by H. M. Ward
Gabe doesn’t let me fall apart. “Pull yourself together. Don’t drop your guard, kid. We still don’t know who is trying to take you out or why. Ferro and Black have been discussing it, and I don’t have any theories either. The best they’ve come up with is that it’s someone trying to get even with Ferro.”
“Like Henry Thomas?”
“Exactly like Thomas. But Ferro has too many enemies. We can’t track all of them and Black is saying its Ferro’s problem, not hers. They agreed on a temporary truce so Ferro could take care of the problem and keep you safe.”
“Except the killer never showed.” Sean is standing in the door. There are bags under his eyes like he’s not slept in days. His dark hair is a mess and his jaw is covered in stubble. Sean walks in without looking at me and sits on Black’s desk before addressing Gabe, “Out.”
CHAPTER 3
After Gabe grudgingly leaves, we’re alone. I straighten in my seat. I want to kill him. After everything we’ve been through, he still doesn’t trust me enough to share his plans. While working my jaw, I glance at my nails and say, “So, you’re an asshole.”
“Possibly.” Sean’s voice is deep and firm. I hate it when he sounds like this. “My plans got botched when that box showed up early. I was going to tell you.” Sean’s hands are folded in his lap like this is a normal thing for him. He’s acting like he’s at a friggin’ business meeting.
I want to write him off and tell him to go fuck himself, but I say something else. “Uh huh, and what about the other fiancée? Did you guys pick a wedding date yet or were we supposed to have a double wedding that no one bothered to tell me about?” Lifting my gaze, I continue, “Because I’d be fine with that as long as I’m the first wife. After all, I’m only after you for your money. I have no emotional investment in our relationship at all.” My tone dips deathly low as my voice picks up a bitterness that is so jaded it alarms me, but I don’t care.
Sean reaches into his pocket and pulls out the engagement ring. When he holds it out to me he says, “Put it back on.”
“Bite me.”
“I’d love to.” The corner of his mouth twitches like he wants to smile—or win—I can’t tell what’s motivating him.
“I hate you.”
“I seriously doubt you’ve lost all affection for me. It was a calculated risk—one that I had to take. You couldn’t be there.” His eyes are cold and unapologetic. He watches me, taking in my minor movements, and the way I sit. He’s gauging me and soaking up every ounce of detail like a sponge. I wish I could be as unreadable as Sean, but it’s not my thing.
My thing is crazy, so I pull it out and let him have it. “Bullshit! What makes you think I’m safer with Black? She could have killed me before you even figured out what happened. Just because you and Black seem to have had a thing doesn’t mean you can trust her.”
Sean’s eyes dip to my bra for the first time since he walked into the room. “Her work?”
“No, I sliced my own shirt for fun. Everyone’s going to be dressing like this tomorrow.” I roll my eyes and clench my jaw tight to stop the tidal wave of words that I want to accost him with.
“Avery, Black is powerful and if she wants to keep you alive, you’ll stay that way. She doesn’t invest time or money in perishables.”
“Nice.”
“It’s the truth.” His tone is flat. He doesn’t plead with me or beg me to listen—he expects me to curse him out and tell him to take a hike. There’s fear behind those blue eyes, but that isn’t what I want.
“Since when do you care about the truth?” Sean starts to open his mouth to respond, but I cut him off. “No, seriously, I want to know. Was it before or after you fucked me in the box?”
Something changes as soon as the words tumble out of my mouth. Sean’s larger-than-life presence fades. For a moment none of his worries are hidden and every single one is displayed on his face. His lips part and it feels like a cheap shot.
“Avery.” When he speaks, my name sounds like a warning more than anything else.
“Sean.” I mimic, not heeding his warning. “Seriously. You’re engaged to someone else. Explain that away. Tell me why it never came up, or why she’s living in your goddamn house while you screw me in hotels on the other side of the country! Is she blonde with huge boobs? Did you buy them for her? Is she tall and perfect? Does she satisfy you the way I do? Probably not, right?” Fury burns bright in Sean’s eyes as my questions come hurling forth, but it’s the last one that makes him angry. “Or do you just keep her around because she looks like Amanda?”
