Freaky in Fresno

by Laurie Boyle Crompton

  “Road trip!” Her Highness shouts gleefully.

  “Bye, Miss Highness,” I say. “Good luck!”

  “Wait one second,” HH says as she rifles in her bedazzled duffel. “Ah yes, here.” She leans out of the convertible to hand me a folded-up silk robe with a smooth ribbon around it. “A parting gift. Your sacrifice shall be remembered.”

  “Um, thanks?” I say.

  Lana snatches it from my hands and hugs it to herself. “One of your signature robes!” She points to the double H logo. One of the Hs is wearing a tiny tiara.

  Lana looks delighted and so I try to match her enthusiasm.

  “It was a promo gift at a Sephoxie opening, no biggie,” Her Highness says with a wave of her long fingers. “We’re truly sisters now. Thanks for sharing all your moms.”

  “Good luck with the drive-in, honey,” my mom says to Lana. “You can drive my car home.”

  “Bye, Mom. Have fun!” Lana calls, and my mom throws her the keys to the minivan.

  “Great.” Lana shakes the keys at me. “Trade you rides?”

  “What, and give up the chance to drive a ten-year-old tan RAV4?” We laugh at how utterly downgraded our wheels just got and watch with longing as the cotton-candy pink Skylark convertible pulls away from us.

  “Stay out of trouble now,” I call, and everyone laughs.

  Lana adds, “And be beautiful—to each other.” I give her a shove at her phony channel sign-off and she defends, “What? I’m keeping the tagline. It’s a great sentiment, when you mean it.”

  I watch my mom put an arm around each of her sisters from the middle seat and tell Lana, “I guess it’s not the worst.”

  Her Highness screams out, “Onward, pink chariot—these fabulous four sisters are ready to take on the open road.” Zelda gives a yap and H picks her up to face the wind. “Sorry, I mean five—five sassy sisters off to conquer LA!”

  Aunt May peels out, kicking up drive-in dust, but when they reach the front ticket booth, the Skylark screeches to a halt.

  Lana and I look at each other and start running toward the booth, afraid something’s wrong.

  We watch as Wes leans out toward the car. Aunt May pulls off her crown, jumps up, grabs the front of his T-shirt, and drags him toward her for a long kiss.

  Her sisters whistle and woo! loudly.

  Aunt May slaps at them as she sits back down in the car. Then she turns and gives high fives all around. I check the sky and see some early stars showing through the pre-twilight.

  Zelda gives an approving yap, and with an engine rev and a cloud of sparkly dust, they’re off.

  Lana and I stand side by side, waving until long after the Skylark is out of sight.

  We turn toward each other and I give a huge smile. “That went great,” I say.

  “Yup,” Lana says. “Except that we probably just waved goodbye to any possibility of us switching back tonight.”

  “Oh.” My smile drops. “The Skylark. You’re probably right,” I say. “Guess we should’ve helped our moms reconnect over the pink convertible some other time.”

  “No, this was good,” Lana says. “Her Highness deserves the break and my mom is going to do an epic job as her manager.”

  “I guess today wasn’t really about us after all,” I say.

  “Today has been awful,” Lana says, “but I can’t say I haven’t had fun. Because of you.”

  We bump shoulders and smile at each other. “I’m glad we’re back to us,” I say.

  “But wait,” Lana says. “We didn’t even figure out costumes for tonight. Dressing up was supposed to be one of the best parts of this grand reopening.”

  Looking at the HH Bathrobe™ Lana is hugging, I look toward my backpack still sitting by the swing set and feel an impish expression cross my face. “Actually, I think I have a really good idea.”

  chapter 27

  The Starlight is starting to buzz with costumed volunteers and early customers, and the bouncy castle has come alive, rocking and twitching from little ones jumping inside.

  “Hey, Wes,” I call as Lana and I approach the front ticket booth. Wes gives us a big wave, which one of the wolf dogs takes as a command to jump up and give a full-body hug. Wes disappears from sight for a moment.

  He pops back up with a grunt. “Welcome to the Starlight drive-in grand reopening!”

  We laugh. “I may not be a fan of Zelda,” I say, “but at least she forced the wolf dogs to keep four paws on the floor at all times.”

