“If that’s all ye feel, it might be the best outcome.” I looked down at the floor for a moment. “Do ye remember how I mentioned that I ran into Madie?”
“Yes—wait…” Her forehead wrinkled and I could practically see the gears turning in her head as she looked towards the trash can. “Dad!”
“Aye.” I sighed. “That’s who I was seeing—she was in a tough spot because of what happened at school. I actually found her sitting on a bench at the bus stop with a pretty nasty cut on her knee. I couldn’t just leave her there…”
“You always were a hero.” Anna still seemed to be processing what I said, but she didn’t flip out immediately—I considered that a small victory. “Wow, I mean—Madie had such a huge crush on you in high school, but I never thought…”
“It wasn’t something I expected either.” I shook my head back and forth. “She was in a tough spot, like I said, and I needed some help around the house, so I offered her a job…”
“Then Madie did what Madie does.” Anna exhaled sharply. “Of course…”
“It wasn’t like that.” I held up my hand. “I’ll spare ye the details, but we were both searching for something—ye know how hard it’s been for me since the divorce.”
“I definitely do. There’s a part of me that just wants to lose my mind. I mean, Madie is my best friend—you’re my father—but, I know the two of you have dealt with a lot. If you found something, even if it was temporary, then I can’t be upset about that.” She shrugged slightly.
“Thank you. I didn’t expect you to be so understanding.” I sighed. “Either way, it’s over now…”
“What happened?” She tilted her head inquisitively. “Unless you don’t want to talk about that…”
“She lied to me…” I closed my eyes and shook my head.
I might as well just tell her everything…
Sixteen
Madie
One day turned into two and then a whole week passed without seeing Declan. I hated myself for ruining our relationship, but I understood why he couldn’t see past my lie. I had let it define me in a way that I never intended and threw a lit match into the middle of the only relationship that ever mattered. I thought about Declan every day. I wanted to call him—apologize—say anything that would make him stop and listen to what I had to say. I knew that was impossible, even if I regretted my mistake. I turned my attention to the things I could control and do that required me to let go of my pride. I accepted the reality of my situation—I had a high school diploma and the chances of going back to school were slim. I had to focus on survival, and in order to survive, I needed a job.
“You can start today?” The older man in front of me looked down at the application I had filled out.
“Yes sir.” I nodded. “I can start right now if you want.”
“We are short.” He looked over his shoulder. “Alright, grab an apron and I’ll have Linda show you the ropes.”
The ropes—waiting tables. It wasn’t the job I dreamed of having in an office building, and I wasn’t going to give up on that dream, but survival required sacrifice. I didn’t have much pride to hold onto and waiting tables wasn’t the worst job I could have landed, so I was thankful for the opportunity to make some money. My first day was long. My feet hurt when it was over. I barely made enough money to cover the tank of gas I had to put in my car. I still left the diner with a smile on my face—as much of one as I could muster. That smile faded when my thoughts shifted to Declan, but even those were a welcome distraction—because after I got home and changed, I had to face two demons on the other side of town.
My parents agreed to let me come by for dinner. That’s a step up from being totally disowned, but I don’t think we’re going to have a pleasant conversation.
I thought long and hard before I reached out to my parents, but I didn’t feel like I had much of a choice. I never got a chance to tell them how I felt about their decision to excommunicate me from their life. I had no intentions of asking for a second chance, but I needed the therapeutic release of saying my piece. After having time to reflect on my relationship with Declan, I realized that the real reason I lied was because of how my parents reacted—and they didn’t even get the real story. I was scared and still hurt by what they did when I lied to Declan. That was my fault, and I would have to live with that mistake like I had to live with the one that forced me to leave college but telling them the truth was the first step.
Knocking on the door of my childhood home like I’m just a random stranger—then again, that lock is new, so my key wouldn’t even work.
“Hello Madie.” My father opened the door with the same stone-faced stare he always had on his face. “Come inside.”
No warm greeting. No hug. My father obviously wasn’t happy with my mother’s decision to have me come to dinner. My mother did give me a hug—but it wasn’t much of an embrace. It was rather icy, and she invited me to sit down at the dinner table like she was conducting a business transaction instead of sharing a meal with her daughter. My father said grace before we started eating—and I was pretty sure his line about lost sinners was about me, but I brushed it off. My stomach was in a knot and I didn’t feel like eating, but I picked at my food to be polite. The less I ate, the less I would have to throw up later if the conversation left me feeling as sick as I thought it was going to.
“So why did you ask to have dinner with us, Madie?” My father narrowed his eyes. “We made it pretty clear that you weren’t welcome here anymore.”
“Donny, you promised…” My mother gave him a stern look.
“I’m just asking a question, Rhonda. I’m allowed to ask a question in my own home.” His eyes narrowed further.
I guess this is it. I hope I have the strength to say what I need to get off my chest before I get physically thrown out the front door for the last time.
“You did make that very clear, but I had to come back one more time.” I exhaled sharply. “It’s time for you to listen to me—instead of the other way around.”
