Run To You: The Damaged Series - Book Four

by Shayne McClendon

  She didn’t know why she said it but once it was out, Nina knew she had to keep going. “I didn’t even know...until it was happening. It seems so strange to grieve what I never wanted, never would have planned on. To have a hole inside for something s-so small but...I hurt.” She wiped her face and laughed. “Can you even imagine me as a mother? Responsible for the safety of another human being? I’m a train wreck.”

  “Nina, that you go through your life without seein’ how amazin’ you are just breaks my heart. You and Rowan took such good care of the younger girls. Always patient, always smilin’. It was after y’all left that I realized how heavily I’d leaned on you both durin’ your years with me.”

  Lifting her hand, she placed her cool palm on Nina’s cheek. “You’d be a good mother, Nina. You’d kill to protect your child. As you once killed to protect other people’s children. You’re so much more than you see but...maybe your young man can help with that.”

  Nina’s eyes widened.

  “More than ninety girls have lived under my roof, honey. You think I don’t know the signs? You always been a real good liar - took me a long time to figure out your tells - but you ain’t good enough to hide love. He’s real handsome and kind as all get out. He the father of the baby you lost?”

  “Yes.” Nina’s voice was barely audible.

  “Tell me about him. Start from the beginnin’.”

  Nina told her about the effect James had on her, how she wasn’t able to be intimate with anyone else, and that he’d confessed his love.

  It felt good to talk about it with someone other than her amazing therapist. She still talked to Kelly every week on the phone but there was something about Miss Jeffries that had always soothed a tattered place inside her. As her voice trailed away, she stared at the quilt.

  “Any reason you’re keepin’ everything so hush-hush?”

  “At-at first, it was to protect myself. Then...it was Rowan.”

  Miss Jeffries was one of the most perceptive people Nina had ever known. It didn’t take her long to puzzle it out. “Oh, Nina. She’d be happy for you…”

  “While she grieves the loss of her husband, shoulders the unfair weight of his death, prepares to be a single mother, and continues to deny her first love...yes, she’d be happy for me. How selfish, how cruel I’d have to be - for the second time in the course of our friendship - to take something that was snatched viciously from her hands.”

  “Girl, you’ve lived your whole life in a state of penance. You hurt yourself over and over, deny yourself happiness...for things that were out of your control and human mistakes you made out of fear and loneliness. Honey, she forgave you. That’s no small thing. Her pain won’t make her resent the love you found. Rowan knows more than anyone how much you need it...how starved you’ve been for it.” She sighed. “The real question is when do you plan to forgive yourself?”

  “I…”

  “Nina,” James said from the door. “Mary-Margaret needs you to come. Rowan had a breakdown and...I think you might need to slap her around.”

  “My best skill set.” Smiling at Miss Jeffries, she bent to kiss her cheek. “I’ll be back in a while.”

  “You got lots of skills, honey. More than you think.”

  Shaking her head, she stood, smoothed her hand over her top, raked her fingers through her hair, and turned to the door. “Time to beat up a pregnant widow.”

  As she passed James in the threshold, he took her hand. In a low voice, he told her, “You and I need to have a talk, Miss Adams.”

  Tilting her head, she said softly, “It’s rude to eavesdrop on other people’s conversations, Mr. Statton.”

  He shrugged. “And yet, what fascinating information you learn when you set aside propriety.”

  Snapping her teeth at him, Nina walked from Miss Jeffries’ house and across the road to the house Bennett built Rowan.

  Mary-Margaret met her at the front door and explained her friend’s guilt. The older woman kept pace beside her as Nina strode purposely through the first floor and up to the second.

  At the master bedroom, she said, “I’ve got it from here.” Walking inside, she closed and locked the door behind her. She could hear Rowan sobbing, talking to herself.

  After taking several deep breaths, she entered the bathroom and leaned against the counter. Rowan didn’t notice that she was no longer alone.

