by Jill Cox
“Yeah?”
“Does it make me a bad person to pray that the Italian trains go on strike? I mean, not for the whole two weeks that Dan and the girls are traveling. But maybe just long enough that they get stuck somewhere gross and industrial for a day or two?”
Pete’s chest vibrated against my cheek as he chuckled under his breath. “Does it make me worse than you that my prayers were more specific? Because while you were asleep earlier, I prayed that every single track leading to Venice would burst into flames and fall into the Adriatic.”
“Wow.” I burrowed tighter under his arm. “I’m taking back what I said to your grandmother, Russell. Poor Kelly had more on the Venice itinerary than anywhere else.”
“Why do you think I got so specific? It was altruistic, really. I love that girl, but her itinerary was nuts. She’ll only have herself to blame if Dan shoves her into the lagoon.”
FORTY-TWO
“Well, if it isn’t our darlin’ girl, all grown up and Parisian now.” My dad’s lilting Irish brogue spilled out into the hallway before I could even breach the hospital room doorway. He was sitting upright, his arm draped around my mom’s waist, the twinkle in his green eyes breaking my heart into a million tiny pieces. I dropped my backpack on the floor and ran to his bed, throwing my arms around them both, then felt Ian encircle us, too. I had never, ever been so happy to see three people in my life.
“Would you look, Molly?” Dad mumbled into my cheek. “Our two babies flew across an ocean and an entire continent to see their favorite dad. I told you my evil plan would work.”
Ian pulled away, but I stayed right where I was, pinching my dad’s chin playfully. “Are you in cahoots with Drew, Jamie Sullivan? Because if you faked a heart attack to get me home…”
“Wouldn’t you like to know,” he grinned. “Now, did you have much turbulence? I hate flying across the Atlantic. Too many patches without land, especially on this side of Greenland.”
For the next thirty minutes, my dad beamed as he listened to Ian describe his nightmarish trajectory home. Hearing it the second time around, I thought about what Pete had said earlier and a sudden calm drifted over me. He was right. Our meeting was not an accident. All the ‘what ifs’ in the world couldn’t convince me otherwise now.
By the time the nurse came by to tell us visiting hours were over, my mom kissed my dad on the cheek, and the look that passed between them was… well, I knew that look. After thirty years of marriage, those two knew everything there was to know without saying a single word. As we shut the door behind us, my legs nearly caved in on themselves as I realized that by this time tomorrow, my dad might not be with us anymore. And then they nearly caved in again when I saw who was standing at the nurses’ station twenty feet away.
Drew reached my mom in three seconds with his long stride, hugging her so hard I think even she was surprised. He muttered some sort of apology for not being here sooner, then turned to me, his eyes so full of accusations that I burst into tears. Again.
He didn’t say a word as he wrapped his arms around me. At first I kept my arms between us in silent protest. The cloying stench of whiskey flooded over me from every surface – his clothes, his skin. His breath against my cheek.
But when Drew took my hand in the elevator, I didn’t fight him. The four of us walked silently to Ian’s car, and once my mother was securely fastened in the front seat, Ian motioned for Drew and me to follow him out of earshot behind the car.
“Let’s cut to the chase, Andrew,” he hissed. “The whole world can smell that you just turned twenty-one. I get it. We’ve all been there. But there’s no excuse for your getting behind the wheel tonight, not even to come see us.”
“I’m not a moron, Ian. Someone drove me here.”
“How convenient.” Ian cocked his head. “Who was it?”
Drew blinked. “Why does it matter?”
“Because I’d like to shake this mystery person’s hand. Must be someone powerful to convince you to join us after you’ve ignored my mother, my sister, and me for the last thirty hours. Someone like, oh, I don’t know. Maybe like Mr. Darcy? You know who that is, right?”
Drew stared at Ian, motionless. Even intoxicated, he knew when to stay quiet.
Ian steepled his fingers together, his eyes still fixed on Drew. “So, here’s the plan: when we get to the hotel, I’m going to give you a few minutes alone with Meredith while I get Mum settled, and then I’ll drive you back to that rat hole of a fraternity house. But I warn you, Andrew, I am exhausted. I don’t have time for any of your usual nonsense. Now get in the car.”
