by Rachel Jonas
If only my phone hadn’t been on silent when she called me from her line to connect us by video.
If I hadn’t been so fucking naïve, none of this would’ve happened.
“So, she just wanted to know what would go down after she left the room?”
“Fuck if I know,” I answer with a shrug. “Whatever the case, we gave her a shit-ton more than access to our conversation. She ended up with everything she’d need to humiliate Southside and ruin me. Once that footage made it into Pandora’s hands, it was a wrap.”
“All of this just to break you and Blue apart, then break you down completely,” Joss concludes.
I nod because she’s exactly right. Either with this footage being out there, or if Parker decides to snitch about the stuff involving Casey, I can probably kiss football goodbye next year.
In disbelief, Joss shakes her head. “Bitch is crazier than I thought.”
I nod, agreeing. “And I’m the fucking idiot who gave her everything she needs to burn my future to the ground.”
“You couldn’t have known she’d go this far,” Joss comments, trying to make me feel better, I guess.
“Maybe not, but I’m pretty sure putting her ass out when Southside showed up made the decision to share that shit pretty easy.”
I sound bitter as hell, revisiting how things played out that night.
“Has Casey maybe tried calling? You know, since the video’s been put out there?” Joss asks reluctantly. “She still asks about you, so I thought she might’ve checked in.”
My stomach knots, hearing that my name still comes up in conversation.
“No,” I answer with a sigh. “And she probably won’t. Not if she remembers admitting all that to Parker. We had a pact, and she went against it.”
I’m not pissed about that part. Alcohol’s made me do dumb shit in the past, too, but a warning would’ve been nice. At least then I could’ve dealt with Parker head-on, created some type of buffer to keep her from gaining the upper hand.
Joss is quiet and I can hear her wheels turning.
“So, you can’t tell Blue,” she finally understands. “You’d have to explain why Parker can never be named, and bring the Casey thing to light.”
I feel sick to my stomach because everything Joss just said is true. I can’t name Parker or clear my name, but I’m nowhere near content just leaving things like they are. My focus should be on trying to fly under Parker’s radar, but instead, I’m thinking of ways I can fix at least part of what she’s destroyed. Without somehow triggering her to detonate.
Good luck with that, dickhead.
“I’m gonna talk to her.” I purposely blurt the statement before I can talk myself into realizing it’s a terrible idea.
“Who? Blue?” I don’t miss the shock in Joss’s voice. It means she sees this is a shitty idea just like I do. Hell, it’s a longshot that Southside will even let me get close enough to speak.
“You sure that’s a good idea?” Joss adds when I fail to answer her first question.
“Actually, I’m almost certain it’s a terrible fucking idea, but I have to do something. I can’t just let her believe…”
I stop there, feeling and thinking things I never feel or think.
Joss’s eyes are glued to me and I already know what she’s going to say before she even says it.
“You like her, don’t you? I mean, like, really like her.”
I roll my eyes, knowing she’s going to run with this like a dog with a bone.
“Chill. I just don’t want the girl thinking I’m Satan.”
“But … wasn’t that your entire goal when she first got to CP? Now, all of a sudden, you don’t want her looking at you like you’re a monster?”
She flashes a grin and I want to kick my own ass for talking so much.
“Drop it,” I warn, but it’s too late. Her whole damn face lights up, like it’s Christmas morning.
“Oh, God.”
“I’m right! I knew it!” she screeches. I can practically see hearts in her eyes now.
I say nothing, because whatever leaves my mouth will only give her more ideas. Next thing I know, she’ll be talking about love, puppies, and flowers, which I can’t stomach. Instead, I breathe deep and relax in my seat, more than aware of still being stuck between a rock and a hard place.
“You’re right,” Joss speaks up. “If you like her as much as I think you do, you can’t just let this go, but… what’s your plan?”