  Steeling herself to rough the pregnant woman up verbally, Nina said sharply, “Girl, get your drama queen ass out of there. We need to talk.”

  For the next hour, she made her friend cry, blush, and listen to the truth about many things. When Rowan tried to turn the conversation to Nina’s reaction to the twin girls at Miss Jeffries’ place, Nina smoothly switched topics.

  Then she led Rowan downstairs and watched with more than a little satisfaction as Gage took her off Nina’s hands and led her to the back porch.

  The man she’d stolen from her best friend with twisted logic really had grown up. James stood behind Nina, his hands on her shoulders, as Rowan’s first love got through to the woman he loved in a way only he could have.

  “Slow and easy, Gage,” she whispered.

  James said, “He loves her, sweetheart. He’s going to handle her like spun glass.” He turned Nina in his arms. “Now it’s time for our talk.” He took her hand and led her to a door on the opposite side of the kitchen. To Mary-Margaret, he called, “We’ll be in the basement training room. Call if you need me.”

  Watching the backyard through the window, the older woman replied without turning, “This will help.” She shooed them away. “Now you two get your shit together because I’m sick of pretending I don’t know what’s going on. I swear to God, youth is wasted on the young.”

  James laughed. “Yes, ma’am.” He kept hold of Nina’s hand as they descended concrete steps leading underground. Caged lights lined the walls.

  “Very dungeon like…”

  “It has its own air filtration system, electrical, and running water. There’s a smaller room at the back where Rowan could survive for six months if she needed to. Her, the baby, and two additional people.”

  “Wow. So...a dungeon.”

  “Hmm. Nervous, sweetheart?”

  “Nope. I’ve escaped worse.”

  At the bottom of the stairs, James turned to her. Taking her in his arms, he kissed her until she was breathless and moaning.

  When he lifted his face, he said, “It’s time to cut the shit, Nina. We’re not leaving this room until we’re on the same page.”

  “Really? You’d leave Rowan unprotected by you and Miss Jeffries without me until I break? I’m more stubborn than you are, James. You should know that going in.”

  “I have no intention of breaking you, Nina. I’m much more interested in gluing your shattered pieces together...like that vase Bennett threw at me years ago.”

  “Don’t, James. You…”

  “Which bullshit will you say this time? Hmm? You don’t know what you’re getting into, James. You don’t know what a horrible person I am, James. I can never, ever love.” He cupped her face in his hands. “Do you ever get tired of lying, Nina? Do you ever get tired of being alone?”

  Through gritted teeth, she hissed, “Just fuck me…”

  “No, sweetheart.” He wrapped her in a hug and kissed her again. Moving his mouth to her ear, he said, “This time, I want to try something different. Let me show you.”

  Nina’s heart raced in fear she didn’t understand.

  Chapter Seventeen

  James walked across the room and turned on music that had a deep, sensual beat. He removed his jacket and gun but nothing else. Returning to her, he took her in his arms but it wasn’t to fuck her or even kiss her.

  He danced with her.

  The shock of it made her gasp softly. She wrapped her arms around his waist and tried to find her balance emotionally.

  “I realized something today, Nina. Something I should have seen sooner.” His hand held her face to hi
s chest. “As much as I thought our relationship was different from those in your past...it wasn’t. Not really. It was fucking in secret. Using you as so many before me used you.”

  “That’s not true, James,” she murmured.

  “Just because I gave you more of what you needed doesn’t mean shit, sweetheart. I wanted you on my arm, to take you on dates, to tell the world that I loved you...but I didn’t push.” He chuckled softly. “A woman like you doesn’t bow to weakness. You put me in a box and as long as I stayed there, you had the upper hand.”

  His fingers in her hair, he tilted her head back to look into her eyes. “How powerful you are, Nina. How easily you slip through the world without leaving a ripple behind you. You become a fantasy that keeps everyone - even me - from looking too closely, from asking too many questions.”