“From the lips of a whore come nothing but lies.” My father’s eyes clouded over. “If you want us to hear what you have to say, why don’t you start by begging God to forgive you for defiling his temple with your filth.”
“Enough!” My mother slammed her hands on the table. “Donny, I sat here once before and let you call your own daughter a whore—I won’t do it again! We’re going to listen to what she has to say—and we’re not casting stones when we live in a glass house!”
Wow—I’ve never seen her react like that.
“Do you need me to remind you of your place, woman!?” My father lifted his hand like he was going to backhand her.
“Oh hell no.” I pushed the table—hard enough to startle him.
I unleashed a verbal tirade that could have melted the paint off the walls. There was so much buried anger mixed with memories I had repressed that I couldn’t stop once I started. I watched my father’s face turn from stern and angry to pale white. My mother’s face did the same. She might have stood up for me—but that didn’t erase the years of frustration she had caused. They had lectured me enough over the years—it was time for them to hear one that didn’t come from the preacher on Sunday morning.
Their version of religion was twisted and broken. Fire and brimstone over love and forgiveness. I felt like rage personified, and they caught the brunt of my anguish over losing Declan as well, but they were the outlet in front of me. I told them the truth about everything that happened at school—how much it hurt when they turned me away—and how I truly felt about the way they treated me my entire life. My throat was dry when I finished speaking, but I didn’t hold back until I had eviscerated them with the words that had been unsaid for far too long.
“I’m going to go now.” I looked back and forth between them. “I won’t be back, but this time it is my choice. You don’t get to throw me away and pretend I don’t exist, but you’re both dead to me the moment I walk through that doo
r.”
I was prepared to do exactly what I said, and I meant every word of it. Being abandoned was what hurt the most. I needed to leave on my own terms so that I never looked back with any regrets. I didn’t care if they burned every picture of me and pretended that they never had a daughter. The fact that I was walking away with a clear conscious was the first step of my healing process. The broken heart in my chest would always be there—but I would live with it. That part was my fault. I stood up from the table, left the dining room, and was almost to the front door when I heard footsteps behind me.
“Wait.” My father’s voice cracked as he spoke. “Madie—wait.”
“I said what I needed to say.” I put my hand on the doorknob. “You don’t get the last word this time.”
“I’m…” His voice cracked again. “Madie, I’m sorry.”
Hearing those words from my father was enough to make me pause. He had never said them before—not once in his life. My father wasn’t the kind of man who apologized. If he made a mistake, he turned the narrative around to make it someone else’s fault—if that didn’t work, the Devil was to blame. I hesitated long enough that I had to turn around—I couldn’t find the strength to turn the knob and walk away. I saw tears in my father’s eyes. My mother was at the doorway of the dining room and she was already crying. That was a sight I never thought I would see. I certainly didn’t expect what I said to change their perspective—they were just words that I had to say in order to put my past behind me.
“You shouldn’t apologize to me.” I shook my head back and forth. “You should apologize to God for all the cruelty you’ve inflicted in his name.”
“I don’t care about God right now.” He took a step closer. “I’m such a fool…”
My mother walked past my father and extended her arms for a hug. I was caught off guard, but I accepted her embrace. It was the warmest one I had ever felt from her. After she finally pulled away, I saw tears streaming down my father’s face. It felt like a moment that could be the beginning of something new—a different kind of relationship with my parents. I offered him a hug and he practically squeezed the life out of me when he pulled me into his arms. All three of us cried. He apologized until he was hoarse. I wanted to believe that they could be the parents I had always needed, but I was still lingering on the edge of hesitation. A string of apologies and a hug couldn’t undo a lifetime of hurt, but it could possibly be a door to something different. I wasn’t ready to slam it shut—not if there was a chance that they had finally seen the error of their ways.
This certainly isn’t how I expected things to go.
A few hours later
I left my parents’ house with tears in my eyes and an open invitation to come back for dinner anytime that I wanted—my father actually insisted on it. I was willing to give them a chance, even if the hurt was still there. I hoped the fact that I finally called them out for their years of emotional abuse was enough for them to truly see what their misplaced faith had caused. Forgiveness would be harder than sitting down to have dinner with them. I wasn’t sure I could ever truly forgive them for everything they did to me, but if we could find common ground, then there might be a way to build a new relationship. They couldn’t hurt me anymore and that was the important part. I had found a way to move on with or without them.
Now to try and get a peaceful night of sleep so I will be ready to wait tables as soon as the diner opens tomorrow.
My apartment was as lonely as ever, but that didn’t bother me like it once did. I was learning to stand on my own without leaning on anyone else—and building armor around my heart so that I would be stronger in the future. The end of my relationship with Declan might have been heartbreaking, but it opened my eyes in a way nothing else had up until that point. I wasn’t defined by anything except the choices I made. I couldn’t hide from those. Moving past them was how I forged a different path—a path of redemption that allowed me to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I changed into my pajamas and turned on the television to find something that would be good background noise while I fell asleep. I found an old movie that I liked and reached for my phone to make sure I had an alarm set.
