by Gina Kincade
Finally, some shred of sanity crept in, and she found herself aghast thinking his mother would go through with her threats against Lord and Lady Sanderly if Lady Dalysbury found out Edmund had gone in search of Aubrey. Maybe she already knew, and they had already been ruined. Anger and panic churned her stomach.
Even from her safe distance, she got caught up in the intensity of his manner. The mere thought of being alone with him on this island filled her with dread. She could not risk her frail heart again. She could not control the desperate longings of her body. The attraction, as always formed instant and almost animal. The sight of him immediately brought back the curious confusion that had consumed her when she had decided to leave. She had spent her days here, thus far, trying to heal and to find peace. One look at him had undone her. Now, she had no idea how she would keep her body from flinging itself at his before he even had time to speak.
With great effort, she forced her eyes away and headed back to the villa with words like lust, animal, and spell fighting for special attention among her jumbled thoughts. Even though she was loath to admit it, his presence had affirmed her need for more time here alone. Adding salt to her wound, the fact he had come looking for her was just another in a long series of astonishing things he had done for her since she had first met him. Her heart fluttered within her chest, conflicting with his mother’s cold threats still beating there. A resentment began to build, devouring any remnants of the good to be found in this situation.
Forcing by sheer will her feet to continue to the villa, she avoided a confrontation her tight and trembling limbs had proved her unready for. The wobbling of her tentative steps brought about tears to the eyes that had been dry now for only a day. By the time she reached a safer distance, she still had no idea what she would do when he dared to go inland.
Aubrey stood within her tiny makeshift kitchen surrounded by her arsenal of magic supplies. Try as she may, she could not work off the surplus energy stemming from inappropriate thoughts and insurmountable longings. The absence of his touch had made her powerless against the needs of her body. She held onto only a small bit of reason. It blessedly reminded her that jumping into bed with him would not serve either of them well in the long run. Yet, she found the idea of his arms around her most agreeable.
She had an undeniable need to race to him. She wanted to beg him to tell her he had changed his mind about his alliance with Lady Elizabeth Ward. She ached, bone deep, for the weight of his body crushing down upon hers, and correspondingly his lips torturing her skin and thus her sanity. His searing kisses would make where her body ended and his began indistinguishable. And thus, she would seal her cousin’s coffins herself with her capricious actions. She gulped for air trying to grab for purchase upon the table as she blinked back the tears burning her eyes.
As she stepped to the door, she heard him yell out, “Aubrey, are you here? I have been looking for you. Please, Aubrey, Ger told me you were here. Please, Aubrey, speak to me. I know my mother paid you a visit to speak of Lady Elizabeth.”
Those names from his mouth spawned afresh her wrath, the heat of it bringing a flush to her neck and face. Jumbled thoughts returned to her. She teetered perilously in a half turn, looking back into her kitchen while navigating the waves of her indecision as to what to do next. Suddenly it hit her. She could not take his finding her here as such a big deal, since a man with his money and connections could do most things easily. Why he felt the need for them to talk about his engagement was beyond her. If he knew of his mother’s visit, he knew of the proposed arrangement.
Does he think he can explain away his guilt? Does he think he can have us both? Does not he understand that his mother will make good on her threats? Even knowing herself too unstable to make any rational observations or decisions, she acted on instinct alone.
All the peace she'd found these last days floated away with the tiny breeze which had seemed to kick up with her own emotions to ruffle the leaves outside on the trees. Unfortunately, the wind would help Ger to leave her shores quicker if he had just left Edmund here.
Am I stuck with him until Ger comes back for me?
She emerged from her thoughts desperate to preserve the frail sense of calm she had gathered in the past weeks.
The crackle of brush under his feet echoed through the woods to her, carried on the protective spirit of the island. Still several minutes from finding her, but not far enough away to give her any time for a rational inner conversation, she froze. The island stood fairly small and oval in shape, about three by four miles across at its longest points.
He had called her name several times before moving from the far east to the far north of the coastline. He'd been circling the outer perimeter of the trees at first. Then, he had ventured in. Now, he walked on a direct path to her. Even knowing it not possible, she felt as if he was being guided to her. Maybe the island responded to her true desires and led him dangerously right back into her life. That he had caused her to mistrust this most perfect island ended up her last straw.
A plan to save her and those she loved from her heart’s betrayal formed in panic and solidified into pure irrational insanity. The clarity of the spell disguised it with safety. Once she got the maggot in her head, she did not have time to give it its due consideration. A newfound confidence quivered inside of her, reminiscent of the feeling she experienced when she successfully retried a spell she had previously botched. The physical response within her body to the thought of being face to face with him again besieged her. Her breath came out in pants as she wrapped her arms around herself, rubbing over the shiver of her skin. It only took a few seconds of aberrant rationalizing for the anger to swarm in as her fists clenched and she stomped her foot as if to hold her in place.
All his fault. He'd forced her hand, along with his mother. She'd been bought and paid for already, and she snapped under the sheer frustration of having others deciding her life. She gave an unladylike, impatient snort as her fists found her hips.
