CHAPTER XIII.
A KNIGHT OF THE WHITE CAMELIA.
At early dawn in the language of the excited servant, "Dere is sich aflustration agwine on outen old misses flower gyarden as I never seed inmy born days."
With this exclamation her young mistress was aroused from her slumber bythe old negro as she knocked violently at the door of her bed chamber ina state of great perturbation.
"Fur de land sake! Miss Alice if yu wants to see a sho nuff harricanerun outen here as peart as yer ken. De stracted niggers big und leetlehas finely tuck de plantashun. Oh my sole, de heabens and de yearth hascum togedder!"
Alice rushed to the window and was horrified at the sight before her.She heard a jargon of boisterous defiant noises graduated frominarticulate sounds to higher and varying keys with occasional snatchesof a disgusting song in falsetto.
"We de bosses is er gwine to be, Kase ole Lincum dun set us free, In de year of Jubilo."
She saw to her disgust and mortification a score or two of negrochildren romping like cattle through her sainted mother's flower garden.They were plucking the dahlias and roses and other varieties of flowerswith ruthless hands, and blowing their petals hither and thither withtheir vile breath into the air. Such desecration was never dreamed of byAlice and she spoke angrily to the disgusting little vagrants andattempted to drive them from the premises.
"Yer jes shet yer ole mouf, dats what, ole po white trash. Us yung unshaint eben er studdin you. Is us Maria?"
"Dat us aint," pertly responded Maria. "Yers ole po white trash, datswhat my farder and my mudder ses you is, and us cullud ladies haintergwine to mess wid you nary bit und grane. Us is agwine to pull alldese ole flowers und fling em on de groun, und us aint er skert of naryole skeer-crow lak yer is nudder."
And with these sundry and divers exclamations, Maria and Susan joinedhands and danced a break-down upon the flower beds, while the othernegro children big and little clapped hands and sang in shrill pipingnotes another stanza of the song.
"De bellion it is dun und fell, Und ole Marsa is gon to--well, In de year of Jubilo."
Alice attempted again to drive them away with her father's cane, whenthey aligned themselves in positions of attack, and with brick-bats,fragments of slate and glass and other weapons of improvised battlechallenged in angry volleys.
"We's jes dars yu to put yer ole foot outen dat do und we'll mash yerhed wid er brick," and with that one of the missiles went crashingthrough the imported plate glass of the front door, when the wickedvermin scampered away with the warning cry.
"Dey is er cummin, Dey is er cummin, looker dare, looker dare," and hidaround chimney corners and among the brick underpinning.
Clarissa had viewed proceedings from the window of the kitchen with asmuch interest as though it were a battle of real blood and thunder, andrunning out of a door around a corner where she saw the kinky head of"Sofy Ann" peeping, she seized her by her hair and soused her over headand ears, in a hogshead filled with rain water that stood near thekitchen "Fo Gord!" she exclaimed, "I don't know whedder to drown yerouten out ur to baptize yer hed fomost. I'm gwine to wash offen yer sinsef I nebber duz no mo," and she kept ducking the little nigger until shewas "moest drowned sho nuff." "Dar, now, I'm agwine to turn yer loosedis time, yer imp of Satun; jest let me ketch yer wun mo time in olemissis flower garden lak er hoss wid de blind staggers, und yer fokeswill hab to sen fur de crowner. Take yersef clean clear outen my site,yer pizened varmint." The little negro, blubbering, spitting, coughingand bellowing, sneaked away toward the office looking back with savageglances, with eyes that stood out like a lobster's.
At this point of time the sound of wheels was heard down the roadway andgoing to the door Alice saw a lady of uncertain age with a very keenaspect, smartly dressed, alighting from a road cart. As she wasapproaching the door Alice at once recognized her as the lady whoaccompanied Mr. Jamieson, the Englishman, to the mansion only a shorttime before and whom that gentleman had addressed as his niece.
"Will you give me the key to the office, Miss?" she asked pertlyaddressing Alice.
"Now, dearies," she called to the negro children who had gatheredsuspiciously around her, "Just go to the schoolroom; I will be with youdirectly."
"Will you give me the key to the office Miss?" she asked this time withmuch emphasis.
"Indeed, I have no control over the office, it is my father's, madam,and he has his books and papers in it and doesn't wish them disturbed.""My father is not in the house just now. Perhaps you had better waituntil he returns."
