“I’m going home to grab dinner and a shower.”
“Take your time, honey,” Mama Dee said. “We’ll hold down the fort. Right, Abs?”
“Right.” Abby tried to smile, but she was worried about Paul.
After Mom Rachel left and Paul, Mama Dee, and Abby talked for a while, Mama Dee turned to Abby. “I know it’s late, but I’m going to buy a cup of coffee from the cafeteria. You knuckleheads want anything? Paul?” She pointed to his food tray. “Would you like me to try to find you something a bit, um, tastier?”
He shook his head. “Nah. My stomach doesn’t feel too good. I’m skipping eating anything tonight.”
Mama Dee raised her eyebrows. “You’ll need to eat to keep up your strength for this. Plus, your stomach might feel better with at least a little food in it.”
“I’m good,” Paul said, but he looked like he might throw up.
Mama Dee turned to Abby. “How about you, pumpkin? Want a drink or something to snack on?”
Even though Abby was hungry, she didn’t want to eat in front of Paul if he felt sick. “I’m good. Thanks.”
“Okay.” Mama Dee gave a salute, patted her purse, and headed out into the hall.
Abby sat on a chair at the foot of Paul’s bed and chewed on her thumbnail because she felt a little nervous being in Paul’s hospital room without her moms. Then she took her finger out of her mouth, thinking about all the germs that were in a hospital.
“How was school, Six-Pack? Anyone talking to you yet?”
Abby shook her head. She didn’t want to discuss school. She liked walking there and walking home with Conrad, but not the lonely feelings in between. To change the subject, Abby asked, “Does it hurt?”
“What?” Paul pressed the button to raise the back of his bed higher.
“You know.” Abby pointed to his wrist. “That.”
Paul lifted his arm with the IV. “Nah. It hurt a little when she first put it in, but now I’m used to it.” He pointed to the IV pole on wheels that the bags of chemotherapy drugs hung on. “But I don’t like having to take this stupid thing to the bathroom with me. It’s weird being attached to it because it has to go wherever I go. Can’t wait until I’m unhooked at the end of the week and can go home. I miss my bed. And Miss Lucy. I miss the sound of frogs croaking in the canal out back.”
“It’s lonely at night knowing you’re not in your room across the hall. Fudge misses you too.”
“Aw, Six-Pack. How can you tell Fudge misses me?”
Abby bit her bottom lip. “I just know these things, Paul.”
A male nurse bustled into the room and up to Paul’s bedside. “Okay. Time to take your IV out.”
“Huh?” Paul leaned back in his bed. “It’s only Tuesday.”
The nurse put on his medical gloves. “Don’t worry. It won’t hurt.”
“I’m not worried,” Paul said.
Abby thought Paul sounded worried.
“Where’s Nurse Nicole?” Paul asked.
“She’s helping other patients. I’m a traveling nurse. I’m helping out on this floor today.”
“Wait? What?” Paul’s voice rose. “I think I’m supposed to be hooked up to this all week.”
The nurse smiled, like Paul was a little kid who didn’t know what he was talking about.
Does Paul know what he is talking about? The nurse should know what’s going on. Right? Abby wondered if she should say something and support her brother. Or maybe go look for Nurse Nicole out in the hall and ask if Paul is supposed to be unhooked from his medications this early. Abby wished Mama Dee would come back so she could handle this.
“Okay. Here we go,” the nurse said, approaching Paul’s IV.
“No!” Paul pulled his arm away. “Go get Nurse Nicole! She knows what’s going on.”
“That won’t be necessary,” the male nurse said. “I can take care of this. Removing an IV is a piece of cake.”
“But—”
“Seriously.” The nurse put a hand on Paul’s shoulder. “Relax, buddy. It’ll be okay.”
Paul looked like he was about to punch the guy. Abby knew she should sprint into the hall and get help. Paul couldn’t do it himself because he was attached to the IV and the nurse was blocking his way.
Nurse Nicole walked into the room, a big smile on her face. “My shift is ending, Paul. I came in to say—” She shook her head. “What are you doing in this room?”