She heard his mother suggesting she, Aubrey, should be his mistress, and that he'd been quite agreeable to the idea. Would a man of his means, one most accustomed to travel, come all this way to make me his mistress? Could that be what his unexpected visit is all about? Truth be told, she had not known him long. She had not let the entirety of herself show to him. So, why should she believe she truly knew him at all?
Doubt and jealousy and hurt won the war of her conscience, as her fingers unfurled, splayed out in front of her before she threw them up in the air. Breaking her oath to harm none was the only option he had left her with until she could come up with a better plan. She needed time, but he'd left her no time for ethical considerations. Her options bleak, the option of capturing him she threw out, not trusting herself with her passions in overdrive. She needed him not to be here, but he roamed the island bellowing her name. So, she needed him to not be a man, for nobody’s mistress would she ever be.
Her shaking limbs created the all too familiar nausea as she reached for a few things from her shelves. With fear aching in her muscles and him agate, she went about her mission having run out of time. Then, a moment's hesitation followed by a fateful moment of hysteria lead her to change their lives forever.
Here on this island, with magic swift and easy, she needed little but to call upon the four basic elements to help her. A good thing at the moment given she had not the time to ground and center herself. As she slammed down a candle on her altar, a branch cracked in the distance. He moved deeper within the island as her flutters of rage born desperation hindered her every move, distorted them until she recognized herself not. The witch her family had raised her to be suffocated under the burden of her circumstances.
Even though I may regret this in the morning, I have no time left and no choice. I cannot trust myself to be with him right now. I just need some time, she convinced herself. With that unfounded train of thought, she lifted her arms and let the magic of the island swirl around her.
Wi
th her eyes closed tight even before he came close enough to be seen, she easily pictured him in her mind. Set to shift him, she had not managed yet the decision into what. Intending to use all four elements to power her spell, she began recklessly unprepared, the power coursing swift yet unsteady through her being.
“I am Air. I am Fire. I am Water. I am Earth.” She practically whispered the words, needing not to be heard. “I am balanced. I am whole. I am Air. I am Fire. I am Water. I am Earth. I am balanced. I am whole.”
Taking up a feather in her hand, she invoked the air by speaking in a hushed tone, “I consecrate this feather as a tool of the air. As it moves the air, it brings to me the air. Since this feather is blessed, let each breeze it creates be blessed. May the air I breathe bring to me what I wish for. I hail the guardians of the East. I summon the power of the air. The breath of life that carries with it the power to know, I invoke thee. By the air that is my breath, as I wish, so mote it be!”
As she praised the sky and its winds, she envisioned a sylph, the elemental being of the air. Similar to fey folk, they looked like winged humans, quick and able to travel great distances. She smiled at the idea. So with the image in her mind, she created large wings on his back with a mixture of black feathers to match his hair and dusty brown feathers to match his skin.
Lighting a candle, she invoked fire speaking a little louder this time, “I consecrate this candle as a tool of fire. As it burns, it brings to me the element of fire. Since this candle is blessed, let each flame it creates be blessed. May the fire which heats the air before me bring to me what I wish for. I hail the guardians of the South. I summon the power of fire. This blazing flame that quickens the pulse of my heart’s desire, I invoke thee. By the energy of the flame, as I will, so mote it be!”
With thoughts of its heat and power, she thought of the salamander that represented it. Dragon-like, she imagined him to now be. Her voice of reason reminded her of the temperamental nature of these beasts, willful without concern or restraint as was the nature of fire. Heat began to burn deep within her belly. When she glanced out her window, she could see even at a distance that his body had taken this large form. Feeling a bit willful herself, in her mind, she gave him a long tail, making his body sleek, and his legs thick.
Full of her power now, she continued on, louder, stronger.
Running her hands through a bowl of water, she invoked the same element. “I consecrate this water as a tool. As it moves, it brings to me the element of water. Since the bowl is blessed, let the water it holds be blessed. May the water that washes my skin bring to me what I wish for. I hail the guardians of the West. I summon the power of water. The vast ocean which carries the intuition and emotions of my deepest self, I invoke thee. By the power of moving water, as I will, so mote it be!”
With thoughts of the seas and waves and undines, she formed fins of a great length on the ends of his tail. The pain of transformation must have finally won out over his shock, because an obscene cry tore forth from the beast in mid-manifestation. She cringed, which gave her pause long enough to hear her heart pounding out its beat. Noticing the warmth of her entire body, she brushed the back of her hand across her brow and took a deep breath to ward away any proper thoughts before reaching for her next tool.
With rocks gripped in her hands, she invoked earth. “I consecrate these rocks as a tool of earth. They bring to me the element of earth. Since the earth is blessed, let the rocks formed from it be blessed. May the rocks so solid and stable in my hands bring to me what I wish for. I hail the Guardians of the North. I summon the power of earth. Standing stones stable like flesh and bone, I invoke thee. By the power of the silent stillness of the earth, as I will, so mote it be!”
In keeping with the element, she grounded him in this form, thus completing her spell and his transformation. “As above, so below; as within, so without; weave together to make my spell complete.”
