This confrontation brought back memories of being a little girl coming in late from playing with her friend. And a teenager who liked the boy next door that her mother believed was the spawn of Satan.
“My purse was here and my car is in the driveway. Then there’s my cell phone. You could have called me if you had a question or Emma needed anything.”
Shelby stopped short of revealing where she’d gone. Luke’s comment went through her mind. You should be able to tell her you spent the night with me and not feel embarrassed or judged. The truth was Shelby felt both.
Her mother folded her arms over her chest. “Would you have left the house if I hadn’t been here?”
“Of course not.” If she lived on her own, she’d have asked Luke to come over. “How can you even ask? You know me better than that.”
“I thought I did. I used to.” She pressed her lips together for a moment. “Since your car and keys were here, I’m guessing you were on foot. And you came back into the house from the backyard. Through the fence. Did you go next door?”
Resentment and a generous portion of guilt began to form a knot in her chest. This was feeling a lot like an interrogation. But she was also cornered and there was no denying the obvious.
“I went to see Luke.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s Emma’s father,” Shelby said.
“Is that all?”
“Does it really matter, Mom?”
“Yes. I’m worried about you.” Pam took a step forward, then stopped. “It’s just like before. When Luke McCoy is next door you start doing things that are out of character.”
“Is that a euphemism for things you don’t approve of?”
“I’ve made no secret of my feelings for him. Remember what happened the last time you didn’t listen.”
“Vividly. I became a mother. It was incredibly hard and I couldn’t have gotten through it without you, Mom. But I know what I’m doing. You have to trust me.”
“It’s him I don’t trust.”
Shelby played Luke’s words over in her mind. She’s pulling your strings. You think you owe her.
“What are you implying, Mom? That Luke is a bad influence? What am I? Thirteen?” She was caught in the middle and that put her on the defensive. “I don’t have to ask your permission to see a friend.”
“So he’s just a friend?” Pam’s voice had more than a bite of sarcasm.
“Of course he’s more. We’ve already established that he’s my daughter’s father. But since he came back we’ve become friends, too.”
“You’ve never been a good liar, Shelby. And thank goodness for that. I’m just trying to help.”
“And I appreciate it. But everything is fine.” If you didn’t count the spat she’d had with Luke. She wished he had just let her go without any conversation.
“I’m not so sure. You had sex with him.” Her mother wasn’t asking.
Intimacy with a man was a very personal thing. Living under the same roof didn’t entitle this woman to know everything Shelby did. Although she had to admit that because of the living arrangements it was pretty hard not to know what was going on.
Shelby hoped she’d gotten to be a little bit more skilled at hiding the truth. “Is it so hard to believe that we just talked about Em?”
“All night?”
“We fell asleep.” That was true. “What does it matter anyway?”
Pam’s eyes were especially uneasy and anxious. That particular look hadn’t surfaced for years, not since Luke left. She was going into protective mode. “It matters because when he’s around you seem to lose control. For an exceptionally bright young woman, sometimes you make decisions that aren’t very smart.”
“I know my own mind, Mom. I can take care of myself.”
“So, you did sleep with him.”
“Yes.” She threw up her hands in exasperation. “What is the problem? He’s a good man. He served his country in the army and now his career is in law enforcement, protecting the community. What do you have against him?”
“He made my baby cry. And I knew it was going to happen.”
“That’s why you wouldn’t let me see him.”
“Yes. He had a bad reputation and I was afraid for you.” Her mother’s mouth trembled.
“He went through a lot and was trying to figure out where he fit. But he’s solid and dependable. I promise you.”
“Good, solid, dependable men can break your heart, too, Shelby.” Suddenly her mother looked ten years older as the sadness slid into her eyes. “I know all about that. Your father was all of those things until he left us for someone else and helped her raise her children. He made them happy at the expense of me, you and Emma. Now he’s solid, and dependable for another family. I don’t want you to hurt like I did.”
“Luke is not Dad. And this is all your fault.” With an effort Shelby took her tone down to the reasonable range. It had hurt when her father left and had no use for the ones he left behind. But not every man was like that. “Forget I said that. But think about this. Luke didn’t have to take responsibility for Emma. He insisted even though he was angry that I didn’t tell him about her. You forced me to keep it from him, Mom. If anyone has the right to outrage, resentment and indignation it’s him.”
“Shelby, I—”
“No, Mom. On top of that, you intercepted the letters he wrote to me when he was in boot camp.”
“I thought it was best for you,” her mother protested.
“But it was wrong, Mom.” She’s been calling the shots your whole life. Luke’s words again. “I didn’t have a lot of options and you took advantage of that. If anyone is to blame here it’s you. A lot of this mess is your fault. But I’m not innocent. The rest is on me because I didn’t listen to my gut when I had the chance.”
Her mother didn’t say anything for a moment. But then her eyes went wide with comprehension. “You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”
Shelby shook her head. “No. I did the right thing and agreed to help him establish a relationship with his daughter. That’s all. Nothing more.”
