by R. J. Groves
Her mouth dropped open and she had to force herself to shut it. There was something in the way he looked at her that made her think he wasn’t just trying to make their story bulletproof. She tore her gaze away, her mind still muddled, her blasted heart feeling like it was about to burst out of her chest. Focus on the list, that’s all she had to do.
‘Um, living arrangements,’ she said, refusing to acknowledge the pull that demanded she look at him again. She wasn’t sure she could continue with all these rules if she did. ‘I’m going to sell my house—not just because we’re getting married. I’m just not sure I can ever be comfortable there again. We can put the money towards buying the farm off Robbie until your inheritance comes through. Of course, the farm will be all yours when we …’ She drifted off, the words suddenly difficult, then cleared her throat again, forcing herself to continue. ‘Robbie is moving out a week or so before we marry. He’s looking at a place near Margaret River. You should move up to the main house to keep up appearances. In the master bedroom, since it will be your house—’
‘Our house,’ Shannon corrected. She swallowed again, the hairs on the back of her neck prickling to attention. ‘Where will you sleep?’
‘In my room.’
‘What about keeping up appearances?’
‘Well, I—’ She opened and closed her mouth a few times. She hadn’t really thought that part through. She knew they had to live in the same house, but keeping up appearances hadn’t gone as far as which room they slept in. ‘If we ever have anyone staying, they can stay here in the shack. We can do it up like a guestroom.’
‘And if we have so many people stay that some need to stay in the house?’
The intensity was still there between them and she couldn’t place it. What did he want her to say? That she’d thought of an alternative for everything?
‘Maybe we don’t have that many people stay,’ she said finally, shrugging. ‘It’s only for a year, right?’
‘Right. And what about our honeymoon? Where am I taking you?’
‘I’m thinking we tell everyone we’re planning on a belated honeymoon sometime when it’s not so busy at the farm.’
‘You’ve thought this all through.’
‘I have.’
He broke their gaze and looked away, Sparky sidling closer to him for a scratch. After a few moments, Jannette’s gaze drifted to behind him on the corner of the porch where she saw a pile of boards. ‘What are all those for?’
He looked in the direction of the boards and let out a long breath. ‘I, ah, I got them to fix up the broken weatherboards on the house.’
He said it so simply, his tone so straightforward, that it was hard to tell he was talking about fixing up a house that wasn’t his. Yet. Soon, it would be his. Perhaps he was just getting it fixed up to move into. Her thoughts drifted back to the step he’d fixed and she couldn’t help but wonder if he’d done that for her or if he’d done it because he’d intended to buy the house off Robbie.
‘Did I ever thank you for fixing that step?’ she found herself saying.
‘You did not,’ he said, bringing his gaze back to hers. That look she couldn’t quite identify was back.
She swallowed, her body heating again. ‘Thank you.’ It came out more of a whisper than she’d intended.
‘You’re very welcome.’
He smiled, and for a fleeting second she thought she could identify that look after all. Though it was the last thing she expected to see in Shannon’s eyes, especially since she knew they couldn’t possibly be in love for real and they were currently setting rules for their faux marriage. Even if he looked at her like that—like he wanted to kiss her senseless and show her how breaking each of her rules would look. Even if she wanted him to. As though reading her mind and realising how ridiculous it was, he broke their gaze and nodded towards the sheet of paper that felt like it was growing limp from her clammy hands.
‘What’s next on your list of rules?’
Shakily, she looked down at her page, skipping a few rules that now seemed senseless, her gaze stopping on the final one. She’d never intended for Shannon to actually read it, and she would refuse to give it to him if he asked, saying she’d write a copy for him if he wanted it. She’d written it more for herself than for the two of them, but even now it seemed the hardest to follow. The fact that she’d written the final rule twice the size of the rest of the points and in bolder letters ought to tell her how very important it was.
‘No falling in love.’