Using her ability to commune with nature, she messaged the magical beast, making it act according to her will. The creature, as she saw him in her mind, stalked through the woods, stealthy in its movements. The lengthy tail slid with dexterity around and over objects with its fins pulling up and then crashing down. Then, she sent the creature the urge to take flight. As she opened her eyes, the beast soared above, gliding despite the hefty weight of its body. Another inhuman cry cut through the treetops. Beautiful and frightening all at the same time, the obvious confusion of the beast tapped at her conscious as it landed. Messaging it again with the images in her mind, she let it take off in a feral run in her imagination.
Safe again for the moment, she had given herself a reprieve from facing him. Then, the first rational thought seeped its way in as the panic slowly subsided. A chill slithered down her spine. When she came up with a way to safely turn him back and get him off her island, he'd be unfathomably vexed at her for casting such a spell over him. How was she to reverse what she had just done in response to fear and anger and sexual need and pain? How would she do so without exposing herself to him as the wyrdling his mother had accused her of being?
Although she tried incessantly not to give a tinker’s damn, she'd found herself in quite a scrape. She had only compounded her problems. Trembling and exhausted, she chose the escape of sleep lest she do anything else tonight to harm herself or Edmund. She would in the morning begin looking up spells to make him forget it all, his transformation, his time here, his love for her…and then send him back to England to his soon-to-be bride.
However, as she fell asleep that night to the sounds of the creature she had created, it was not its beastly body that kept creeping into her thoughts. Instead, she saw the man. In her head, it had been indeed safe to come out from behind the brush and welcome him to the island with open arms, thankful for his safe travels. She played it out as it could have gone, cursing her vivid imagination for the imagining so life like it could have been a memory.
“My darling Aubrey! I am so thankful that I have found you safe,” he exclaimed in a rush of breath as he pulled her into his arms and hugged her in a suffocating embrace. She felt his muscles tense against hers as her feet left the earth. No sooner he had her up than he placed her back down, grabbed her face in his hands and crushed his lips against hers. She kissed him back, tangling his hair in her fingers before fisting it.
His tongue pushed against her enflamed lips and she opened them for him. Their tongues fought for dominance claiming each other’s mouths. Her heart burst in her chest. Possessively biting at her lip, he finally pulled her head away from his own and gazed down upon her.
“You are well, right?” he inquired.
“Yes, My Lord,” she answered, not embarrassed by the breathless, soft stuttering of her words.
“Ah, I feared I would never hear you call me that again.” She saw the tears rimming his eyes, and similarly some stung her own. “I am so sorry for what my mother did to you. I got home and went crazy when I found out you were gone. Of course, that was nothing compared to my ire when I read your note.”
When his hands gripped her hair, she placed hers on his chest to soothe him, only to feel the rampant beat of his heart. “Calm down. You are here with me again now. Please tell me that Lord and Lady Sanderly are well, though. If you are here, then your mother…”
“No, I know everything, and I took care of her as well as her threats and lies. I have silenced my mother once and for all. She will give us no more trouble, nor Lord and Lady Sanderly. Imagine the insanity of her accusing you of being magical.”
“I had to protect them,” she cried.
“I know you did, and I will never be able to forgive my mother for separating us for even a minute longer than necessary. I love you, and only you. You knew that. I thought you knew that.”
Happy tears came even as the Edmund in her dreams said the words she had longed to hear him say, the words she dreamed could change everything for them.
“I did, but…”
“I know, my mother. I am
so sorry,” he finished for her, his face tight, his pain evident without feeling the waves of it crashing over her.
“Shush now. We will go back to my villa, and I shall make you something to eat. Surely you are famished after your journey. You can tell me all about it then.”
She found herself to be smiling in her bed as she smiled at the Edmund in her fantasy. Her mind the only place she could make everything right so easily, she could make him say all the right words and touch her in all the right places. Set to wither away an old maid, her vivid imagination would be her only refuge.
In her fantasy world, she led him hand in hand to the shelter of her own villa, which became more tolerable with him in it. They had spent the length of the walk staring at one another as if looking away would make the other disappear.
She brought him water from the spring to wash up with, and watched as he splashed it over his face. She observed his hands, the way his strong fingers worked the bar of soap into a lather, and knew just how they would feel working the apex of flesh between her thighs.
Wanting to care for his every need, she began preparing bannocks. Sharing a meal, they stole glances at each other and shared smiles. In her mind, she did not bother with any more conversation. He had come for her with a sincere apology, and assurances his mother would harm no one.
Her sleepy, delusional imaginings free to continue, in her mind's eye she cleaned up from the meal. He took steady steps toward her until his rock hard chest threatened her sanity. She fell into step with him, his thighs brushing hers a time or two in the process. He stopped when her back pressed up against the wall, and his solid front molded the softness of her own. His unsteady breath blew warm over her hair to match the heat of his body infiltrating hers. Placing his hands on the wall, he trapped, her making his arms her prison.
“Do not ever leave me again, my love.”
His words harsh, they began with a flash of anger set within the intense darkness of his eyes. His tone trailed off to one of austere command as his gaze narrowed. Her heart raced, willing him to melt any lingering resolve with his touch, to possess her heart, her body, and her soul as he hovered over her like a beast whose attack grew ever imminent.