Without another word, Drew climbed in the back seat like a little kid in a carpool line.
FORTY-THREE
Drew did not say another word on the six-minute drive to the hotel, and I couldn’t help but notice how out of place he seemed. Like a visitor from another planet. Or a time traveler from another century.
The second Ian and my mom disappeared into the hotel, Drew shot me a look. “Out of all those calls and texts, you couldn’t leave a single message to let me know Jamie had a heart attack?”
“What would I have said, Drew? ‘Hey, guess what? You got your wish! I’m skipping out on Italy so they can crack open my dad’s chest instead. Wanna hang out on Saturday?’”
My breath actually hitched in my throat as Drew’s face scrambled into a million pieces, but I refused to cry. The more he sat there blinking at me, the more cartoonish he appeared.
He didn’t hug me. He didn’t touch my cheek or my hand. He just glared at me for half a minute before he started back in again. “Why haven’t you asked who brought me to the hospital tonight?”
“Because I don’t care, Drew. Not unless it was the tooth fairy.”
His rueful laugh sent a chill through my heart. “Don’t play cute, Meredith. It was your little boyfriend, Pete Russell. He called every person we both know until he tracked me down tonight. Then he came to the bar and dragged me to the hospital right that second.”
My mouth went dry. “But… I didn’t…”
“Oh, don’t worry. He made it very clear whose idea it was. But you know what question he refused to answer? Why he’s here in Portland with you when he’s supposed to be in Italy. Maybe you can enlighten me?”
If he had slapped me across the face, it would have hurt less. I was suddenly so tired I couldn’t see straight. “That’s a long story,” I sighed. “You think we could press pause for tonight?”
“You know what? Don’t bother,” Drew scoffed, sounding more lucid than he had all night. “You think I don’t see what’s going on? That guy doesn’t care if you’re in Paris, or Italy, or the dark side of the moon, just as long as you two are together. Ian had no idea how right he was. Pete Russell really is Mister Freakin’ Darcy, saving the day so he can cuddle up to the girl of his dreams.”
“Get over yourself, Drew.” I felt my eyes narrow. “Pete didn’t come home to cuddle up with me. His grandmother is dying.”
He sucked in a breath. “What?”
“You heard me. It’s only a matter of days now and he just wasted precious time tracking you down. What a crazy idea, right, thinking you’d want to be with my family and me? How dare he be so foolish?”
Drew blinked at me several times, then frowned. “Why didn’t he say something?”
“You’re missing the point. Pete’s grandmother is the only person he has left period. You get that, right? How it feels to lose the person you love most in the world?”
The air seemed to leave Drew’s lungs as his eyes widened. Then, just like that, his expression shifted again, and there was Andrew Sutton, the boy I’d known since kindergarten. The one I’d loved for as long as I could remember. Only now I could see that he would have been less wounded if I’d slapped him across the face.
In all the years I’d known Drew, I’d never taken someone else’s side. Not even Ian’s.
Until tonight, he’d never given me a reason.
FORTY-FOUR
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Just before noon the next day, the surgeon came in and told us they’d had to do five bypasses on my dad’s heart, but he was doing well. Just like that, a peace came over me that I hadn’t experienced in… well, ever. Half an hour later, the nurse came in to tell us Mr. Sullivan was awake and we could see him two at a time.
I volunteered to stay in the waiting room while my mom and Ian went first. I could tell by the look on my brother’s face that he knew what my ulterior motive was, but, wise man that he is, he did not say one word. The instant the door shut behind them, I called Drew.
“Hey,” he said lazily, like this was any old Saturday. “How’s Jamie?”
How’s Jamie? Was he serious right now? He could have said anything right this second and it would have been more acceptable. I’m so sorry, I was kidnapped by aliens last night who wanted a sample of my perfect DNA. Or, I would be there right this second, but I somehow got trapped under some driftwood. He could have given me any explanation why he was skipping out on what was arguably the worst day of my family’s life. Instead, he asked about Jamie, like he was talking about some character in a show I was binge-watching instead of my one and only dad, whose life hung in the balance.
