by Nikki Ashton
“Aren’t you supposed to be in IT?” I asked.
“We were waiting for you.” Kirk thrust an envelope at me, which was closely followed by a smaller one from Tyler. “It’s cash from all of us and our parents. It was Tyler’s mum’s idea.”
When Kirk waggled his tongue and circled his nipples with his fingers, I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Stop sexualising my mum,” Tyler said, nudging Kirk in the ribs. “Otherwise I’ll tell you what we all say about your mum’s arse in her uniform.”
Ellis and I burst out laughing but Kirk made a gagging sound.
“Yeah, it’s gross isn’t it, so shut the fuck up otherwise I might have to tell my dad.”
We all went silent. Tyler’s dad was fucking huge and was pretty scary. Looking at each of us in turn, Tyler grinned knowing that he had us.
“I’ll open them later,” I said. “Thanks a lot. Appreciate it.”
“No problem,” Tyler replied. “We figured you could get whatever you want rather than us get you some crap you don’t need.”
“Yeah,” Kirk added. “My mother wanted to buy you a suitcase, because she reckons everyone should have a decent one.” He rolled his eyes which made me laugh and a little light flickered my soul back to life. We still weren’t back to normal, and I wasn’t sure I wanted us to go back to being that group of dickheads again, but not many lads had a group of mates who along with their parents clubbed together for a birthday present.
“What did your mum and Roge get you?” Ellis asked.
“Gave me cash.”
I thought back to the big drama Mum had made at breakfast about her baby becoming a man and then handing me an envelope with a hundred quid in it. I was really grateful for it, but I had to bite my tongue not to say a better present would have been that she had filled in my university grant forms. Not being able to continue my education like I wanted, just because they couldn’t afford it, made me fucking angry, especially as all I’d asked her to do was give me some time to fill in a few damn forms. New sofas were essential to Elouise Crawford, further education not so much.
“So, plans for tonight?” Tyler asked.
“He doesn’t have any. Doesn’t feel like going out drinking.” Ellis threw the ball back to Tyler.
“What nothing at all?” Tyler glanced between them both before bringing his shocked gaze to me. “But it’s Friday and you’re eighteen.”
I shrugged. “I know, I just don’t fancy it.”
Kirk was particularly quiet, and I guessed he had a lot to say, but it probably meant disrespecting Sarah, so he’d decided not to bother.
“Can we at least go to TJ’s after school?” Tyler asked. “We can get Rebecca to sing Happy Birthday to you.”
“No way,” Kirk cried. “You are not getting my mum to sing. She’s awful.”
“Okay,” I replied with a laugh, realising I was being a bit miserable. “Let’s do that, but Kirk’s right, no singing.”
“I suppose it’s something,” Ellis complained. “Come on then, birthday boy, let’s go otherwise we’ll be late.”
We all said our goodbyes and I followed Ellis to our classroom. When I got to my desk, Alannah turned in her seat to face me.
“That’s from Sarah.” She threw an envelope towards me and I just managed to catch it before it skidded to the floor. “I’ve no idea what’s going on with you two, but I can’t say I didn’t warn her.”
I leaned forward and narrowed my eyes. “For your information, Alannah. She’s the one not speaking to me.”
Alannah rolled her eyes. “Exactly, so what did you do to upset her, Adam? She’s going through enough at the moment, so try being a decent human being and a good boyfriend.”
“I’m not even sure I still am her boyfriend,” I muttered.
“Well personally I think that would be a good thing,” Alannah whispered, her eyes watching Ellis as he approached his desk next to mine. “But she seems to think you can change, so bloody well show her she isn’t wrong.”
With that the conversation was evidently over, because she turned her back to me.
“Okay?” Ellis asked.
“Yeah.” I nodded down at the envelope in my hand. “It’s a card from Sarah, I didn’t realise she even knew it was my birthday.”
