by Kate Kisset
“I do.” The tension in her body eased a bit now they’d cleared the air. Their relationship was never anything close to romance. She’d reached that conclusion the moment Luca came back into her life and showed her what real love was.
“Talk to Luca. Maybe you can salvage something.” Michael shrugged and walked away.
Frozen in place, Danica tried to swallow a lump the size of a fist in her throat, and wanted to throw up.
Shakily, she ambled back to the front of the stands and watched Michael shift and weave up the crowded bleachers to resume his seat with his family.
What was she supposed to do now? Bolt from the stadium? Get back in her car, drive away, and somehow ignore the shit-hole she'd dug for herself? She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and squeezed past a middle-aged man two rows up chomping on roasted peanuts. Stepping over the litter of discarded shells at his feet, she plunked down next to him.
Luca’s team rushed to the field, and he turned to face the cheering crowd. She stood, waving in his direction, but he didn’t notice. Defeated, she sat down, wishing for a pair of binoculars so she could see Luca’s face close-up and at least get a read on his mood before they talked.
She turned to look up over her shoulder at Sarah, sitting on Michael’s row, about ten packed rows behind her. She needed to tell her what happened. Sarah would know what to do. But even if it were possible to wedge past the masses and reach Sarah, she’d have to chitchat with the Santino family. There was no way she could handle that.
She pulled out her phone and texted Sarah:
You were right. Luca knows about Michael.
Sarah’s message pinged back:
I know.
Craning her neck, Danica looked over her shoulder again. After a few seconds, Sarah made eye contact with her. Sarah held up her phone and spastically pointed to it. Then, with fingers flying, she put her head down.
Another message came:
Talk to him.
Danica typed back:
I will. I just don’t know what to say.
Sarah shot back:
Tell him the truth.
Danica groaned and put the phone back in her purse. Fans broke into a roar, and the Crushers came off the field. Luca loped straight for the dugout. Danica leapt out of her seat and threw her hand up like a white flag to get his attention. Luca kept running.
While waiting for the game to end, her stomach twisted and flipped. A clammy sweat covered her, and no amount of shifting in her seat could make her feel comfortable. When the announcer proclaimed the Crushers won the game, the crowd erupted. Although she attempted to recreate the happy, carefree feeling she'd enjoyed only an hour ago, before talking to Michael, it was no use.
She scooted back on her seat, making room for the folks filing out of her row, but they bumped their butts into her and smashed her bare toes anyway. Sarah climbed down from her perch with the Santinos and joined the rest of the crowd pouring out of the stands.
Sarah mouthed the words talk to him before scampering off with Jamie.
Wiping the sweat from her palms on her shorts every few minutes, Danica waited while the Crushers took their places on the field and listened to their after-the-game sermon.
Her stomach twisted and knotted in trepidation. She would have to face Luca and somehow make him understand there was nothing between her and Michael. Would he believe her?
Finally Luca rose, grabbed his bat bag, and proceeded off the back field. Danica clutched her purse and scrambled to the dugout area inside the stadium, where his fans were waiting. She got in line behind a group of mostly teenaged girls and young boys holding programs for autographs.
Luca smiled graciously at each fan. Taking his time, he scribbled something on every program, mitt, and ball handed to him over the wire fence. She kept her feet planted in line, even though she wanted to take cuts, rush to the front, and beg him for forgiveness.
The last fan thanked Luca for signing her program and scuttled off. From a few feet away, Luca stared at her under the brim of his cap.
Danica’s heart rebounded with hope. “Luca—”
He turned his back and marched toward the stadium exit. Fumbling with the latch of the gate, the metal lever clanged and banged until she finally opened it. She stumbled in her flip-flops on the uneven grassy field, racing to catch up with him. The gate to the parking area was open.
“Wait!” she yelled.
Luca slowed when he reached the lot and finally turned. His beautiful mouth formed a flat line. “I don't know what the eff you're on, Danica.” Luca dropped his bat bag and marched toward her, the veins bulging on his neck.