“He’s… out of surgery.” I clipped my response before I added you gigantic flake. “My mom and Ian are already visiting him as we speak. You want to come up and tell him hello?”
Drew sucked in air slowly, then clicked his teeth. “Here’s the problem: this weekend is initiation, you know, for the new pledges? I was on my way over to see you guys this morning when our usual venue called to say they’ve got a mice infestation, so now I have to find another place, like, yesterday.”
“Oh.” My mind suddenly felt dull, like someone had thrown a blanket over me in the dark. “Can’t you get someone to help you?”
“No, Meredith. This is my responsibility. Look, I know this is the worst timing ever, but do you really need me there? Your dad’s in good shape. Plus, you must be jet-lagged. If I came over, I’d probably just sit around watching you and Ian sleep all day.”
Maybe he was right about the jet lag, because I could hardly wrap my mind around what he was saying. Less than a month ago, Drew was begging me to come home, and now that I was here, he was too busy to see me? And what about Jamie? Even if I wasn’t here, Drew should have been here checking in on my dad. The last thing I wanted to be was that girl, but I couldn’t help wishing Drew would tell his so-called brothers to fix their own problems.
“Meredith, I’m sorry,” he pleaded. “But just think about this rationally. If I leave right now to come sit with you, we’ll be ruining an entire pledge class’s one and only initiation night. Plus, you know I’m running for president soon. Do you want to hurt my chances?”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Nor was I trying to hide my sarcasm at this point. “So I guess I’ll see you tomorrow sometime?”
“I don’t know, sweetie. I’ll text you, okay?” And just like that, the line went dead.
Sweetie? I hated that word, and Drew knew it. Hoping to drown my sorrows, I escaped to the vending machine room at the far end of the ICU waiting area. But as our conversation replayed inside my mind, my blood pressure skyrocketed. When my coffee cup got stuck in the machine, I began to smack every button on the panel with the palm of my hand, imagining Drew’s face floating behind the plastic cover.
“Don’t hurt me,” someone whispered in a creepy falsetto behind me. “Skynet is watching.”
I turned to find Pete Russell leaning against the doorway, watching me. “Hi,” I said, scowling. “Welcome to the dark side of decaffeinated Meredith.”
“Are you sure they put the right Sullivan in the hospital? That vein in your temple’s about to burst.” Pete stepped forward, reached over me, and gently excised the cup from the machine. “Here you go.”
“Amazing. I’ve been wrestling with that thing for two minutes. But you waltz up and suddenly all is right with the world.”
Pete smiled, then shrugged. “Well, you know. I have my moments.”
Oh, hey there, butterflies. Thanks for showing up right on time. I took a sip of my coffee to steady my nerves. “Shouldn’t you be at home with your grandmother?”
“Who do you think sent me here?” Pete leaned against the coffee machine, crossing his arms over his chest. “Gigi said I was fussing over her too much and that I needed to take all my stuck-in-a-plane-for-too-long energy elsewhere. So here I am. Is Sutton in your dad’s room or something? I didn’t see him in the waiting room when I came in.”
I drained my cup, then turned to the machine for round two. “Drew’s at the Sigma Phi house doing more important things, like making sure all your new pledges love him. Could you help me remember to plan better next time so my family drama doesn’t interfere with his presidential campaign?”
When I turned back to Pete, I expected him to list all the reasons Drew’s excuses were suspect. But to his credit, Pete just smiled and followed me back into the waiting room, where Ian and my mom sat huddled in quiet conversation.
“How’s Dad?” I asked when we reached them. “Everything okay?”
“Of course, love,” Molly beamed as she rose to her feet. “Who’s your friend?”
“Oh, sorry.” I took my mother’s hand then pressed her forward by the elbow. “Mum, this is…”
“Hi, Mrs. Sullivan. I’m Pete.” He extended his hand in my mom’s direction. “Meredith and I go to Highgate together. I’m glad to finally meet you.”
