still live with my mother. If I say that on the first date it never gets to number two.”
“So you have dated?” The expression on his face was tense suddenly.
“I’ve tried. It doesn’t go well, so I’m not really into dating.” It was probably her imagination or wishful thinking but she would swear he looked relieved.
“I have another question for you. Not about dating,” he said.
“Okay. Seems fair.”
“Why do you still live with your mom?” He’d been looking down at his hands, but now met her gaze. “You have a good job. My guess is your reasons are not about money.”
“I see you’re taking your sleuthing skills out for a spin.” She tried to joke but wasn’t feeling it.
“Your mom seems to be healthy and fit. She doesn’t need help physically.” He wasn’t letting this go. “So why are you still living in the house next door to mine?”
“I don’t know. It was just easier to stay.”
“Is that the only reason?” he prodded. “Is your mother pressuring you?”
Shelby hadn’t really examined her motive for staying and he was right that she could afford a place of her own. And her mother didn’t say anything about her preference so Shelby assumed she wanted her and Em there. Then Luke moved in and everything inside her shifted and turned upside down.
“Tell me, Shelby. Why did you stay?”
“Maybe part of me was waiting for you to come back.” She looked away.
“If you wanted to know where I was, you could have found me easily enough.”
“Probably, but then the other part of me would have had to face what I’d done. That I didn’t tell you about Emma. I kept promising myself I would deal with it. Stand up to my mother and reveal the truth to you. But I didn’t. Time slipped away and the longer it went, the harder it got.” Tears welled in her eyes and one rolled down her cheek. Then another. “You got to tell Emma no for the first time. But there were so many good firsts that you missed, Luke. And that’s my fault. It’s unforgivable.”
“I thought you weren’t going to apologize anymore.”
“I can’t help it. I don’t know how to make this better.” Her vision was blurry as she stood and headed a little blindly to the sliding glass door. “Sorry to bother you. I have to go.”
The chair scraped as Luke pushed away from the table. In a heartbeat he was there, behind her, his fingers curving around her upper arm to stop her from walking out. “No. Don’t.”
“I have to. I shouldn’t have come over here—” Emotion choked off her words and the tears just wouldn’t stop. “I came over here to talk about Emma—”
“Really?” His tone was soft, seductive. “Are you sure about that?”
“Yes.” She stared at a spot in the center of his chest, unwilling to test whether or not he could see right through her. That wasn’t a lie but not the whole truth and she wouldn’t be dishonest with him again. “And because the last time I was here you kissed me. I have to know. Why did you do that?”
“I wasn’t thinking.” He closed his eyes and shook his head, as if trying to block her out along with the memory of that intimate touch. Then he looked at her and the heat was back. “I didn’t plan to. But you’re so damn beautiful. You always were, but now... It just happened. I’m sorry—”
Shelby couldn’t stop herself. It was her turn to leap without looking and she touched her mouth to his. She was tired of thinking everything to death. All she wanted was to feel, at least for a few moments. So she left her lips right where they were and savored the softness of his mouth, and the strength of his body next to hers. Then thoughts came tumbling back and reluctantly she pulled away.
She took a step back and forced herself to look at him. “I guess now we’re even.”
Luke cupped her cheek in his palm and brushed his thumb over the moistness lingering there. “I hate it when you cry. That hasn’t changed. And I still can’t help wanting to fix whatever is wrong.”
“Even though you hate me?”
“I don’t hate you.” He sighed. “I’ll admit I tried. But I couldn’t manage to pull it off.”
“Oh, Luke—” Here we go again. Her eyes filled with tears at his admission.
Before the waterworks could really get going, he pulled her against him and kissed her. Hard. There was no room for crying when instinct took over and she slid her arms around his neck, sinking into his kiss. She took his top lip between her own and sucked gently for a few moments, then did the same thing with his bottom lip. His breathing was suddenly labored as she tilted her head to the side and opened her mouth a little wider. He dipped his tongue insi
de and traced the interior. Everywhere he touched set off a spike of heat deep inside her. The feelings teased memories from a long time ago. It was a coming home kind of kiss that made her want what she’d had then.
Breathing hard, she pulled back just far enough to look at him. Heat and hunger blazed in his eyes and lit the fuse of wanting that had been sparking since she’d first seen him again. But that could be a dangerous step to take.
Shelby knew there was a better than even chance she would regret it, but she couldn’t stop herself any more than she could hold back a tsunami. She slid her hands over his chest, down to his belt, then tugged at the T-shirt tucked into his jeans.
Luke put a hand over hers. “Wait—”
Oh, God. He didn’t want her. A flush crept into her cheeks making them hot with humiliation. “I’m sorry. Apparently there’s a general loss of thinking going on. I’ll just go—”
He held on to her hand and brought her fingers to his lips as he met her gaze. “I want you, Shel. I don’t know what it means. I can’t make promises. It’s just—”
“Complicated,” she finished for him. “Yeah. I noticed.” She tried to pull her hand away. “I shouldn’t have done that and made things worse.”
Luke pressed her palm to his chest, over his wildly pounding heart. “I’m not saying no. I just don’t want you to have regrets. Between the two of us we have more than enough, so—”
He was being noble and that made him simply irresistible to her. She fell in love with him ten years ago but she wasn’t in love now. That should preempt remorse, right?
“I won’t have regrets.”
He studied her carefully for several moments, then nodded. A sexy smile slowly curved his mouth. “Then let’s take this upstairs.”
“Is there furniture?” Her whisper was somewhere between a sigh and a moan. “Because, and I don’t mean this as a criticism or deal breaker, there’s not much here.”
“I have the most important furniture,” he said. “A bed.”
“Okay.”
He took her hand and led her up the stairs to the first bedroom on the left. Memories scrolled through her mind of being with him a long time ago. She’d given him her virginity and never regretted it, not even when he left, because she loved him. They’d cared about each other but he couldn’t give her forever. And he couldn’t give her that now but she didn’t expect it. This would be enough.
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