Silence filled the space between them, and she refused to look up at him. She wasn’t sure she could bear it. What would she see if she were to look up? Would he be on the brink of laughter, the silliness of it needing to become a rule laughable? Or would that same intensity still be there that she’d felt before—the one that sent her insides squirming, a shiver running down her spine and her mind wishing he would touch her, kiss her?
‘Is that what you want, Jenny?’
She convinced herself he was talking about the list as a whole rather than focusing on the final point—she had to believe that was the case. She took in a deep breath and let it out with a sigh, nodding. ‘It is.’
He was silent again, yet she still couldn’t bring herself to look. Finally, he finished off his cup of tea. Hers still sat untouched. The very thought of drinking it upset her stomach with all the nerves that were already there. ‘Very well,’ he said, rising to his feet. ‘Anything else?’
She shook her head, mustering up enough courage to look up at him. Even in the poor lighting, she could tell his eyes had clouded over. ‘That’s it. Unless you have something to add?’
He shook his head, pressing his lips together. ‘I’ll let you know if I think of something.’ He tapped his leg, and Sparky rose to his feet and waited at the front door of the shack. ‘I’m gonna hit the hay. G’night, Jenny.’
‘Good night, Shannon.’
He stared at her for another moment and then, with a nod, he entered the shack, closing the door behind him.
The rules were the right thing, weren’t they? They were necessities to make leaving easier. She stared at the door that came between her and the man she’d soon be married to and she wondered if it really would be easier to leave this way.
Chapter 12
Shannon wiped beads of sweat off his forehead with his sleeve as he stared into the small half-filled hire truck. After lining up Jarrod and a neighbour to help Robbie on the farm for the day, Shannon had accompanied Jannette to help pack up her house to move it out to the farm. They’d been at it since the crack of dawn. He glanced over at the larger truck that would be taking the majority of her belongings to a local op shop.
‘You sure this is all you want to keep, Jenny?’ It seemed she was giving away a lot of things that had probably cost a lot to buy.
She came to a stop next to him and looked over as a couple of burly men trekked a couch into the truck. ‘Yeah, I guess so,’ she said, sighing. ‘I mean, Robbie’s leaving most of the furniture with the house since a lot of it has been there since we were kids, so there’s really no need for all this stuff.’
‘There’s nothing you don’t want to replace?’ The very fact that most of the furniture had been there so long would surely mean that they were due for an upgrade.
‘Not with this stuff.’ She stared at the truck headed to the op shop that was already full to the brim with her belongings. ‘None of it would suit the farm anyway. If we’re going to replace anything, it’ll be with style.’
He noticed her gaze drift to the For Sale sign already plugged into the front lawn. She’d been quick to put her house up for sale, and had already had some interest in it, but he wondered if she was having second thoughts. He put a hand on her shoulder, feeling the burn it sent through his body as he did.
‘You sure this is what you want to do?’
She blinked a few times, then looked up at him, rubbing the back of her neck. ‘Yeah, I am. I mean, it was a good house, but
with all that’s going on …’ She drifted off, not completing her sentence. She didn’t need to. She didn’t feel safe at her home, and she was doing something about it. He wondered if she really did feel safer at the farm. ‘Not to mention the neighbours. Seriously, why do they have to keep their bin right there? I hope it doesn’t affect the sale of the house.’
He smirked as she made her way back into the house for a final look around. The woman probably couldn’t forget about all that’s going on, yet she could still crack a joke about the neighbours and act like nothing was wrong. She really was something.
No falling in love.
Her final rule still rang clear in his mind. He’d wondered about the rules at first, but he could see her point. Theirs would be a marriage of convenience, not a marriage made from love. Sure, they’d need to look the part in front of people, but he’d been okay with the idea of winging it. Surely it wouldn’t have been too bad, right?
