CHAPTER VII.
A POLITICIAN OF THE NEW SCHOOL.
Uncle Joshua was the color guard in a volunteer company of negroes,whose muster roll, like a thermometer, ran up into the nineties. As heshook out the folds of the scarlet-veined banner of the free one morningin his cabin, he observed to his old wife, "Hit peers lak dat dare wusernudder wun o' dem possels, ef my membrunce sarves me rite, dat totedde flag fur Ginrul Farryo when he wus er heppin disserway und datterwayfroo de dessart; but I moest furgit dat gemman's name. Twant Absurdam,I'm moest sho, und hit twant Jack-in-de-bed, nudder. Duz yu reckermemberdat possel, Hanner? Yu und de locus preacher is erquainted wid all demaintshunts."
"Umph!" grunted Hanna, "yu's gwine fur back fur sumbody to tote de flag.Ef yu hez gin out why don't you fling hit over to Efrum? Ur is yu aimingter immertate dat aintshunt?"
"Grate Jarryko!" exclaimed Joshua, irritated by such a question. "Duz yusee dat fodder foot, und duz yu see dat shuck foot? Well, den, when deleftenant sez 'hep, hep, hep, hep, hep--fodder foot, shuck foot!' I'mergwine ter fling dem footsies out disserway--see? Und I'm ergwine tertote ole glory fo und aft, jess so, twell I gits ter be de ginrul, undden I'm ergwine ter fling dem identikle footses in de saddle, disserway,und uprare de rone on his hine shanks, jess lak dat."
"Umph!" grunted ole Hannah, "To be sho yu's jess rivved out o' debabboon show! Yu's er sho nuff limber Jack--jest ez suple ez a yurlinggote, ebery bit und grane!"
"Now, den," continued Joshua, without heeding the ridiculousinterruption, "I wuz studdin up dat possel, when you flung yo mouf interde argyment."
"Wuz dat gemman a Mefodis ur Mishunary?" inquired Hannah, provokingly.
"Grate Jarryko! How's I ergwine to know dis fur back? Kin I skiver erhumans clean clar ercross de dissart, und retch back ter de eend o' deyeth, wid dese wun-eyed specks? Ef he hilt on to grace, he wur a shoutinMefodis; und ef he run wid Proverdense, he wur a Mishunary; und ef hehilt on ter sumfin wusser, he wur a harrytick. Dat's ez fur ez I'mgwine, doubt I node fur sartin. I'm moest sho, do, he wur a Mishunary,kase he didn't drap back when he cum in contack wid de water."
"Grate king!" snapped Hannah, as she kindled into a passion. "Wuz yudare? Yu talks lak dare warnt no Mefodis mixed up wid dem harryticks;gwine on wid yer warter in de bilin dissart! Better git de Zion bushupto larn yu de scriptur."
"Oh, my sole!" groaned Joshua. "Ef hit warnt fer de Mishunarys in disSoufland, dare mout be a wusser war dan ole Jeff Davis de secesh's. I'mergwine ter ax yer wun pint mo, und den me und Ole Glory is ergwine terhit de grit fur de conwenshun. Which wun o' dem slidin elders o' yournhilt a confurence in dat dissart whey dare warnt no warter, und nochickens nudder, und whay de po parished up Mishunary hed to furrige erroun fer dare dinner? Now den!"
There were shops and bazaars scattered here and there about the publicstreets of the shire town within the recesses of which sat colored womenselling their merchandise; now and then accentuating some passingpageant by the clapping of hands and other noisy demonstrations. Therewere disorderly, ruffianly negroes, in greasy uniforms, neitherbrigaded or disciplined, patrolling the country, discharging theirmuskets at random; and about the premises of Colonel Seymour there was asquad, more or less menacing, marching and counter-marching in thecarriage way near the mansion, and the old man in his desperation criedout "Oh that I could gird the sword upon my thigh, like the man Barak,and could smite these devils to the earth."
"Mars Jon," interrupted Clarissa, "yer mout as well let dese devilisniggers lone; de Lord is agwine to slam dem to de yearth fore dey knowsit; he is agwine to vour dem up lak hoppergrasses; day a ransakin allober creashun fur franksized niggers to wote de yaller ticket in deconvenshun; mout as well hab so many billy goats a wotin fur ole AbrumLaffin, de meanest, low downest scalyhorg in de wurrel. Yander goes oleJoshaway now, wid ole glory strode er roun him, steppin lak a rare-hossober de tater ridges agwine to de town." And she pointed to a group offour crossing the field from Joshua's cabin, marching under the starsand stripes, that swung lifelessly over old Joshua's right shoulder. Wehad just as well go with Joshua and witness the proceedings. The firstobservation the old negro made as he came up was this, "How much is deboss agwine to gib fur wotin fur him to go to de legislatur?"