"Oh, indeed, miss, I carn't, I am a bit late just now, and I must beprompt, miss, or I shall lose my position. It doesn't matter about yourfather's books and papers, miss, that is a trifle; I guess I can find aplace for the books and papers if you do not choose to remove themyourself. Get a move on you, Miss, if you please, as I remarked, I am abit late this forenoon."
"I do not wish to give you the key, madam," again replied the girl,"What is your business upon my father's premises unbidden?"
"Ah, indeed, what impudence! Did I ever, I guess you will find outquickly, miss! Will you give me the key miss, or shall I drive homeagain and report you to Mr. Laflin?" The name Laflin was, figurativelyspeaking, the burglar's tool that unlocked every door in this populouscounty. With many wicked thoughts Alice delivered the key to theschool-mistress and with her arms around the necks of two negro girlsshe trooped off to the office; the door was opened and into the room themistress and pupils entered.
"Oh, dear, dear, dear! exclaimed the school marm piteously. Whatevershall I do with all this rubbish? Come here, dear gyurls and boys, be abit lively and remove these disgusting old things. Take them to the ladyof the house; I guess she will know what to do with them. We carn't havethes trifles in the school room; no indeed we carn't" and pell-mell,helter skelter, topsy turvey, books, periodicals and papers were thrustout of doors into boxes, barrels, anything, anywhere as if they were somany burglars "taken in the act."
Poor Alice cried and sobbed; but a new regime was fast crowding out thememory of the olden days, it was the welding of an intermediate linkbetween the waning and the waxing--the disappearing and the appearingcivilizations.
"Now, dear gyurls and boys," said the mistress. "Take your seats. Iguess we will begin. Charlie, come here, dear. You are a sweet littleboy and I guess your mamma thinks so, too. How old are you, dear?"
"Seben, agwine in leben," answered the little black urchin quickly.
"Who made you, Charlie?"
"Who made me?" repeated the little negro saucily.
"Yes, who made you?"
"Oh I dunno, dat dere boy dere sez ole satan made me und him too."
"Oh, the precious little heathen," exclaimed the school marm,discouragingly, "Did you ever hear of God?" she asked again.
"Yes mum, I dun und seed him wun time, when me und Jake wus a rabbithuntin."
"Oh dear, dear, dear! Where did you see God? And what was he like?" sheasked.
"Seed him down de crick," answered the negro smartly.
"What was he like?"
"What wus he lak?" echoed Charlie, digging into his pockets with bothhands and standing upon one barefoot. "Lak a jacker lantern cum outen degroun."
"What became of him?" asked the lady.
"What cum of him?" asked Charlie "He flewed clean erway," answeredCharlie as smartly as before.
"Oh my dear, dear, child, what is to become of you!" she exclaimeddisparagingly. "Susan, come here, my pretty gyurl," called the lady."Oh! how pretty are your sparkling jetty eyes," she exclaimed as sheturned up the little negro's face to kiss her. "Now dear, how old areyou?"
"Me!" asked the girl, "I's furteen gwine in foteen."
"And now tell me who made you?"
"Who made me!" echoed the child. "Oh, I fort yu axed dat ar boy who madehim," she answered with a broad smile.
"So I did; now I wish to know who made you?"
"I aint no kin to dat ar boy, kase his daddy aint got
but wun eye und mydaddy has got too eyes."
"Who made you, child?"
"Ho, I furgot," replied Susan "Gord made me."
"That is correct," answered the teacher, "Now what did God make you outof?"
"Outen?" again replied Susan, "Oh, outen lasses candy. My mudder sayskase I's so sweet."
"Dear, dear, dear, shall I give entirely up?" exclaimed the discomfitedlady. "Shall I try again? yes, perhaps I shall find a little leavendirectly." "Come here Willie; I can see from your bright face that youare a smart little boy. Now tell me did you ever hear of the rebellion?"
"Belliun?" echoed Willie as he thrust his fingers into his mouth and outagain with a pop that made the children titter. "Neber heerd ob nuffinelse epseps de belliun."
"What is a traitor, dear boy?"
"Tater?" "What sort er tater, sweet tator ur Orish tater?" enquiredWillie.
"Perhaps I may teach the little heathen to understand," said the schoolmarm, suggestively. "Willie," she asked "What do you call that gentlemanwho lives in that fine house over the way?"
"Calls him!" again repeated Willie, "I calls him po white trash; whatdos yer call him?"