Dear God, help me. “Please don’t be upset about Michael,” she begged, knowing it sounded feeble.
“Don’t. I can't stand to hear you say his name.” Luca moved his head in a slow, disbelieving shake. “What the hell do you take me for?” With a look of disdain he snatched his bat bag and steamrolled to his truck.
Danica wracked her brain for the right words, but his anger left her stunned. “Luca, wait!” She scrambled toward him. “Please!”
“What the hell do you want from me?” He snorted over his shoulder.
“To say I'm sorry.” She blurted, tripping over a patch of weeds. She caught herself before taking a nosedive and raced to catch up. “I know, I know, I should've told you...”
He stopped in his tracks and spun around to face her. “Told me?” He spat the words. “Yeah, told me first. Then I would've had nothing to do with you.”
His venom stunned her. In all her years of knowing Luca, she’d never seen him act this way. Hot tears rolled over her sweaty cheeks. She blinked, trying to clear the blur. Somehow, she needed to get through to him. “Let me explain, I—”
“You are a piece of work.” Every muscle in his face clenched. He glanced away, breathing hard. When he turned back to her, his expression was blank. “I asked you if you were seeing anyone.” He took a step closer. “You told me there was no one special. How nice. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that you were sleeping with my brother, or that he’s no one special. Perfect.”
“What? W-we—n-never s-slept together.” Danica strained for a breath but couldn’t catch one. The tears came too fast and puddled in her throat. “W-we just kissed a little, it wasn’t even real kissing...” She wiped her face with the back of her hand.
“Not real kissing?” His usually expressive eyes were now vacant. Something inside him must have cut her off. Please come back to me. “You mean the way you used to fake kiss me? You mean not real like that? Like the way you messed with my head all through school?”
A few of his teammates got into their cars near them. Luca removed his blank stare from her and studied them.
“Please,” she explained, hopelessly grappling for the right words, “B-but I didn’t m—”
“No, just often enough to ruin me for anyone else. I was two years behind you, Danica. You know what?” He reached into his bat bag and pulled out his keys. “I’m not wasting any more of my breath on you.”
“Put those away. Please—I told you, I didn’t know you had feelings for me then."
“What did you know?” He stared down at her with such wrath, it frightened her. She thought of wrapping her arms around him and smothering his rage with kisses, but was afraid she’d make it worse. “Did you consider the ramifications of anything you were doing then? Outside of what was in it for you?”
Searching his eyes for a glimmer of understanding, she found only agony. Not able to face him, she squinted down at her sandals and let her tears fall to the dirt. “T-t-that was years ago. I've changed.”
“No you haven't. You're still using me, using me to make Michael jealous.” Luca hit the key fob and the truck beeped. “I don't have time for your games, Danica.” Luca opened his car door, got in, and slammed it shut.
“I love you!” She tapped on the glass. “P-please don't leave like this.”
/>
Luca mouthed the word shit. The window came down. He rolled his eyes before giving her his attention.
She tried to focus through her swollen eyes but he looked blurry. “L-let’s talk and work this out.”
“Talk?” Luca shook his head before glancing into the rearview mirror. He backed out of the parking place and yelled over his shoulder, “Way too late for that. Game over.”
His truck began to pick up speed heading out of the lot, and she yanked off her flip-flops. Carrying them, she ran behind the truck over the prickly weeds. “Stop!”
Her sweaty tank and shorts stuck to her skin, and the bottoms of her feet burned from the stickers and burrs. Using the only option she had left, she waved wildly, praying Luca would notice her in his rearview, give her a second chance, and stop. When she reached the smooth sidewalk outside the lot, she watched Luca’s old red truck make a right turn out of sight. She plunked down on the curb.
The scalding hot pavement burned through her cutoffs. After extracting a sharp sticker from her heel, she tossed it onto the asphalt street. Still clutching her filthy flip-flops, she put her head in her lap and closed her eyes.