Without warning, Sean slips off the desk and is in my face. Rage engulfs his beautiful features distorting him into someone unrecognizable. His voice sounds more like an animal than a man. “Never say her name again.”
My heart pounds hard and fast. He’s furious and he should be, but I won’t back down. Tears prick the corners of my eyes as her name falls off my lips. “Amanda Ferro.”
For a second nothing happens. Our gazes are both narrow and locked, but then Sean starts shaking. I press myself back into the seat as far as I can go, to try and put space between us, but there isn’t any. Sean’s nose is touching mine and his hot, angry breath slides over my cheeks. For a moment I think he’s going to hit me. His jaw works from side to side like he wants to scream at me, but he can’t find the right words. Both of his hands are clutching the couch behind my head and crushing it. If he moves, my slender throat will be caught in his vice-like grip and he’ll break my neck.
I don’t look away. I don’t breathe. For a second, time has stopped and I feel horrible. Remorse swells inside of me and before I can tell him that I don’t want things like this, he cracks.
Sean Ferro breaks.
He screams and spins around quickly, so that I can’t see his face. His shoulders tense further before they shake. I sit up a little and listen. Sean tries to control his breathing, but he can’t. Jagged breaths choke him, and it isn’t until he turns around that I see what’s happened. His eyes are glassy and there’s a devastated smile on his beautiful mouth. “I told you that I don’t know how to do this, and that isn’t an excuse. It’s the truth. For years I’ve been completely isolated and it had to be that way. Then I met you and I’m fucked, Avery. Every time I drop my defenses, you’re the one who gets hurt. I can’t let that happen. I can’t be the man you want me to be. Too many things have happened and no matter what I do, there’s no way to change my past.”
“I don’t want to change you.” My words are so soft that I can barely hear them.
“Yes, you do. You want me to be someone I’m not. I’m a loner and I like it that way.”
“Sean Ferro, you’re lying to yourself. If that were true, why would you be here with me now?” I haven’t forgiven him but I’m not going to push him off his mental cliff. I shiver and Sean peels off his jacket and tosses it to me. I pull it on and wrap my arms around my middle. “Thanks.”
He nods. “So what now?”
“That’s a good question. What do you want?”
“The same thing I’ve always wanted—you.”
I smile sadly and shake my head. “Those are nice words, but the other fiancée will be pissed when she finds out about me. Maybe things are better this way.”
“Avery.” He tries to cut me off, but I don’t let him because it’s too hard to say and once I start I can’t stop.
Tears roll down my cheeks, one and then the other. I wipe them away with the back of my hand. “No, I’m serious. Maybe you and I are supposed to be friends. Maybe we’re supposed to be nothing at all. Sometimes a person shows up when you need them most and disappears from your life. Maybe that guy is you. I needed you Sean and now—”
“Avery,” Sean takes a hold of my shoulders and crouches in front of me. “I’m not marrying someone else. And if you say that you don’t need me…don’t say it. Not right now.” His voice picks up a quiver as he finishes speaking.
“You don’t have to sugar coat things for me.�
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“I’m not. Listen to me. I was trying to tell you and I thought I had more time, but then Black showed up and blurted it out. I gave a ring to someone because my publicist said it would make people think I was more approachable. She has a rock on her finger and lives in one of my houses, but I’m never there. Things aren’t like that with her. Jamie is actually an employee. She’s on payroll, Avery.” I’m shaking my head as he’s speaking, but he keeps going. “Call her. Tell her who you are. Ask her if you should marry me.” Sean hands me his phone and before I can say no, it’s already dialing.
A high-pitched voice answer, “Good morning, Mr. Ferro. How can I help you today?” She sounds like a secretary.
Sean nods once, but I can’t form words, so he says, “Jamie, please tell Avery the status of our relationship. Don’t leave anything out and use as many details as you like. Don’t hold anything back.” Sean hands me the phone again.