  “Your aunt asked me to watch the boys until she gets back.” Wes grins.

  “Um, congratulations?” Lana says.

  “Nice wolf-wrangler costume,” I say, pointing to the cowboy hat he’s wearing.

  “Thanks.” He tips his hat at me. “Butch Cassidy, pleased to meet you. What are you girls dressing up as?”

  “It’s a surprise,” Lana says.

  “We don’t want to take over the bathroom to get our costumes on,” I say. “So do you mind if we use your office to get ready?” I gesture to the backpack I’m wearing on my shoulder.

  “That’s fine, Lana,” he says to me. “Just please keep Ricki from dressing too scary.”

  “You got it,” I say, and then mash all my words together as I start striding away. “We’ll also need to borrow some of the first aid backup supplies you keep in your office okay great thanks.”

  Lana runs to catch up to me. I don’t break my stride as I point to one of my bedazzled flip-flops and ask, “What size shoe do you wear?”

  “Eight, eight and a half, why?”

  “That can work,” I say. “Let’s go grab your makeup kit from your mom’s car.”

  “Hopefully she didn’t slip it into the trunk of the Skylark when we weren’t looking,” Lana says.

  When we peek through the windows of the RAV4 and spot the pink tackle box sitting neatly in the back seat, the two of us celebrate with one of our complicated hand slap routines, ending in a high five.

  Lana opens the door to grab it and I hear a smooth, “Hey , good looking,” come from behind me. “Wanna go to the movies?”

  I turn quickly and see Erik leaning out the passenger window of Jake’s red Bronco.

  Jake sits beside him, dressed as a very authentic-looking classic Wolf Man.

  “Great costume, Jake,” I say with a grin, and Erik waves a hand in front of my face, making me realize I’m staring at Jake’s Wolf Man with open adoration in front of my supposed boyfriend, who recently risked his life for me before publicly declaring his love.

  “Oh, sorry, Erik,” I say. “So glad you got out of the mall in one piece.”

  He laughs. “It was a little touch and go there for a while—those meet and greets can get intense.”

  “Tell me about it,” I say.

  “This guy here came and rescued me.” Erik gives Jake a pat on the back. “I owe Chewbacca big time.”

  “Wolf Man,” Jake and I correct in unison.

  I’m openly crushing on Jake again and call to Lana, “Hey, cuz. Check out the guys’ costumes.”

  Lana steps up beside me and I hold out an arm like a spokesmodel and gush, “May I present the Wolf Man and, er, Erik, sweetie? Who are you dressed as?”

  Erik runs a hand through his slicked-back hair and smooths down his black T-shirt. “I’m Danny Zuko from Grease.” Erik grins. “This was totally last-minute.” He points to Jake, who looks super uncomfortable in his full fur regalia. “Not like this guy.”

  “Wow, Jake,” Lana says. “You really went all out.”

  Jake gives a small nod. “Yeah, heh. Feel a little silly now.”

  “No, it’s perfect!” I practically shout, and everyone looks at me. “I mean, doesn’t he look just perfect, Ricki?”

  Lana looks at him. “Your costume is totally . . . elaborate.” She whispers to me, “That is so much hair.”

  “Just wait until you see our costumes,” I say. “Erik, honey, you’re going to wish you’d put in a bit more effort.”

  “Y
eah, well, I had to post a video explaining why I’m not going to be at Digi,” he says. “So I ran out of time.”

  “Plus, of course you were a prince rescuing Lana from the mall,” Lana says, meeting Erik’s gaze. “You sure you don’t mind missing Digi?”

  “Happy to ditch,” he says. “I’d do anything for your cousin.”

  I move between them. “Well, I’m thrilled that we’re all here, but Ricki and I better start getting ready.”

  “Right!” Lana shuts down the flirty exchange with her boyfriend, holds up her tackle box of makeup, and the two of us turn to go.

  “Wait, Lana.” Erik jumps out of the Bronco and catches me by the arm. “How did your mom take the news about you missing Digifest?”

  I look at Lana and she grins. “It all worked out,” I say. “I ended up giving my performance slot to Her Highness.”

  “Plus our cool car,” Lana says, “and our moms too, I guess, huh, Lana?”