After several minutes of bawling, a thick, hollow hole moved into her chest, no doubt taking permanent residence. The afternoon sun beat down on her throbbing head.
She seriously detested the idiot girl she used to be. That high schooler so wrapped up in homework and college plans, she hadn’t once considered Luca’s feelings. Being too young to know any better wasn’t a good excuse anymore. I should’ve…
Although she was physically older, she understood now that Luca had matured faster. His lack of trust in her started years ago, and although she hadn’t meant to, and hadn’t known what she was doing, she must have damaged his heart. He wouldn’t have reacted with so much anger if he had any faith in her, or truly believed she loved him. If only…
Frustration poured out with her sobs, because there wasn’t a ride to hitch back to the past and change it. Real life wasn’t an enchanted tale.
How naïve had she been to dream she and Luca could pick up where they left off? Why hadn’t anyone warned her about the dreaded fairy tale caveat? That decades-old bruises, including heartaches she hadn’t been aware of, came with the past love package. I should’ve told him sooner.
Chapter Eleven
Shoulders slumped, Danica trudged back to her car, pausing near the boutiques she’d been in too much of a hurry to look at when she breezed by on the way to the stadium. Sounds of children screeching in fits of giggles echoed from the Plaza’s play area. Warm sugar and coffee aromas poured out of The Vine Café. She had all the time in the world to browse now, but nothing in any of the windows caught her interest.
Totally depleted when she reached her car, she heaved onto the roasting seat and plopped behind the wheel. The happy-go-lucky color of the lime green Volkswagen bug parked in front of her, and the grinning people who boarded it, were like salt in the wound.
Before putting the key in the ignition, she dug into her purse.
She had to make things right with Luca. She couldn’t take another breath until she tried. Maybe now, after he’d had a little time to cool off, he’d listen. Perhaps this time he would understand he was in a relationship with the grown-up Danica, and she would never treat him so carelessly, would never intentionally hurt him. Not ever.
Even if he didn’t want to see her again, he deserved to know she truly loved him.
She pulled out her phone and texted Luca:
I’m sorry.
After staring at the screen for a few minutes and waiting for a message that didn’t come, she texted him again.
Please forgive me.
Her phone dinged back, and her heart leaped, but it was only a message from Mr. Harvey:
Need to speak to you in my office 8 tomorrow morning.
Ignoring it, she held her breath, wishing for the phone to ping again. It didn’t, so she called the only person who could help, the one individual who knew Luca better than she did, her brother, Jess.
After making arrangements to meet Jess for dinner at her mom’s house, she took Old Sonoma Road to Napa, reached the Hwy 121 exit, and seriously considered turning right to Vallejo and connecting to 680 and driving all the way to Los Angeles instead of taking a left to Napa.
In fight-or-flight mode, the escape option tempted her. Every aspect of her life was tied to the Santinos.
God forbid she’d have to do any follow-up on the Santino Winery story. How would she ever face Michael again?
And she’d have to remove herself from any article regarding the Crushers. Never mind the conflict of interest, Luca couldn’t stand her.
The entire Santino clan probably hated her by now. Even her roommates were involved.
She couldn’t expect Sarah and Lulu to take sides with her, and would feel lousy talking to them about it. Danica cringed at the thought of getting in the middle of their relationships with Jamie and Uncle Leo.
Danica pulled next to her dad’s car in the driveway on D Street. Weren’t spouses supposed to stop seeing each other when they split up? Not that she was complaining. Danica left her keys in the ignition and tore up the walkway.
“Ama. Apa.” She cracked open the little bungalow’s front door and was met by a rush of clams, and saffron aromas. By the strength of the scent, her mother’s delectable Seafood Paella, her family’s favorite meal, was almost ready.
A white fur ball bumped her leg and bounced, the metal tags on the little dog’s collar clanking. The pup’s tail wagged so hard, it looked like a propeller lifting her off the floor.
