I resist sticking my tongue out at her again, but only because Jake is watching us.
Erik has been scrolling through his phone and he turns to me now. “I had to disable the comments on the video.”
I give him a blank look and shake my head as if to ask, “So what?” But Lana springs to action, putting a hand on his arm.
“Let me see,” she says.
“Ricki, I don’t think you’re prepared for this level of vitriol,” he says. “Lana and I built up a thick skin before facing this much hate and it’s still a lot.”
“Trust me, I can handle it,” she says.
She takes his phone and solemnly begins scrolling and reading. At one point, she puts a hand over her mouth and at another she actually lets out a gasp that sounds suspiciously similar to an involuntary sob.
Instinctively, I reach for the phone and pull it from her hands.
Instead of looking at it, I hand it back to Erik and envelop my cousin in a hug.
“Do you want me to take it down?” Erik asks, and I realize he’s talking to me.
I draw back to look at Lana, but she shakes her head No. She whispers, “It will only make things worse.”
“Just leave it,” I say, rubbing my cousin’s back and feeling that inner protective wolf again. It wants to chase away all the menacing birds that I can sense are pecking at her. I turn to the boys. “Can I have a minute alone with my cousin?”
They don’t move, and Lana adds, “We’re done wrestling, we promise.”
Jake holds a hand to the side of his mouth and imitates an announcer’s voice. “And now, live from the Starlight Drive-in in Fresno, California, we have the ‘lovely ladies of wrestling,’ Ri-ck-ck-cki and Lllllllaaaaana!”
Lana and I can’t help but crack smiles.
Erik says, “Any more fighting between you two and I will turn this merry-go-round around. And around . . . and around.”
He jumps up onto the spinner platform and gives a few pumps with his foot until he’s rotating quickly. Holding on to the railing, he does an expert handstand and continues going around.
Lana grins as she watches him, and Jake leans in close to my ear. There’s electricity in his breath as he tells me, “Please watch out for Ricki. I’m worried about her.”
I turn to face him. The concern in his eyes makes my heart clench and I say, “She’ll be okay, just please don’t give up on her.”
“She’s been acting so odd,” he says. “I mean, Strangers on a Train? How did she miss that reference?”
“Yeah,” I laugh. “Crisscross. That was a good one.”
He says, “Thanks,” and the spark running between us is so strong I lean forward and upward slightly and . . . remember I’m Lana and need to break our connection right now.
“I mean, Hitchcock is okay and all,” I say. “Like, I haven’t seen most of his movies.” Before Jake can take this as an invitation to binge-watch old thrillers together, I take a running start and leap onto the merry-go-round beside Erik.
I try to be graceful and land lightly, but of course I’m still Ricki on the inside and so I end up knocking into the rail Erik is holding. His legs swing so far, he starts kicking wildly for balance.
“Oh-my-gosh.” I lunge to catch him, but he does an agile backflip and dismounts the ride easily.
I’m left on the still-turning merry-go-round, staring at his daring feat with my mouth hanging open.
Lana giggles at my surprise. “He started out as a skateboarder,” she says.
“Lana knows that.” Erik looks back and forth between us.
Thinking fast I call out, “Ding! Come on, Ricki, it’s time for round two!”
Lana joins right in. “And standing in this corner, weighing in at a gorgeous and solid . . .” She looks at me questioningly. “One forty—”
I shake my head and point my thumb up to say higher. She grabs her butt cheeks as if she’s testing her own weight. She scrunches up one side of her face and sticks her tongue out. “Make that . . . one fifty—”
“One fifty-five!” I holler.
Jake laughs and starts walking toward the concession booth. “Do not make us come back here and separate you two.”
Erik ventures inside my personal space as he moves past. Leaning in he whispers, “Let me know what you need, and remember, what you do tonight is completely your decision. Let it be all about you for once.”
I look at Lana as she watches Erik walk away and realize her fake boyfriend has been doing more to try to help her with her struggles than I’ve done all year.
