Freaky in Fresno

by Laurie Boyle Crompton

  Lana tilts her head. “I guess it’s worth a shot. This trip was certainly a waste of time.”

  I give the closest wolf dog a rough rubdown and he smiles up at me with his tongue lolling out one side. “No. Not a total waste,” I say to him in a wolfy voice. “Not a waste at all, was it?”

  He rolls on his back and paws the air in response.

  Lana and I quickly wash the dog slobber and remaining makeup from our faces at the dish-filled sink, and I straighten up the books, making sure the red diary is well hidden.

  We move toward the door together but Lana doubles back and says, “You go ahead. I just want to fill the dogs’ water bowl. I noticed it’s empty.” She smooshes her words together, so I know she’s hiding something.

  I say, “Based on the amount of slobber on my romper right now, I’m pretty sure those wolf dogs are hydrated.”

  “I think I know one reason Zelda doesn’t like you,” she says. “You’re a dog hater.”

  “I am not.” I look at the dogs, who have been watching us prepare to go. They look utterly betrayed by our leaving, and their tongues hang to the floor. “Just hurry with the water and I’ll go start the car,” I say. “Don’t bother locking up.”

  chapter 12

  We’re already speeding down the highway when Lana shifts in the passenger seat so she’s facing me.

  “Don’t be mad,” she says.

  “Yeah, sure, Lana. Let’s test my temper today,” I say with sarcasm.

  Lana reaches behind her head and wriggles a moment as if she’s trying to unhook her own bra. Finally, she smiles and pulls something out from the nape of her black dress.

  “Heavy-duty bras do double duty,” she says in triumph as she holds up the red leather journal with the kissy lips on front. “I could never do that with the flimsy, lacy things I usually wear. Pretty bras are useless.”

  “Hey, that happens to be one of my fanciest bras,” I say, pushing the twirling blonde hair out of my face. “And how could you steal something so private from our aunt’s yurt?”

  “Look!” Lana is flipping through a few pages. “It’s just a bunch of random eighties trivia and stuff about boys that our moms and Aunt May all wrote together.”

  “Do you want to make our body swap even worse?” I say. “We’re clearly supposed to be learning something here to reverse the curse. Not turning into thieves.”

  “I am learning.” She continues scanning the journal. “About our mothers and about Aunt May. Aren’t you curious? They were around our age when they stood onstage declaring ‘We are young!’ to a Pat Benatar song.”

  “I just want to switch back,” I say. “Things for you will work out fine—your beauty guru success has grown unstoppable. But if we can’t figure things out by tonight, I am going to lose Jake forever.”

  “I have a boyfriend too, you know,” Lana says. “Not to mention a cosmetics sponsorship hinging on my performance at Digi.”

  “Boyfriend. Right,” I say. “Just please put that diary away and help me come up with a plan. Jake is going to be waiting for us at the Starlight and things are already super weird between us.”

  I’m about to tell her about Jake’s two near-kisses and how much I’m still cringing inside over them, but when I look over, her nose is buried in the diary. Typical Lana. Ignoring me and acting like I have no life.

  With a growl, I paw at my churning blonde hair again and finally notice a rubber band hanging from the gearshift. Using my elbows to steer, I pull my hair up into a quick, messy bun.

  “Please do not damage my hair,” Lana says without looking up. “Look, here’s a collection of questions each sister took turns answering.” She begins reading. “‘What is your greatest fear?’ Then under April it says, ‘Failing to fulfil my life’s dream of becoming famous.’”

  “Well, it looks like your mom’s greatest fear came true and she’s taking it out on you.”

  “What are you talking about?” Lana asks.

  I point to the open page on Lana’s lap. “Becoming famous. Your mom is forcing you to live out her dream.”

  “That’s not what Lookie Lana! is about,” she says. “My mom and I are just trying to get by. And hey, let’s see what your perfect mother wrote as her greatest fear . . .”

  “Really, Lana, let’s just stop—”

  “Here it is,” she interrupts. “Your mother’s greatest fear was . . . Okay, so she wrote down vampires, so that’s not really anything. I guess she is the youngest . . .”