"Oh dear, dear, dear," screamed the teacher utterly bewildered. One moretime she exclaimed "James, come here," and another little negro asblack as tar with one eye closed by a great knot upon it came forward."What is the matter, James, with your face?"
"Umph!" grunted James, "Specks if yer seed whar I been you'd know 'doutaxin. Dat ar boy has been scrougin me lak I wus a trabball."
"James, if you are a bad boy do you know where you will go when youdie?" asked the lady.
"Umph," exclaimed James, "I haint eben a studdin erbout which erway I'ma gwine arter I die. I'm studdin which erway I'm ergwine arter I gitouten dat ar do. See dat ar boy a shaking he hed?" "He sez how dat ef Icum by his mudders house agwine to my mudders house he's agwine toscrouge me sum mo, und I'm skeert to go tuther way."
"One other question" (half aside), "James, if you live to be a man whatare you going to do for a living?"
"Gwine to do?" said James, "I'm agwine to be a lyer, so I kin set in dekote house und sass de jedge." And thus the farce went on day after dayunder the shadow of Ingleside.
Clarissa caught a depredating urchin trying to stand upon his head in ahalf-filled barrel of crushed sugar in the pantry and said to herself"You stays dar twell I get me er plank," and creeping like a cat backagain, and taking a fresh purchase on the board, she came down upon "demiddle ships of dat dar ar yungun lak er buzzum of struction; pend uponit, Miss Alice, dat ar niggar is er flying twill yit wid sweetnin nuffto last twell de July flies cum agin."
"This nest of dirt-daubers," as Colonel Seymour fitly described theschool, became a nuisance that must be abated by hook or crook. The lawwas nothing more than a great stalking shadow. "If I could only securethe services of Jake Flowers the regulator, thought the old man, "he andI shall be a law unto ourselves."
This was the man whom Colonel Seymour desired as his file leader uponthe drill ground when the stalking shadow of the law failed to keep timeto the music, a law unto himself, whose forum should be "thar ortharabouts" on the Ingleside plantation.
Jake Flowers the regulator had violated a law of the Sabbath by workingout some devilish invention, which, he observed with satisfaction, tohis wife, would keep the coroner sitting upon corpses until "the crapswere smartly out of the grass." The regulator stood in the open door,looking out upon the great sheets of water that were falling from theclouds. As he stood in his muddy boots, with both hands deep down intohis pockets, his carrotty hair in great shocks standing out of acrownless hat as if an electric current had just passed through it, hewas picturesque in the extreme.
"Sally Ann!" he exclaimed "I am thinking."
"Well, think agen," Sally Ann answered tartly, "That mout fetch back oldNance and the biddies." Sally Ann had been pouting ever since Jake wentto jail for the loss of her setting hen and the chicks.
"You haint got no call to go back on me, on the occasion of the old henand the nigger," said Jake seriously. "Hit wus providence or hit wus theguvement, and twixt the two they has got a mighty prejudy agen a poorman; when hit comes ter shullikin and pilferen they is hard to hender.Weuns haint no more than dandy-lions in the path of the harrycane;leastwise weuns kaint hit back.
"Nor hit haint providence; nor hit haint the guvement, nor hit haintprejudy," Sally Ann replied angrily "Hit are pine blank cussedness. Somefolks is onnery Jake, and it is like the swamp-ager, hit is powerfulraging when the crap is knee-deep in the grass. I shouldn't wonder narybit and grain if Andy's crap aint in the yallers same as ourn." This wassaid very provokingly, and Jake felt the sting of the reproof.
"Jeminy-cracky!" he exclaimed in a passion, "Harkee Sally, hit is titfur tat; be ye a pinin fur another fellow?"
"Why I guess maybe--I reckon--I mout assist yu'uns, leastwise I haint agoing to stand in yu'unsway." The regulator looked down as by accidentinto the cradle: there was the sleeping babe, the pledge of a love thathad been hedged in all these days by privations, and his heart went outtoward his wife with the old time affection.
"Naw Sally Ann" he exclaimed with a husky voice, "Weuns kaint part whenthere is no one to come betwixt us; weuns kaint say good-bye twell yuunsis on yon side of the river."
The roses had faded out of the cheek of his wife, but there was theold-fashioned sparkle in her eye; there was the old time love in herheart, crossed sometimes by the perverse nature of her lord and master.
"Haint you made your will Jake?" asked Sally-Ann half seriously.
"Naw is you skeert honey?"