  “Wh-what are you doing, James?” Her heart pounded in her chest as he quietly, gently invaded a space that had always been one of isolation.

  “The first time I went to your apartment, you were off balance, exhausted, and literally in pain with need. If you hadn’t been so mentally and physically weakened, you never would have said the most honest thing you’ve ever told me while standing in front of your door. I don’t like people to see me, to know who I am.”

  Tears slipped from the corners of her eyes.

  “I’m seeing you, Nina. Truly seeing you for the first time in a completely different light and realizing you’re probably the most brilliant person I’ve ever met. You’re a master of disguise, at manipulating those around you to their benefit rather than your own, and keeping the shutters to your soul firmly closed.”

  He danced with her around the room and she didn’t understand what was happening or how to defend against it.

  “I loved you the first day I met you. I knew you were a woman I could spend the rest of my life with and never, ever get bored being around.” He smiled. “I was right. Every minute I’ve spent in your presence makes me love you more.” Bending, he kissed her slowly as his hand moved over her back, massaging her skin through her clothes. “I’ve never watched anyone like I watch you, but I missed critical shit anyway.”

  “You didn’t…”

  “Your life took you in so many different directions, Nina. It happened so often that you convinced yourself it was what you wanted. You re-wrote your narrative to fit the circumstances instead of changing the circumstances.”

  “I’m fine…”

  “Coming to this town, to Miss Jeffries, must have been a shock to the traumatized, brutalized girl you were. I can imagine you waiting months - even years - for someone to hurt you if you let down your guard.” James walked to a big chair in the corner and held her across his lap. “When did you first trust Miss Jeffries?”

  A shiver moved up her spine and she thought back to a hot summer day on the secluded property. To a moment she’d packed away - another blank space like so many others.

  “When I was thirteen, a heavy equipment salesman visiting the Chambers’ place saw me on the road coming back from taking Mrs. Chambers some fresh honey from the hives Rowan was keeping for her science fair project.”

  Blinking rapidly, she said, “He cornered me in our shed. I-I fought but I didn’t scream. Miss Jeffries was-was suddenly in the doorway with a rifle. She told the man that the Lord always guided her heart but it was the Devil who taught her to shoot. The man took off running and she sighted him in, pulled the trigger, and put a bullet in his thigh. She refused to let me testify because she said everyone knew she could have blown his head off if she was trying to kill him.”

  “I really like that woman.”

  Nodding, she stared at her hands. “Me, too.”

  “You loved Rowan from the start.”

  Nina sighed. “I wanted to keep her safe to pay penance at first. That changed as she became the woman she is now. I loved her but it-it was warped and greedy.”

  James stared into her eyes for a long moment. “Why did you need to pay penance?”

  It took her a moment to realize what she’d said. Full panic filled her. “Please, James…”

  “Nina. Breathe and focus for me. I know what life you lived before you came here.” He smoothed his hand over her hair. “You met Rowan then...didn’t you?”

  “Four minutes.” She swallowed past the lump in her throat. “That was how long it took to expose her to monsters who stole every minute of the ten years she’d lived.”

  Shaking, crying, she confessed the darkest secret she’d kept for almost seventeen years to a man she knew could help her carry the burden.

  “Nina.” He held her close.

  “The closer graduation got, the more fucked up I was. Sh-she was too innocent for me to seduce but Gage...he’d been laying the groundwork for almost a year. I thought the two of us together could keep her safe. His money, my instincts. I visited her campus a few times to make sure she was alright. Wh-when she met Bennett, dropped off the radar, I thought…”

  James’ arms tightened around her. “You thought her past caught up. The mysterious father who wanted to sell her.” Inhaling deeply, he leaned back to look at her. “I’ll run some data and see if I can’t find a name...”

  “Please, James!”

  “This won’t go beyond us. Not until I have facts. Then we’ll figure out what to do together. I swear it.” He shook his head. “How heavy that secret must have been all these years. You were a child, Nina. Smarter and more world aware than others but still a child.”

