by Gina Kincade
On the rush of his exhale, he stammered, shaking his head slightly back and forth, “I had no idea such a thing as real magic existed. Please, I beg of you to listen to me. Remember what we mean to each other, and the trust we always had…or at least I thought we had. I can understand why you kept this from me. But, being away from you and thinking I may have lost you forever makes it easy to forgive you for anything. However, you must know that I am not transforming myself back into a man if that is what you are accusing me of. I had nothing to do with it, and no control over any of this. I have missed you so much. It is surreal just to be standing here in your presence.” His ramblings kept time with the pounding of his heart.
“Cut the loving gentleman act! I ought to have known better than to expect an honest answer out of you, or anyone else in your cursed family.” Her comparison of him to his family sliced through him like a dull knife as she had surely intended it to. He had no idea how to get out of this devil’s scrape he now found himself in. “If you are not a witch, then how do you explain your ability to shift yourself back into a man so easily? I know that I am not the one doing it! I created the spell. I didn't reverse it.”
“I do not know. If you are not doing it, then I just do not know.” He stated the words simply, not breaking his stare. He pleaded, no longer able to hold back his own tears built of longing and frustration, having not cried since a small boy. “I do not harbor any less than noble intentions. You have got to believe me. I swear I have no idea what is going on, but, I have many questions.”
His mother had taught him that magic was a thing of the devil, although he had never known anyone who possessed any such abilities. He knew he stood little chance of convincing her of his innocence when he could not explain any of it to himself, not even her magic. With Aubrey, his title and his fortune had never meant anything, and so they proved useless to him now also. They would gain him no credibility, and yet he refused to back down from her gaze. He had nothing to hide.
“Can I please have something, anything, to wear?” he said, in an astute attempt to show his respect for her position. He strained to keep his voice even and low also. “Can I just converse with you without you turning me into a beast or frog or something else entirely?” He hoped she had caught the joke in his attempt to lighten the mood and stay with her.
“I have quite a few questions for you, too," she said, her words followed by a great sigh. "But, I warn you, one false move and I will turn you into a bug and squash you. My magic is great—a match for any witch.”
If she had meant to sound convincing, she had failed herself miserably. But, he was not about to plume himself on it. It would not get him closer to what he desired most in this life: her.
“I swear you have nothing to fear. If I had magic, would not I have done more by now than just turn myself back into a man? And, why would I have stayed in that form all night if I could do such a thing? If what you propose is true, could I not have turned myself back into a man and come to you with a spell of my own under the dark of night rather than languishing by the water?” He followed her eyes downward, and he knew his body in its state of arousal did not give him any credibility. “Let me apologize about my obvious predicament, but each time you turn me into that thing, excitement, for lack of a better word, takes over my body. And, standing before you now, unable to touch you or be touched by you, does nothing to quell said matters.”
“Really?” Her voice had softened a touch, and he saw a glimmer of hope—a possibility of getting through to her. “It is so comforting with all that has happened that you still find me attractive,” she said with bitterness clipping off the end of each word.
His hope shattered like a rock smashing into a mirror.
“Aubrey…”
“No! Wait. The first time you changed back, were you looking at me also?”
He noticed the hesitation as she phrased the question, making it obvious she thought through the words as she spoke them.
“Yes, I was. Why do you ask?”
“The sexual energy must enhance your weak magic, allowing your desires to override my spell. I mean, your magic must be weak for me not have noticed it before. So, I get it now. Stop the act. Every witch knows sexual energy is the most powerful. You tap into it to override my spell. Crafty, I must say.”
“But, I am no witch!” He had spoken louder than he had intended to, and he felt his fingernails biting into the palms of his hands as self-imposed punishment.
“Truly?”
She moved as close as she could to him without touching him and looked intensely into his eyes as if she conjured another spell. He refused to back down from her challenge, still feeling the dominance of the beast. Somehow, although he had no mind as to how, he'd prove to her that he told the truth.
“Truly, I am no witch.” He spoke breathless as he fought to keep his hands to himself when she still stood so close to his naked form.
His cock jumped a bit until it brushed silk again. He let her search him and evaluate him with her penetrating eyes. He swore he could feel her magic coursing through him. Then, she backed up.
“I see nothing in your eyes that would lead me not to believe you, and I sense none of the negativity that accompanies those who do lie. I sense your confusion, though. In all of the time we were together and in all of the things we have shared, I do not know how you could have kept something like this from me. I would have felt it. I don’t know how I could not have felt it. Maybe I wanted what I felt from you, to be love, so I read it as such.”
“Aubrey, please, we have much to discuss. Please allow me that. Can you not feel how much I sincerely love you?”
“Fine, we can talk, but I am still unsure of you. Come in, but do not think for a minute I will let my guard down. Be aware, I can feel the magic coursing through you now. I will know if you are about to use it against me. You may find yourself a tiny pebble before this is over. Try feeling sexual arousal as a tiny stone to reverse my spell. I am trusting you a bit here. Do not make us both regret it!”