  “What?” Erik says, “I thought you and H were sworn enemies.”

  Lana says, “Never underestimate girls’ power to bond over a common obsession.”

  Erik looks at me and I shrug.

  “We both like makeup,” I say. “Plus, I was feeling generous because I finally told my mom I’m quitting my channel.”

  Erik gives a whoop and grabs me and spins me around. “I’m so proud of you,” he says.

  I laugh and go with it. “I’m proud of me too!”

  As Erik spins me, a Princess Leia lookalike catches my eye and I take in the fun costumes on display all around us. We have everything from Beetlejuice to Zoolander, to Pretty in Pink’s Andie and Duckie. There’s even an actual DeLorean parked near the front, made up to look like a time machine.

  I marvel at the number of volunteers who have come, some with children. People who believe in this place. Families that are here to build memories together.

  When Erik finally puts me down I call to Jake inside the Bronco, “I was thinking maybe Ricki and I can do a little face painting for the kids.”

  “That’s an amazing idea,” Jake calls back. “The children are going to have so much fun tonight.”

  “Oh yes we are,” Erik says, and we all laugh.

  A guy in a trench coat crosses between us with a boom box held high over his head and Jake asks, “What movie characters are you two dressing up as?”

  I grin. “It’s a surprise.”

  “That’s right,” Lana says. “Just wait until you two see how we’re dressing up.”

  Everything shifts to perfection as Lana and I turn and confidently walk together down the long center aisle of the Starlight’s parking lot. Each carrying our precious makeup supplies with us. Hers glamour. Mine gore.

  Lana whispers to me, “So, how are we dressing up, anyway?”

  I laugh. “I promise you. It’s going to be epic.”

  Lana gives a happy gasp. “You used my word.”

  “Yes, Lana,” I say, “epic-ness is guaranteed.”

  * * *

  Despite rushing as fast as I can, it takes us over a half hour to get ready, and it’s getting close to twilight by the time we come strutting out of the back room to reveal our costumes.

  Jake and Erik are standing behind the snack counter together, getting the hot dogs cooking on the rollers when we step up behind them. Jake is wearing a hairnet over the head of his Wolf Man costume. It’s so adorable I feel myself falling the rest of the way in love with him.

  Lana clears her throat and the boys both spin around at the same time.

  “Aargh!” Erik clutches his chest. “You two scared me,” he chastises.

  Jake says, “Great costumes, guys, but sorry, employees only behind the counter.”

  “Employees?” Erik looks at him. “Really? So, I’m getting paid?”

  “Oh. No, sorry, I meant . . .”

  “Kidding!” Erik says. “Man, are you an easy mark. So gullible.”

  “Guys!” I say. “It’s us!”

  The two of them turn back around, and this time they take a moment to look us up and down.

  Finally, Jake says, “No way! Those costumes are amazing.”

  “Wait.” Erik looks confused. “Who’s who?”

  My grin presses against the bandages around my mouth. My plan is working perfectly.

  I wave my hand. “Ricki here,” I say, stumbling forward in the heels Lana has been wearing all day. But it’s fine that I seem stiff since I’m dressed as the Mummy. Stiffness is expected.

  Also, it’s perfectly natural that I’m wrapped in grungy gauze from head to toe and wearing white contacts over my brown eyes.

  Lana stands beside me, completely covered in Ace bandages, except instead of distressing her dressings with coffee grains and fake blood like mine, we’ve left hers clean and smooth.

  She’s also wearing dark sunglasses, a pair of Wes’s old slippers from his office, and the signature robe Her Highness gave to us.

  Erik runs a hand through his hair, trying to slick it back. It’s clear his costume is the worst one here. “Who are you supposed to be, Lana?”

  “She’s the Invisible Man,” Jake and I say in unison, and then laugh.

  I say, “From the 1933 classic film.”

  “I usually prefer super cute costumes,” she says. “But I thought ‘going invisible’ would be nice and symbolic to celebrate me stepping away from BubeTube.”

  In actuality, the whole time we were getting ready she kept stopping to wail, “I can’t believe we’re not dressing up cu-u-ute.”

  “I’m so happy you’re taking care of yourself, Lana. You are so precious.” Erik moves in close to her and pauses. “Boy, that costume makes you seem taller.”