“That’s the only explanation for why you’re defending him after he hurt you so much.”
“I defended you when he wondered why I was still living under your roof.” But she remembered blurting out that a part of her was waiting for him to come back. “He said you were controlling. And that I was paying you back with my whole life for giving me a place to live when I was a pregnant teenager. Is that true?”
“I admit it wasn’t my finest hour, but I was upset when you told me you were going to have a baby. Do you really think I wouldn’t have supported you?” Her mother looked shocked. “I would never have put you out on the street. I love you and Emma more than anything in this world. If I’m controlling it’s because I’m trying to protect both of you.”
Shelby was a mother and understood the overwhelming need to protect her child. There was nothing she could or would say to refute that statement. But suddenly the fight went out of her. “I think we should just leave it there, Mom. I’m going to try and sleep a little before I have to get ready for work and get Emma up for school.”
“Shelby, listen—”
“I will.” She gave her mom a tired smile, then moved closer and hugged her. “But let’s do this when we’ve both had some sleep. I love you. Good night.”
“It’s morning.”
Shelby ignored that and headed upstairs. She peeked into Emma’s room and was grateful that her little girl was sound asleep. She went to her room, dropped her shoes at the foot of the bed, then rolled into it fully clothed. But sleep didn’t come because her mind was racing.
You’re in love with him. She couldn’t get the words out of her mind. Things got tense earlier when he asked what was wrong and she told him nothing. Obviously her mother was right about
her being a bad liar. Hence his comment: Tell me the truth. Followed closely by: What aren’t you telling me? When she accused him of not trusting her, he didn’t tell her she was wrong. Whether he would admit it or not, he couldn’t stop resenting her for not telling him about Emma.
In this very room they’d made a truce to keep things all about their daughter. Falling for him broke the terms of that agreement just when he’d seemed to let go of his anger. When he made love to her, she’d believed he was back in her life the way he used to be. That feeling was magical. She couldn’t stand it if he hated her again. That’s what would happen if he found out she had feelings for him. So he couldn’t find out.
Since she was apparently a bad liar, distancing herself was her only option. That was going to be a challenge.
Chapter Fourteen
Luke was looking forward to the weekend. He’d worked a few lately, part of paying his dues as a rookie detective. On the upside, he’d had other days off during the week and could help out with Emma when Shelby was dealing with work-related duties like meeting with kids, parents or developing a tutoring program for struggling students.
But now it was Saturday and Emma had slept at his place the night before. They’d watched The Lion King and Emma couldn’t believe he’d never seen it. In a couple of hours she had a soccer game. A week ago he and Shelby had agreed on taking her together. It had been a few days since she’d spent the night for decidedly more grown-up reasons. He hadn’t talked to her since. A text here and there was the only communication.
It could be that she was busy but he had a feeling something had shifted the other night. And not in a good way. Things between them had been tense when she left. Maybe at the game they could talk and he would apologize for sounding like an idiot who didn’t trust her. He asked questions for a living but considering a suspect’s feelings wasn’t high on his list. He looked forward to clearing the air with Shelby.
“Dad, are you sure you know how to make pancakes?” Emma was sitting on one of the bar stools at the island, watching his every move. “You’re just staring into space.”
“Are you telling me to get my head back in the game?”
“Yes. I’m hungry.” Her voice was just this side of a whine. “And the coach said we need to eat a good breakfast before the game. To keep our energy up.”
“Okay, then.” The dry mix was in a bowl and he poured milk in, then stirred it with a fork.
“Mommy mixes it with a wire thing.”
“A whisk.”
“Yeah. That. How come you don’t?”
“I haven’t got one. But I remember your Gran using one when she made pancakes for me.”
“When can we go see her in Phoenix?”
“As soon as you have some time off from school and I get the okay from my boss to string vacation days together. Soon, though,” he assured her.
He and Shelby had talked about it and she promised to make Emma available whenever he could arrange his schedule for a trip. When Emma was out of school, Shelby would be too and he was going to invite her along. His mom had floated the idea and he liked it.
He loved his visits with Emma but somehow when her mom was with them, too, the unit felt complete. A family. Something he never knew he wanted until now.
“Daddy, I think you stirred enough.”
He looked at the batter. “I think you’re right. I’ll heat up the griddle.”
Because his daughter loved pancakes he broke his self-imposed rule of not buying stuff that had to be moved when he sold the house. Funny how a quick turnaround on it wasn’t as appealing as it had once been. He got the electric appliance out of the cupboard and plugged it in then turned the temperature to medium.
“Do you think your mom has eaten yet?” he asked.
Emma’s forehead wrinkled in thought. “Prob’ly not. On the weekend she doesn’t like to rush. She takes forever to drink her coffee. Sometimes she forgets to eat until lunch.”
“Should I invite her? This is our time together, I know. But breakfast is the most important meal of the day.”
“That’s what Mommy always says.” Emma nodded. “You should ask her.”
“Okay.” Luke picked up his cell, found her number and hit the screen to dial.
