by Nikki Ashton
“You say one more fucking word,” I ground out through gritted teeth, leaning right into Mackenna’s air space, “and I’ll ruin you. You know I can.”
She swallowed and I could see it in her eyes that she was considering opening her mouth again but thought better of it. Instead she scraped her stool back, picked up her bag and teetered away in her whore shoes, everyone’s stare on her as she exited the dining room.
“Where is he?” I asked Tyler as I grabbed my phone from the table.
“Outside, next to the gate into the lower school yard. Kirk is with him.”
“Adam, don’t do anything fucking stupid.” Ellis sighed and stood up. “You hit that dick again and you’ll be banned for the whole season, not just the next game.”
“Ellis is right. You can’t afford to get into any more trouble, you could even end up expelled.”
I knew they were right. If I was expelled, I’d have no chance of ever going to university this year, next year nor any other year.
“What the fuck do I do then?” I gripped my hair with tense fingers as I watched Sarah and Alannah leaving the dining room. “He can’t get away with it, and why the fuck does he even think he can? He knows I can fucking bury him.”
Tyler shrugged. “I don’t know, but he’s acting all cocky, like nothing can touch him. He’s always been fucking scared of you Ad. I don’t know why he thinks he can get away with this.”
Ellis slapped a hand on my shoulder. “Come on, but let us deal with it, okay?”
I looked at Tyler who nodded his agreement of the plan. “Okay, let’s go.”
We ran from the dining room, pushing past other kids, sending one lad and his tray of food flying. I didn’t care though, I needed to shut Seth Davies up before Sarah found out.
As we rounded the corner into the corridor, Ellis pulled up. “You two go, I’ll just make sure Mackenna knows to keep her mouth shut.”
“No, I’ll—”
“No,” Ellis butted in. “You’ve just made her feel like a cheap slag. I don’t think she’s going to listen to you.”
“Okay,” I sighed. “Come on Ty, let’s go.”
When we found Davies, he was leaning against a wall with his mate Jackson cowering beside him. Davies to his credit was facing up to Kirk, even though Kirk was much bigger and had his fisted hand drawn back.
“Kirk, what are you doing?” I asked, pulling on his shoulder.
Kirk kept his eyes firmly on Davies, who I realised as I got closer was gripping his shaking hands at his side.
“Warning this fucker about shouting his mouth off about stupid crap.”
“I’m only repeating what I heard.” Davies’ eyes darted to me.
“Who did you hear it from?” I asked, taking a step closer to him.
He shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“Fuck off,” Tyler scoffed. “You must know. You’ve spouted this shit once before. Tell us who told you, otherwise we will have to let Kirk loose on you.”
“Seth just tell them.” Jackson hung his hands off the back of his neck and anxiously turned to me. “It was some lad when we were in TJ’s. The night before you kicked the shit out of him in there. He said if Seth spread it around, he’d make sure you didn’t hurt him for it, and that he’d pay him a hundred quid.”
“Jackson, you fucking grass.”
“No, I’m not, Seth,” he cried. “You’re not dropping anyone in it. You don’t have a clue who the fuck he was.” Jackson looked between each of us. “He came into the toilet while we were having a piss. Told us that Sarah had shagged your dad and that your stepdad used to beat you. Then he said, he’d protect Seth.”
“And you didn’t question why some strange lad was telling you this?” Tyler asked. “Or ask how the fuck he thought he was going to stop us from kicking the shit out of you? And did he give you the money?”
Seth’s eyes dropped to look at the floor and he shook his head.
“Christ Davies,” Tyler scoffed. “You really are a prick.”
I was glad Tyler was the one talking to Davies. I didn’t want to speak and give away how scared I was. I could barely breathe from the anxiety mixing with my blood supply. If someone out there knew about what happened with my dad and Sarah, then maybe they knew that she’d tried to kill herself too. If that got out it could send her down a black hole and the thought that she might once again feel it was her only option, crippled me with fear. The crap about me and Eric, well of course I didn’t want that coming out, but I’d cope. It was a burden I’d carried around for nine years so could let the shame of it slide from my shoulders; Sarah was different though. She was gentle and sensitive, and having to face people knowing her deepest secret could ruin any progress she’d made.