Her threats only proved how far they had to go, but he was willing to do whatever it took for however blessed long it took to make her walk freely into his arms again. Then, he could ravage those luscious lips which spewed her weary warnings.
She turned as if to walk away. Only, the instant he attempted to follow her, she turned back toward him, paused, and finally said, “I should have something you can put on to cover yourself.”
As she turned from him again, he could sense her pain and her confusion as if they were his own. He knew not how. Just the same, he would have gladly taken the unfavorable feelings if it meant he could lift them from her. Without a shadow of a doubt, he also knew he had to temper his anger for his mother lest she misread it. As he followed her into the cottage, even her exacerbated sigh grew into a ray of hope.
Chapter Eight
As the naked Edmund followed her into her temporary home, she tried to use her mind to stop her trembling and to subdue her own state of arousal. She flipped through her clothing with a desperate need to cover the part of his body which seemed to be reaching out for her. She gave him a shawl to tie around his waist, the best she could do, lest he wear a dress.
She fled the room, not wanting to see him manhandle his manhood as he would surely struggle to tie the material around him. Only moments later, he came into the kitchen with an amazing bulge pushing out under the knot of the silk. She had to talk herself into looking away. But first, she saw him smirk as he caught the placement of her gaze before her brain won out over her impulses.
As she struggled to maintain a semblance of control over her eyes, it dawned on her to offer him something to eat. The distraction would be a relief. There had to be something else to look at in her kitchen other than his well toned abdominal muscles, his defined arms, or the chiseled structure of his face.
“Let me get you something to eat. You must be starved. I have only some fresh vegetables and berries.” The similarity to last ni
ght’s fantasy gave her pause. She stumbled over her next words as her errant mind went right to the part in one of her numerous fantasies where her hands had stumbled over his erection, “You live simply off what the land provides here.”
She turned from him, clamping her eyes shut as if it could erase her thoughts and hide the fact she wiped sweaty palms on her gown. “So, what questions do you have?” she tried to ask as nonchalantly as she could.
“Why do you keep assuming I am a witch just because I transformed back? Why did I have to do it? And, why did you turn me into that thing in the first place? What was I?” She jumped and turned back toward him when his hand hit the table with his last question. “Sorry. Please understand why I am a bit frazzled. I traveled a long way, dealing with my fears of harm having come to you or of never finding you. Only, when I did find you here, you turned me into a beast. I have to endure the fact you didn’t believe in me enough. To think I could marry Lady Elizabeth and want you as a mistress hurts. I am enduring that cut. As well, I have to swallow that you kept your magic from me, although I will give you we have not known each other long. I thought we had something which went beyond our short time together. I am more than willing to see past all of these things to just be with you again.”
She took a moment to grab the bowl of berries and place them before him, conscious of not thumping the bowl onto the table as she began. In his well-spoken synopsis, she didn't come out smelling like a rose. She was breaking. She knew it. In spite of her wavering, she thought she must hold onto her mistrust a bit longer before falling into his arms. His denial of his obvious magic with such a sincere straight face made no sense at all.
“I assume you are a witch because I know the magic which is required to override a spell like the one I cast on you. There is no one else here with the magic to have done it.” She paused, and then sighed. “I transformed you to protect myself in a moment of shock and insanity after seeing you again. My apologies for that. I did not expect you to find me. I knew not what to believe of you. I panicked. We had only been together a short time. Your mother said you had agreed to allow me to be your mistress after marrying Lady Elizabeth. I was not going to allow you to even propose such a thing. So, again, I panicked, acted rashly with my spell. I was planning on erasing this whole event from your mind, as well as your love for me, before sending you back to a life that is better for you.” She gave him what she felt she could and had trouble with even that small admission of vulnerability.
She swallowed hard despite the dryness of her mouth. Forcing herself to eat a berry just for the juice, she hoped she could consume it with her stomach churning in protest.
“Erasing my love!” He looked down at the table and shook his head, the sound emanating from him some odd mixing of a growl and a whimper. “How could you believe…protect yourself from...from a man who came a long way searching for the woman he loves?”
“Do you love me?" she asked through clenched teeth. "You hid your magic from me, as granted, I did you. However, in your case, with what your mother threatened, I have to wonder what your scheme was in withholding your truth when you already knew of mine.” Her heart seemed to stop beating as it awaited his next words.
Finally, it hit her again with a full, dizzying blow the danger his coming had put Lord and Lady Sanderly in. She could only guess at the damage Lady Dalysbury had done when Edmund left. With tear filled eyes, she looked up into the pain in his.
“I see your way of thinking, and I do not know how to convince you that I have no magical abilities, that I never knew of yours, and that I have no idea how my mother found out. I have no desire to marry Lady Elizabeth, nor make you my mistress. I will think of a way to make you believe in me. It cuts more than you can imagine that you do not.” He stopped talking and stopped looking at her as well.