Most of the rules had been obvious. Separate bedrooms. Keeping up appearances. Most of it made sense. But no falling in love—like it was a controllable thing. He caught her gaze as she walked down the steps of her house, the door locked behind her. Although they’d been shifting boxes around all day, she hardly looked like it. She looked classy, refreshed, her hair redone. Stunning. Obviously because they would be meeting up with her friends for dinner before heading back to the farm. They’d have to worry about unloading tomorrow, but that was fine. The farm work meant they couldn’t afford to stay in town overnight.
The thought occurred to him that it would be hard to break a rule that was broken well before the rule was made, but he pushed it aside. That was for another day.
‘Ready to go?’ he said, holding the door of the passenger side of the truck open for her.
‘Ready as I’ll ever be.’
***
Jannette’s friend whose wedding she’d gone to—Andie, if Shannon recalled correctly—had just finished telling the table all about her honeymoon with Tay in Fiji when the waiter came over to the table and took their orders. He’d ordered the house burger while Jannette had ordered the grilled salmon. He realised the burger was perhaps the wrong choice when everyone else’s orders seemed a bit fancier.
The conversation carried on around them, the topic shifting to Joey and Harley’s wedding plans—or what they’d planned so far, at least. Shannon leaned back in his chair, his gaze shifting between Jannette and her friends. Glamorous was one word he could think of. City chic was another. She looked like she enjoyed herself with her friends, each of them—including Tay and Joey—dressed to the nines while Shannon wore the only pair of jeans he owned that didn’t have either holes or stains, and a button-up shirt he’d bought some years ago that seemed to be a size too small for him now.
‘You get used to it.’
‘Sorry?’ He turned his gaze towards Joey, who was sitting next to him.
‘The chatter and the dinner locations. The girls know all the best places to eat and kill for a chance to dress up. You learn to look like you’re fitting in.’
Tay seemed to have no trouble looking like he was fitting in, drinking his cola between Harley and Andie. He seemed to have only eyes for Andie, which was fitting with their newlywed status. Hell, even Joey was clearly head-over-heels for Harley. He flicked his gaze towards Jannette, who was giving both girls her full attention. She’d barely even acknowledged him since they’d got there.
He sighed, taking a sip of his water. ‘You look like you’re used to it,’ he said.
Joey laughed. ‘I wasn’t always, man, just ask Tay. See, he’s a businessman, he’s used to this kind of thing. But I was in the navy until recently, so I spent most of my fine dining in the ship’s mess. Harley had quite a bit to teach me, but I think she likes dressing me up.’
Shannon forced a smile, his gaze drifting back to Jannette. This was the kind of thing she would be giving up to move to the farm. To marry him. She was enjoying herself, and she looked like she belonged, even if she tried to deny it. It was clear she had a special kind of bond with Andie and Harley. He reminded himself that she would be back to this in a year or so from now, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t do any of this while she was at the farm. She would probably still visit, and he’d be okay with that. Even if it meant he wasn’t coming back with her.
She caught him by surprise as he overheard her talking about Clarabelle and the other calves. There was a passion in her voice that he swore he hadn’t imagined, and going by Andie and Harley’s reactions, they were loving the stories as much as Jannette loved telling them.
‘Oh, please tell me you have horses there,’ Harley said, leaning her elbows on the table.
‘We do. A few actually. It’s how Shannon and I get around the farm most of the time.’
‘Hear that, hon? We have to go visit and take them for a ride.’ Harley whacked Joey on the arm—another reaction that surprised Shannon. For a group of classy city slickers, they were actually pretty easy-going and seemed to be excited about the farm rather than reluctant. He was starting to see why Jannette loved her friends so much.
Joey groaned, taking a sip of his beer. ‘Babe, you know how that turned out last time.’
‘But it was so much fun.’
‘So tell us,’ Andie said, distracting Shannon from Joey and Harley’s exchange. She waved a finger between him and Jannette. ‘Something going on here?’
