by S. E. Harmon
“Okay, then what about Samuel? Paul? Abraham? Was their murder part of the plan?” I paused. “Or just a way you could be with the man you really wanted, even if it was only for a little while?”
“Maybe it was.” His mouth flattened into a straight line. “Don’t we all deserve a little happiness?”
“You drugged them.”
“I had to. They wouldn’t stop saying things that ruined everything. I’m not Mason. Please let me go,” he mocked. “After I drugged them, they were more pliant. More… understanding. They knew who was in control. They would do anything I asked.”
Samuel’s words in my dream ran through my head again, and I said them aloud without thinking. “I can do better,” I said softly. “I can be whoever you want me to be.”
He stared at me for a few seconds. “I knew you saw them. I fucking knew it. There’s no way you would’ve found them otherwise.” He swore. “Which one of them told you?”
“Does it matter?”
Do they matter? Did you even know their names? It was hard to stay calm. A lot of innocent people had lost their lives in his sick, twisted fantasy.
“How long did you keep them?”
“No more than a month. I kept Samuel the longest.” His intense stare dropped. “The drug cocktail I used was hard on them long-term. I finally let them go when I could tell their minds were slipping.”
I had a feeling it wasn’t because he was so kind. “Because they couldn’t keep up the fantasy,” I said, more to myself than anything else.
He didn’t confirm my suspicions, but I didn’t need him to. If they couldn’t say the right things and act the right way, then they weren’t Mason. And if they weren’t Mason, they were of no use to Casey.
“I killed them quickly, so they didn’t suffer.”
You’re a prince among men. I gritted my teeth. “I know you did. Hurting people isn’t who you are, Casey. So why did you hurt Mason?”
“He asked me to meet him at the park that day. He was so excited.” He shook his head. “I’d waited so long for him to admit that he was gay. Three marriages. Then I waited for him to dump that Carter creep, and he finally did. I was done waiting for him to see what was right in front of him.”
“What did he say when you told him?”
“I never got the chance. He bounced up all excited about his new relationship. He told me he was moving in with some guy named Hunter, and he couldn’t wait for us to meet. He called us the two most important people in his life.” His voice rose to a higher pitch as he mocked Mason. “I hope you guys get along. It’s so important to me.”
“I’m sorry,” I said quietly.
His shoulders drooped. “I just couldn’t believe it. How could he be in love with someone else already?”
“What happened next?”
“You know what happened next. Fuck this,” he shouted. “Why the hell am I rehashing old history?”
He stepped up on the ledge. “Casey. Listen to me.” I strove for a calm tone, even as my heartbeat thundered in my ears. “If you do this now, no one will ever hear your side from your own mouth. They won’t know the truth.”
“Maybe that’s all right,” he snapped. “I know. Mason knows.”
“What about the rest of them? Paul and Samuel and Mark and Gregory? Don’t their families deserve closure?”
“I didn’t… I never meant to hurt them.”
“Then talk to me. You wanted someone to listen.” I pressed a hand flat on my chest. “I’m listening.”
Casey looked like he’d rather chew nails than continue. “What else is there to say? I did what I did. I can’t take it back.” He shook his head derisively. “All because Mason didn’t love me the way I needed him to.”
“Did you ever tell him how you felt?” I asked, my voice tinged with frustration. “How you really felt?”
“Not in so many words.”
“It’s three words.”
“You… you don’t understand!” His face suffused with anger. The white ridges that crisscrossed the right side of his face were more prominent than I’d ever seen them. “How could someone who looks like you understand what’s it’s like going through life looking like me?”
“You thought he would reject you.”
“Who wouldn’t?” His eyes were troubled. I had a feeling he wasn’t staring at me, but through me. I wondered for the umpteenth time if he was distracted enough for me to get him off the ledge. “He could’ve had anyone. Why would he settle for someone like me?”