She answered on the first ring. “Hi. Is Em okay?”
“Fine.” Clearly she was keeping the phone close in case of emergency. “But we might have a pancake crisis.”
“Oh?” There was no hint of humor in her voice.
“Yeah. Too much batter, not enough mouths to feed. Have you had breakfast yet?”
There was a brief hesitation before she said, “I did.”
Luke couldn’t see her face and wasn’t sure how he knew this, but she was lying. “Maybe you’ve got room for just one?”
“Sorry. I have to bring refreshments for Emma’s game. That means cutting oranges into slices and packing drinks in the cooler. But thanks.”
“Okay. Another time. See you in a little while.”
“Bye, Luke.”
Vaguely uneasy, he hit the red stop button on his phone to hang up. One of the things about Shelby that attracted him the first time he met her all those years ago was her warmth. She was beautiful then and now, but her innocence and sweet nurturing nature made her even more so. He could tell without even seeing her expression that warmth wasn’t all that was missing. There was no emotion at all in her voice, as if she’d deliberately turned it off.
He looked at Em. “Your mom ate already.”
“Okay.” She looked down for a moment then her expression brightened. “That means more for us.”
“It does.” He laughed because Emma wanted him to but he wasn’t feeling it. “Okay, kid. How many do you want?”
“A hundred.” The little girl giggled at her joke.
“You’re hilarious.” This time his grin was genuine. She made his world brighter and he realized something. Everyone said Emma looked like him but she had her mother’s gift of humor, sweetness and warmth. He wondered why Shelby had turned those dials to “Off.”
Two hours later Emma came downstairs in her black soccer shorts and pink jersey. She was carrying her shin guards and cleats to put on at the field.
“Do you need a long-sleeved T-shirt under your jersey? It’s chilly out. And you might want to put on a pair of sweatpants then take them off just before the game starts.” Look at him being all paternal. When did that happen? He’d been at this father thing for a few months now but it felt much longer and completely natural. All because of Shelby.
“Do I have to, Daddy?” She had a pleading look on her face to be let off the hook. “I left that stuff at home.”
“Then isn’t it lucky home is right next door.” He remembered what Shelby said about part of her just waiting for him to come back. He knew what she meant because a part of him felt as if he’d been waiting for her to fill the hole in his life. “Run over and get what you need.”
“Okay.”
“And find out if your mom has the ice chest and snacks ready. I’ll load them into the truck for her.”
“Okay, Dad.” She raced out the front door and across the two driveways, then disappeared into the house.
Luke walked outside, locked up his house, then waited by the truck. A few minutes later Emma came outside alone.
“Where’s your mom?”
“She said to tell you she’ll meet us at the game.”
“Why?” Earlier in the week they’d agreed to go together but that was before he took her to bed.
“She said she’s not quite ready and doesn’t want me to be late. Coach wants us there early to stretch and warm up.”
“Maybe your mom just needs a little help,” he suggested.
“She said she doesn’t.” She watched him not say anything and her expression turned impatient. “Daddy, I’m going to
be late.”
He had an almost overwhelming urge to tell her it would be fine. He’d explain things to the coach because he needed to talk to her mother now. Then he got a grip. Whatever was going on would wait a little longer.
So he drove Em to the park and walked her over to the group of little girls all wearing pink. He shook the coach’s hand, wished Emma and the team luck, then returned to the parking lot. Shelby wouldn’t miss their daughter’s game and Luke was going to intercept her when she arrived.
He leaned back against his truck feeling a lot like being on a stakeout. More girls arrived, some in pink, others in the opposing team’s color. Finally he saw Shelby’s compact car pull into the lot and he waited for her to park before walking over.
She exited the driver’s door and saw him. There was a brief flash of something in her eyes, then her expression was blank. “You didn’t have to wait for me.”
“I’m here to help you carry everything.”
“I’ve got it,” she protested. “You should get a good place to watch the game.”
“It’s a park. There are no bad places,” he said wryly.
“Still, you should set up your chair.”
He frowned at her attempt to get rid of him. “You know I get too uptight to sit.”
Luke waited for her usual teasing about his nerves of steel as a cop melted by pink jerseys and hair bows. But she didn’t say anything. Missed opportunity or something else? He needed to know.
“What’s going on, Shelby?”
“I don’t know what you mean.” But she didn’t look at him. She turned away to open the trunk of her car.
“You’re acting weird. Ever since we had sex—”
“Shh.” She whirled to face him and glanced around to see if anyone was around to hear. “You’re imagining things.”
“I’m a cop. We don’t have imaginations. We gather the facts and fit things together to solve a puzzle.” He was standing close enough to feel the heat from her body but refused to let that distract him. “Fact number one—you’re avoiding me.”
“I’m not.”
“You’re a lousy liar. That was all I meant the other night by the way. When you said nothing was wrong, I knew there was something bothering you and I wanted you to tell me. Maybe I could help. I was clumsy with words, but that is what I meant.”
Daughter on His Doorstep Page 18