"Agwine to giv yer, yer axes," replied a partisan of Laflin. "Yer dunund got freedom, haint yer? yer dun und jined de milintary cumpny, haintyer? Yer is de most selfishes nigger dat I ebber seed. Is yer aimin togit de whole kommisary flung in? What mo dos yer speck?" continued theblack partisan. Freedom haint nebber made de pot bile at my house narytime, und it haint nebber fotched no sweetenin dar, und it haint put nosperrets in de jimmyjon, und it haint nebber sot out no taters nudder,und wid all dis lustration in de land, it haint agwine too, nudder. Jessas well be a naked snow-bird wid nary whing as wun ob dese franksizedniggers. Too much freedom in de lan now, und not nuff horgs andcatfishes. I'se been a wotin und a wotin eber since de belyun fell--atrapsing to de town bakkards und furruds, und I haint nebber got nuffinbut freedom yit--not eben de rappins ob my little finger; und I has beenhep, hep, hep, hep, heppin in de miluntary cumpny ober tater ridges undfru de brier patches und de skeeters, und de cap'in haint nebber saidnary time, Joshaway, I'm agwine to put yaller upperlips on yer jacket,und I'm agwine ter gib yer a sord wid a wheel. Nary time hab de bossaxed me how much meal I had in de gum, ur how much taters I hab in dehill; und I haint nebber had but wun little speck ob munny sense freedomcum in de lan, und den it wus Federick munny. Ef I dont git nuffinbettern dat I has got, und dat mity quick, dis po nigger is agwine todrap outer de ranks into de sametary. Dis here war has turned loose apassel ob niggers all ober de kentry wid dere freedum und muskets, undbress Gord dere aint nary turkle in de swamp, nur catfish nudder, yumout say; und eben de sparrers when dey sees a nigger a cummin shakeshis tail, und sais 'ugh, ugh; I'm agwine erway frum here.' Ole mars Jonhad rudder de hoppergrasses wud kivver de hole lan, und de tarypin bugstoo. Eber time de boss gits lected he ups and sezs, sez he, 'Josh, denex time I runs I'm agwine to make yer er magistreet, so yer kin sot onwhite fokses, und bress de Lord, dat time haint nebber cum yit.'"
"Shut dat big mouf ob yourn," sharply commanded Laflin's constituent.
"I haint agwine to do dat, nudder," saucily replied the old negro. "Efde boss don't gib me er dram, ur sumfing when I gits to town, I'magwine to wote fur tuther man. De ole ooman tole me to ax de boss fur akaliker kote; sed how dat she wus jam nigh as ragged as a skeer-crow.Hanner is a gitten monstrus tired ob freedom, und dese franksizedniggers--yer heers my racket. Aye! aye," he exclaimed patriotically,"dars ole glory now a shinin froo de trees," and with that the bandyshanked negro cut a pigeon wing in the middle of the road; and sureenough, the banner of the free, displaying its broad stripes and brightstars was nodding its welcome to its African heroes, who had worked outtheir emancipation with ploughshares and scythe blades.
"I knows," the negro continued in rapture, "when I sees dat butifullestflag er wavin und see-sawin dat dere is bound to be a stummic full obgood whittles sumwheres, but I's monstrous skeert hits agwine to gib outfore hit gits to me." And just now the faintest tintinnabulation of anasthmatic brass band broke upon old Joshua's ear like the sound of adinner horn, on a long, dry summer day. Joshua braced up for the homestretch and began to take long slouchy strides, as if he were on the oldparade ground again. Calling out to his comrades "Forrud, march to detown; hep, hep, hep, hep, hep, eyes to de front, charge, bagonets!" Ashe approached the rallying ground of the Laflin hosts, a recruitingagent from Laflin's opponent, took him by the arm and saidpatronizingly, "Let me put a bug in your ear, ole man."
Joshua jerked away with the startled cry "No sar, no sar, don't do datwhite man, kase I kaint heer good no how, und ef yer puts dat ar bug inmy yeer, how in de name ob Gord is I ebber agwine to git him outen dereeny more, and hit mout be a horned bug ur a stingin bug. I'll fite enyman dat puts a bug in my yeer, dat I will; stan back, white man; dontcum nigh me wid nun ob dem creeturs."