And there it is. The million-dollar question. Because as it stands, with one fell swoop, Parker’s labeled me a heartless dick who’d post shit like a private sex tape online. The worst part is, Southside has no reason to believe I wouldn’t have done it.
Which will make it a thousand times harder to get through to her, but Joss is right.
I do care.
How the fuck did I let this happen?
@QweenPandora: Looks like someone spotted KingMidas and VirginVixen hitting blocks tonight. Is the King just blowing off a little steam? Or is it possible he’s combing the streets in search of NewGirl? I, for one, am still not convinced our QB is guilty, but the rest of you certainly are. I will admit, though, things don’t look good for him.
Either way, I’m willing to bet NewGirl is doing everything in her power to forget she gave in to one-third of everyone’s fave trio. Pretty sure SeXyBeAsT is quite good at making a girl forget all types of things, but you didn’t hear that from me.
Later, peeps.
—P
Chapter 3
BLUE
It’s so cliché, but it got me here—the age-old adage about how important it is to ‘get right back on the horse after falling and busting your ass’.
Those very words came from Jules in a text at midnight. They were enough to make me drag myself out of bed this morning; enough that I’m currently walking the halls of Cypress Prep, pretending the whispers don’t affect me.
P.S. They affect me. I’ve just become a pro at pretending to be whole when I’m not.
Even those not talking behind my back say enough with their judgmental stares. The girls think I’m a lowlife, and the guys think I’m an easy lay. Why? Because I stupidly gave up the goods to the biggest douche on the continent.
Not my proudest moment.
They’re staring like I’m some kind of museum exhibit—the rare Slut-a-saurus Rex, alive and courageously facing the dicks and dickettes I ran from just two days ago.
Nope, guys. Your eyes aren’t deceiving you. I dared to venture outside my home and return to the lion’s den.
While Jules thinks I’m being super brave by coming back so soon, I’m leaning more toward ‘incredibly stupid’.
The warning bell sounds, and now that I have to book it, I sort of regret sitting in my car until the last possible second. It means I have to hustle through the mass of bodies that stand between me and my locker, praying I don’t have to walk into class late on top of everything else.
But more than anything, I’m praying I don’t run into … him.
Knowing I’ll eventually be forced to face West at some point today, I nearly called in sick. I managed to push past that urge, but keep imagining the sick smile he’s probably had on his face since the leak that thoroughly ruined my life.
That’s been his goal all along, right?
To hurt me so badly that I break?
Well, mission accomplished.
Anger blooms in my gut, but it isn’t all for West. Mostly, it’s aimed right at myself, for being so, so stupid. I went to his room to talk, and instead of getting what I wanted, I gave him exactly what he wanted.
Don’t go there, Blue. You have to keep it together today.
“Morning, slut-bucket!”
I’ve been so laser-focused on getting to my locker and keeping my eyes straight ahead that I missed the chance to dodge Parker. But as I’m locked on her bright stare—sparkling with satisfaction at my expense—I feel my heart sink to my stomach.
Flanking
her, Heidi and Ariana glare with misdirected hatred. These bitches don’t know me, and they sure as shit don’t want to mess with me while my emotions are so raw. Last time someone crossed me on a bad day, she ended up with a broken nose and I had to nurse a fractured knuckle all summer.
“Well, aren’t we brave,” Parker beams. “I thought it’d be at least a week before we saw your poor ass strutting around here again.”
My hands tighten around the straps of my backpack where it rests on my shoulders. “Back … the fuck … away, Parker.”
That small measure of restraint I exercised when first arriving here has worn so thin now. I’m barely able to contain myself, even with my thoughts on the many reasons I have to stay in line. These past few days, all I’ve wanted is to cause pain, to hurt anyone who’s ever hurt me.
“Oh! She’s got a bit of fight in her today, ladies!” Parker pushes, shooting a quick look toward Heidi and Ariana before meeting my gaze again.
A hush spreads around us as others become aware of the confrontation.