  He carried her to a wall of bunk beds and laid her down, stretching out beside her. Covering them, he held her tightly to his chest.

  “The isolation you subject yourself to is eating you alive, sweetheart. I don’t know exactly what you’re afraid of with me, but I’m done waiting for you to dip your toe in the water. I’m shoving you in and we’ll sink or swim together.”

  “I don’t want…”

  “No more lies, Nina. No more.” He kissed the top of her head and added softly, “Lay here and take a nap with me. Let me hold you.”

  She didn’t think she’d sleep.

  She was wrong.

  It was impossible to tell how much time had passed when she blinked in confusion.

  James maintained eye contact as he slowly undressed them. Settling between her legs, he twined their fingers together.

  “Something different, Nina. Experience it with me.”

  Then James made love to her. He didn’t look away as he thrust slow and deep into her body. By the fifth stroke, the tears in her eyes overflowed into her hair.

  “James…”

  “I love you, Nina. I love you and I’ll fight for you. I’ll fight for anyone or anything you care about. I won’t walk away. I won’t let you down, and I’ll never take you for granted.”

  For the first time in her memory, her tears weren’t silent. She gasped for air as his body moved on her, in her. She tried to stop the low, keening wail she made but couldn’t.

  “I’ll love you every minute I have left of my life and I’m going to make you stronger - inside and out. I won’t leave you, Nina. You won’t be alone. I won’t judge you - not for mistakes you made in your past or the ones you make in your future. I give you my word, sweetheart. Believe in me and I’ll always believe in you.”

  She wrapped her arms around him and cried against his neck. She came with a painful cry but he didn’t stop moving.

  “You are beautiful, Nina - stunning and bright and brilliant - from your body to your heart to your clever mind. I want the strongest female, the fastest. The one who has unfailing instincts honed by pain. It has to be you. For me, no one else will ever compare.”

  “I-I love you, James.”

  He stilled, lifted his head, and smiled. Softly, he said, “That didn’t take nearly as long as I thought it would.” He kissed her for a long time and started to move again. “My body craves yours. My mind is thrilled by you. My heart hurts when you hurt...so I’m going to stand in front of the pain every chance I get. You
won’t regret loving me, Nina.”

  Cupping his face, she whispered, “I’m afraid when I have something to lose. Rowan…”

  “If you were to ask Rowan right now if she’d trade the pain of losing Bennett for never meeting him, she’d refuse. She hurts now, Nina...but being loved is worth the risk.”

  He kissed her gently, his tongue coiling with hers, and rested his forehead against hers when he broke it.

  “We’re going to face the world together, hand in hand, and when you’re ready to admit to me how badly, how desperately, you want to be a mother, I’ll move mountains to make that happen for you.”

  For hours, he made love to her, held her, promised her a future she never would have imagined having.

  All her life, Nina had tallied her sins, paid the price when she committed them, and lashed herself repeatedly for being weak or stupid. She imagined her soul as dark and tainted.

  James made her feel clean.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Nina spent the next months insisting that James keep their relationship secret until Rowan’s baby came.

  “I...need her to have someone to love, to keep close, before I can share this with her.”

  “Nina…”

  “It’s cruel, James. Cruel of me when she’s still grieving Bennett and fighting what she feels for Gage. I won’t hurt her again. Holding her child in her arms will comfort her.”

  Nina moved into the room she once shared with Rowan at Miss Jeffries’ place and never told Rowan she’d been living in Austin since before Bennett died.

  Once the elderly woman was back on her feet, she was forced to take it slow to allow her body to heal. That meant Nina spent a lot of time taking care of Ava and Emma.

  She didn’t consider it a hardship.

  Sitting with the sisters at the little kitchen table, she said, “You’re going to spend the day with Miss Ally…”

  “No, Nina!”

  “You’re our best friend!”

  “No one plays make-believe like you!”

  “You do the best voices!”