"You don't understand me, my fr
iend" replied the scalawag, "our side arehome folks, bred and born right here, and we know what we can do for ourcolored friends when we get to the legislature, and we are going to buyplantations for our men, and we are going to make our old friends likeyou sheriffs."
"Dats a mity heep ob promisin, white man," replied the negrosuspiciously, "How menny shurrufs is yer agwine to hab in dis county?"
"Forty seven," replied the Scalawag.
"How menny jail houses is yer agwine to hab," asked the negro.
"We are going to do away with the jails," said he.
"Is?" exclaimed Joshua in surprise. "Ugh, Ugh! forty-leven shurrufs indis county und all clecting taxes at wun time, Grate Jarryko, dar wontbe nary tater, nur nary horg, nur nary ole settin hin--nur nary niggerin sebenteen fousan miles ob dis place. Saks a live, white man, dos yeraim to massercree fokes fo und aft? Whar wus yer when dey fit de warenny how?"
"Oh, I was at home raising breadstuffs for the poor," he answered.
"Raisin which fur de po, boss?" enquired Joshua.
"Breadstuffs," he replied.
"Und did de po git dey share?" asked Joshua.
"Yes, indeed," the scalawag answered.
"Und wus yer in de pennytenshun when yer raised dat truck?" furtherenquired Joshua.
"No, indeed," he said.
Joshua gazed comically into the face of the politician as he said;"Lemme look at yu rite good wid boff eyes, wid dese ole specks on,disserway; dare. Haint I seed yu afore?"
"Perhaps so; I cant say" replied the scalawag furtively.
"Ugh! Ugh!" exclaimed Joshua.
"Haint I seed yu at Zion's meeting house wun time, at de stractedmeetin? Dat time sister Cloe drapped back into er concushun und yu wuzde yarb doctor dat fotched her too, und yu tuck yo pay outen de munnydat wuz gwine to de orfins?"
"No, no, you are thinking of some one else I am sure."
"Und hit warnt yu nudder dat drunk up de sakryment de dekons stode awayunder de mussy seat?"
"No, indeed! why do you ask such a question?"
"Kase," replied Joshua quite saucily, "dem dare too eyes of yourn putsme in membrance of dat scalyhorg in de scriptur whay wuz drug outer dekote house ded, him und Sofy Mariah, too, kase day made er mis hiterbout dat lan."
"Oh Jerusalem!" retorted the scalawag "Lets get back to the subject."
"Jess so! Jess so!" exclaimed Joshua, laughing, "yu sees yu's dun undkotched, und yu aims to drap back in de convenshun agen."
"We pay one dollar in gold and a jug of whisky to every Laflin man thatvotes with us. Do you hear?" observed the scalawag.
"Now yer is er a gettin down to de pint," exclaimed the negro smiling."Is yer man agwine to git lected?"
"Certainly, certainly, sir."
"Dats all right, den, when dos I git de munny und de sperrits, fore Iwotes ur arterwurds?" asked Joshua dubiously.
"We don't pay in advance," replied the scalawag.
"Don't, hey?" exclaimed Joshua.
"Well Laflin, he do, und I mout wote fore I git de pay, und yer manmout not git lected, den my wote wud be flung away, und de munny und desperrits too, dats de pint. Yer see, boss," Joshua continuedargumentatively, "us franksized woters is bleeged to make er leetlekalkerlashun und den ef we gits disappinted its kase de white foksesobersizes de niggers. Don't yer see how de cat is agwine to jump, boss?"he whispered confidentially, "yer mout put de spirits in de jimmyjonnow, und I mout take a drap ur too fore I wotes und yer mout hold backde munny twelt yer man is lected; how dos dat do?"
"All right," announced the scalawag. "You come with me." And old Joshuain his "hop, step and go fetchit" way followed the politician until hebrought up squarely against one of Laflin's lieutenants, who took himsavagely by the limp paper collar.
"Wher's yer agwine lak a struttin turkey gobbler, wid dat white man, yerfool nigger? Don't yer know dat ar white trash will put yer back inslabery?"
The rival candidates were running for the legislature. On one side ofthe court house square were aligned the adherents of Laflin, thecarpet-bagger; on the other side the adherents of Hale the scalawag. Eachwas haranguing the black sovereigns of the South--men who in otherfields had toiled ever so hard for their country, but whose hands wereunskilled, and whose minds were untutored in this the grandest of humanendeavors--the building up of an immense superstructure that shall stand"four square to all the winds that blow."