I closed my eyes on the thought of Sarah going downhill and the guilt hit me in the stomach again. Me ending us could have done exactly the same. What if me telling her it was over had sent her spiralling down? Panic started to mix with the fear, and I felt an urge to find her and to make sure she was okay. I couldn’t though because Davies started to talk at me.
“After you punched me, the afternoon we watched the girl’s new cheer routine, I wanted to get you back,” he ground out. “So, when he told me, I didn’t care who the hell he was, or why he was telling me. I just had information on you that I knew I could share.”
“And you didn’t think about Sarah while you were spreading your fucking gossip?” I asked, just about keeping hold of my temper.
Davies groaned as Ellis appeared beside me, breathing heavily.
“Sorted,” he said quietly. “What’s happening? What’s he saying?”
“Some lad told him and Jackson a load of shit about Adam and Sarah, and I’m just about to punch his fucking lights out for it.” Kirk gave us a smirk as he waved his fist around. “Even though his new friend promised to take care of his stupid arse.”
“What lad?” Ellis asked.
“We don’t know. He came in and just told us.”
Jackson looked like he might just piss himself at that moment. His face had paled to grey and his hands were shaking at his side.
“What did he look like?” I asked
Jackson turned to me and stared at me with his brows almost in his hairline. “I was taking a piss; I didn’t look at him. I’m not fucking gay.”
“No one said you were, you dick.” Ellis rolled his eyes. “And looking at him or his prick doesn’t make you gay, you ignorant knobhead.”
“He was quite short and had ginger hair, that’s all I can remember.”
Jackson swung his gaze to Davies as if shocked that he’d looked.
“Have you ever seen him around here before?” I rubbed a hand over my face, wondering how I was going to find some dickhead who looked like every other lad our age.
“No. He had a Manc’ accent.”
“Like every other fucker that lives around here.” Tyler sighed. “Any chance he was wearing anything recognisable.”
“I didn’t look that fucking close.”
“Can I just punch him now?” Kirk asked, looking bored.
I thought about it. He deserved it. It wouldn’t resolve anything, though. It might make things worse; Davies could spread more gossip to a point I wouldn’t be able to contain it.
“You better start telling people you got it wrong,” I said, taking a step closer to Davies and Jackson. “And I fucking swear, I hear you’ve repeated any of it ever again, you won’t know when or where, but you can be sure I’ll fucking batter you, despite what your piss mate told you.”
They both nodded and when Kirk dropped his fist, slid from against the wall and ran off, pushing past the handful of people in the yard who were having a crafty smoke.
“You think he’ll keep his mouth shut?” Tyler asked, shoving his hands into the pockets of his hoodie.
“Yeah, I reckon. My bet is he knows whoever the lad was and that he won’t be able to protect him. I just wish I knew who he was.”
“You actuall
y believed that?” Kirk asked me. “Some mystery lad sidles up to him while he’s having a piss and acts like some secret agent. Sorry but it sounds crap to me.”
“I think he was about ready to shit himself, so probably would’ve said anything, but yeah I do.”
Ellis cleared his throat and ushered us closer to a more secluded area of the yard.
“Is any of it true?” he asked.
I looked at the three of them in turn and wondered how the hell I could get out of telling them. We’d been friends for a long time, they all knew if it was bullshit, I’d have laughed it off.
“Yeah,” I replied taking in a deep breath. “Remember the guy Eric, who my mum lived with for a while?”
They all nodded or grunted yes.
“He used to kick the shit out of me. My back and stomach, so no one ever saw it.”
“What about your mum?” Ellis asked, rubbing the top of his head distractedly.
I let out a huff of laughter. “Yeah, she said she didn’t, but she did. I think she turned a blind eye because Eric brought money into the house and provided her with security. Well security and fucking new shoes when she wanted them.”