My mother’s eyes traveled over Pete’s face like she had a sense that she knew him from somewhere. And as I watched him shake her hand, I felt suddenly protective about what Pete had told me on the plane. There was such a formal quality in the way he’d spoken to my mom. He wore that polite smile like a mask, like he was meeting a random person instead of the owner of the last place he’d seen his parents alive.
Last year I wouldn’t have noticed the difference. But now I saw pain brewing in his eyes.
Ian stepped forward and put his hand on Pete’s shoulder. “This is the guy I was telling you about, Mum. We have him to thank for getting our girl home yesterday after the disaster with my airline miles.”
“Oh!” My mom’s face brightened again, and she lifted her hand to Pete’s face, touching his cheek. “Call me Molly, love. After all, you saved our girl. You’re part of the family now.”
Maybe it was because it had been so long since Pete had felt a maternal touch, but he instantly relaxed into her grasp. My mother, who is even taller than I am, suddenly straightened to her full height, and put her arms lovingly around my friend. Pete curved his chin over her shoulder as she squeezed him tight. And when he lifted his eyes to mine, they were brimming with tears.
FORTY-FIVE
You know how sometimes you want to disappear into the nearest sewer grate when you have an abnormal reaction to something? When Pete finally let go of my mom, he seemed completely mortified as he brushed away the two or three tears that had just spilled onto his cheeks. “Whoa, what are these?” He laughed, pointing at his face. “Jet lag is a beast, am I right?”
I’d never seen Pete splutter and stammer around the way he did for the next five minutes as we walked down to the hospital cafeteria for a late lunch. But it didn’t take long before he relaxed into his normal self again, mostly thanks to Ian’s wicked sense of humor and my mother’s warmth. If you had seen the four of us laughing and entertaining one another around the table, you might have believed Pete had known us forever.
I spent most of lunch imagining how my mom and Ian would feel knowing that Pete was the boy we’d prayed for all those years ago.
Pete’s phone vibrated about thirty minutes into lunch. When he looked up from reading the text, his expression was grave. “I’m really sorry about this,” he said. “But I have to go home. Gigi’s usually alert in the morning and sleeps in the afternoon. I told the nurse to text me if she woke up, so…”
“You want Meredith to go with you?” Ian s
aid, looking back and forth between Pete and me. “Dad’s sedated so there’s really no need for all three of us to be here. I can pick her up later.”
Pete lit all the way up. “Really? Gigi would love that. Are you sure it’s okay?”
“Believe me, you’ll be doing us a massive favor,” Ian huffed. “When Meredith gets this crabby, we usually make her organize the kitchen cabinets or something. Good luck, bro.”
Moments later, I was sitting in Pete’s car. Why did I suddenly feel like we were on a date? I convinced myself it was because I’d never driven anywhere with him before. But as Pete shuttled me around his neighborhood, I might as well have been sixteen again, alone in a car for the first time with some boy I’d had a crush on for much longer than I’d even admitted to myself.
“Here’s my old school on the right – St. Francis Prep.” Pete shot me a sidelong glance as we turned in to the campus. “Hey, what’s that smile for?”
“Oh, you know. I’m just thinking about little Petey Russell, team captain of the Ducky Firecrackers, trying and failing to make Old Lady Brooks fall under his spell.”
“Do I need to keep driving?” Pete smirked as he made a dramatic U-turn out of the parking lot. “Because there’s a pub around the corner from my house, and every Saturday night, they have Irish step dancing lessons. Don’t make me force you on stage, kid. You know I’ll do it.”
Pete’s teasing me was not a new thing, but alone in his car… well, it certainly felt new.
“So, what’s the deal with this initiation tonight?” I blurted as we turned onto a tree-lined street so perfectly paved I had to wonder if they resurfaced it nightly. “Do you dress up in cloaks and chant around a bonfire in the woods? Or do you just sit around drinking beer in your underwear until the last little pledge passes out?”
Pete laughed so hard he actually snorted. “You’d be so disappointed by the truth. But you know I can’t tell you.”