“I would’ve said yes,” Mason said quietly, making me jump. I’d forgotten he was even there. He moved forward a few steps hesitantly. “I would’ve given him a chance if I knew how deeply he felt. He was my best friend.”
“He was my best friend.” It took me a second to realize it wasn’t an echo, but Casey saying the same damn thing. “He should’ve known how I felt.”
“And that means you get to take his life?”
“Of course not.”
Mason’s hands balled into fists at his sides. “But that’s what you did!”
“You wanted your answers,” I reminded him gently. “Calm down so we can hear the rest.”
“I am calm,” Casey said, his voice harsh. “I came there with my heart on my sleeve, ready to declare my love for him, only to hear he’s already moving in with another guy.”
“I didn’t know,” Mason cried out. “You never said anything.”
“Then he turned and walked away from me,” Casey said. When I just stared at him, his voice got louder and angrier. “Fucking walked away from me.”
“And you couldn’t let that happen.”
He swiped at his eyes, his tears mixing with the rain. “He kept walking and I… I hit him before I even realized I was going to do it. He went down hard.”
Mason made a choked sound next to me, and I looked at him again. It was difficult keeping a neutral expression. Blood trickled down his temple as his hand flew to his throat. The fingerprints appeared again underneath his hand, stark against his pale skin.
“Then you strangled him,” I said flatly.
“I had no choice. He was sprawled out on the ground, unconscious. He never even knew what hit him. Don’t you see?” His gaze beseeched me to understand. “There was no coming back from what I’d done. I put my hands around his neck and… God, I can’t believe….”
He jammed a hand through his soaked hair. “I told him I loved him. I told him the entire time.”
“What did you do after?”
“It was like waking from a fog. Everything felt so surreal, like I was outside of my body, watching someone else do these horrible things. I almost expected someone to put cuffs on me right away. But no one was there. The park was still. Silent.” He looked bewildered. “I couldn’t believe it. I stood there for a minute before the panic set in. I decided to put his body in my trunk until I could figure out what to do with it.”
“Why did you kill Hunter?”
“I didn’t even know Hunter was there. He was waiting for Mason in the car. I stumbled up to the parking lot to get my car, and there he was, smoking a cigarette. I had blood on my hands. My shirt. The cigarette fell out of his mouth and he started screaming and screaming.” His gaze was haunted when it met mine. “I told him to shut up, shut up, shut up. I put my hands around his throat and squeezed, hard… so fucking hard.”
I couldn’t quite find words for a moment. It was long enough to draw him out of his memories again. He frowned. “You think I’m a monster.”
Yes. “It doesn’t matter what I think,” I finally said.
“The sick part about it was that I felt… relieved. Mason couldn’t leave me. He couldn’t walk away.” He took a deep breath. “I’m so sorry. I just loved him so much.”
That was apparently enough for Mason. His tone was level but strained. “You can’t let him jump.”
“I’m working on it,” I murmured.
“Work faster.”
“We’ll tell th
em what happened,” I said authoritatively to Casey. “They’ll understand.”
He shook his head. “I don’t think so.”
“Well, I do. You made some mistakes, Casey. But haven’t we all?” I held his gaze so he’d know I was trustworthy, and I was being completely straight with him. “Don’t make another. You’re not my first jumper. They always regret it.”
For the first time since I’d gotten on the roof, I felt like he was hearing me. “I never thought I’d be like one of those lunatics.” He let out a little disbelieving laugh. “Life, right?”
“They’re not lunatics,” I said. “They’re people who are desperate and don’t see a way out. And I’m here telling you that there is. I’m your way out.”
“I want them to know I’m sorry.” His gaze was troubled. “The families, you know?”
“I know,” I reassured him. “And you can apologize yourself. It might be just the thing you need.”
He looked at me doubtfully, weighing his options, and I saw the moment he made up his mind. He stepped toward me, and I let out a breath I didn’t even know I was holding. “That’s it,” I said. “One step at a time.”
I let out a relieved breath and then things went to shit. Again.