"Andy has done and made hissen and fetched it over here to read lastSunday when you wus gone to the mash and hit read like scriptur."
Jake had been envious of Andy Vose for some time. When the need of thecountry for men good and true had been most urgent, Vose had deserted tothe ranks of the enemy, and now he counted his flocks and herds by thescore. Jake was also jealous of the attentions the scalawag was fromtime to time showing his young wife; these visits occurred mostfrequently in the absence of the regulator, and these intrusions as hefelt they were, gave him alarm. After reflection, Jake concealing hissuspicions remarked with apparent unconcern, "Read like scriptur, I'llbe dorg gone!" "I haint got no call to make a will like Andy, honey. Denigger officer levelled on old Nance and the biddies, and the live stockhas run plum out epsepting the babe and it is yourn any way honey."
This man was a terror to the freedmen. They had a tradition amongthemselves that the very last seen of the regulator until after the warwas over was his ascension in a cloud of fire and smoke into "deelements" holding fast to a dead negro. Jake said that this was"pintedly" true, but that he came down again as his captain was going upwho told him when he had fairly lit to "charge bagonets." In thelanguage of the plains this Jake Flowers was an "eye opener." Hispersonal attractions he said had been spoilt by the blamed war. I am notsure that the name of Jake Flowers appears upon the bloody roster ofbattles lost and won; but for his doings at the Crater fight, so Jakehas observed, historians would have reversed the incidents of thatbloody day.
He claimed always to be the "Survival of the Fittest" and with the blindfaith of the Moslem he believed that there was a "Providence that shapesour ends, rough hew them as we may."
His favorite posture whenever animated was as follows; he would sit withhis right leg crossed over his left, gently swaying his foot, with hisbearded chin resting reposefully in the palm of his hand, with the foreand middle finger forming the letter V and pressed to his lips; throughwhich he would now and then expectorate; the man was also spavined inthe right knee joint that caused him to walk like a sailor on his "sealegs." Like other men he had his delusions and whether good or evil,they were the rule of action of his life. Jake was the reinforcementvehemently demanded in this conjuncture. "With the regulator armed andequipped, the enemy will flee without taking order as to its line ofmarch," thought the old man.
"I am utterly bewild
ered; can you help me Mr. Flowers to drive thesevermin from my home?" he asked the regulator.
"Wall, now," drawled the regulator, "I reckon I mout ef I am notpestered ur nuthing; which eend do yer expect me to take holt of?"
Jake gave an extra motion to his spavined leg and looked up quizzicallyinto the rigid face of the old man.
"Clean them out sir, root and branch, if you will, sir!" exclaimed theColonel.
"Prezactly so," ejaculated the regulator, "Prezactly so," he reiterated."Does yer mean it pine blank, mister?" he again asked.
"Yes, yes, emphatically I do," responded Colonel Seymour.
"Drat my buttons if the thing haint done and did!" the regulatoranswered with emphasis and taking his leave observed, "I'll see youlater, mister."
"If I kin regulate this kentry as it had orter to be did, there wont bea biggerty nigger twixt here and Filadelfy," and he passed into a littlecopse of woods that skirted his own humble domain.
The autumn days had come--Nature was preparing a more elaborate toiletin her great boudoir--replenishing her exhausted stock of aromatics tobesprinkle the fields and forests, the glades and the hills; paintingthe leaves with irridescent tints and even the sky with a mellow,refreshing beauty; and in this excess of toil. Alice saw the handiworkof Him who holds in the palm of His hand this great sphere.
She looked upward to the twinkling stars and it seemed to her as if Godhad relumed the heavens with a brightly diffused glow of love. God theCreator and man the creature--the Sovereign and the rebel, brought intoapposition with each other through the supernal harmonies of Hisuniversal realm.
But the child was sad this beautiful October night. The birds werenodding quietly in the old rookery; there was no music in the air, forthe winds under a coverlid of emerald and amber and carmine had gonefast to sleep in the trees, and the tintinnabulation of the little bellsin the meadows had ceased altogether.
"If I could whisper to the stars what I would like to have them know ofmy unhappy life they would sympathize and perhaps they would whisperback.
"Poor forlorn child! How we pity you!"
"Tomorrow," she said reflectively, "I shall be twenty-four years of age,and oh, how all encompassing has been the evil. Every picture thatglides athwart my heart is broken: every idol that I have fondly lovedis nothing more than an effigy. Delusions follow delusions; what is lifebut a burden? If we look forward there are demons: if we look backwardthere are coffins."