  “Actually, I think she has a genuine thing with vampires,” I say. “She still sleeps with her neck covered.” I look over, but once again, Lana isn’t listening.

  “Oh . . .” She puts a hand over her mouth.

  “What is it?” I glance at a small drawing of a bat beside what I recognize as my mother’s handwriting. “Was my mom afraid of something else?”

  “No, it’s not her. It’s Aunt May. Her greatest fear . . . was being alone.”

  I swallow down a bitter pocket of air, and a chunk of blonde works its way loose from my bun. The two of us ride on in silence as a vast and sparsely vegetated field rolls by.

  I picture Aunt May and wonder if she’s hiding deep loneliness. She’s always been so cheerful and generous, it wasn’t even all that surprising she spent her money on this car to draw Lana and me together.

  Lana says softly, “Keeping family together has always been most important to Aunt May.”

  I shove the renegade rope of hair behind my ear and say, “You just had to steal that stupid diary, didn’t you?”

  “Once we figure all of this out and switch back,” Lana says, “I’m going to spend more time visiting Aunt May.”

  “Yeah, me too,” I say. “Whether we switch back or not.”

  * * *

  When we pull into the Starlight Drive-in, Jake is standing outside the concession shack listening to a conversation between Wes and some slick-looking man I’ve never seen here before. I can tell right away by the way they’re standing that Jake and Wes do not like him.

  Jake uncrosses his arms and gives Lana a tight smile when he sees us pull in, and she waggles her fingers at him in a flirty way I never would.

  “Stop that,” I hiss as I turn off the Skylark’s engine. “It looks like something serious is happening.”

  Jake turns back to listen as Wes starts shouting at the slick-looking guy. I really hope this isn’t something bad about tonight. Everything feels so fragile right now, and the pressure in my chest begins to throb.

  A vintage Audi roars into the drive-in lot with Erik at the wheel.

  Wes angrily gestures to Erik’s car and continues yelling at the intruder, who points to Erik and shakes his head.

  “What on earth is happening?” I ask as I climb from the Skylark. I wish I knew how to read lips.

  Jake pats Wes on the shoulder consolingly and leaves the two men arguing. As he walks toward us, Lana tucks the red kissy-lipped journal deep under the seat.

  Climbing out of the car, she happily calls, “Hey!”

  Jake stops short, and I realize Lana has just greeted Erik as he waves from his Audi. And it’s obvious she likes him. Jake tilts his head at her and my heart drops.

  I hiss at Lana, “Please do not ruin things with Jake while you’re me.”

  “Oops, sorry.” She turns toward Jake and mouths a seductive hello in his direction.

  “What are you doing?” I say under my breath. “Stop it. We need a game plan.”

  Lana bats her eyelashes faster as Jake gets closer. “How about I help you snag this cutie.”

  “Stop!” I say so loudly that Jake freezes in his tracks. “Sorry, I don’t mean you,” I say. “I mean, hi, Jake, good to see you again. I’m Lana.”

  “I remember,” he says. “Nice to see you two worked things out with the car.”

  “Yeah,” I say. “Kind of.”

  I lean awkwardly on the Skylark’s hood and Lana moves in beside me. Erik starts unloading camera equipment from the trun
k of his Audi and the slick-looking guy gestures to him as he continues arguing with Wes.

  Jake asks Lana, “I take it he’s with you guys?”

  “Yes, that’s Erik,” she says.

  I call out enthusiastically, “He’s with me.” Just to make it clear he’s Lana’s crush, not mine.

  “Oh, good,” Jake says. “Wes thought he might be a buyer.”

  I jump up to face him, impressed by how tall he now seems. “What kind of buyer?” I ask, alarmed.

  “Don’t worry about it, Lana,” Jake tells me and turns to my cousin. “Are you feeling better, Ricki?”

  “Right,” I say stiffly. “Ricki, remember how Jake witnessed your sudden-onset dementia from yesterday? You said you were really struggling to function.”

  “Actually, I do remember,” Lana says. “It was almost like I started leaving my body.”

  She gives me a meaningful look and I realize she must’ve been experiencing the exact same thing. For a beat I feel grateful that I’m not completely alone in this.

  I tell Jake, “Thank you for getting my cousin home safely last night.”