“Fuck me.” Kirk looked like he’d been hit with a truck. His cheeks had paled and he bent over and dropped his hands to knees. I almost put a hand on his arm to keep him upright but didn’t.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” Tyler asked quietly. “You were just a little kid. You know my mum and dad would have done something.”
I shrugged. “I didn’t though mate. I thought me and Lori would get taken away, he made me believe that. I couldn’t take the risk.”
“But you lived with him for years, until he fucked off. Did he hit you the whole time?” Kirk asked, pulling himself upright.
“Pretty much.”
“Shit, Ad. I wish you’d said.” Tyler shook his head, and I could see he was trying to process it all.
“And what about Sarah?” Ellis asked, his voice tentative. “What about what he said about her and your dad?”
“Yeah, and who did he mean, Roger?”
I turned to Kirk and shook my head. “No.”
“So, what?” Ellis asked.
I could lie and tell them it wasn’t true, but the look of sympathy in each of their eyes told me they already knew what Davies had said had been true.
“If you repeat this,” I said, venom tasting bitter on my tongue, “I swear I’ll fucking kill you.”
“We won’t,” Tyler said for them all.
I inhaled and then exhaled slowly before placing my hands on my head, feeling sick to my stomach.
“My dad, my real dad, was her teacher at her last school and…” I paused not sure I could say the words about the man I’d been desperate to have in my life. “He raped her. My dad raped Sarah.”
14
Sarah
“I’m not saying I told you so.”
“But you are,” I replied to Amber who watched me with a raised brow.
She shrugged. “The fact that he’s back to getting his cock sucked by Mackenna White should be enough, without me adding to your woes by acting all superior.”
Alannah choked back a cough, almost spitting out the water she was drinking from a bottle.
“You okay?” I asked, slapping her back, unable to keep the smile from my lips.
“Yep,” she croaked out. “Went down the wrong way.”
“Anyway,” Amber continued. “The main thing is you’ve had a lucky escape.”
She thought she was right, and if questioned would never have any other opinion, but I couldn’t agree. I missed Adam. I desperately wanted to talk to him. My stomach churned constantly, to the point that it ached.
“I think Sarah knows, Amber. It’s hardly necessary to keep drilling it home.”
I threw her an appreciative smile, grateful that I had at least one friend who understood me.
“Anyway,” I said, pulling at some skin around my thumbnail. “We all heard how he spoke to Mackenna yesterday. I doubt she’s still hanging around him.”
“Sorry to burst your bubble, Sarah,” Amber sighed. “But I saw her hanging off his arm only this morning walking into school. They were all over each other.”
Bile rose in my throat and tears threatened to spill at the thought of Adam with Mackenna. My body felt bereft of a soul as jagged shards of jealousy stabbed at my insides. He’d promised me so much, but I knew I was to blame for believing the words he’d left unspoken. I should have known everything he said was a lie.
Trying not to think about Adam, we continued walking towards the car park in silence. Amber was scrolling through her phone, but I sensed that Alannah was watching me. I wasn’t going to break though; I’d been through too much to let a stupid boy take me down. It would be a close thing though, because my heart was all in with him; the stupid bloody organ.
“Oh my God,” Alannah gasped. “What the hell has she done?”
My head lifted and my gaze landed on Mackenna, who was leaning against Adam’s car and talking to her friend, Charlie Douglas.
“You’re joking.” Amber laughed as she shook her head. “Has she done that for him?”
Mackenna flicked her long, now blonde hair over her shoulder and laughed at something that Charlie said.
I was dumbstruck. Her hair was the exact same colour as mine, she’d even had layers cut into it, like mine. From the back, her head could well have been mine.
“Does she think that will make him want more from her than her cum swallowing ability?” Alannah asked. “Because I’m pretty sure it won’t.”
“It’s exactly like yours.” Amber nudged me. “Are you pissed off?”
I turned my gaze to her and shrugged. “I don’t know how I feel.”