Ellis pulled out his textbook from his bag. “I asked her if she wanted to club in with us. She hadn’t known, but said she’d rather get you something on her own.” He grinned. “Do you think you’ll get something special in the shagging department?”
It was very doubtful, but I smiled and shrugged.
“Maybe, who knows?”
As he tuned into Mr Kettle’s lesson, I undid the envelope and pulled out Sarah’s card. As soon as I saw it, I burst out a sharp laugh. It said now you’re 18 do you feel like an adult with a check box for yes and no, but in the ‘no’ box was drawn a cock and balls and a ‘b’ had been added to the end of the word no.
I opened it up and took a deep breath, wondering whether she’d written a note to say have a great birthday, but you’re dumped. I was happily surprised by what she’d written.
Happy 18th Birthday, Adam
Hope you have a great day
I know things have been difficult, but I know you’ll get through it
Sarah xx
I put the card back in the envelope and dropped it into my bag, determined to call her and sort things out. First though I had to figure out why nitrogen had a larger ionisation energy than oxygen.
“Burgers are on us tonight,” Rebecca said as she pulled me in for a hug. “It’s not every day one of my boys turns eighteen.”
“Thanks, Rebecca, and thanks to you and Tony for the money as well.”
I’d finally opened the envelope to find a hundred and twenty quid in it. I was shocked but buzzing at what they’d done.
“Our pleasure, love. Now take a seat, boys and I’ll get you all the usual. Kirky, you doubling up?”
“Of course, I am.”
He grinned at his mum and when she pinched his cheek, I felt a stab of jealousy at their closeness. I’d never had that with my mum, not that I wanted it. I didn’t even like her particularly so certainly wouldn’t want to joke and banter with her.
“So, is Sarah meeting us?” Tyler asked while he read the menu, despite knowing it off by heart.
I shifted in my seat and glanced at the door. I’d sent her a text, asking her to come, but wasn’t hopeful. Alannah had mentioned earlier that Sarah was off for the afternoon for a therapy session. Thankfully mine were done with because Alex, my therapist, had told Roger I was handling things well, but then I had less shit to deal with than Sarah.
“Not sure, she had an appointment.”
“What sort of appointment?” Kirk immediately winced. “Sorry, none of my business.”
“Grief counselling.”
I said the words with bite, hoping they realised I was still pissed off with the stunt they’d pulled over the flyers about her dad.
Tyler cleared his throat and put the menu back in its wooden stand.
“Oh well,” Ellis said. “Maybe you’ll get your present later.” He smirked and winked, but I wasn’t in the mood.
“I’m just going for a piss.” I pushed my chair back with a screeching sound. “No nicking my chips if they’re here before I get back.”
As I pushed open the door of the hallway that led to the bathrooms, I heard Kirk groan about this being a lame eighteenth, and I had to fucking agree.
I’d barely washed my hands after taking a pee, when the bathroom door swung open. I expected one of the lads to tell me our food had arrived, seeing as there was barely anyone else in the café – it was Friday night, most sane people were in town in the pubs. I did a double take to see Mackenna White leant against the doorway, smiling what I guess she thought was a seductive smile.
“Happy birthday,” she said breathily.
I fought the urge to roll my eyes and nodded. “Cheers. I think you picked the wrong doo
r by the way. You’re supposed to be in the one with Sandy on it.” I pointed at the picture of Danny Zuko from Grease.
“No, I’m in the right place. I came to give you your birthday present.”
Before I could even respond, she took a step forward and wrapped her arms around my neck.
“Mackenna, fuck off.” I reached up and grabbed her wrists, pulling at her arms. “I’m not interested.”
She managed to get one hand free of mine and landed it straight on my dick, rubbing over the top of my jeans.
“You know you want me, Adam. You know I give you the best blow jobs you’ll ever have.”
I instantly thought of Sarah and the fact she hadn’t gone there yet. Of course, I wanted my dick in her mouth, but what we had was so much more than her knowing the right suction and what to do to my fucking balls while she was sucking me off.