The traveling nurse held up his gloved hands. “I’m removing his IV like you asked.”
Nurse Nicole stepped between Paul and the nurse. “I asked you to remove the IV of the patient in room 508. That’s next door.”
“Oh,” the traveling nurse said.
“Paul is supposed to stay hooked up all week.”
“Like I was telling you!” Paul’s cheeks were an angry shade of pink.
“It’s okay.” Nurse Nicole squeezed Paul’s shoulder. “Please go next door. Into room 508.”
The male nurse skirted out of Paul’s room as Mama Dee came in with a paper cup of steaming coffee. “Where’s he off to in such a hurry?”
Everyone stared at Mama Dee.
“What?”
“Long story,” Paul said.
Nurse Nicole looked directly at Paul. “Don’t you worry. He won’t set foot in your room again.” As she left, she mumbled, “Or in this hospital, if I can help it.”
While Paul explained to Mama Dee what had happened, Abby willed her heartbeat to slow. But it wouldn’t quit pounding.
“I’m so sorry,” Mama Dee said. “I should have been here.”
Abby’s shoulders sank. She was here. She should have done something to help her brother. It was an emergency, and she’d remained quiet. Miranda and Laura might be mean girls, but they were absolutely right about her. She wouldn’t speak up in an emergency… even if it meant saving her brother.
* * *
On the walk home from school Friday afternoon in the middle of October, Abby and Conrad talked about their perfect date.
“Valentine’s Day seems so far away,” Abby said.
“It really does,” Conrad agreed. “We could always go out somewhere before then.”
Abby felt an electric pulse go from her toes all the way up to the top of her scalp. “That would be nice.”
“Want to come over?” Conrad asked. “To figure out where else we should go?”
Abby squeezed her hands into fists, her barely-there fingernails digging into her palms. “Can’t. Paul’s coming home soon. First week of chemo done. I want to be there when he gets home.”
“Sure. I could come over to your house.”
Abby bit her bottom lip. “I’m actually not allowed to have anyone over when my moms aren’t home.”
Conrad nodded. “So, how long before Paul’s next treatment?”
“My mom said it would be three weeks if he was doing well.”
Conrad crossed his fingers. “Hope everything goes great and he can be done with all this soon.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“Well, bye, Abby.”
Her name sounded so good when Conrad said it. It sent a shiver racing along her spine. Abby held up a hand in a wave, hoping Conrad didn’t notice the heat filling her cheeks.
As he walked across the grass between their houses, he called, “Think of something fun we could do together.”
“I will.”
Abby floated into the house. She grabbed a drink, then walked Miss Lucy, hoping she’d see Conrad outside, but she didn’t. After spending time with Fudge, Abby worked on her endless afghan until she got bored, then grabbed her notebook and a pen.
Waiting Is Hard
Waiting for Paul to come home,
To know how he’s doing,
To know if he’ll get well
Is hard.
Waiting for Valentine’s Day to arrive,
To have a perfect date
With a perfect boy
Is hard.
Waiting for the th
ings that matter,
The things that change your life
For good or for bad
Is hard.
When the car pulled into the driveway, Mom Rachel hopped out and opened the back door. Mama Dee rushed around. They both supported Paul.
Abby flung the door wide open.
Miss Lucy stood at the doorway, barking and running in circles. Then she peed, and everyone had to step around it while Abby grabbed an old towel to clean it up.
“Nice homecoming, Miss Lucy,” Mom Rachel said.
Abby thought she saw a faint smile on Paul’s lips. He adored that dog.
“Want us to help you to your room?” Mom Rachel asked.
“Couch,” Paul managed, and they supported him there.
Abby ran and got the pillow from Paul’s bed and put it under his head. She knew he liked that pillow best.
“Thanks.” Paul curled onto the couch, closed his eyes, and began breathing deeply.
Mama Dee put a strong arm around Abby’s shoulders. “He’s going to be tired for a while. The chemo really knocked him out.”