  But Jake’s full focus is on Lana. “Listen, Ricki,” he tells her. “We need to talk about what’s going on with the drive-in.”

  My stomach dips with a sickening sense of doom. “Is everything okay? Who on earth is that guy arguing with Wes? Is it about the reopening tonight? Did Gwen and Brad ever even get the projector working? Ugh, that Brad—”

  Lana cuts in, “My cousin Lana is pretty excited about our theater reboot.” She widens her eyes at me and I bite down my words. Turning back, she tells Jake, “I’m sure everything is going to work out fine.”

  Jake shakes his head as if he doubts it, but a voice smoother than liquid butter floats in behind us. “Everything will be better than fine.” Erik slides between Lana and me, takes her hand, and kisses the back of it. “Hi, Ricki, I’m Erik,” he says. “Nice to meet you in person.”

  She grins at him. “Hi, Erik. I love your pranks!”

  The chemistry between them is so obvious I’m afraid Jake is going to think I like Erik now instead of him. He may even think that’s the reason I wouldn’t kiss him.

  “Aren’t you going to say hi to me, Erik?” I whine. “I mean, I’m the one who’s your girlfriend, right?”

  “Lana is kidding,” Lana says. “Doing the needy girlfriend prank. I tried to talk her out of it.” She turns to me and widens her eyes.

  “Lana is a total kidder,” Erik confirms, and embraces me a little too closely. “But right now, we’re late to our livestream. Do you need to get ready?” he says to me.

  I can feel the blank look on my face. I really just want to know what’s happening with the Starlight, but I need Jake to see me connecting with Erik so he doesn’t think “Ricki” is after her cousin’s boyfriend. This is already exhausting me.

  I turn to Erik. “Don’t I look ready to livestream?”

  “You look great,” Erik says. “You know I love the freckles.”

  I smile and run a hand against my smooth skin. “We got wolf dog facials this afternoon,” I say, and laugh too hard at the joke only Lana understands. I slap at her with the back of my hand. “You get it.”

  Lana says, “You better freshen up before going on camera, Lana.”

  “I’m thinking I’d like to maybe stay off camera today,” I say.

  “Good one, Lana,” Erik says. “Everyone’s streaming before Digi. I was thinking we should set up over by the entrance underneath the marquee.”

  “That’ll be great exposure for the drive-in!” Jake tells Erik. “I’m Jake, by the way—Ricki’s friend and coconspirator to get this place open and running again.”

  “Glad to help however I can,” Erik says. “The Starlight has been an iconic attraction here in Fresno. Shame to hear it’s been struggling to reopen since the flood.”

  “You don’t know the half of it. In fact, Ricki?” Jake turns to Lana. “We need to talk.”

  “Cool—Lana and I have a million eager viewers standing by,” Erik says to me. “I’ll grab my gear and get set. Meet me in front.” He blows me an air kiss and strides back toward the bags of equipment he’s left beside his Audi.

  Lana says, “Come on, Lana. I’ll help you get ready.”

  Jake tells Lana, “I really need to discuss something with you, Ricki.” He glances over to where the stranger is still talking to Wes.

  Lana moves so she’s eye-to-eye with Jake. “We’ll sort everything out, I promise. I just need to help my cousin a minute.” She pats his cheek. “Come on, Lana. Let’s go wash up.”

  “I’m interested in hearing about what’s going on.” I point to the slick-looking guy. “Who even is that guy?”

  But before Jake can answer me, Lana starts pulling me toward the concession shack. “First, the little girl’s room.” Under her breath she hisses, “Where is it?”

  I’m furious that she’s once again put herself first. Grabbing her elbow rougher than necessary, I pull her sharply to the right since the bathrooms are around the rear, behind the concession shack.

  Looking back, I see Jake is tilting his head at us. He definitely caught my redirect, and there’s no way the real Ricki would ever forget her way to the Starlight’s bathrooms.

  Great, I think. Because Jake needed one more reason to not give me my magical first kiss under the stars tonight.

  chapter 13

  When Lana and I are alone in the bathroom, I turn on her. “Why didn’t you let me talk to Jake?” I snap. “I really have to find out what’s happening with the Starlight.”