“And hey, just so you know, you’re not alone here,” she says, sounding sweet despite everyone knowing she’s a first-class bitch. “I’m sure there are plenty other guys on the football team looking for a cheap fuck. You know, since that seems to be your thing.”
That last syllable leaves her mouth and I swear it’s like I’m having an out-of-body experience. My fist flies toward that perfect nose of hers, but I only catch air when a hard tug from behind yanks me back.
“Nope. Not on my watch you don’t,” a familiar voice says close to my ear. It’s coming from the one currently bearhugging me from behind. The same one who just saved Parker a trip to the ER.
“Ms. Holiday, don’t you have a class you should be getting to?” Dr. Pryor asks, still gripping me tight.
There’s a look of disbelief on Parker’s face as she crosses both arms over her chest.
“Um, I’m sorry, Dr. Pryor, but aren’t you going to do something?” Parker asks. “I mean, this girl’s clearly unhinged, which is why she just tried to hit me. You saw that.”
My heart’s racing so fast, and I’m fighting the urge to break free and mangle this girl. However, I’m also aware of the fact that I almost blew my shot here, by being a hothead.
“From where I stood, it looked like Ms. Riley here just wanted to give you a good morning high-five,” Dr. Pryor counters. “But unfortunately, I need her in my office to discuss something of great importance, so that’ll have to wait.”
It isn’t lost on me that this gigantic lie Dr. Pryor just told is her attempt at saving me from myself. The subtle reminder that not everyone here sucks has the temp of my blood lowering from a full-on boil to a simmer.
“But—”
“Get to class, Ms. Holiday,” Dr. Pryor cuts in.
There was a spiteful gleam in Parker’s eyes a few seconds ago, but Pryor has thoroughly extinguished it.
There’s a standoff between the two before Parker and her girls finally retreat, but not without her shooting me another of her icy glares. A look I give right back to her.
“Well, congrats anyway,” Parker announces, flashing a quick grin toward me when she adds, “You topped the list, sweetheart.”
Those are her parting words and I have no clue what she’s talking about, but something tells me I’ll know soon enough.
“You cool?” Dr. Pryor asks, still holding me tight. “I’m not going to have to chase you down this hallway, am I?”
“I’m fine.” My voice is clipped and filled with anger, but it’s not a lie. I won’t go after Parker.
Not now, anyway.
Slowly, Dr. Pryor releases me and then straightens her blazer. She meets my gaze and I don’t see what I expected to find there—disappointment, judgment maybe. That’s what I would’ve gotten from any other adult, but not her. It makes me think she might know something about what it’s like for me here, might understand what I faced day in and day out even before the leak.
“I need to see you in my office,” she repeats, letting me know that part of her statement to Parker wasn’t a lie.
I nod and she only hesitates a second before leading the way. I follow her, but my eyes are glued to the back of Parker’s head as she continues down the hall. She’s almost as high on my shit list as West, but he’s definitely got that first spot on lock.
I’m nearly to the door of the counseling office when I do the exact wrong thing, peering further down the hallway, toward the massive crowd that gathers. And there he is, soaking in all their praise as he walks through the center of it all—KingMidas.
His brothers and teammates surround him, while others rush him like rabid fans. Some for his performance at regionals, I’m sure. Others for a very different performance. Either way, they love him, and he can do no wrong in their eyes.
Their idol.
Their god.
It surprises me he’s not quite focused on them, though. He isn’t even wearing that cocky grin I thought he would be. Instead, he’s straight-faced and searching the crowd like a madman. A search that only ends when he spots me. I should look away but for some reason, I can’t. My eyes are drawn to him. I tried to imagine what I’d feel seeing him for the first time, but it’s indescribable. I’ve hated before, but never like this. It runs so deep.
For a second, I think he’s starting to push his way toward me, but it has to be my imagination. At any rate, when Pryor calls my name and I close myself inside her office, I’m grateful for a temporary haven from the outside world.