His foot shot off the slippery ledge. I didn’t wait to see if he could catch his balance—instead, I lunged forward, just as his other foot met air. It was almost like things had slowed down and sped up all at the same time. My gaze locked with his as he disappeared over the edge.
“No!” I slammed against the ledge, the concrete hard against my belly, arm outstretched. I was almost shocked when I came up with a handful of his sodden shirt. I had a moment of shocked silence to realize I’d grabbed a piece of him, and just in the nick of time.
I did it. I actually fucking did it!
Then his body weight hit like a counterbalance and started pulling me over the edge. “Oh, shit,” I croaked.
“Please don’t let me go!” Casey cried out, his expression one of sheer terror. “I don’t want to die. Not like this.”
That would’ve been a helpful thought before you took a long stroll off a short fucking pier.
All right, so sue me, my last thoughts weren’t going to be charitable, but a drop of common sense went a long way—longevity doesn’t really go hand in hand with using a narrow ledge as a balance beam. Casey scrabbled at my wrist, breaking a link on my watch and sending my watch plummeting to its death.
Better it than us.
I grasped at his shirt with both hands, digging my knees into the concrete. It didn’t help much. I knew I had a decision to make. I couldn’t hold us both, and I couldn’t pull him up. But could I really let go of another human being, even as he scrabbled at my hands, crying that he didn’t want to die?
I realized the answer even as I tightened my grip in his shirt. No. I couldn’t. Even if it meant my own life, I had to try.
My waist cleared the ledge and suddenly I was a lot more vertical than horizontal. My vision swam as I looked away from the drop to the sidewalk. Only… I wasn’t going forward as quickly as I should have. I glanced back to see Mason’s hands locked around my waist, holding on tight.
“Cavalry’s almost here,” he managed. He couldn’t seem to summon enough strength to pull me backward, but he kept me from going forward, which was much appreciated.
“Don’t let go,” I bit out.
“I’ll try.” He grunted. “I just don’t know how much longer….”
He was much lighter than I’d ever seen him, almost like he was fading away. His face was taut with strain as he focused on harnessing energy. I didn’t know how long he had, but I had a feeling it wasn’t long. Even as the thought crossed my mind, he cried out and faded away completely. With no anchor to hold us back, Casey dragged me down a few more inches, and then a foot.
“Oh God,” I croaked.
Suddenly a hand gripped my belt and the back of my pants. I started going backward and then forward again. A familiar voice cursed and then shouted, “Are you fucking crazy?”
“Yes,” I answered definitively. “Yes, I am.”
“I can’t pull you both,” Danny growled. “You have to let him go. Tell him to grab onto something.”
“There’s nothing to grab on to.”
“Rain.” He was a rock, like he usually was, but I could hear the strain in his voice, and a hint of desperation. “Maybe you need to consider—”
“That’s not an option.” My arm ached like I’d done a hundred pull-ups. “If you can reach over me and grab him, I’ll just—”
“Fall off the building? Yeah. I really don’t think so.” Danny grunted as he pulled, and we came back another few inches. His fingers gripped the fabric of my pants so tight that I cried out in pain. He hauled me back another few painstaking inches. And then I heard fabric ripping.
“Holy shit,” another voice hollered. It sounded a lot like Kevin. Running footsteps sounded over crunching gravel as he yelled out, “Hang on, D!”
Suddenly our human ladder gained traction and we started going backward. The concrete scraped against my stomach as they towed us in, inch by excruciating inch. A few others joined the task and my feet touched the ground. Casey cleared the ledge a few seconds later and his hand slipped from mine as we both fell to the roof, limp and exhausted.
We lay there panting for a few seconds as rain pelted us. I felt weak as a kitten, my muscles actually shivering from the strain. The cold didn’t help—it had set into my bones and I wasn’t sure I’d ever be warm again.