I have a message from Anna?
Anna: Hey…
I really didn’t know how to respond. We had only exchanged a couple of messages since I was forced to drop out of school. I thought about messaging her a few times, but I had no idea what I would say—especially after I became involved with her father. It just felt strange to reach out to her while I was living in his house. I figured that things would be even more strained once she found out the truth about our relationship, but I had to assume Declan never shared that secret. There wasn’t any reason for him to tell her after he ended things with me. I stared at her message for a few minutes before I finally got the courage to respond.
Madie: Hey! It’s been a while!
Anna: Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I kept meaning to text you, but I wasn’t sure what to say.
Madie: It’s okay. I was dealing with a lot and you were busy with school.
Anna: Can I come by your apartment? I want to talk to you about something.
Madie: You’re in town!?
Anna: Yeah, I’m visiting for the weekend.
Madie: Okay, sure!
I guess I won’t be going to bed early after all.
I was a little nervous once I told Anna she could stop by. I had no idea what she could possibly want to talk to me about—especially if she didn’t know about my relationship with her father. If she did, I would have expected her messages to be a lot more hostile. I really did miss her though. She was the one person I was always able to lean on when things were bad at home. I almost told her the truth about what really happened at school, but I was so embarrassed that it was easier to recite the same story I told everyone else. I was lost in my thoughts when I heard a knock at the door and realized that it had to be her. A quick peek through the peephole confirmed it.
“Hey! Come on in.” I put a smile on my face as I opened the door.
“Thanks.” She nodded and stepped into my apartment—I immediately noticed that her body language suggested something wasn’t right.
Oh shit… Does she know?
“I’d give you the grand tour but there isn’t much to see.” I pointed down the hallway. “Want something to drink?”
“Nah, I’m good.” She shook her head and walked into the main part of the apartment.
“So, what’s up? You said you wanted to talk to me about something?” I felt my pulse racing as I sat down on the couch.
“Yeah.” She nodded and sat down across from me. “I actually came to return something.”
“What do you mean?” I tilted my head slightly.
“You left this at my Dad’s house.” She pulled a bottle of nail polish out of her purse and put it down on the coffee table in front of me.
“Anna…” My pulse sped up and my heart started beating so hard in my chest that I thought I was going to pass out. “I can explain.”
Can I—really?
“He already told me.” She shrugged. “I’m not angry with you.”
“You’re not angry at him, right?” My throat started to tighten. “It wasn’t his fault…”
“I’m not upset with either of you. Well, maybe I’m a little upset with you for not telling me the truth about what happened at school—and for lying to my Dad about it.” She narrowed her eyes. “You really hurt him.”
“I know.” I looked down at the floor. “I screwed up.”
“Yes, you did.” She sighed. “He has this thing about honesty. Mom never told him the truth about anything—until it was too late. I’m not here to judge you for your mistakes though, I just want to talk.”
“What is there to talk about?” I shrugged. “I had something special and I ruined it. All of the talking is over…”
“You really do care about him then? This isn’t just because you always had a crush on him?” She tilted
her head slightly.
“I mean—that was no secret. Everyone had a crush your Dad. Obviously, that played a part in it, but it turned into something else—just in time for me to watch it blow up in front of my face.” I shook my head and sighed.
“He cared about you too.” Anna nodded. “That’s why I wasn’t upset when he told me about your relationship. I saw how happy he was last time I came home—there was something different in his eyes. I didn’t make the connection then, but all of that faded the second I told him about those pictures you sent your professor.”
“Wait—you knew about that?” I blinked in surprise. “I didn’t tell you that I sent them to my professor!”
“No, but I heard about it from Jillian. Someone she knows saw the pictures and heard the real story.” Anna looked down at the floor for a moment. “You could have told me the truth. I wouldn’t have judged you for it—you’re my best friend. I would help you bury a body if you asked me to.”
“Let’s hope it never comes to that.” I couldn’t help but chuckle. “I’m sorry, Anna. I was just so embarrassed about the whole thing…”
“I can understand that, and I should have reached out to you more. I just didn’t know what to say once I realized you weren’t being honest with me. Maybe I get that from my Dad.” She put her hand to her head. “We gotta fix this.”
“Fix it?” I blinked a couple of times in confusion. “I don’t think there’s any fixing it—everyone at school saw those pictures.”
“No, I mean things with you—and my Dad. He’s stubborn to a fault, but you made him happy. There has to be a way for him to look past this.” She tapped the crease between her eyebrows in contemplation—something she always did when she was trying to think.
“I would love to have a chance to make things right with him, but like you said—he’s stubborn. He made it very clear that he didn’t want to see me again…” I shook my head and sighed. “I feel like I should respect his wishes since I’m the one that ruined things between us.”
Once Upon a Daddy: A Romance Anthology Page 29