Dr. Pryor drops down into her seat and reaches for something in the bottom drawer of her desk. While she digs for it, my eyes are drawn to a stack of rose-colored papers with a bold title on top—THE PINK LIST.
And what’s printed right beneath it?
#1 Blue Riley
There are nineteen other names below mine, but I’m suddenly hearing Parker’s words echoing inside my head, telling me I ‘topped the list’. I had no clue what that meant at the time, but now I’m seeing the statement wasn’t some kind of twisted metaphor.
There really is a freakin’ list.
I reach toward the stack, but not quickly enough. Dr. Pryor swoops in with the swiftness of a ninja, swiping the entire pile into her trashcan. Right after, she hits me with a very stern look.
“It’s just high school nonsense. Don’t let it get you riled up.”
“But I don’t even know what it is,” I explain.
“And you’re better for it.”
I’m sure she believes that, but in a place like this, knowledge is power. The more I know, the better I understand how things work at Cypress Prep.
“I only want to know what The Pink List is. I mean, my name’s on it. Don’t I deserve to know what it’s about?”
That look doesn’t leave her and I’m almost sure she’ll ignore my request, but she surprises me when she takes a single sheet from the trash, placing it on her desk with a heavy sigh.
“It’s a ranked slut list,” she states boldly, not being one to sugarcoat things. “The kids put them out every year around this time. I confiscated this bunch and suspended the kid I caught with them, but fair warning, there will be more.”
I stare at the sheet, at my name printed in plain, bold letters.
“Kids can be cruel, Ms. Riley. But their opinions of you, or any of the other girls on the list for that matter, means very little in the big scheme of things. I need you to promise me this won’t break your focus. I’m doing everything I can to—”
“I’m focused,” I cut in, crumpling the sheet as I meet her gaze. Sure, I keep my face expressionless, but in truth, seeing this crushes me just a little more.
Dr. Pryor holds my stare a moment, perhaps searching for insincerity, but she’ll never find it. I’ve stuffed all the bad things down as deep as they can be buried.
“Well, I’m glad you’re still up for a fight,” she continues, “because that’s exactly what it’ll take to get these scholarships back on track.
”
The next moment, she slaps my file on her desk and I zero in on the word stamped dead in the center, bright red letters that read: PROBATION.
My heart sinks reading it.
“I was given orders from administration to take action this morning and, unfortunately, my hands are tied.”
“But I … I don’t understand.”
I’m trying not to freak out, but that ship has already sailed.
Dr. Pryor crosses one leg over the other, leaning into her seat. “I warned you when you arrived that you’re under a microscope. They don’t care about the details surrounding that video. All they see is a blight on the school’s public rep. A blight inflicted by a student from outside district lines, no less. Unfortunately, this incident has labeled you a liability.”
“They can’t do this,” I choke out, feeling my throat tighten as tears threaten to fall.
“They can and they have,” she retorts. “All they needed was a reason.”
I should probably be embarrassed knowing she, and all the staff, have seen the footage, but I’m too distraught by that single word stamped on my file to care.
Probation.
My eyes burn from fighting to keep my composure, but I force myself to meet Dr. Pryor’s gaze.
“And what about West? Is he even getting a slap on the wrist?”
“Barely,” she says outright, again not sugarcoating a thing. “His parents are tight with Headmaster Harrison’s family and, from what I’ve heard, Mr. Golden got out ahead of this pretty quickly, clearing West of any and all responsibility.”
“What the fu—” I catch myself, but not the tears. They’re flooding my eyes and, finally, one streams down my cheek.
The anger and hatred I feel for him multiplies exponentially, and I swear I’m mad enough to actually spit fire right now.
Dr. Pryor leans forward, resting both elbows on the edge of her desk while I wipe my face.
“I hate to pile more onto your plate than I already have, but… there’s something else we need to discuss.” She pauses and I imagine it’s only to give me a chance to focus.