  Lana points a toe of her retro men’s slippers and says, “Lifts,” while simultaneously pretending to stumble into Erik by accident. It’s the perfect distraction. Heroically, he reaches out to catch her and she falls into his arms so neatly it seems choreographed.

  “Wow,” Erik says as he struggles to adjust to catching my weight instead of Lana’s, “that robe must be made of lead.”

  “Hey,” I say. “Rude,” but Lana just gives a flirty laugh.

  “Silk is so heavy,” she says. “Plus, I have bricks in my pockets.”

  “What?” Erik raises an eyebrow.

  “Bricks of color,” she says. “Look.”

  Lana pulls out stacks of makeup palettes from each deep pocket of her robe.

  I say, “For face painting the kids.”

  “You guys are the best,” Jake says. “And thank you.” He gestures to our costumes. “I was starting to feel like the only freak who loves any excuse to dress up like a classic horror film character.”

  “This is so much fun!” I say, “I think we may need to find a Classic Monster Cosplay Con.”

  “Or start one.” Jake’s eyes smile at me through his wolf makeup, and it feels really good to have him look at me like I’m me again.

  “Half man. Half wolf. Compelled by a hideous curse!” I say with a flirty tone. “How’s that dual personality working out for you?”

  “Hey, I’m not the only one here having an identity crisis.” Jake laughs as he gestures to me. “Are you dead? Are you alive? You need to decide.”

  The two of us stand, our faces obscured, but our eyes locked for a long moment. And despite the white contacts and the layers of gauze I’m wrapped in, my heart feels ready to be exposed too.

  Finally, Lana says, “It’s getting late. Ricki will make a face painting sign and I’ll set up the paint station on the picnic table over by the bouncy castle.”

  “Thanks, Lana,” Jake says. “Glad to have you helping out. The turnout is already looking really amazing.”

  I’m so excited. “We did a fantastic job,” I say. “And Jake, I’ve had the time of my life working with you to make tonight happen.” I wish I could unfurl the bandages from my face and kiss his furry lips right now.

  “Yeah, it’s been . . . great.” Jake glances at Lana, and my min
d rolls through all the times I flirted with him by accident today while he thought I was her. I wince.

  “We’d better finish setting up the snack counter,” Erik says. “Inspect the place for any stray motorized mice before the hungry mob hits.” He smiles at Lana and she dips her chin in a way that would probably look fetching if her head wasn’t completely wrapped in Ace bandages.

  I’m impressed that she’s managed to act flirty with such an unconventional costume. I can only imagine what she could accomplish dressed up in something somewhat cute.

  She and I turn to start walking away and Lana slows her stride to match my uneven, wobbly steps.

  “Nice and authentic, Ricki,” Jake calls after us.

  I turn with my arms out and give a deep, creepy, “Mmmmoohh!” while taking a few stiff mummy steps.

  Jake responds by aiming his furry face toward the ceiling and sounding a loud, “Arrrroooooo!”

  “Well, it’s clear you two are made for each other,” Lana says while guiding me toward the glass doors. Leaning close to my ear she hisses, “It looks like the boys are buying it.”

  We shuffle through the puddle of glitter that’s worked its way from the threshold of the concession stand throughout the entire drive-in. I say, “Now we just need to hope we switch back before the night ends.”

  Lana says, “You mean you don’t love this so much you want to keep it up for the rest of the summer? Heck, Halloween is only five and a half months away.”

  “If we don’t switch back, Halloween will be the next time we can hang out with our boyfriends as ourselves,” I say. “That is, if Jake ever becomes my boyfriend.”

  My ankle gives an awkward twist and I grab on to Lana, and the two of us stumble toward the picnic tables beside the bounce house. A man recoils in horror at the sight of us and holds a protective arm in front of his girlfriend as we pass by.

  Lana mumbles, “I really wish we could’ve dressed cute.”

  * * *

  Daylight is barely hanging on as we work our way through the never-ending line of kids thrilled to be getting their faces painted.

  A little boy I’ve just finished painting says, “Thank you,” in his cute little boy voice as he picks up the hand mirror from the table. With a smile, he holds it up to get a look at his reflection.