I still don’t know why my cousin pushed me away in the first place, but for the first time, I see that maybe I’m a little bit at fault for our fallout too.
Because Lana may be wrong for rejecting me.
But I’m the one who let her.
chapter 15
I’m curious what Erik and Jake are discussing so keenly as they walk away toward the concession shack together. Erik’s hands move animatedly as he talks, and Jake is giving his full attention. I push my concern away and turn to Lana once the boys have disappeared inside the building.
She’s sitting on the edge of the merry-go-round, gingerly brushing off her feet.
“So,” I say, “what happened during that livestream to make everyone bug out?”
Lana puts her heels back on without answering.
“Come on,” I say. “First your mom’s reaction, and now the comments. I thought you were going to start crying just now as you were reading them. What was so horrible about the prank video you and Erik made?”
“It’s easier to just show you.” Lana picks up her phone from where it landed during our scuffle and scrolls through it a moment before handing it to me.
I hit play on the video that features a thumbnail close-up of Erik’s surprised-looking face and the title “Girlfriend Quitting! Prank or Not?” Lana and I sit side by side on the kiddie ride. My feet dangle as Lana kicks the ground with the spike of her heel, making the merry-go-round turn gently.
Onscreen, I see Erik doing a series of stunt poses in front of the drive-in marquee. The Starlight sign is featured nicely with the showtime of 8:15 clearly displayed. I glance at the number of views at the bottom of the screen and gasp.
“It has over nine hundred thousand views already,” I say. “And it went up less than an hour ago.”
“This is just the beginning,” Lana says. “If I don’t get close to a million views after four days, my mom considers a post a dud. And Erik’s channel does much better than mine.”
As I watch the recorded feed, Lana walks into the frame in my body and tickles Erik from behind. He turns with a smile, obviously expecting to see Lana, and does a double take when he realizes it’s her cousin Ricki acting all familiar and flirty with him.
“Oh, hi there. Um . . . where’s Lana?”
I watch her bite down her smile and say, “Hi, Erik. I’m Lana’s cousin Ricki.” Obviously for the sake of the camera.
Erik’s smile bounces back. “How’s it going, Ricki? I suppose Lana’s still doing her makeup?”
“Don’t mock. Lana is a beauty guru!” She says the words like an advertisement, but playfully slaps him on the arm. “You know her look needs to be flawless.”
“Oh yes, I know.” He laughs. “I’ve spent about nine months of my life waiting while Lana gets her makeup perfect.”
“Stop. You’ve only been dating five months.” She dips her chin and looks up at him through the top of her head in the flirty way she coached me in the ladies’ room.
“You look a little like her,” Erik says, which is funny because that’s not something anyone ever says about Lana and me.
“Thank you,” she says onscreen. “That’s definitely a compliment.”
I laugh and tell her, “Wow, conceited?”
“I was just getting into my part.” She points to the screen. “Now shhsh, and watch.”
Erik leans down close. “Just between you and me . . .” He eyes the camera, mak
ing it clear he knows everyone watching can hear him. “I love the way Lana looks with no makeup on at all.”
She wrinkles her nose, making it look like I find my cousin hideous without makeup.
Erik laughs. “Those freckles are to die for.”
Lana says, “Come on, not even lipstick?”
Erik leans in closer. “Easier to get smoochy, if you know what I mean.”
Lana elbows him and gives a flirty giggle.
“I really do like him,” Lana says beside me. She kicks the ground harder so our spinning picks up speed. “And he has been wanting to get together for weeks. I just feel like once it’s real, it’s only a matter of time before it’s over.”
“Gee, Lana. You’ve given up on love already? When did you get so cynical?”
Lana shrugs while onscreen Erik tilts his head in confusion. Probably wondering why he’s feeling a spark of attraction to his phony-and-maybe-future-girlfriend’s cousin.