Mackenna’s hand stayed firm, stroking, and I hated myself for the fact I started to get hard. An involuntarily groan came from my chest. My eyes closed and Mackenna’s mouth landed on mine. Reality hit fast. It took a millisecond for me to realise that the thought I was eighteen and I was almost sure my girlfriend had dumped me, so who was I hurting? was actually the wrong fucking thing to think. I grabbed Mackenna’s forearms and pushed her away.
“Get the fuck off me, I’m not interested.”
Whether I was with Sarah or not, was irrelevant. Looking at her and seeing the smug look on her face, the press of her obviously braless tits in her tight, white, top instantly made anger pulse through me. The fact she’d touched me repulsed me, but that I’d let her get to that point made white hot fury burn through my veins. I should have pushed her away or left the bathroom before she’d even taken a step towards me. The fact that my fucking dick had responded to her made me angrier.
“She’s not even here,” Mackenna said, pouting her lips like she thought it was sexy. “She wouldn’t even know.”
“The fact that you know I’m going out with Sarah makes what you’ve just done even worse.” I shoved her to one side and pushed past her. “Stay away from me, Mackenna; you know what I can do if you don’t.”
She gasped low but I ignored it as I pulled open the door and stormed off down the hallway, back into the main part of the café.
When I got back to the table our food was already there and the lads were all about to tuck in. Tyler had a handful of chips, about to shove them into his mouth, when he looked up at me and grinned. “Fucking hell, you been having a dump? You’ve been ages.”
“No,” I growled out. “Fucking Mackenna. She thought it was okay to come into the men’s bathroom and lay it on me.”
Kirk shrugged and looked at me quizzically. “And?”
Ellis slapped him in his stomach with the back of his hand. “He’s going out with Sarah now.”
“And?”
I sighed heavily, knowing that it was partly my fault Kirk was a prick. A couple of months ago I’d have agreed with him.
Flopping down onto my chair, I picked up my burger and took a huge bite forcing it down with a swig of coke. All three of my friends were watching me while we ate. I had no clue what they were expecting me to do or say, but I continued to eat in silence.
“Listen,” I eventually said, pushing my empty plate away. “I’m going to get off. I forgot my mum wants to do cake and all that shit.”
Tyler and Kirk exchanged a glance, while Ellis sighed and then plastered on a smile.
“Okay mate,” he said, grabbing the chips from my side plate. “Enjoy the cake. Maybe we can do something tomorrow?”
Inwardly I sighed with relief, grateful that he wasn’t going to make a deal out of me leaving.
“Yeah, sounds good. Maybe go into Manchester, if you’re all up for it?”
It was the least I could do seeing as I’d spoiled their plans to get me pissed on my actual birthday.
“Yeah,” Tyler replied around a mouthful of chips.
Kirk nodded and Ellis punched me in the ribs.
“I’ll speak to you in the morning.”
I nodded and started to walk away. When Ellis shouted my name, I glanced over my shoulder.
“If Sarah doesn’t give you the best fucking birthday present ever, then I want to know why.”
They all started laughing and feigning amusement I left, determined to sort things out with my girlfriend.
When I got to the bungalow Sarah lived in with her mum, I could see the light of the TV flickering in the lounge. The curtains weren’t closed properly, and I could see Mrs Danes sitting in an armchair watching television, drinking from a mug. I didn’t know if Sarah was in there with her, but I decided to go around the back and try the doors at her bedroom. If I knocked at the front door, there would be a good chance she’d tell her mum to tell me she wasn’t home, and I needed to see her.
The side gate was locked, but it wasn’t so high that I couldn’t get over it, and thankfully the path down the side of the bungalow was lit up from the streetlamp at the end of their neighbour’s driveway.
The kitchen was in darkness, but I ducked below the window just in case. Thankfully, light was shining under the blinds at the window and the curtains at the patio doors that led onto the garden from Sarah’s room.
I took a deep breath and tapped out a text message on my phone; I didn’t want to knock in case it scared her.