Each candidate had his claquers, slipping into rough, horny hands thepaper representative of manhood, intellectual, patrioticmanhood--manhood compromised by no overt act of treason.
Every star and every stripe upon that magnificent banner just overheadaccentuated the fact that in devious wanderings over blood stainedbattle fields, fire scathed villages, homes and plantations it hadfollowed manhood suffrage as faithfully as it did the tithing agentthroughout the South. Suspended above the heads of the free men, acrossthe street, was this blood-red warning "No man shall vote here whofollowed Lee and Jackson." Vain delusion; as if there could be treasonunder that flag; or traitors lurking in its shadows like mad Malays!Stranger still, that the dust of Jackson should re-animate hearts thathad been broken in a catastrophe, too terrible to be uttered bypatriots. Strangest of all, that living heroes should gather at abanquet where toasts were spoken in frantic curses of the brave byfanatics! To the right were barrels of whiskey on tap; to the left werehuge piles of yellow tickets with appropriate devices upon them; and tothe front waved over a bloodless conquest the "Star Spangled banner,"just as triumphantly as it did at the head of the charging battalions ofLee and Jackson in Mexico, just as proudly as when the Southern crossyielded its sovereignty upon the ill-starred field of Appomattox.Crimsoned to a deeper blush to-day methinks because it is made todishonor Lee and Jackson, who shall live forever in the pantheon ofhistory--as men worthy of emulation, as heroes whose fame is alreadywritten upon amaranthine tablets.
"Who sees them act but envies every deed-- Who hears them groan and does not wish to bleed; Great men struggling with the storms of state, And greatly fallen with a falling state."
"Welcome, my son, here lay him down, my friends, Full in my sight, that I may view at leisure The bloody corse and count those glorious wounds. How beautiful is death when earned by virtue."
About high noon Joshua, with his old beaver caved in on both sides andone skirt of his blue coat torn away, was seen to oscillate, as it were,betwixt the whiskey barrel on the Laflin side and the rum barrel onHales' side, and doubtless, so far as his vote was concerned, preservinga strict neutrality, that is to say, in the plantation language of theold negro, "Bress de Lawd, I was so flushtrated wid dat meextry o' rumund sperrits dat I flung in six wotes fur de cyarpet-sacker und er ebenhaf dozen fur de scalyhorg." The result officially declared, made theagreement between Joshua and Hales' manager about the payment of money"arter yo man is dun und lected" a nude pact.
Laflin was nominated, and in his address to his constituents flatteredhimself that the nomination came unsought and with practical unanimity.
"Our enemies," said he, "shall feel our power, and you will be asked toco-operate in such manner as will place you above them in thisgovernment. Can I depend on you?"
"Dat yer kin!" came from a hundred throats. "Hurrah for de boss! He isde ginrul fur dis kentry, und he will lick out de white trash! Yessiree!"
Such were the exclamations that deafened the ear and horrified thesense. Joshua was too drunk to be offensively partisan. He lay in thestreet waving his old beaver hat and hurrahing the best he could forLaflin, as he held on to "de jimmyjon," and singing in a drunken,maudlin way--
"Dis jug lak a ribber is er flowin,Und I don't keer how fast it flows on boys, on;While de korn in de low groun is er growin,Und dis mouf ketch de stuff as it runs."
When Joshua got home next morning the sun was blazing like a great ballof fire from the mid-heavens. Both skirts of his old blue coat weregone. His old beaver was flopping and hung limp and crownless over hisright eye, and his old wife paused
in her work in her garden to observethe dilapidated negro as he approached his cabin. She could hear himmuttering to himself, "Talk erbout de niggers ergwine ter de conwenshun,und er runnin dis here kentry, und er gittin de eddykashun und er bossinde white fokeses, ef ennybody is er mint ter gin me wun dollar fer mypribileges, I'm ergwine ter sell out, und I mout tak pay in Federicmunny."
"Ergwine ter sell out, is yer!" exclaimed Hannah with a grunt.
Joshua looked up startled, and pushing the broken brim of his old hatfrom his eyes, he saw it was Hannah who had interrupted his soliloquy,and she continued in ridicule, "Yu is too brash, Joshaway; yer mout gitter be presydent, den yer cud git er cote wid two skurts to hit. Yu keeper wotin und er wotin, und bimeby yu is ergwine ter be wun ob demMishunary possels wid whings, same ez er blue herron."
Joshua saw that his wife was making him ridiculous, and he slunk awayinto the old cabin and fell asleep upon the rickety bed.
The Broken Sword; Or, A Pictorial Page in Reconstruction Page 9