The poor wearied girl, sad and without hope, fell asleep in her mother'schair as softly as if the angels were rocking the dear old chair andsinging the old nursery lullabies; they must have kissed her heavyeyelids down; so profound, so tranquil was her slumber.
When she awoke the little birds were singing as cheerily all around herin the magnolias and oaks as if their little tongues were touched withthe spirit of her happy dreams.
The cloud that overcast her face was gone and she went into the kitchenwhere Clarissa was absorbed in her duties.
Clarissa exclaimed as she entered the kitchen, "Miss Alice, whar in dename ob commun sense has yer been all dis time? Here I's been a cummunand ergwine, a ransackin dis house high and low fur yer. Didn't yer heerme callin yer, missis? I spishuned yar wus in ole marser's room fastasleep."
Alice was obliged to confess, a little shamefacedly, that she had fallenasleep in the little alcove in the verandah and had slept so soundlythat she heard no noises until awakened by the twittering of the birdsin the over-arching bower.
"Sakes alive, missis," exclaimed Clarissa "sum ob dese nites a grate bigsnake is ergwine to drap rate down into yer lap und sting yer moest todef. How dos yer feel missis arter dis toxication?" the negress askedsolicitously.
"Quite well, I thank you, Clarissa, my sleep was ever so refreshing,"replied Alice smilingly.
"What does yer fink dem pizened yung warmints dud and dun yestiddy? Yuknowed ole Bob Sal, dat ar ole fafeful mousin cat of ourn? Whar yer finkI foun dat po ole cat, missis?"
"I am sure I do not know, Clarissa, I hope the negroes have not hurthim," answered Alice.
"Deed they has too! Drowned to def in de hogshead, wid a brick tiederround him. Dey is de outdaciousest yunguns I ebber seed in my borndays. Dere haint no telling what dey has dun und gon und dun to dis heerplantashun, dat dey aint!"
"I am sorry," exclaimed Alice, "Is the cat quite dead, Clarissa?" sheasked.
"Ded!" exclaimed Clarissa, "Sakes alive, ef yer wus to see him yer wudfink dat he had been ded all his life, dat yer wud. Has yer seen oleJube?" Clarissa continued.
"Yes, he is in the verandah," Alice replied.
"Ugh, Ugh! Glad ob dat. Fust fing Jube knows he'll be hobblin er roundon two legs ef he aint kilt rite ded. De outdacious niggers! I wushesdey wus run outen de lan."
Clarissa heard ole Jube bark, and looking out of the kitchen window shesaw the regulator shuffling along in his slip-shod way with an oldhaversack slung over his shoulder coming toward the front verandah andobserved with some perturbation.
"Miss Alice, dos yer know de truf. I'm pintedly skeered ob dat speckledface white man. He luks pine blank lak de kommisary ob de debbillhissef. He aint arter no good on dis heer plantashun. De fust fingenybody knows dere is ergwine to be de biggest flustrashun on dis lanyer ever heerd in yer born days und nobody is agwine to know de heds nurtails ov it. Look at dat ar wun eye of his'n farely blazin lak alog-heep in de new ground in de nite time," and Clarissa shuddered as ifthe clutch of the "kommisary" was already upon her.
"I have heard very strange stories about the man" said Alice verysolemnly, as if humoring the ignorant old woman's apprehensions.
"Deed I has too," she replied, "Und if dey is kerrect dat ar creeturhaint no human no how," and Clarissa shuddered again even moreviolently; "Hit natally makes my flesh creep lak santipedes," sheexclaimed with fear. "Haint yu dun und heerd how dat Koo-kluck mommuckedup brudder Joshaway, Miss Alice?" asked Clarissa. "'Grate King!' How inde name of de hebbens dat ole nigger ever retched dry lan eny mo wid alldat skeer 'pon him, I haint never skivered. He lowed how dat hit wurprovedense, but den twixt me and yu Miss Alice und not to go no fudder,Joshaway is allus ergwine wun way und provedense de tuther. Yander hecums now lak wun of dem ole cranksided rare hosses, und I'm ergwine tofetch him sum wittles rite fo yo eyes und den yu mout ax him furyosesef."
Joshua came up quite feebly, swathing his black face with his redhandkerchief and bowed humbly to his former mistress.
"Now yu mout ax him, Miss Alice, arter he wours up dat last moufful, andI lay hit will fetch de creeps ober yu same as de mash ager."