After more flirty banter, Lana seems to decide something. She says, “Erik, I came over here to tell you I’m worried about Lana. She’s talking about quitting her channel cold turkey. Maybe even tonight at Digi.”
Erik lights up. “Really? That’s awesome!”
Lana takes a step backward. “Erik! She’s about to hit a million followers. Sponsors are lining up and her brand is about to explode. Quitting right now would be insane.”
“Trust me, I’m up to my ears in sponsors,” he says. “It just ropes you in harder. Outsiders trying to tell you what to do on your show. What time to post and which hashtags to use.” He pauses, turns to camera, pulls out his sunglasses, and gives a big, cheesy smile. “Thankfully, I genuinely love these Oculies sunglasses.”
Lana says, “But cosmetics sponsors make perfect sense for a show like Lana’s.”
Erik squints at her. “Wow, Ricki. I didn’t realize you were all that involved in Lana’s show.”
Lana’s surprise registers onscreen. “Oh, I mean . . . I think makeup is disgusting.”
“Right,” Erik says. “Nice lipstick, by the way.”
Lana touches her lips with her fingertips both onscreen and beside me.
Erik says, “If Lana doesn’t like one of her sponsor’s products, she’ll have to lie to her fans.” He looks at the camera again. “Not that I’d ever do that!”
“She’ll negotiate her contracts to allow for honest reviews,” Lana says. “Even if they’re negative.”
He laughs. “That’s not a thing.”
“Lana is good at this,” Lana says. “And hey”—she looks into the camera lens—“someone has to challenge Her Highness for top beauty guru position.”
“I agree,” Erik says, “but if Lana’s thinking about walking away, I think she should! Her channel already consumes her, and things will only get worse. Did you know your cousin has a passion for underground comics? She is so much more interesting than being a beauty guru allows her to show.”
Lana looks at the ground, and Erik puts a finger under her chin and forces her to look him in the eyes. With her wearing my heels, plus my body, she and Erik are the same height.
His voice is soft. “Can’t you see that Lana has many other talents?”
Lana looks at him a moment before shaking her head and pushing his hand away. “She’s singing at Digifest tonight,” she says. “And she has a really pretty voice too. Usually.”
“She doesn’t want to be a singer,” Erik says. “We’ve talked about the sacrifice and dedication it would take to pursue music and that’s just not something she wants to fight for. She doesn’t love it enough.”
“Listen, Erik.” Lana puts her hands on her hips. “I came over here so you can help me convince Lana not to quit her show. You’re acting like she should just abandon her channel and her fans.”
“I just think a break from all the online stress might be the perfect solution for what Lana’s been going through,” he says. “Her true fans will want her to take care of herself.”
Onscreen, Lana holds her hand in front of the camera lens, but between her fingers we can see her step closer so she’s in Erik’s face. “Are you trying to ruin everything for . . . her?” she says under her breath. “Lana’s doing just fine.”
“She’s not, Ricki. And getting in deeper will make the pressure worse,” Erik says in a low voice. “You shouldn’t be worried about trying to stop Lana from quitting. You should be worried about Lana if she doesn’t quit.”
“So, it’s fine for you go pimp out sunglasses and reap the rewards . . .”
Erik says, “To be honest, I’ll walk away from all of this right now if it will help my girlfriend.”
Through Lana’s fingers still covering the lens I see her look of surprise. “You’d really do that?”
The two of them talk under their breath a few moments and then Lana’s hand moves out of the way and she gives an over-the-top, fake laugh.
“Haaaa, good one, Erik!” she says. “You realized we were pranking you and so you pranked us right back! You’ll never quit your show.”
Erik looks at Lana. “Ricki, I swear I’m not pranking right now. For Lana, I will walk away. I won’t even do Digifest tonight.”
Lana just stares at him for a beat and then abruptly turns to the camera. “Lookie Lana! will be, heh, most likely appearing live tonight at nine o’clock on the main stage at Digifest!!”
Erik says, “I need to talk to her.”