I press it to my ear and listen to this woman repeat Sean’s story, but from her side of things. “I was so lucky. Mr. Ferro paid off my student loans and said I just needed to go to dinner with him when he was in town. People were mean to me at first, but money talks. Sean gave me a spending account and told me to walk around, shop, and dine, and tell people who I was. It was part of an attempt to sway the public opinion of him. You see, I do a lot of charity work. I love it and I always wanted to work for a non-profit, but there was no way to pay back my loans. Mr. Ferro made that possible and I don’t care what the papers say, he’s not a monster. The man’s been through a lot. So what if he doesn’t wear his heart on his sleeve, you know?”
“Yeah, I know.” My chest is so tight that I can hardly breathe. “So it’s a charade?”
“Exactly. Our relationship is one hundred percent business and always has been. I don’t know if you’ve noticed this or not, but he has a type—brunettes with brains. I tease him because I’m a redhead and occasionally act a little too blonde for his liking.” She laughs lightly. “There’s nothing between us, Avery. It’s all a show and always has been.”
I don’t know what else to say. She seems genuine, and what’s even more shocking is she seems to care about Sean, like they’re friends. Looking at the carpet, I say, “Thank you for talking to me.”
“Sure! Call any time.” The line goes dead and I hand Sean his phone.
For a second I feel horrible, but it fades. I’m still angry with him. “Come clean, here and now. Everything. Dump it on the table and let’s see if we can pick up the pieces.”
Sean nods solemnly. “All right, but not here.”
At that moment, Black walks in and takes in the scene. There’s a ton of tension and I’m standing in front of Sean, wearing his leather jacket, looking up into his beautiful face. She rolls her eyes and sighs dramatically. “Well, Avery, let’s have your answer.”
Miss Black smirks at Sean after she’s seated behind her desk. A dark eyebrow lifts when Black takes in Sean’s confusion, and her ruby lips spread into a smile. “Didn’t she tell you? I offered to make her a madam.”
CHAPTER 4
Sean just stares at me and then stares at Black. “We had an agreement.”
“This doesn’t violate our arrangement in the slightest. She’ll still live in New York, but her occupation will be somewhat different. If you two are no longer engaged, I don’t see how it concerns you anyway.” Miss Black thinks she’s won. The confidence in her gaze says as much. Tapping her fingertips together, she looks over at me.
As I stare at Black, things click into place. She’s been telling lies, but they’re always seeded with truth. Sean is engaged to someone else, and he is, but the woman is an employee. This entire time Black has been trying to get me to turn on Sean. For a second, I think about screaming at her, but it’s better if she underestimates me, so I play along. “What happens if I say no?”
Miss Black drops her hands and sits straight up. “That wouldn’t be a prudent move.”
I laugh. “Nothing about this job is prudent, and the one you’re offering is even worse on the moral scale of life.”
“You already broke the scale when you took money for fucking Mr. Ferro, so I doubt that’s a sincere concern. What you should be asking is, ‘what happens if I say yes?’”
Folding my arms across my chest, I tug Sean’s supple jacket tighter. “If I say yes, you have an easy out when the police come looking for the owner of that bracelet. If it leads back here and you’re gone, they’re going to blame me for the dead girl in Sean’s room. I may look stupid, but believe me, I’m not.”
Sean moves behind me and sits down so that only Black and I are standing. He’s fuming, but he doesn’t speak. This is my mess and he lets me fight my battle.
Miss Black’s lips curl into an amused grin. “I think you’re juvenile and naïve, but not lacking in intelligence. The bracelet in the hotel room wasn’t your friend’s. It belonged to the dead girl. I sent her over to check on things and something went wrong. No one will track that bracelet back here, and if they do, we’re all screwed anyway. Although I try to leave no trails that point back here, there are still signs.”
I need more time to process the information. This is news to me. “And if I say yes?”
