by Lili Valente
The sound is another knife slipped between my ribs.
“I’m on your side.” I kiss the top of Aria’s wild morning hair, my chest tight. “Mom had no right to talk to you that way. I’ll make it clear she’s not allowed to do anything like that again if she wants me to keep coming around, but…”
“But what?” Aria tenses in my arms, as if she can sense where my thoughts are headed.
I sigh. “I don’t know how to change this. Any of it. Your dad is always going to hate me, and it sounds like my mom isn’t too keen on you, either.” I clench my jaw, hating what I’m about to say, but knowing there’s no avoiding it. “If we stay together, we’ll have to deal with the reality that we may never have the kind of easy, extended family dynamic we used to have ever again.”
Aria blinks up at me, but she doesn’t say a word.
“I know how much you depend on your family,” I continue “How much you love them and how much fun you have together. I wouldn’t want to feel like I was driving a wedge between you and the people who mean the most to you. Marriage should add to the number of people you can count on, not subtract from them.”
“But I love you,” she says. “More than anything in the world, except Felicity. I know it’s only been a couple of weeks, but…” She trails off, biting her lip as her eyes begin to fill. “But if you don’t feel the same way…”
“Hell, yes, I feel the same way,” I say, my voice rough with emotion as my arm tightens around her waist. “You’re all I think about. If I could spend every moment of every day with you and Skeeter, I would. I’ve never been as happy as I’ve been the past two weeks. Never. Not even when I was a kid. But we need to decide—”
“What’s to decide?” She cups my cheek, rubbing her thumb across the stubble I’ve yet to shave away. “Love like this doesn’t come along every day. We’d be stupid to let my dad or your mom or anyone else take this away from us. Or Felicity. She loves you as much as I do, and I can’t imagine a better stepfather exists on the planet.”
Felicity gurgles something unintelligible, but positive sounding around her bottle, almost as if she understands what we’re talking about. What’s at stake. I smile, but it doesn’t last long.
“I don’t want to lose either of you,” I say, “But I think we both need some time to think.”
“About what?”
I try to hold onto her, but she slips out of my arms.
“What part of ‘stupid to let them take this away from us’ needs further analysis?” Her eyes flash, and for a moment all I can think about is how pretty she is when she’s angry, and how much I wish I could spend the day naked with her in our bed, showing her just how much I need her in my life.
But that’s part of the problem.
It’s getting harder and harder to think straight around this woman. The harder I fall, the more it seems like nothing outside our relationship really matters. But I was raised to value family over self. Loyalty to my family and sacrifices made by the few for the good of the many are practically scripture to me. I gave up so much as a kid to help out with my brothers and sisters, but I wouldn’t go back and do anything differently, even if I could.
I treasure the tight, loving bonds I have with almost all of my siblings. My family is a source of chaos and upheaval, but it’s also sacred to me, and such a big piece of my heart that I don’t how much I’ll have left if part of it is cut away. I can’t imagine skipping out on gatherings at my parents’ house, never seeing Felicity run and play with her cousins, never seeing my mom hold her new grandson or granddaughter for the first time.
But if Mom refuses to accept Aria, I won’t be bringing our future babies over to visit Mee-maw Geary. I don’t work that way. I’m not going to let my family treat my wife like an interloper or an outsider.
Aria’s voice breaks into my thoughts. “Nash? Did you hear me?”
“I hear you, I did…” I shake my head, but it doesn’t do much to clear my mind. “It’s a big decision, Aria. A lot to lose, for both of us. I just think we should take some time apart to think about how this situation could affect our future. And Felicity’s. And any other children we might have, who will be innocent and deserving of a big, loving family. It’s not just you and me, as much as a part of me wishes it were.”
“I know.” She reaches out, taking Felicity’s now empty bottle as the baby twists in my arms, ready for her morning crawl to the toy basket in the living room.
I set her down, for some reason feeling more vulnerable without her snuggled against my chest. I cross my arms and glance over at Aria. She’s leaning against the counter, the bottle drooping from one hand, looking so defeated it’s all I can do to keep from going to her.
Instead, I stand my ground. We both need time to think, and delaying will only make the process more painful.
“I’ll go pack a suitcase,” I say. “I’ll stay with Raleigh for a while.”
“No, we’ll go back to my parents’ house.” Aria sets the bottle on the counter with a soft thunk. “It’s safe for us to stay with them now.”
“Are you sure? Do you really think your ex is going to drop his suit?”
She nods, but doesn’t meet my eyes, keeping her gaze locked on the kitchen tile. “My dad hired a private investigator to follow Liam. He got pictures of Liam and his new wife and a few other people naked in the hot tub behind my old house. There was some partner-swapping and cocaine passed around. The guy got pictures of all of it, as well as some dirt on Liam’s wife. Apparently, she was arrested for working the front desk at a brothel in the U.K. a few years ago.”
“Wow.” My brows lift. “That’s some heavy stuff. Thank God Felicity wasn’t there when shit like that was going down.”