  “We need to figure out what you’re going to livestream with Erik,” she says flailing her hands in panic. “He wasn’t kidding about over a million viewers waiting.” She turns to wet a paper towel in the sink, squeezes it out, and hastily starts wiping her face with it. “Also, you are in serious need of an exfoliator, cuz.”

  “Dead skin cells are not my biggest problem right now,” I snap.

  “Of course not.” Lana points to my face. “That skin is soft as a baby’s backside.”

  “The boys are going to think we’re nuts,” I say. “Maybe we should at least try to explain our crazy body swap to them.”

  “Erik will definitely think it’s a prank, and Jake will just assume you’re trying to blow him off.”

  “Ugh, you’re right,” I say. “Everything is the worst.”

  Lana grows more and more flustered as she struggles to turn the faucet off. “Is this faucet some sort of prank?”

  “Here, let me get that.” I show her the secret trick of turning the knob all the way on and then off to make the water stop. “I planned on printing the instructions on a little sign for tonight.” I had so many plans for tonight.

  We stand, facing each other a moment.

  “What the heck do we do now?” I ask. “I can’t go on camera with Erik and be you.”

  Lana takes a deep breath, pulls out her lipstick, and applies it without looking in the mirror. It goes on flawlessly. “I think our only choice is to do our best to help each other.”

  “Right,” I say, pushing aside my anger at Lana’s selfishness. “Helping each other is what Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan have to do in Freaky Friday. I never saw the older version with Jodi Foster and that other actress.”

  “Barbara Harris,” she says. “And I’m surprised you know the movie at all. No blood, no monsters. Totally outside your wheelhouse.”

  “Ah, but it does star the ultimate scream queen.” I smile.

  “Perfect.” She scoffs. “Actually, I do love Jamie Lee in the movie titled Perfect.”

  “Never heard of it,” I say. “Sounds sci-fi maybe?”

  “Nope. It was an aerobics movie she made with John Travolta back in the eighties,” Lana says. “She’s in sick shape and the movie is so bad, it’s good.”

  “I love movies that are so bad they’re good,” I say. “There are a ton of B-horror ones, like, have you ever seen The Return of the L
iving Dead?”

  “Okay, nope.” Lana holds up a hand to stop me. “We’re not going down the horror movie trivia trail. Erik will be ready for you soon.”

  “But those cult classics may be the key,” I say. “I’ll just make the livestream so bad it’s good.”

  “Do not make it your goal to be bad,” Lana says.

  “Oh, I am going to be bad.”

  “All you need to do is pretend to be relaxed on camera with Erik,” she says. “You’re just talking up Digifest. A little flirty banter is all people want to see. You do know how to be flirty, right?”

  At my blank look, Lana launches into a quickie tutorial on flirting that covers hair flips, pursed lips, and chin dips. Rolling her eyes at my attempts to copy her, she corrects my posture and forces my shoulders open, and finally says, “I guess that will have to do for now.”

  “Thanks?” I say.

  “You’re welcome,” she says. “Now for the livestream . . .”

  “Wait a minute,” I say. “You need to help with my stuff too.”

  Lana crosses her arms and looks at me. Basically, the opposite of the open flirting stance she just taught me.

  “This is important,” I say. “I need you to try to help Wes and Jake with that jerk in the suit. He’s obviously upsetting things for tonight. Also, try to keep Jake interested, because I really do like him.”

  Lana says. “Foil the jerk. Flirt with Jake. Got it.”

  “No, wait!” I say. “Don’t flirt too much with Jake. I don’t want our first kiss to be while you’re me.”

  “Wait a minute, you two haven’t kissed?” Lana raises one eyebrow. “I was catching some very strong vibes from him. I thought you two were a couple.”

  “It’s . . . well, it’s complicated,” I say.

  “No, this is complicated.” Lana points back and forth between us. “You and Jake clearly like each other, so what’s the problem?”

  “Okay, fine,” I say. “See, there’s this legend about the drive-in . . .”

  She nods for me to go on and so I explain about Jake’s two near-kisses and me ducking awkwardly to avoid his lips—twice—just so I can get my Magical Starlight First Kiss Under the Stars™ tonight.