He sat up straighter and cleared his throat. ‘Actually, we’re g—’
‘Going to be partners,’ Jannette interrupted, shooting a glance towards him that he couldn’t quite decipher. ‘We’re taking over the farm from my brother, Robbie. Shannon has already been working with him for a while now, so I’ll be working on the admin side of things.’
The hell?
He nudged Jannette’s foot under the table and she shot another glance towards him, her eyes pleading. What happened to keeping up appearances? He swallowed the lump in his throat, the answer obvious. He didn’t fit in with her group of friends. She was embarrassed to be with him.
Well.
That was bound to make the next year interesting.
‘O—oh, so you’re business partners?’
‘Yes,’ Jannette said quickly. ‘And he’s helping me move my stuff to the farm.’
‘I still can’t believe you’re leaving us for good,’ Harley said, resting her chin in her hand. ‘We’re gonna miss you.’
‘I’ll miss you guys,’ Jannette said, pouting her lips. ‘But you’ll both be too busy to miss me much.’
The conversation drifted off as the waiter brought around all the meals and refilled their drinks. Shannon picked up his burger agitatedly. He knew he didn’t belong in the city. Jannette knew that, too. But was it really that bad to admit she’d soon be married to him? He bit into his burger, the flavours exploding in his mouth, as everyone around the table watched him, glancing between their own fancy meals and his messy burger.
‘Man, I wish I’d got a burger,’ Joey said.
‘You and me both,’ Tay said. The girls agreed with them.
***
‘So you wanna talk about that?’ Shannon said, his eyes trained on the road in front of them, lit up by the headlights.
Jannette eased herself further into her seat, wishing it would just swallow her up. She’d known what Shannon had been about to say to her friends over dinner. We’re getting married. And if she was being honest with herself, she didn’t know why she’d interrupted and strung off some spiel about being business partners. It was all rubbish, but at the time it had sounded like a better option.
The thing was, now that she’d had time to think about it, she’d felt like she couldn’t compare with what they had. Andie and Tay had just got married, for Pete’s sake, and Joey and Harley were freshly engaged. She felt like a fraud compared to them. Both couples were living in a happy, blissful bubble, and announcing a fake engagement and pretending it was real just didn’t seem the right thing to do.
But it was real, wasn’t it?
In another week, she’d be married to Shannon. She’d become Jannette Hopkins. It was all legal. And in a year, they would be separated, followed by a divorce soon afterwards. That’s what they’d agreed on. And knowing the fate of her own relationship—or whatever this was—had made her not want to taint the realness of her friends’ happiness.
She should have told them.
The second she’d seen the hurt in Shannon’s face, she knew she’d said the wrong thing. But it couldn’t be hurt, could it? In order for him to be hurt over it, he had to feel like it was more than a fake marriage, and that just couldn’t happen.
‘Jenny,’ he prompted, reminding her she hadn’t answered his question.
She groaned, squeezing her eyes shut. ‘I’m sorry. I should have told them. I freaked out.’
He didn’t speak for a while, and when she opened her eyes and glanced over at him, she could see the struggle on his face.
‘Are you embarrassed by me?’
His words surprised her. And shocked her. She hadn’t thought he was a self-conscious kind of guy, but she had, after all, interrupted him from telling her friends they were soon to be married. That was bound to make any guy freak out.
‘Of course I’m not, Shannon. How could I ever be embarrassed by you?’
‘Well, it’s obvious I don’t belong in your world.’
‘Are you serious?’ She couldn’t believe him, and she wasn’t sure he’d believe her if she told him the real reason why she’d interrupted him.
‘I don’t.’
‘Shannon, that’s bull and you know it.’
‘Do I?’ He glanced at her then—only briefly—before turning his gaze back to the road ahead of him. But as brief as it was, that glare cut to her core.
‘Yes. That whole not-belonging-somewhere and belonging-somewhere-else thing is just a cop-out. You can belong anywhere if you put your mind to it.’
‘So why didn’t you tell them? It’s not like you’ll be able to keep it a secret for long, Jenny. You’re changing your bloody name.’