The old negro seemed very grateful for the appetizing food and in aheartfelt way thanked Alice over and over again.
"Mout I sing er Mishinary hime, yung missis?" he asked deferentiallyafter he had eaten the last morsel.
"Yes, indeed," replied Alice "I will be delighted to hear you." And hesang very plaintively:
"Oh Kanyun, sweet Kanyun when shall I see, When shall I git dere?"
After he had concluded the song the young lady asked sympathetically,
"I am told that you had quite an unhappy experience at the creek a fewnights ago Uncle Joshua? Can you tell me about it?" Joshua groaned andthen answered with a display of feeling.
"Twas wusser dan er sperience, yung missis," as he wiped theperspiration from his face, "twas een wusser dan er yuthshake. GrateJarryko! 'twas een mo wusser dan de war."
"Ugh! Ugh! I tole yu so!" ejaculated Clarissa.
"But den," continued the old negro "Hit mouter been een wusser efprovedense hadn't pinted dese heer foots to de hilands."
"Grate King!" again exclaimed Clarissa; "How cum yu flounderin erbout indat dere cole warter dat time of nite, brudder Joshaway?"
"How come I dare?" he replied. "Haint yu heerd ob dem evul sperrets inde Scriptur dat de sliding elder calls de leepers? Well den, dat's howcum I dare. How cum de koo kluck dare? How cum de drownded nigger dare?Yu sees, missis, dis heer bellyun haint made mishunarys und possellsouten ev
ybody. Dare's de Mefferdises und de harryticks und de Hardsides,und when dey's all flung togedder in a loblolly, wid dare grace und darefafe und dare speriences, dat's de werry bestest time dese leepers hasfur dare Crismus, er probin disserway und datterway, kase dem dareleepers dey spishuns dat whay dare is sich a mixtry ob de lams ob deflock dare's bleeged ter be now und den er harrytick; dey sees sum ob delams er runnin wid grace und tuther wuns er graplin onter provedense,und den ergin tuther wuns er seein wishuns in de day time, und demleepers mout ez soon git tangled up wid er Mishunary ez er harrytick erHardside; und dat's how I cum ter git kotched. Don't you see missis?"
"Were you thrown into the water by some evil-designing person, UncleJoshua?" asked Alice with a natural inquisitiveness.
Joshua groaned again; "Ugh-h-h-h!" he shuddered.
"Haint yu ergwine ter tell her de fust und last ob it' Joshaway?" askedClarissa, impatiently.
"Ef I hed one leetle moufful o' backer hit mout tak de ambishun outen detale, und den I mout tell hit mo strater. Haint yu got narry crumbmissis, dat I mout fling ergin dis ole akefied snag? Dare now; disbacker is sho good! Now den, Sis Clarsy, ef yu ceeses yo mirashuns I'mergwine ter tell young missis how it all cum erbout frum de werry fustmencement ter de latter eend."
"Grate Jarryko! hit puts dese here fousan-leg santypedes er rastlinunder my westcote when I draps back to dat ar casuality. Ugh-h-h-h!" heshuddered again. "Now den, de tale goes disserway: Dare cum erlong by myhouse in de shank of de nite dis yer furriger. I calls him a furriger,but I spishuns his rite name is Koo-kluck (I'm monstrous skeert o' datwhite man ennyhow)--"
"Ugh-h-h-h!" shuddered Clarissa.
"Und he ups und sez, sez he, 'Joshaway, a woice is ergwine ter cum artererwhile to yo house, und don't yu go ergin it, und den I'd no whey demunny is.' Dem wuz de werry wurds he spoke, missis, bress yo life. Undden I ups und sez, sez I, How's I ergwine ter tell dat woice frum detuther wuns? Kase dare is de hoppergrasses und de cattle beastes erwoicin simultaneous all de time eroun my house; und den he sez, sez he,'Hits er cummin frum de hellyments.' Jes so. Well den, sho nuff de woicedid cum dat werry nite, pine plank jess lak he sed fur de wurrel, undhit wur er mity solumkolly woice, same ez de whinkering ob Mars Jon'swun-eyed mule down in de mash in de snow wen de fodder is all gin out.Hit called 'Joshaway! Joshaway!' jess lak dat, und Hanner she heerd it,(peers lak she's allus studdin erbout dem rone hosses und de munny, whenher mind ain't er runnin on de sliden elder und de love feast down atFiladelfy meetin house), und she ups und sez, sez she, 'Joshaway, is yugwine? Yu mout git de munny und den ergin yu moutn't.' But I seed dather mouts wuz mo stronger dan her moutn'ts, und I drug de ole happysackouten de bofat, und den I sez, sez I, yes, I'm ergwine. Und bimeby Igits ter de crick. Well, de moon hit wur rite over yander under deseben storrs und peered lake hit wur er larfin und er larfin ter itsefwid er mouf dat retched frum yur to yur und wun eye shot rite tite.