Danny was the first to get up, and I watched him stagger to his feet. His first order of business was slamming Casey on his front aggressively. Judging from Danny’s brisk, short movements, he’d never enjoyed cuffing someone more.
Casey cooperated silently, his gaze trained on mine. “Christiansen,” he said when Danny finished reading him his rights. It was probably the angriest recitation of all time. “You’ll tell Mason I’m sorry?”
“He already knows.”
“Does he forgive me?”
From the way he was determined not to let you fall? “Yeah,” I said, thoroughly exhausted. “I get the feeling that he does.”
After a deputy led Casey off the roof and down the stairs, I finally got to my feet. Danny’s gaze on mine was inscrutable. His words from when we were in the shower came back to haunt me. You don’t even know what it is, and you go charging right in. Fuck, maybe he was right. After this latest stunt, he was probably going to order some bubble wrap in bulk. I only hoped he carved out an air hole before he rolled me up in it.
“I’m fine,” I said before he could ask. “And yes, I know that wasn’t the smartest thing I could’ve done.”
“Maybe the bravest,” he said, touching my jaw gently. “You care about people, Rain. That’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“But?”
“But the next time a suspect jumps off a fucking building, let it be a solo jump.”
“He didn’t jump,” I countered. “He slipped.”
“An unnecessary distinction,” he said. “Let’s try to keep your injuries to something doctors can fix. Preferably at an IcyHot level.”
The man had a point, even if I needed to get him back for giving me the world’s worst wedgie. I shook my leg, trying to get my boxers out of no-man’s-land, and finally gave up. They were probably up there forever now, which was going to make sex awkward.
Another thought occurred to me that made me groan. “Wait. Does this mean Kevin saved my life?”
“Yours and mine. I sure as hell wasn’t letting you go,” he informed me. “And you’d better believe he’s never going to let us forget it.”
“What could he really do to us?” I asked, trying not to think of all the horrible possibilities. “Maybe we could offer a boon before he extracts one. Like a year of babysitting.”
“St. James has five kids. Young kids,” Danny reminded me. “Do you want to ever have a weekend again?”
Yet another
good point. “Maybe we can make him some of his favorite treats. He loves cupcakes.”
“And that would be a fantastic idea if either one of us knew how to bake.”
“We’ll use a box mix, Daniel,” I declared. “Even we can figure out how to add oil and eggs to powder.”
“I’ll let you take point on that particular endeavor.”
I tried to smile, but it wobbled a little. I was pretty sure I’d never been that close to dying. That made me feel some kind of way. Whatever Danny saw on my face made his smile fall. Without warning, he pulled me in his arms. I stood there stunned, as Mr. I Hate PDA rubbed my back briskly. The three remaining officers chatting on the roof looked as stunned as I felt.
“People are looking,” I told him.
“Then maybe they should get back to fucking work.” From his tone, it was clear he wasn’t talking to me.
The officers scurried off so fast they bumped into each other at the stairwell door. The hug extended. Even though we were alone, I shook my head irritably. He ignored that and my clenched fists, awkwardly smushed between us. The bastard even had the temerity to press my resistant head against his chest.
“I said I’m fine.” My voice was muffled in his shirt. I wasn’t sure which of us I was trying to convince. Maybe, just maybe, I was shaking a little.
“I know,” he said into my hair. “This is for me.”
We both knew it wasn’t. Not entirely. I unfurled my clenched fists slightly, long enough to grab two handfuls of his shirt. In addition to being an expert at breaking down my very necessary defenses, Danny also excelled at giving monster bear hugs. No matter how many different directions my pieces flew in, one of those stupid bear hugs could always put them back together.
“You can let go now,” I said, just to be contrary, and maybe to see if he would.
I could feel his smile against my temple. “No.”
And because no one was giving out tough-guy awards, I caved. I slid my arms around his back. “Don’t let go yet,” I said into his shirt.
And because I knew him so well, I could decipher the meaning behind his answering snort. As if, Christiansen. As if.
Chapter 29