She nods “Yeah. I think even Liam will realize it’s enough to ruin his case. Dad’s taking the pictures and other stuff over to Betty’s office in a few hours. Hopefully we’ll have an answer from Liam’s lawyer by the end of today.”
“But you don’t know anything for sure yet,” I say, checking the clock over the stove, knowing I need to jump in the shower if I want to get to work on time. “So, let me go. I’ll stay with Raleigh this week, and you and Felicity can stay here. No sense in moving her again until we know for sure what we’re planning to do next.”
“All right.” Aria finally looks up at me, the sadness in her eyes enough to make my heart skip a beat.
Only the knowledge of how much misery could be waiting for us just around the corner, when our families implode, keeps me from pulling her into my arms and kissing the sadness away.
Kisses can’t fix everything. No matter how much we wish they could.
“When will we see you?” she asks.
“Let’s meet up after I get off work on Friday. I’ll come here, and we can talk.”
“Okay. We have an event Friday afternoon, but I’m free Friday night. I’ll leave Felicity with my mom so we can have some privacy.”
“Sounds good,” I say, though it doesn’t really. A day ago, a night alone with Aria would have been enough to keep a spring in my step all week, but now…
Friday could be the night we end it all, the night we decide that the love we’ve found can’t make up for everything we stand to lose.
“All right,” I say, my voice thick. “I’ll see you then.”
I bolt from the room, suddenly feeling like a prisoner in my own house. I need to get out, to get some distance from everything that happened this morning. Ten minutes later, I have a small suitcase packed and am heading for the door.
“Didn’t you forget something?” Aria’s on the floor in the living room, playing blocks with Felicity as I stop to grab my wallet and keys from the entry table.
“I’ll shower at the station,” I say, reaching for the door. “Might as well get going.”
“Okay,” Aria says softly. “Goodbye.”
“Goodbye,” I echo as I step out into the summer heat, hating how final the word sounds as it hangs in the air.
Chapt
er Twenty-Four
Aria
I spend most of Monday—my one day off this week—trying not to burst into tears in front of Felicity. I succeed, mostly, until bedtime, when Felicity crawls out into the living room after her bath, looking for Nash, and gets fussy when she can’t find him.
Nash has become a part of our bedtime ritual, and Felicity doesn’t like her rituals disrupted.
I don’t either.
By the time she plops down in the middle of the living room and bursts into tears, I’m already sniffling. I try to comfort her as best I can, but even after three books and a long rock in the chair by her crib, she still isn’t completely calm. She fusses as I lay her in her crib and hurls her bunny to the end of the mattress instead of settling down to chew an ear the way she usually would.
My daughter is clearly displeased with the way things are proceeding at present.
“Join the club, sweetie,” I whisper as I turn out the light and start down the hall to the big, lonely bed in Nash’s room.
It might truly be Nash’s room again soon, if he decides Felicity and I aren’t worth the sacrifices he’ll have to make to keep us in his life.
That’s not what he’s worried about, and you know it.
I sigh and grab my toothbrush, so exhausted from crying I figure I might as well go to bed early.
The inner voice is right. I know why Nash is worried and he’s right to be concerned. We’re both very close with our families. The thought of being estranged from my dad for more than a few days is enough to fill me with dread. And panic. Each member of my family is a part of me, a limb I could probably live without, but I don’t want to.
The loss of any one of the Marchs—Mom, Dad, Lark, or Melody—would haunt me for the rest of my life.
And Nash is just as close, if not closer, with his clan. And what about Felicity and the other kids Nash and I have been dreaming about? What if their relationships with their extended family suffer because a few key players aren’t thrilled by our marriage?
I have so many wonderful memories of summer parties and winter holidays and long Saturday play sessions with my cousins, Emily and Elsbeth, my Aunt Tina’s daughters. They were like sisters to Melody, Lark, and me when we were growing up. I was devastated when their dad took a job at a software company in California when I was in middle school. Seeing them only two or three times a year wasn’t enough. They were family, a part of me, members of my tribe I would do anything to protect.
What if Felicity never knows what that’s like? All because I picked the wrong man twice?
“No,” I mumble around a mouthful of toothpaste before spitting emphatically into the sink.
Nash isn’t the wrong man.
The idea is ridiculous. He could never be wrong. He’s all right. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner, and more wonderful with Felicity than I imagined a man could be with a child who isn’t his by blood. Nash is the real deal, one in a million. I don’t need a week to know I want to be with him, no matter what hardships or sacrifices are involved.
“You are not going to lose him,” I promise my reflection, bolstered by the steadiness in my voice. “You are going to quit crying like a big baby, get a good night’s sleep, and get up tomorrow morning prepared to make this work.”
Pep talk complete, I change into my pajamas and head for bed, where I sleep and dream of a little boy with Nash’s hair and my eyes. The dream is so real that I wake up even more determined.
Maybe I’m crazy, but it feels like there are more souls on the line than just mine and Felicity’s. There’s that baby boy, too, and any other children who might be waiting to join our family.
Because we are a family.
Newly formed, yes, but every bit as important and real as our families of origin. We are worth fighting for, and I, for one, am ready to do battle.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Aria
A few hours before the corporate meeting we’re catering on Tuesday evening, I stop by Dad’s office in the back of the new Bob and Sue’s Smokehouse location.