Apart from weirded out.
“Shit look at what she’s got on her feet too,” Alannah gasped.
Gone were Mackenna’s usual tower block heels. On her feet instead were a pair of navy coloured Converse. I looked down at my feet, today I was wearing my floral Vans, but usually I wore any one of my four pairs of Converse.
“They don’t really go with the hooker outfit,” Amber stated. “I mean who the hell wears a silver sequin skirt and pink crop top to school, in February?”
“Mackenna evidently,” Alannah replied caustically.
“Oh, and here’s her beau now.”
The breath left my lungs in a rush as I watched Adam saunter over with Ellis. Mackenna had her back to him, and when Adam spotted her, he stalled, the hand swirling his car key around falling to his side as he stared open mouthed. When Mackenna turned to face Adam, I held my breath and waited, like I was watching an important scene in a film; the one that gave us the biggest clue on how it would end.
It was evident that Adam hadn’t seen Mackenna’s hair before, but other than surprise it was difficult to know how he felt about it. He had to have seen how alike mine it was, and surely, he had to have wondered why she’d done it, but he didn’t stay to find out. He stormed up to his car, ignoring Mackenna and Charlie, got in and screeched out of the car park.
“I think that means he doesn’t like her new colour,” Amber said.
Mackenna swung around to face us. “What the hell are you looking at?”
I shifted uncomfortably because as much as I didn’t like Mackenna, I didn’t want to stand and watch her awkwardness. I knew how it felt to be ignored by Adam Hudson and in some ways, it was worse than when he hated you.
“Come on let’s go,” I said taking Alannah’s arm and guiding her away.”
“Why?” Amber scoffed. “She’s a fucking bitch, it’s quite funny to see her getting shit for a change.”
That was it, I’d had enough. I pulled to a stop and let out an exasperated breath. “Amber will you just give it a rest, please. I know you dislike her and Adam, but I’m sick of hearing about them. First, you’re telling me all about them coming into school together and now you’re bitching about her hair. I don’t care, I don’t want to kn
ow.”
That was a total lie because I did care, of course I cared, I just didn’t want to hear about how my ex-boyfriend had moved on so quickly.
“Yeah, about that,” Alannah said. “You said you’d seen Mackenna hanging on Adam’s arm when they came into school this morning.”
“Yeah.” Amber pouted and lifted her bag higher on her shoulder.
“Well you never mentioned her hair, or today’s choice of shoe for that matter.”
My head snapped towards Amber who slumped her shoulders and focused on the ground. “Wasn’t taking much notice.”
“Enough to see they were all over each other.” Alannah shrugged. “Oh well no wonder Adam didn’t notice she’d gone from dark brown to blonde since yesterday, if he was all over her this morning.”
She flashed Amber a small smile and then grabbed my hand and pulled me towards her car.
“She’s such a little bitch at times,” Alannah grumbled as we pulled out of the car park. “Why tell you lies about Adam and Mackenna? What does she think it will achieve?”
I shrugged, my eyes firmly on the passing scenery outside.
“Why do you think he stormed off like that?” I asked, moving in my seat to face Alannah.
Her face was one of concentration as she manoeuvred around a cyclist. “No idea. Maybe he doesn’t think it suits her.” She glanced at me and flashed a smile before putting her eyes back on the road. “I know you probably want his reaction to mean something for you and him, but I’m not sure it does. You’ve also got to consider the situation with his sperm donor. Do you really want to be around Adam while he’s in his life?”
My stomach somersaulted at the thought of Mr Mills and Alannah was right, I could never imagine any scenario where I’d feel comfortable even talking about him to Adam.
“N-no you’re right, I don’t. And I know we’re over, but I just wondered, that’s all.”
As we pulled to a stop at a zebra crossing, Alannah let out a sigh. “I know what he’s like, Sarah, and if he’s dumped you, I don’t think there’s any going back. You don’t need him, and you certainly don’t want to be around that bastard who helped to produce him. So, why would you want him back?”