She grins broadly. “Then you will become my protégé and make more money than you ever thought possible. You’ll own Long Island because every politician and bureaucrat will come calling, and when they do, you’ll have them by the balls. It’s a pretty place to be, Avery. And with the girl-next-door charm you have, combined with the can-do attitude, you’ll own Nassau and Suffolk County. You’ll never have to worry about money again. You’ll always have a roof over your head and it doesn’t matter that your parents left you destitute.”
The comment about my parents slices through me and leaves my jaw hanging open. It feels like she sucker-punched me in the stomach. There’s no air. My parents didn’t leave willingly. They did everything they could for me when they were alive, but now they’re gone and I’m alone. If things don’t work out with Sean, I’m screwed. I have no plan B and everything I’ve worked so hard for has been torched. My life is comprised of cinders, ash, and tears. And I’m so ready to move on, so desperate to shirk the grief and pain, that her offer sounds tempting.
“Enough.” Sean stands and takes my hands, before pulling me toward the door.
“I think she’s able to make up her own mind, Mr. Ferro.”
Sean glances back at Black. “I know what she’s capable of,” he smirks, “You’re the one who needs to look out.”
I pull out of Sean’s grip and look back at Black. “I can make up my own mind, Sean. I don’t need you to protect me here, and maybe it’s not a bad idea. If I say yes, will I have my own bodyguards the way you do?”
Black’s smile turns sincere as she nods. “Of course, and Gabe will be one of them. I already know you’re comfortable with him.”
I nod, and contemplate what she’s saying. Sean is standing next to me and looks completely shocked. “You’re not seriously considering this?”
“I owe her a freaking fortune, so I can’t leave.”
“I’ll pay it, Avery.”
“You can’t. It’s my mess.” I glance over at Black behind her desk. “You paid my medical bills too, didn’t you?”
“Of course. I couldn’t have collectors examining one of my girls. I added it to your tab. That debt would vanish in a matter of weeks if you took the job I’m offering. And remember, I only offer it once.”
The wheels in my head are spinning fast. “Can I take Mel?”
Black smirks. “No, I want you starting over and hiring the kind of woman you are, not more who are like Mel.” Because Mel’s a dime a dozen is implied by her tone.
“You’re wrong about her.”
“Regardless, I own her, like I own you. The question is will you continue to work on your back or do you thirst for something more?”
I don’t know what to say. Part of me wants to say yes, but the other part wants
to take Sean up on his offer to pay off my debt. The truth is, I don’t want to owe either of them anything. I need to go look for that buried treasure on Oak Island or something. I’m so screwed. This is a life changing moment, but it’s not one I welcome. “I don’t—” I don’t know what I’m going to say… I just start speaking.
Miss Black lifts her hand and cuts me off. “Don’t decide now. One thing at a time. Let’s put the person who’s trying to shoot you in the ground, and then we can move forward with our business plans.”
CHAPTER 5
Sean is silent. We drive east in his little black sports car and neither of us speaks, but I welcome the silence. Once we talk, things will end in one of two ways—we’ll be together or we won’t. I honestly don’t know what I want. This man has darkness in his blood. It’s part of who he is and no matter how much I love him, it will always be there. I doubt I can handle that. Having sex in the box made me realize that side of him is still alive and craving domination. No, it’s more than that. He wants to own me and control everything I do.
Black’s offer is so similar, but so different. If I say yes to her, then she’ll control me, but that feels more like a job and the money I make is mine. With Sean, I feel like a moocher. Freeloading isn’t my style, but I’m too poor and I’ve run out of options. Stay with the lying psycho or work for the other lying psycho.
Maybe I should buy a tent with the last of my money and become a hermit. I can camp out at Hecksher Park and steal hotdogs from other campsites. Why do all my plans suck? Before I can even think about it, we pull into the strip club parking lot. Sean cuts the engine and gets out. I kick open my door before he can walk around, and then slam it shut. I follow him to the door.
He knocks loudly. Trystan yanks the metal door open and stands in the doorway. He smirks when he sees Sean. “Need something, Ferro?”