They talked in circles. For her troubles, so far all she'd only managed being hard-headed, feeling the need to protect herself despite all of her instincts and desires to act otherwise.
“Please, Aubrey,” he said, only looking at her hand on the table just inches from his. “If I could perform some miracle like walking on water to get you to believe me, I would attempt it.”
“Can you?”
“Please, stop being so damn coy and stubborn. I am offering you anything I have to give. If I could but foresee the future, I would. And, I would offer it to you so that you could see the man I truly am. But, as I can not, I wish there were a way to make you forget the pain and the lies…to make you believe in what we had. What do you want from me?”
He looked up at her then, and she could only shake her head to answer. She didn’t know.
“At least that was honest," he stated flatly. "Can you not remember the sparks when we touched? Being against you was like having the angels and the demons, heaven and hell, all rejoicing together. Everything opposing in me was unified when I held you in my arms. May I ask again what you transformed me into?”
He'd spoken the words as if forcing them out over the ones he wanted to say. She watched his neck move as he swallowed hard, though he had not eaten anything.
“I am sorry," she replied, daring to look him in the eyes before continuing on to speak to the table between them. "Please, see where I am coming from. You have magical powers. I can feel them in you now, although I could not before. Yes, that makes no sense to me. I have no logical explanation for the matter. Still, I have to wonder why you are denying them. I have felt very little control over my future since I met you, and I will no longer allow myself to be a pawn in some aristocratic game.” She had let the last words go gently.
When he failed to speak, obviously burdened with so much more than just the silence, she continued, “I do, however, beg of your forgiveness in the misuse of my skills. There is no excuse for such a thing. I was out of my mind at the time, letting all the possibilities, even the insane ones, twist my thinking. It is all the frail excuse I can find anyway. I invoked the four elements and made you into something of my own imaginings. Yet, now that you have transformed yourself back, that may make you a shifter as well.” All she could do was answer his question as honestly as she could and pray he would do the same for her at some point.
“I do forgive you," he said, as if bursting with the words. "I have already said as much. I can not imagine the hell travel here was for you. My mother was despicable to have used my trip to her advantage. Her lies about my betrothal, her words of becoming a mistress, her…” He had said it so quickly and so freely before falling short of his full sentiment, that a round of sobs grew of her own guilt at having spelled him regardless of his intent toward her. “Please, believe me. Aubrey, look at me.”
She turned cautiously, not wanting him to think her afraid. She watched his eyes cloud over as he sat in silence, apparently putting together his thoughts. His eyes mesmerized with a magic all their own. They glistened with life even under the pain making them a little darker than usual. She sensed the negativity running through his thoughts and gave him time to form his words.
“I honestly do love you. When you left, a part of me left, and the rest of me died. I've realized I am nothing without you with me. I had been…never mind. I would have done anything to have you back with me again. I would still do anything to have you back again, loving me as you once did. I knew the first time I laid eyes upon you that I was not meant to marry Lady Elizabeth. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and have been trying to find the best means for everyone as to how to go about that. Please, you have to believe me. I know not of how I transformed into a man again.”
She really wanted to believe him, with every solitary fiber of her being, although she felt as if she would never stop trembling. If some amazing actor, she couldn't understand why he'd journeyed to be so. Here had been a long trip. He had made it for some reason. She would just protect herself from him if she needed to. On the other hand, she wasn't even sure what to be afraid of anymore. All she knew in this moment, on this surreal and deserted island
, when it felt as all had been lost, was that she did love him, too.
“Since you talked to your mother, you do know what coming here has done. She threatened that if I made you break your engagement, she would not only expose Lord and Lady Sanderly as witches, but embellish the truth. I am sure she has made good on her threats by now. My heart breaks for them. I can not believe how I have hurt them.”
“No, Aubrey. Please, do not cry.” He moved as if to comfort her, but stopped short of touching her arm resting on the table. “They are fine. She will dare not contact anyone lest I reveal her own secret and destroy her with it.”
“What secret?” She broke off trying to stop yet another outbreak of tears. Burying her face in her hands, nevertheless they came, and she wept openly in relief for a time hoping it true.
“I know my mother. She does nothing without threats. In a way, I guess I hoped that was what had happened. As wrong as it is, I could not bear the thought I had lost you of my own inadequacies.”
In but the blink of an eye, her crying fit ended, and she felt like she could spit venom. “What secret does your mother have?” she demanded.
She felt his hands on hers then, although now singularly focused on her own burning questions.
“If you love me then please do not touch me until we sort this out. We know the magic we can make physically. What we do not know is…” Her voice hitched, and she gave up trying to speak.
“Okay, we do this on your terms. I will do whatever you ask, whatever it takes, for as long as it will take.”
“At this moment, all which matters to me is the safety of my family, the explanation of how you transformed twice back into a man, and your mother’s secret.”
Her heart skipped a beat as she saw the tears coming from his eyes. She wanted to recklessly fall into his embrace, comfort what pain he experienced, and make love with him for the rest of her life.