Adam: I’m outside in the garden. Can I come in?
Pushing my hands into my jacket pockets, I waited as my breath floated in the cold February evening. A shadow appeared under the small gap below the curtains and then they were pulled back to reveal Sarah. As soon as I saw her, I inhaled sharply. She looked fucking beautiful; her hair was piled on her head and she was wearing short, silky pyjamas in pink with a thin black stripe.
She hesitated and I thought she was going to tell me to go away, but after the longest seconds of my life, she unlocked the bolts and lock and opened up one of the double doors.
“What are you doing here?” she asked as she wrapped her arms around her body.
“I wanted to see you.” I shivered and pushed my hands further into my pockets. “Can I come in?”
Sarah blew out her cheeks and stood to one side. “Quick before all the cold air comes in.”
I moved inside and was immediately grateful for the warmth of her cosy bedroom. The door was quickly closed and bolted and then Sarah drew the curtains against the darkness.
Music was playing from a Bluetooth speaker and there was only her cream coloured lamp on. Books were scattered over her desk and on her Mac was a web page all about the French Revolution.
“You started on the homework for next week?” I pushed one of the textbooks with my forefinger and then looked up at Sarah. “I thought we were going to do it together?”
“I was just taking notes,” she replied, crossing her arms over her chest. “Thought I’d give us a head start.”
I felt a hint of hope at her words. “So, are we still going to do it together. You haven’t persuaded Shannon to swap partners?”
Sarah’s eyes narrowed but her mouth twitched at the edges as she shook her head. “No. Just because you’re an idiot I do know that you’re the best person to do the project with. Seeing as you’re the history guru.”
“That the only reason?” I asked. I took a step closer to her, my fingers itching to touch her.
“What do you want, Adam?”
She moved to sit on the edge of her bed. The duvet crumpled into soft creases, and I couldn’t help but think about her lying in it, naked.
“I wanted to see you and to apologise for being a dick the other day. Everything… everything was getting on top of me. I took it out on you, when you’re the last person I should be taking it out on.” I looked down at the floor and sighed. “I’m so fucking sorry, Sarah.”
When I looked back up, she was watching me with tear filled eyes. Every drop against her lashes pounded into my heart.
“You really hurt me, Adam.”
Sarah’s hand went to her wrist, but then she cleared her throat, straightened her shoulders and dropped her hands to lap. She was trying to be brave again and it made my stomach turn over to think she felt she had to be that way with me. We’d come so far in such a short space of time, that wasn’t us anymore. I wasn’t meant to be the person who scared her or made her feel insecure. I was supposed to be the one person she could rely on to have her back and to support her through all the bad things that she was battling with.
I moved closer and dropped to my knees in front of her. I wanted us to be eye to eye, but I also wanted her to know I’d fucking beg for forgiveness if that was what she wanted.
“This, with him coming back,” I said as I cupped her face. “I don’t know how to deal with it. My mum is useless, she just puts on the drama when I mention him. And… well, I can’t talk to you about him.”
Sarah let out a little gasp and her eyes went wide.
“I know what he did, but I’m so conflicted. I hate him for what he did to you, but he’s my dad. I have all these feelings whizzing around in my head and in here and…” I patted my chest and took a deep breath. “…I don’t know how to separate them.”
Sarah closed her eyes and leaned into my touch, her face so pained, I felt sure she was going to dump me. I could understand if she did. Now I was a constant reminder of what had happened to her.
I had never wanted anything so much in all my life as I wanted what we had, but at the same time I wanted my dad too.
I knew I couldn’t have both.
“How do we do this?” she finally said. “How do we be us and not let him get in in the middle?”
“I don’t know. I just know that I want to try.” I licked my lips and waited on a desperate breath for Sarah to answer.
“Okay, let’s try.” She reached up and held onto my wrists. “I like you Adam, a lot, and I know we could have something special. But if you’re not into this as much as I am, then let’s finish it now.”
Was I as into it as much as she was?