He walks toward the camera and pulls it off the tripod.
In the background, Lana calls out, “Make sure to like and subscribe to Lana’s channel, and turn on your notifications!”
But the camera is moving quickly toward the snack stand, and the next thing I know, the scene of Erik confronting me as Lana is playing out from the camera’s point of view.
Our onscreen exchange ends and the feed goes dark. I turn to my cousin. “What are you going through that I don’t know about?” I rub at the pressure still resting in my chest. “Why is Erik so worried?”
“He’s just being dramatic.” But Lana pushes her words together when she adds, “I have a normal amount of anxiety for the star of a channel with nearly a million followers that happens to attract a steady stream of hateful anonymous remarks.”
“I guess it’s been a while since I looked at the comments section of one of your videos,” I say. “Has it really gotten that bad?”
She scrolls on her phone a moment. Taking a deep breath, she holds it up to show me.
I’m shocked by the number of comments that have accumulated already. “These are all for the video that just posted?”
“There’s a reason fans are referred to as ‘rabid,’” Lana says.
“I think the term is avid,” I say. “Avid fans.”
“Keep reading,” she says, pointing. “You’ll see.”
“Well, this one’s pretty nice.” I read aloud, “Lana, please take care of yourself. And whatever you do, don’t take down your channel. I love your videos!!”
“Some people can be really sweet,” she says. “But keep going.”
I read on:
Oh gee, poor little Lana.
I’m too beautiful and have a great boyfriend
and am ALWAYS pouty.
Please spare me.
“Okay, so maybe some are less sweet . . .” I say, and keep reading:
Dear Erik, Please dump that whiner, Lana,
and get with me.
Lana, you watching your cousin steal your man?
Careful or he’ll realize you’re a whore.
Ricki be fattie
Now ruining Erik’s show too. #whyIhateLL
You are a dog wit no makeup to cover yur dog face.
And the simple:
Lookie Lana: Go kill yourself.
I close my eyes.
What is wrong with people? It’s as if they don’t even realize Lana is an actual person with real feelings.
“How do you stand it?” I say. “I barely started reading and I feel sick to my
stomach.”
Lana shrugs and gives the ground another kick with the spike of her heel, making the merry-go-round continue circling.
I lean closer to Lana so our arms are touching. “I get that not everyone is going to love your show, but it’s not like there’s a shortage of stuff on the internet. Just move on. Why would anyone spend so much energy spreading toxic bile?” I picture Jeff Goldblum puking up acid in The Fly and shudder.
“I’ve tried to develop an elephant’s hide,” Lana says. “But that’s really hard to do when your skin routine is so thorough.” She shifts so she can lift my arm and runs her fingers along it. “Silky smooth,” she says.
I don’t laugh.
We both lie back with our legs dangling over the edge and look straight up as the merry-go-round gently turns. The sun’s still high in the sky, but it must be after two o’clock by now.
“Look,” Lana says. “Even my nice, supportive fans will turn on me if I don’t make this right at Digifest tonight. Plus, my mom will never forgive me if I try to ditch.” She raises her head. “Ugh. You hung up on my mom!”
“She told me to take the video down too,” I say. “Which actually sounds like a good idea.” I look at her phone. “How do you un-post something like this? Maybe switch it to private?”
“It’s way too late,” Lana says. “This is big drama. I’m sure someone has done a transcript and screenshots by now. Deleting the video will only get it more attention. I need to spin this.”
“Or you could, I don’t know, maybe just actually walk away from it all. It sounds like Erik genuinely supports you. You don’t really think he was pranking you back, do you?”
“It doesn’t matter either way,” Lana says. “You have no idea how hard I’ve worked. Why would I quit when I’m this close to breaking through? I’m on track to be a top influencer by the time I’m twenty.”
“Top influencer of what?” I say. “Which brand of glop people put on their faces? Who cares?”
“Hey! Maintaining skin’s elasticity is serious business.”
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