It was hard for Abby to wrap her head around something as innocent-looking as a plastic bag of liquid medicine making her tall, strong brother so weak that he needed his moms to help him into the house.
“Let’s let him sleep,” Mom Rachel said.
As if she’d heard and understood, Miss Lucy jumped onto the couch and curled herself near Paul’s feet.
“You’re such a good dog.” Mom Rachel patted Miss Lucy’s head.
Abby worried that maybe it wasn’t the chemo that made Paul look so pale, that perhaps it was the cancer and no one realized it, but she kept those worries to herself. Her moms seemed to have enough on their minds.
The two of them went into the kitchen together.
“Guess I’d better face those bills,” Mom Rachel said. “Got the first one from his surgery. Whoa. I’ll see if the hospital will work with us on that, maybe set up a payment plan.”
“I’ll make you a cup of tea,” Mama Dee said.
“Might need something stronger than tea to face these bills.”
Mama Dee laughed, but it had a sad echo to it.
Abby felt a stab of guilt for not helping Mom Rachel with her cooking videos. It was a small thing, but if her mom could make more videos, she’d make more money from advertisers and selling her e-cookbook, and that would help with the bills.
Miss Lucy let out a loud snore, which made Abby laugh.
Paul didn’t even open his eyelids.
Abby went back to crocheting the endless afghan. It was something for her to do while she watched over Paul. He seemed to be shivering even though it wasn’t cold in the house. In fact, Abby felt like she was melting with the heavy afghan on her lap as she crocheted.
That’s when Abby figured out what to do with her endless afghan.
She laid it down on her chair and went into the kitchen.
Mom Rachel was at the counter with a pile of papers, her computer, a mug of steaming tea, and a giant crease between her eyebrows. She glanced up at Abby. “Need something?”
Abby shook her head and got a pair of scissors from the drawer. “Mom, is there any way I can, you know, help out?”
Mom Rachel tilted her head, then looked at the bills. “No, honey. Your job is school. Your mom and I will take care of everything else.”
I have another job, Abby thought. Taking care of Paul.
She went to the living room, snipped the yarn, and tied it off. Then she carefully laid the enormous multicolored afghan over her shivering brother.
Paul’s eyelids flickered. He shifted under the afghan and smiled.
Abby knew her giant afghan was exactly where it was supposed to be—keeping her brother warm and comforted while he recuperated from his first round of chemotherapy.
Unexpected Moments
Exactly two weeks later, a couple days before Halloween, Abby and Paul were at the table playing Monopoly.
“Come on, Six-Pack. You know you want to buy that railroad.”
“I’m trying a different strategy this time.” Abby bit her thumbnail.
“What? Losing?”
“No, I’ll still win.” Just not by as much as usual.
“Okay.” Paul shook his head. “I’m going to have to whup your butt and teach you a lesson about being nice.”
“Oh yeah, what lesson is that?”
Paul pulled the endless afghan up higher around his shoulders. “That I will appreciate and never take advantage of you… except when it comes to trouncing you in Monopoly.”
“Oh yeah, tough guy? Wait until—”
The doorbell rang, and Miss Lucy charged to the window beside the door, barking her princess-y head off.
Paul raised his eyebrows.
Abby shrugged. “I’ll go see.”
She looked through the window and paused. Then she opened the door and stood out of the way.
Paul’s voice was quiet. “Jake?”
Jake grabbed his baseball cap off his head and wrung it in his hands. “Yeah.” He walked over to the table. “Mind if I sit?”
Abby had never seen Jake so… shy. There was absolutely no flexing of his muscles or loud, confident voice going on today.
“Nah.” Paul pushed the afghan off his shoulders onto the back of the chair, and it fell to the floor, but he didn’t reach down to pick it up.
Abby rushed over to get it.
Paul put up a hand. “Leave it.”
Abby knew that meant she should leave too, but she gave Jake a quick stink eye for not showing up when her brother needed him. She purposely moved slowly toward her room so she could hear what they were saying.