"Dare wuz de line tide ter de willer tree sho nuff, jess lak hit sed,und hit peered lak hit were er tusselin wid a mity ambishun wid dedrownded happysack, er shassain disserway und den ergin datterway, lakyu seed wun o' dese cow-eetch wines fo now er raslin in a mill race; undI sez to mysef, sez I, Joshaway, yu's got a sho nuff bite dis time, undhit haint er catfish nudder, nur hit aint er allynipper."
"Oh, my hebbens!" again vociferated Clarissa.
"Und den I drug und drug und drug, und bimeby I seed dat fish's twoeyes. Ugh-h-h-h! Und den I drapped back into de crick drownded to def.Ugh-h-h-h!"
"Grate King," shouted Clarissa. "Wuz yu sho nuff drounded to def,brudder Joshaway?"
"Und den when I seed dat niggers too eyes of hissen und--ugh-h-h-h!"
"Hung to de hook!" shrieked Clarissa interrogatively.
"To be sho, to be sho," replied Joshua with irritation; "Duz yu spishunhit wur hung to de gallus? Und ez I drapped missis, ez I drapped," hecontinued, "I flung out dese too hands jess so missis, und kotched holtof er nudder nigger drounded to def by er sarcumstance dat haint neberbeen skivvered."
"Und den yer cum too ergin?" queried Clarissa shaking with excitement.
"Naw chile," Joshua answered with gravity, "I haint neber cum too no mo,dat I haint."
Jake had another delusion--that to do your work without makin mistakes"yer must obsarve the consequences."
The old Colonel after he had finished his toilet walked out into theverandah where he observed Jake ambling toward the house and singing ina monotone an old army doggerel of questionable merit,
"He who fights and runs away, Will live to fight another day, But he who is in battle slain: Will never live to fight again."
The regulator walked up the stone steps into the verandah with a leer inhis countenance, satan-like in its expression.
Old Jube slunk away with a sidelong glance at the regulator as if hequite agreed with Clarissa that "He wus not a humans, nohow," and coiledhimself up for the nap that had been needlessly interrupted at the otherend of the verandah.
"Now then sir, how do you propose to proceed in this business?"
"I aint er going to proceed, the percession cums at the latter eend. Nowyer just hold yer breath, mister, twill I fix my curlecules, and thenyou can crack your whip and the percession will start to the cemeterywith music by the band."
The regulator filled a doubled barrel army canteen full of gunpowder,and attached to it a fuse that would burn half an hour before exploding.After doing this he said to the Colonel,
"When yer sees the Yankee school-marm er coming just call off the cussedniggers, twill I can plant hit."
Colonel Seymour drew from his pocket a dozen or more pennies as hecaught sight of the school marm riding down the road in her dogcart.
"Here, ye varmints!" he cried, and he threw one piece of money at thetime in the grass and the negroes scrambled for it like a flock of geeseover scattered grains of corn.
Simultaneously with the stroke of the old-fashioned clock, came anexplosion that recalled the Crater with all its horrors to theregulator.
Clarissa ran out of the kitchen screaming, "Murder! Fire! the Yankees iser comin. Great king, mars Jon, de ruf and de chimney on de offis is dunblowed clean erway. In de name of Gord, what wus dat, ole marsa? GrateJerusalam! which er way did dat harrykin cum from? De road is fairly erworkin wid yung niggers widdout arms or legs ergwine er bellering everywhich erway. Fo Gord, de last time I seed dat er Yankee wumun she wus erflying fru de medder lak er white herrun!"
After the smoke of battle had cleared the regulator sneaked up to theColonel with a broad grin upon his face with the enquiry, "Did I do thater job kerrect, mister?"
"I'm ergwine back lak dat prodigle man dat et up dem corncobs way out yander to de tuther eend o' de yearth."]
The Broken Sword; Or, A Pictorial Page in Reconstruction Page 15