“Luna.” Danica scooped her into her arms. “You’re just who I needed to see.” Luna covered her face with kisses. Danica adopted her while volunteering at the Napa Rescue between jobs out of college. Because Lulu had a no-pets policy at Bella Villa, she’d given Luna to her mom temporarily, extracting her mom’s promise to return the sweet little ball of fluff if Danica ever moved to a place that allowed animals.
At this point, she couldn’t imagine it happening. Luna had the happiest little life possible, and it would break her mother’s heart to give her back.
“She’s missed you, but not as much as I have.” Her mom marched out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on a dish towel.
“Ama?” Danica’s voice cracked. Something about being in the safety of her old home made her want to cry away all the heartache. Hot tears streaked her cheeks the moment her mother’s arms reached around her. Luna squirmed for a better position in the middle of their hug sandwich, licking away Danica’s tears.
“Mija? What on earth?” Her mother backed away, frowning. “What’s wrong?” She asked brushing a straggle of hair from her forehead.
“I blew it. Ruined everything.”
The Giants announcer roared from the TV in background. Jess and her father strolled out of the family room into the hallway and stopped. Her mom and dad exchanged looks.
“They’re just t-tears,” Danica explained, noting her dad’s obvious discomfort. He hated seeing her cry. “They don’t bite.”
“Want a beer?” Jess offered with bugged-out eyes and his I-don’t-know-what-to-do-but-want-to help expression she’d seen during teary meltdowns since he was a toddler.
“Let’s move into the kitchen.” Her dad let out a slow smile. “Everything seems better with your mom’s cooking, and it’s almost ready. But first” —he opened his arms— “mi vida, come here.” Danica burrowed into his arms, enveloped in her father’s comforting smell of fresh spices and leather, his faded blue shirt soft and cool against her burning eyes. She reached up and planted a kiss on his cheek.
“I’m going to wash up,” she said, pulling away from his embrace.
Her family paraded into the kitchen, and Danica plodded down the narrow hall, passing her old purple bedroom on the right first, then the larger room Matthew and Brandon used to share, and Jess’s across the hall. He moved back home
from Silicon Valley after the startup he worked for went out of business. The move home would be temporary, but she was happy to have him back, at least for a while. She walked by the closet door next to the guest bathroom, and pushed away a Luca-steamed memory.
She washed her hands in front of the mirrored medicine cabinet. Smudged remnants of mascara, makeup, dried tears, and dust created a roadmap of uneven lines. She took a few minutes to wash her face, found one of her old hairbrushes, and brushed out the last of the style she spent an hour creating before the game. She fastened her hair with a rubber band and returned to her family.
Danica took a seat at the table and Jess jumped up. “That Modelo I promised you.” He opened the fridge.
“And lime, please, if you have it.” She placed a napkin on her lap.
Jess plunked the beer bottle with a wedge in front of her and returned to his seat across from her. He held up his bottle.
She tapped hers against it, and they simultaneously swigged.
They spent the next few minutes tucking into their meals in awkward silence. She wasn’t about to bring up her disastrous love life in front of her mom and dad.
“Well?” Jess asked to no one in particular, but she knew the question was for her, and ignored it. Her mom and dad took bites of their dinner.
“Excellent.” Her dad winked at her mom.
Jess tried to stab a mussel with his spoon. “Are you going tell us what happened today?”
She flashed back to age fifteen and big-mouth Jess calling her out about something she didn’t want discuss in front of her parents. How am I supposed to tell dad I made out with two of the Santino brothers?
Her dad leaned forward, his spoon in midair. “There’s nothing you can’t say in front of us.”
“I’m glad you’re here, by the way.” Danica took a drink of water. “You’re always visiting. I don’t know why you don’t just get back together.”
“Don’t change the subject, honey. What’s going on?” Her mom circled the bowl with her spoon.
“Okay.” Danica steeled herself with a deep breath. “I’ve been dating Luca Santino, and we got into a fight.” She hoped that was enough information for them to move on to another subject until she could talk to Jess alone.