Betty, my lawyer, called this morning with the news that Liam has dropped his suit and agreed to sign papers granting me full, legal and physical custody of Felicity—provided he be allowed supervised visitation when (or if) he chooses to be part of his daughter’s life.
Thanks to the private investigator Dad hired, my ex had no choice but to capitulate and do what’s best for Felicity.
I’m so grateful.
I want to tell Dad thank you again in person, but I also have another important discussion to get out of the way.
“So, you know there’s another reason I stopped by,” I say when I’ve finished giving him the good news.
“I do.” Leaning back in his desk chair, he lets out a long sigh. “I’m sorry for what I said to your husband. I shouldn’t have let my anger do the talking or confused the present with the past. I didn’t like the way you looked standing next to him when you were kids, but…you’re not kids anymore.”
“No, we’re not. And that’s really good to hear, Daddy.”
“I don’t want to lose you,” he says in a softer voice. “And after talking with your mother last night… Well, it’s obvious that what you have with Geary is special. And important to you and Felicity.”
“It is, I really love him.” Glancing at the clock above his desk, I rise from my chair. “I should go. Set up is going to take at least thirty minutes tonight.”
Dad runs a hand through what’s left of his graying blond hair and stands to walk me to the door. “All right, just know that your mom and I love you and all we want is for you to have a good life. I trust you to know what’s best. If Nash makes you happy and he continues to treat you and Felicity well, you won’t hear another peep from me. And I’ll apologize to him, too. I promise.”
“Thanks, Dad,” I say. “That means a lot to me.”
It does, and not just because he’s willing to apologize to Nash. It’s nice to hear that he trusts my judgement on this. I spent a lot of time playing the fool, fighting to make things with Liam work long after it was clear we were a match made in hell, but I’m not fooling myself now.
I’m seeing things more clearly than I have in a long time, and I don’t see any good that will come from Nash and I going our separate ways.
I just have to hope he feels the same way.
I head to the venue, trying not to dwell on the possibility that I might still lose my husband, no matter how sincerely my dad apologizes, but it’s never far from my thoughts. I’ve put off talking to Lark and Melody about what happened yesterday—I prefer to keep my troubles to myself whenever possible—but it doesn’t take them long to sense that something isn’t right.
No matter how hard I’m trying to stay upbeat on the job, my sisters know me too well.
“You’re not sparkling,” Melody observes sadly as we lay out the spread for the dinner buffet. “Did I kill your giddy love glow? I didn’t mean to. I was just in a terrible mood the other day.”
“No, it’s not you,” I say, forcing a smile.
“Then what is it?” Melody presses. “You seem super down all of a sudden. Is Felicity okay?”
“She’s fine.” I hesitate, but decide I might as well tell them the truth. If Nash and I end up breaking up, they’ll find out soon enough anyway. “Nash and I are going through something, but hopefully it will be okay.”
“But you two are perfect for each other,” Lark says, her brow furrowing. “What could possibly have happened?”
“Daddy happened,” I say, triggering a moan of sympathetic understanding from my sisters. “And Nash’s mom hasn’t been on her best behavior, either. But like I said, I’m hoping we can work things out.”
“I hope so, too,” Lark says. “Because I’m already planning a special treat for you and Nash at my wedding.”
“No, Lark,” I say. “That’s your day. And Mason’s day. We don’t want to intrude.”
“Oh, please.” Lark wav
es a hand in the air. “You won’t be intruding. The more love to celebrate, the better. And maybe Melody will have a special someone by then, too. At the very least, I can aim the bouquet in your direction, Mels.”
“No, thanks,” Melody says with a nervous laugh. “I think I should stay single for a while. Probably safer that way.”
Lark and I both turn away from the buffet table to shoot her pointed looks. “What does that mean?” I ask.
“Nothing. I just… I’m enjoying being alone,” she says, suddenly very intent upon arranging bread rolls in a basket just so. “I need time to myself to sort out some things. About myself.”
“Okay…” Lark arches an eyebrow my way, but I shrug.
Melody certainly seems happier than she did the other day. Maybe some solo time is what she needs right now.
Time to yourself can be valuable stuff, though personally, I’ve had enough alone time.
By Wednesday night I’m so lonesome for Nash that my chest feels bruised in the center. By Thursday, it’s all I can do to keep from calling his cell and hanging up, just to hear the sound of his voice.
Instead, I call my mother.
I’ve been listening to the latest family gossip for nearly an hour when Mom lets it slip that Nash swung by their place to see Daddy earlier.
“He did? What happened?” I jump up to pace the kitchen floor, making Felicity, who’s lingering over supper in her highchair, bleat in surprise.
“What did Daddy say?” I ask, shooting her a comforting smile. “What did Nash say?”
“I don’t know. Bob just said they came to an understanding.”
“An understanding!” I screech. “That could mean anything, Mom. That could mean they’ve come to an understanding that they will hate each other until the end of time. It could mean they’ve come to an understanding that—”