“So, why weren’t you…?” Paul didn’t finish the question.
“I’m sorry, man. I couldn’t…” Jake didn’t finish either.
Abby was at the door of her bedroom and couldn’t hear their conversation anymore.
She sat in front of Fudge’s tank and whispered, “Paul’s lucky Jake came back.”
Fudge opened his mouth as if he were about to offer his opinion.
“I know, little buddy,” Abby said. “I wish Cat would come back too.”
Abby took out her phone and sent Cat a long text.
It’s been lots of bad news and good news lately. Bad news is Paul’s treatment has been hard on him. He’s exhausted and cold all the time. Good news is Conrad and I are planning a perfect date on Valentine’s Day. Bad news is I’m worried about Paul and how he’ll get through all these treatments. Good news is his friend Jake finally showed up. Although he should have been there for Paul sooner. At least Ethan’s been there for Paul through everything so far. Cat, I hope you’re having a more-good-news-than-bad-news kind of day there in Israel. Miss you so much. Xoxo, Abs
Abby waited a long time, but there was no reply from Cat. Then she opened her notebook and wrote a poem she’d been mentally composing all day at school.
Alone
Sometimes you can be
Surrounded by people and their
Clanky, Clattery, Chattery
Noise, NOISE, NOISE!
And still feel very quietly…
Alone.
* * *
Cat’s reply came the next morning:
Good news: I’ve made some new friends, and there are cute boys in my class.
Bad news: Mom works a LOT of hours, and I’m by myself in this tiny apartment.
Miss you, too!
Hugs and hedgehogs,
Cat
Abby was pretty sure Halloween would stink without Cat there, but Conrad came over to her house dressed as a basketball player—wearing a numbered jersey with a basketball under his arm.
“I know,” he said. “Totally unoriginal.”
“It’s fine.” Abby grinned and flipped on the hood of her green sweatshirt. “Guess what I am?”
“Cold?”
Abby laughed. “Nope.” She was actually too warm because it still wouldn’t cool o
ff in South Florida for a couple more weeks. “Guess again.”
Conrad sat on the arm of the couch. “I don’t know. Kermit the Frog?”
“Ribbit.” Abby flipped the hood back down. “A turtle. I’m a turtle.”
He nodded slowly. “Okay. Green jacket. I get it.”
She turned around to show him the turtle shell she drew on the back of her jacket with markers.
“Now, that’s cool,” Conrad said.
“Hey!” Mom Rachel came out with Mama Dee following close behind.
They modeled their costumes. They were each wearing chef’s hats—toques—and aprons.
“Not really a costume since you both are, you know, chefs,” Abby said.
“It’s the best we could do on short notice,” Mama Dee said. “Hey, do you guys want to help us give out candy?”
Mom Rachel held up a big orange bowl, filled with mini candy bars.
“Can’t,” Abby said. “Conrad and I are going to walk around the neighborhood and get our own candy.”
“Probably our last year to do that.” He hunched his shoulders.
Abby thought she might be too old to go trick-or-treating, but she really wanted to go one last time. Conrad was a whole year older. He probably felt extra uncomfortable about it. “Yes,” Abby said. “Definitely our last year.”
“We can help you give out candy when we get back,” Conrad said.
Abby hoped Conrad didn’t want to rush back because he felt uncomfortable. She loved trick-or-treating, or at least she did when she went with Cat. It was fun to be in costume and pretend to be someone else for a few hours. Somehow, it helped her be more social. Of course, tonight’s turtle costume would not lend itself to socializing.
“Or I can do it.” Paul patted his greasy hair and wiped his nose with a crumpled tissue. “Maybe I’ll scare the little kids without wearing a costume.”
Mama Dee gave him a playful shove. “We’d love your help.”
“But maybe you shouldn’t be around all those little kids,” Mom Rachel said. “Your cell counts are at their lowest point right now.”
“I don’t care, Mom.”
“I care! The last thing you need is to catch something your body won’t be able to fight off.”
Abby, Tried and True Page 11